Chapter 19

Mirajane's thoughts were a mess.

Ever since she found out that Grimoire Heart had invaded Tenrou Island, she had been preparing herself for an encounter with her youngest brother. She had thought of countless situations in which they could meet and countless ways to start the conversation. She had agonized over what to say when Cyrus stood in front of her and had even come up with a few ideas for how the conversation might go. Even if he was on the enemy's side, he was still her little brother. She was determined to at least attempt to talk things out with him.

All that time spent racking her brain was useless now that he was standing in front of her. No matter how many situations she had planned for, Mirajane Strauss could never have imagined that the first glimpse of her little brother she had gotten in a decade would be the sight of him nearly killing Erza. She had knocked him away and saved Erza on instinct when she first arrived, but now the reality of what might have happened had sunk in.

She was naive. Her thinking was backward. It shouldn't have been that even if he was an enemy, he was still her brother. What she should be thinking is even if he is her brother, he's still her enemy.

Mirajane looks down at her fallen guildmate and can't help but cringe at the sight. Erza Scarlet was on the verge of death. Blood seeped ceaselessly from a deep cut on her side. Her knees were bent the wrong way and they both were purple and swollen. Her left arm was in a similar state.

The sight reminds Mirajane about the news she had managed to acquire about "The Balam Executioner". He relished in torture.

She looked back up at the boy before her with a fierce expression. He wore a purple and black haori and had his long white hair in a messy ponytail. His bare feet didn't appear human. Instead, they seemed to be optimized for running speed. This was the Balam Executioner, her lost little brother.

Seeing him before her caused a tidal wave of emotion inside her, but right now none of that mattered. No matter who he was, he wouldn't get away with doing such a thing to her friends.

That fierce look melted almost immediately when she saw his face. What she saw was not the face of some psychopathic sadist who tortures people for his pleasure. It wasn't the face of a hardened dark mage either. No, all she could see was a scared child panicking about seeing his family. His eyes were wide and his face had gone pale as he stared at her, frozen in place.

Mirajane could see the inner turmoil and swirling emotions clearly on his face. Surprise. Uncertainty. Fear. Sorrow. Shame. Guilt. He settled on an expression that reminded her of the face Cyrus would make when her father dragged him to her for a scolding after he had run off to some wizard in town.

He didn't look like a monster with a blackened heart. He looked like her little brother who was afraid of being scolded. There was no indication that he would attack them at all. If anything, it looked as if he was about to run away.

"Mira, why'd you just run off like…" Lisanna comes running into the clearing but freezes in place when she sees what's going on. "Cyrus?!" She choked out his name with bated breath.

White's head had swiveled over to her so quickly that he might have broken his neck. One look at him had convinced Mirajane that he was about to flee. Logically, that might be the best outcome for them. They could get Erza back as quickly as possible and avoid a fight where they need to defend her.

However, whether it's logical or not, Mirajane wasn't willing to accept that. She had just seen a glimpse of her little brother in the supposed monster who stood before her. She no longer cared about logic, she wanted to grasp any hope she could find that her brother wasn't beyond saving.

"Cyrus Strauss, don't you dare run away!" Her booming voice stopped Cyrus in his tracks on instinct, even as he had just begun to turn towards the forest. She used the same tone as she had when they were children. "Lisanna, come here and get Erza. You need to bring her to Wendy."

"What? But I…" Lisanna begins to object, still staring at Cyrus, but a hard look from her elder sister shuts her up. Mirajane's warm-hearted nature was nowhere to be seen at the moment. She was serious. "...Okay. Got it."

Seeing that Lisanna had begun to run towards them, Mirajane turned back to Cyrus. Only, there was nobody there. She quickly scanned left and right, but he was nowhere to be found. Just when she began to worry that he had fled, Lisanna let out a surprised yelp from behind her.

Mirajane spun around to see Cyrus standing above Lisanna with a single arm extended out. From the looks of things he had only pushed her to the ground, but Mirajane was shocked nonetheless. Had he moved so fast that she couldn't even notice it? That's ridiculous! She may be rusty, but she's still an S-class mage! How could a child be that far beyond her?

