Shortcomings

You freeze.

What? What did he say?

You find yourself unable to look into his eyes, turning your head away as you feel warmth spreading across your face.

He smiles and tilts your head up to look at him, laughing slightly before speaking again, "You're doing that thing again. You always do this whenever I bring up our relationship… Be honest, did you ever have feelings for me?"

You were at a loss for words. 'Is he being serious right now..?' You look up at him, dumbfounded.

He laughs, "I didn't think it would be that difficult to answer. I suppose I'm safe to assume the answer by myself, then?"

You make a sound. You're not quite sure how to describe it. Something caught between a yelp and a gasp as you cover his mouth with your hand, shaking slightly.

"That's…" You hesitate before speaking again, "That's in the past now, Diluc."

You see a small grin form on his face as he lowers himself down to your level, placing his hand on the side of your face and rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

"So I was correct." He smiles, leaning closer and whispering into your ear, "and now? What about your feelings for me now?"

You freeze at his words once again. Your mind is immediately clouded with thoughts. All of which contradicted each other at every turn.

You wanted to say something. Something along the lines of "Yes, I still have feelings for you. Please kiss me, Diluc. Please please please!!" But you were scared.

You forced yourself to suppress your arising feelings in fear of hurting him.

You didn't want to let yourself fall into his arms just so you could die and leave him alone again.

It was cruel.

You look up at him, throat dry at the words that escape it, "No. I don't love you anymore, Diluc."

You watch his expression falter, melting from one of pure confidence to one of insecurity and shame.

He lightly grabs you by the wrist, his hands shaking as he does so.

"…What… are you saying…?"

You're surprised by his reaction, half torn between wanting to tell him it was all a joke and wanting to shut him down for good.

You wanted to be with him, but you couldn't. For his sake, you decide to press on with your response.

"I.. don't love you, Diluc."

You can see a look of despair in his eyes as he grabs you by the wrists and pins you to the wall, his hands shaking still as his eyes bore into your very soul.

This didn't feel right. He was acting strange.

Something was different.

You looked back at him, a hint of fear starting to build in your chest. He looked almost angry now, pinning you to the wall with a tremendous amount of strength.

It hurt.

"…What are you talking about? You're lying. You love me. I know you do."

…What? What was he saying?

"Diluc.. what are you..—"

"YOU LOVE ME!!"

You flinched at his words. You had never seen him like this, not even when you two got into that big fight. You didn't understand.

He was scaring you.

You look at him, your lower lip trembling in fear. He sees your facial expression and he almost chokes on his own breath, stepping away and giving you your space before speaking, "I— I'm sorry… I didn't mean to— I… T-That…"

Your knees feel weak as you fall down to the ground, staring at the tiles on the balcony floor in a daze as he stands above you with a horrified expression.

"That… I… I didn't mean to… I—-" He pauses, seemingly trying to calm down before speaking, "I'll… get Adelinde to prepare the guest room for you. Please excuse me…"

You barely register the sound he makes as he rushes back into his room, your eyes filling with tears as you sit on the balcony floor.

Why would he do that…?

A million thoughts rushed through your head at once. What happened…? Why did he yell at you? Did you say something wrong?

You didn't know how to react.

What had changed? Was he upset at the fact that you said you didn't love him? Was he frustrated at the fact that you were dying?

You didn't know. Your stomach felt empty, like something had just punched all the food you'd eaten earlier that day straight out of you.

You sit there, unable to move until Adelinde bursts through the door to the balcony and helps you stand, walking you straight past Diluc and out into the guest bedroom.

You didn't look at him. You were still shaken by what had happened just moments before, but from what you could see in your peripheral vision, he was sat at his desk, leaning over it with his head in his hands.

What was happening to him? The Diluc you knew would never do that; he wouldn't react so fiercely. Maybe it was the fact that you were dying, and that he was losing you again.

You didn't know.

You never knew what was going on in his head.

You sigh before getting up and walking into the guest bathroom, washing yourself off before finally slipping under the covers of your bed and closing your eyes, drifting off to sleep.

A few hours pass before you're woken up by a ray of light hitting the wall in front of you. Someone had opened the door. You're not quite sure who it is, but you keep your eyes closed, facing the wall opposite the door as you feel the person's weight sink into the bed beside you.

You know who it is now. There wasn't anywhere in the world you wouldn't recognise that scent. The faint hint of grapes, along with a tinge of alcohol.

Had he been drinking? But he hated alcohol…

Your thoughts are interrupted when you feel Diluc's hand brush some of the hair out of your face. He sighs, grazing a finger along your cheek.

He wasn't wearing his gloves this time. You could feel the softness of his skin against yours and it sent a shiver down your spine.

"…I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you… I'm sure you're confused…"

You listen to him, eyes shut tight as he sighs again before speaking, "I hope you can forgive me… I just… I don't know what to do with myself. You're leaving me again in just two months… I can't come to terms with that so quickly."

You feel him lean closer, his breath hitting the side of your face as he whispers into your ear, "Goodnight… I love you."

Your mind goes blank at his words.

He presses a small kiss to your head before getting up and leaving the room, to which you immediately sit up in shock, staring at the now closed door.

'WHAT…?'