29 With a heavy heart.

Ford. 

I don't know what to do. 

I am exhausted. 

He sees right through me. 

He knows that this is not just about us but I can't say anything to him. Lance is a dramatic person. He will blow whatever I tell him out of proportion. I can't be completely honest with him because I don't want to involve him in this. 

We kissed. 

It was the best kiss I have ever had. 

Every kiss with him is the best kiss and now he wants to act like everything is cool. Suddenly we can be together again. I have to pretend. I have to act like this is not eating me up because I have to be the resistant one. Lance doesn't care about the outcome of our relationship. The only thing he cares about is being with me. So, I have to be the sensible one. The downer. I hate this so much but there is nothing I can do. I am living my life for my father and no one else. I can't make choices on my own.