"I'm sorry," Cyrus finally speaks, but he sounds off. He had at least regained his composure and put on a blank expression, but his voice wasn't quite as even. It was like he was trying to force on a broken mask. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you take her away."

I had messed up this time.

My hatred for Erza Scarlet made me negligent. If I had just killed her in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. I wanted to toy with her and wring every last drop of hope out of her before letting her die. This is something I have done many times in the past, but this time I was too careless. She still had allies alive this time.

All of my fooling around and indulging my anger allowed her allies time to intervene. Again, normally this wouldn't be a bad thing. Killing them in front of her would be the perfect revenge for her letting Elfman die in front of me. Only, the allies who came were the worst possible people. The only people in the world who I would never kill are now trying to defend the one I wish to kill most.

To be honest, I had almost forgotten about Erza entirely when I saw Mira in front of me. My mind was entirely consumed with the thought that I had to leave. Everything I had done was to survive until I could return to my family. How could I face her now that Elfman had died?

Ironically, the thing that allowed me to regain my composure was hearing Mira say Erza's name. I remembered my purpose and decided to focus on that instead.

So, here I am. I'm standing above Lisanna with my sword unsheathed and pointed at Erza, who is still lying down next to Mira. I could just attack her now, but I don't want to fight my family. I only need to make them understand.

"Why are you doing this?" Mira pleads. "Why are you still fighting for Grimoire Heart? You could leave them right now! Nobody could stop you if you just changed sides."

"Grimoire Heart has nothing to do with this anymore." I try to keep my voice flat, but my anger and hatred of that woman still seep into it and give it a menacing tone. "I will kill her because I cannot forgive her. That's all there is to it."

"That doesn't make any sense," Lisanna rises to her feet and exclaims from behind me. "Master Makarov told us that you weren't an enemy, that you were fighting Grimoire Heart too. If that's true then why would you want to kill Erza? Cyrus, you aren't really a dark mage. You're just scared, right? It's okay, we're all here for you now. Me, big sis Mira, and big brother Elfman are all here for you."

"That's right." Mira jumps in. "I don't know what you think she did, but Erza is a good person. I'm sure that you're misunderstanding something. Just come back to our camp with us and I know we can talk this out. We're family, aren't we?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. It's because we are family that I can't forgive that woman. You both have been so focused on me that you haven't even looked around, have you?" I wave my arm around the area. "This is all that woman's fault. Take a look for yourselves and decide if you really want to keep defending her."

I watch as Mira starts to survey her surroundings for the first time. I see her eyes linger on the corpse of Rustyrose first, the only one that still retains a human shape. I witness the shock and disgust when she sees the chunks of flesh scattered. Next is the sorrow and anguish when she recognizes Evergreen's corpse, followed closely by panic at the realization of what that means.

"Elfman!" A scream comes from behind me and I turn to see Lisanna kneeling over the pulped remains of Elfman's skull.

Lisanna is a sobbing mess, so I quickly turn back to face Mira. I don't want to see my family like that, but they need to know the truth. They need to know of that evil bitch's sin.

Mira has fallen to her knees with tears streaming down her face, but she is not sobbing like Lisanna. Somehow, she is managing to hold herself together, but the look on her face is one of complete devastation. She's barely stopping herself from falling apart.

"Wh-what happened?" Her voice is shaking, yet still surprisingly calm.

The sound grated against my instincts and immediately put me on alert. I had almost entered a combat stance on reflex.

"Elfman was fighting a member of the Seven Kin of Purgatory." I point to Rustyrose's corpse. "I knew he couldn't win, so I tried to come help, but I was blocked by Erza Scarlet. I explained to her what was going on, but she was so determined to kill me that she still wouldn't let me go. When I finally got past her it was already too late. Directly or not, she killed Elfman."

"Don't take me for a fool. Erza wouldn't do that." Mira immediately rejects my words. Her devastation is turning into hostility, and it's looking for a target. "Erza Scarlet is someone who would do anything for her friends. She's Fairy Tail's Titania. If she knew Elfman was in trouble, she would be the first one to rush to his aid. No matter what, she would never let a friend die. Do not lie to me again."

