56 The demons are back.

Ford.

The voices in my head are back again. 

Screaming, tormenting me, laughing at all my pain and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The freak out with Lance was one of my worst moments. I have had many of those moments but I wanted to keep that part of myself from him. I never wanted him to see me like that.

The shift in my emotions. 

I thought I could hide it. 

I thought I could go on without him ever noticing. 

I don't know what happened or why it happened but at the wedding, I lost my shit. Seeing everything happen right in front of me and being unable to stop it. Drove me insane—I mean that literally. 

Lance is acting like he is not worried, he is trying to be there for me and I appreciate it. I appreciate it with all my heart. I am not being honest with him; there are so many things he doesn't know about me. things I don't think I will ever be able to tell him.