There is what feels like ages of silence between us, with only Lisanna's sobs to fill the air. I try as hard as I can to suppress it, but it's no use. Even if she's my sister, Mira's words just then filled me with so much anger that I can almost feel something snap inside me. She sounded no less pretentious than any other hypocritical light mage.

"She's nothing more than a blind fool who can't look any deeper than the surface layer of things! She saw me as evil, so she refused to believe my words! She saw Elfman as her friend, so there's no way he could die! She abandoned him on the premise that 'good guys can never lose'. What she did was as good as killing him herself!"

"Even if that's what really happened." Mira stands up and looks at me with a hardened expression. "There's nothing wrong with having faith in your friends. It's still you Grimoire Heart people's fault for attacking us in the first place!"

It hurts.

I feel like there's a knot in my chest.

No longer is she looking at me like her lost little brother. No longer are her eyes filled with those complex emotions she looked at me with before. No longer is she looking at me like an ally.

Her eyes are narrowed and fully guarded, the same as you would have when faced with a potential enemy. Her words that once separated me as being a part of her family, now throw me in the same boat as the rest of her guild's enemies.

Whose fault is it that my only remaining family is looking at me like that? Whose fault is it that my big sister is looking at me like an enemy?

My eyes turn to the figure lying prone behind Mira and my hatred flares up like never before.

"If this shitty world wasn't made up of stupid idealists like her, maybe the people would actually take a look at reality for once and solve the real problems," I shout out in frustration. "This world is made up of fantastical magic powers and it's filled with super-powered people who want nothing more than to go around saving the day. That's what light guilds are. They are gatherings of idealistic fools who wish to live their life being praised as saviors."

"What's wrong with that?" Mira asks. "What's wrong with wanting to help people? All you dark guilds do is spread misery and pain. How can you even talk about helping people? Erza has saved so many people as a Fairy Tail mage. How many people have you killed in Grimoire Heart?"

"There wouldn't be anything wrong with that if you actually saved people, but that's just not what you people do. Instead, you hire yourselves out to the rich as performers or bodyguards. Maybe you will do a monster extermination mission that saves one or two people, but you completely ignore slave rings and mass murderer dark guilds. I think I have a right to talk about that at least." The pent-up frustration that I've held ever since that day at four years old comes rushing to the surface all at once. "The council and the guild masters know all about the dark guilds, so why is it that they never do anything about it? Why is it that no matter what I endured, no matter how long I persevered, nothing ever changed? Why did nobody ever come to save me?!"

I'm huffing heavily after screaming out the last sentence with almost all my might. I never admitted it, not even to myself, but that is the thing that had eaten away at me the most. Ever since I was first captured, I told myself that I couldn't rely on someone to come save me. I had to find a way out by myself.

I told myself that, but how could I not have had hope for someone to rescue me? This was supposed to be a fantasy world. A world full of literal storybook heroes. A world where everyone is always saved at some point. I held on every day with the hope that Makarov would come crashing into that cave to save me tomorrow. Each day, as long as I could make it until tomorrow, I would be saved.

Eventually, it became an obsession. As long as I survive, someone will come to save me eventually. Deep down, I knew it a long time ago, but it took until now for me to accept the fact that this shitty world isn't like that. It doesn't matter how long you survive, the salvation of a dark mage isn't one of this world's priorities. After all, I'm just some evil dark mage.

Who would even want to save me anyway?

"I-I tried to save you." Mira's hostility has faded and her voice is now soft and broken. "I tried as hard as I could, I promise I didn't abandon you. It's just that, we were so young, we weren't strong enough to hunt down dark guilds. I told Makarov and he had Gildarts keep an eye out for you while we got stronger, but it wasn't enough. It was just too difficult to track you down by the time we were strong enough."

"I don't blame you." My voice is even once again. My mood is fluctuating so quickly that even I feel uneasy about it. "But that's the problem with light guilds. Did Makarov ever leave the guildhall to look for me? Did Gildarts put aside his quest chasing dragons and legends to focus on saving me? They had both heard about a child who had been kidnapped by a dark guild and they decided, 'We'll keep an eye out for him'. That's not how light guilds should operate! Even Erza knew about a tower of slaves, but she just ran away from it and pretended it didn't exist. Now her idealism has killed our brother. Don't defend a woman like that."

"But she's…" Mira starts to talk in a voice marred by uncertainty, but the sound of coughing cuts her off.

"D-don't listen to- to him… Mira." Erza's voice is incredibly weak, but it still carries the same amount of pretentious authority. "He's a snake. He's trying to… turn us on each other. He killed Juvia and Lily. He's the one who killed Elfman and Evergreen. Just- just look at what... what he did to me. If- if not for you, I'd b-be dead. How can you trust him?" Erza erupts into a coughing fit once she's done talking and spits out a large wad of blood.

"Erza!" Mira jumps over to her and cradles her head. "Don't worry, I'll definitely get you to Wendy, just hold on until then. Cyrus wouldn't kill Elfman though, don't you see the other Grimoire Heart guy?"

"Th-think for yourself." Erza chokes out. I want to kill her now, but Mira's in the way. "You should know what he does best. Y-You followed every bit of news about him. Dismembered limbs scattered around the scene. Brain matter spilled and strewn about the ground. It all matches, just look for yourself. That isn't your brother. That's a monster."

I can't hold back my anger anymore. That evil woman is trying to turn my sister against me! She's trying to deny me of my own family! I will not forgive her! Even if I have to push past Mira, I'll kill that bitch!

"Extend."

My blade shoots out at Erza's head at full speed, but a pair of claws knocks it to the side and it buries into the dirt. I retract it and charge at Erza in the same motion. Mira meets me halfway in her Satan-Soul form and sword and claws clash once again.

"Get out of my way. Can't you see that that woman is just trying to set you against me." I plead with Mira. "I would never try to hurt Elfman! He's my family!"

"Erza wouldn't lie to me. She has always been a loyal and trustworthy friend. You, on the other hand," She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When they open back up, I can see the difference in her eyes. She had let go of her hope for me. "I know what kind of things you have done, what kind of person you are."

She jumps into the air and starts attacking me from all directions. I easily deflect every attack, but each one is heavier than the last. Not in a physical sense, but as a weight in my chest. The knot is tightened with each blow and it feels like I'm suffocating.

She jumps back and hovers in the air high above me with her arms extended out.

"Soul Extinctor."

A wave of dark magic engulfs me, but I make no effort to dodge or avoid it. I don't even dull my sense of pain like I normally do in a fight. I need something to take my mind off of this feeling in my chest. I relish in the pain as I regenerate the damage. The pangs of agony rushing to my brain completely allow me to ignore the knot. Physical pain is like ecstasy compared to that feeling.

Only, her spell ends, and the pain is gone. I see her hovering in the sky taking heavy breaths and the knot tightens once again.

Mira dashes down at me, but I've had enough. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

"Fall"

The fifth eye on my sword opens and Mira crashes straight down to the ground with enough force to create a large crater. With her out of the way, I can quickly kill Erza without any issues.

I dash at Erza at full speed, knowing that the weakened version of Bluenote's Gravity magic won't hold Mira for long. I draw my sword and slash once I'm close enough, but at the last second a flash of white gets in the way and my blade makes contact with something sooner than it should have.

"ARGH!" A loud shout of pain comes from directly in front of me and my heart sinks.

Lisanna had jumped between me and Erza. There's no way she could have kept up with my speed, so she must have begun moving as soon as she saw Mira fall from the sky. Regardless of how she got there, she ended up taking the brunt of my quickdraw across her back.

She was closer to me than where I intended to strike, so luckily the force of the attack was weakened, but I still cut her pretty deep. Not crippling or life-threatening, but without a proper healer it will leave a nasty scar.

"Lisanna! I'm sorry! Hold on, I'll fix it now." I start kneeling to close the wound, but a massive impact on my side sends me flying into a tree at the clearing's edge.

I cough up a wad of blood as a large chunk of my side is now missing. While I work on healing myself, I look back at Mira as she crouches protectively over Lisanna. The look she is giving me tells me that she no longer sees me as anything more than a villain.

"You would even harm Lisanna?!" Mira shouts at me. "Even if Grimoire Heart had turned you into a monster, I never imagined that you would become the kind of scum who could kill his own family."

It hurts.

"I didn't!" I cry out. "I-I promise I would never do anything to hurt you guys! You're my family, you're all that I have left!"

"And yet you just slashed Lisanna."

"It was an accident, I promise!" My voice has lost any semblance of composure. I stand up and begin walking towards them. "Mira, please! I can heal her. I promise that I still love my family, just give me a chance!"

"Evil Explosion"

A massive blast of dark magic knocks me back through the tree that I had previously leaned against and into one behind it.

"Don't you dare come near her." Mira's voice is full of disdain. "Even if you didn't mean to attack Lisanna, you hurt her because you went berserk trying to kill Erza. I tried to give you a chance. You threw that away when you tried to murder my friend. I have no more faith to give you, White."

I pick myself up and start to heal my wounds once again, but I can only heal the physical. The pain in my chest is beyond my ability to heal.

"Don't call me that," I beg. "Please, I'm Cyrus. Your mischievous little brother, Cyrus Strauss. I- I know that I've done some terrible things, but I promise I'm not an evil person. Everything I did was so that I could get the chance to go back to you, back to my family. Even if I can't join any light guilds, I could just wander around and visit you every once in a while. Even if it's only once or twice every year, I would still be happy." My frantic begging turns into almost a whimper. "Please, don't abandon me, big sis. I don't want to be alone anymore."

Mira's face turns soft and hope fills my heart, slightly alleviating the pain from that knot. Then, her eyes look to Erza, then Lisanna, then Elfman's remains. Her gaze lingers on Elfman and I can see as that hesitation leaves her face. The hope is extinguished and the knot tightens again. It's so hard to breathe that I'm hyperventilating now.

"I no longer have any little brothers." Her voice is a dagger in what remains of my heart. "Elfman just died, and Cyrus has been dead for a long time. You are White, a vengeful spirit who took my little brother's body. You're nothing more than a monster with human skin. Did you really think you could fill his place if you just came back to us? Did you think that the things you've done could be forgiven so easily? What part of torturing people did you think would help you get back to us? The fact that you don't understand that tells me that Cyrus is so far gone that he can never come back."

I just stand there. I can't move. I'm taking as big of gasps for air as I can, but it feels like nothing is entering my lungs. My head is pounding so badly that I can hardly think. I can feel something welling up behind my eyes.

"Mira, please…" I try to beg once more, but my shaky voice is cut off.

"Don't call me that." She snaps. "Only people who know me get to call me that. It's not something that I want to hear from a monster."

"But.."

"Get out of my sight now." She took out a magic firework and shot it into the air. It was the same one Makarov used before. "My whole guild will be here to beat you soon. If you know what's good for you, you will leave and never show your face before me again. I won't forgive anyone who hurts my only remaining sibling."

My mouth opens and closes a few times, but I can't think of any words to say. I can't think of anything. Everything hurts too much now. My vision is blurry, so I blink hard a few times. I look at Erza, but I don't feel anything, none of my previous anger remains. I look at Lisanna and I can only feel immense guilt. Finally, I look at Mira and I can feel something break inside of me.

"I-"

"Leave." She cuts me off with a cold and firm voice, leaving no room for argument.

"Bu-"

"Leave."

I look up at her one last time, but her eyes hold nothing but disdain for me.

Slowly, Painfully, I turn away from her and walk into the woods. My feet morph back to human form and I drag them one at a time as I aimlessly wander. My arms are hanging limply at my sides and my sword is dragging across the ground.

My face feels wet and I keep needing to blink fiercely to see. I wipe a hand across my eyes only for it to come away completely soaked.

So that's what it was. I'm crying. I let out a soft chuckle, but it gets caught in my throat and stops after only a single syllable.

How long has it been since I've cried? I can't even remember. Maybe the first day that I was captured?

I can hear the Fairy Tail members congregating in the clearing behind me. Natsu's roar of wrath rings out across the island. I hear him running after me, so I take out my sword and teleport to the sky. Next, I teleport to the highest branch of the Tenrou tree. I don't want to fight anymore. It doesn't matter anymore.

Sitting with my back against the trunk, I curl my knees up to my chest. I fold my arms over them and bury my head in my lap.

Nobody was close enough to hear my cries as I wept alone.