Chapter 20 -  They do fart

After the criminals were stoned to death everything died down and the people began to leave for their homes. Marc and Lisa left too and were headed to their new home where they will play a family for a week if the murders don't show up.

While walking to the outskirts of the city Marc held hands with Lisa as they talked about random things like hobbies and favorite foods. Marc even found a new set of clothes that he liked which consisted of a brown pair of shorts, a dark red shirt, and sandals but when he heard the price for it he internally decided to rip somebody off and get it later. It wasn't too expensive but when you have no money everything's expensive.

When they reached the house they stood in front of it and looked at it. After some time Marc couldn't help saying "So we're going to live in this hell hole huh?"

Lisa's eyebrows were twitching while looking at the house that looks like it will collapse at any second if a bird landed on it. "Yes, this should be it, though can we even call this a house and not a dump?"

"Well, make sure you won't let a fart out inside or it may collapse…" Marc warned Lisa to be careful.

"Wha-? What are you saying, of course, I won't do that!!" Lisa was caught off guard by Marc's words and quickly denied it.

Marc nodded before he said "You don't have to be embarrassed, I know it's a myth that girls don't fart," and let go of the petrified Lisa's hand and went inside the house to check it out.

After feeling the world's end for a short time, Lisa couldn't help run into the house and yell with an exasperated tone "What kind of myths are reading?" It's a general rule for girls that men must not know of it before they have been married for a few years, that's why Lisa was frustrated.

"Eh? Normal ones?" Marc was taken back when Lisa came running into the house and stood way too close with frustration and uneven breath.

"Like what?" Lisa asked.

"…Mythbusters?" Marc wasn't sure what the problem was but he just said the first thing on his mind.

"Mythbusters? What's that about?" Lisa got curious and wanted to know more.

"It's about a group of people that wants to get to the bottom of myths, rumors, and urban legends." Explained Marc.

"Never heard about it before, please tell me more." Said Lisa.

"Maybe some other time, we still need to discuss who will sleep where, or do you want your 'son' here to sleep with you tonight?" Marc asked with a smile while rising his eyebrows up and down to tease her.

"!? You-you you, rogue." Lisa had problems with finding any words to say before the mature woman ran off into one of the house's rooms and closed the door behind her. She stood with her back against the door with her hands on her cheeks while blushing and imagining things.

Well, Marc quickly changed that. "You can't let soundless farts out either! They usually smell the worst and the house may rot even more than it already is."

"I DON'T FART!!" Lisa couldn't help yelling so high that even the neighbors could hear it

"I'm not buying it. Just make sure you let it out outside if it has to be let out." Marc yelled back.

"UUUGHH" Lisa jumped in her new bed with frustration after being another target of Marc's bullying, though she kinda liked it.

…

In another house 50 meters away from Marc and Lisa's, Rofta and Genno who transformed into a middle-aged man, are drinking tea in the kitchen while having a casual conversation as they enjoyed the silence in their temporary home.

"I DON'T FART!!" Until they heard Lisa yell something absurd that made the two spill their tea.

Rofta and Genno looked at each other before Rofta let out a sigh and Genno said "Seems Marc young-in is troubling Miss Heartfilia."

Rofta let out another sigh after hearing that and said "I just hope he doesn't take it too far on the girl."

"I think you should be worried about Marc young-in. He might develop trauma like most people do and be bedridden for a year or two if he makes her angry." Genno said with a wry smile.

"What do you mean? Who is she anyway?" Rofta found it weird that everybody is so scared of Lisa and wanted to know more about her.

"You don't know who she is? That means you have never been to the Capital before. She's the current Guild Master of the Adventurers Guild's Headquarter located in the Capital. Every single Guild Branch around the Kingdom of Fiore has to listen to hear when she commands it without exception. The only one that can command her around is the current queen and the deceased king. Well technically the higher nobles can too, but they don't dare because they are afraid she will make trouble in their territories or worse make them eunuchs." Explained Genno patiently, though he's a little worried about Marc

"She's that fierce? And can you explain a little more about how the guild works?" Rofta was truly surprised about her identity but was more interested in how the guild works.

"Of course. Everybody over the age of 12 can sign up to be a member in every Adventure guild around the kingdom, even those who can't use magic. But to be accepted you have to take a test to see if you have the basic capabilities to not throw your life away. The test consists of a trail of combat against an instructor that will evaluate if you pass. When you pass you get a copper tag which symbolizes your rank as a Copper Rank Adventurer. The rankings are from lowest to highest, Copper-Iron-Silver-Gold-Platinum-Mithill-Orachalcum-Adamantite Rank Adventurer. In every Adventure Guild, you can pick quests and earn rewards by completing quests befit of your rank. Quests with higher difficulty will obviously give better rewards. You rank up by doing enough quests. Do you have any questions?" Genno explained how the guild works.

Rofta was intrigued but he couldn't help ask "People without magic can also join?"

"Yes, but they never reach higher than Gold Rank because of their lack of potential. That's why many higher-ranked adventurers look down upon them. They mostly do simple quests like finding common herbs, maintaining others' gear, or do transport-related jobs. Some more skilled can kill a weak Magic Beast but nothing more." Genno answered his question.

"Hmm, I think I will try joining. It sounds interesting…" Said Rofta while enjoying his tea.

"I think you should too. You should take Marc young-in with you, he's not really fit to do labor work." Genno said with a serious expression.

"Tch geezer, every idiot can see that!" Rofta rolled his eyes because Genno said the obvious.

"But I have to warn you because I have the feeling you will interact more with Miss Heartfilia more in the future. She's has a particular nickname that must never be said in her presence. The last time the person who did it got so much trauma that he was unable to use magic again. That was two years ago and he still can't use magic." Genno wanted to protect these two boys he has taken a liking to and wanted to help them a little.

"Just spill the nickname geezer!" Rofta thought he was too dramatic.

"…Celestial Virgin…"

"…"

Nobody knows who gave Lisa that nickname, but it happened after she trashed a higher noble who wanted to force a marriage on her after seeing and hearing she's never been in a relationship before. The noble got too confident in his royal title and thought she was an easy sheep to pluck but alas…he's not a noble anymore. And she's now near 35 years old, unmarried, and…virgin.

…

After Lisa fell asleep while fidgeting in her bed, she suddenly woke up after smelling something delicious. She followed the smell outside her room and saw Marc cooking in the kitchen using an old stove.

She walked up to Marc and when he realized she was here, she asked "So you can cook? It smells fantastic!"

Marc hit his chest with pride and said "I make the most delicious-looking food in the world!"

She didn't find anything wrong with his words and just thought he was boasting a little. "Can I get some too?"

"Of course you can. I made it for us after all." Marc said before he began setting the table up and they sat down ready to eat.

"Go on and taste first. I want your opinion of it." Marc said and gestured for Lisa to eat the chicken he cooked.

"Thanks." She said before tasting it. As soon as she took the food in her mouth she froze with her eyes wide open in shock. She wanted to spit the food out but she didn't want to be unladylike in front of Marc so she forced herself to swallow it, but she wanted to cry because of the bad taste. The food looked heavenly but the taste is inedible, and she can't understand how somebody can have such skill in cooking.

"So what do you think?" Marc asked with a normal smile that didn't show any teasing, though he's in fact still bullying this mature lady.

"It-It's good," Lisa said with tears in her eyes and a forced smile.

"Then eat some more," Marc said and began putting more food on her plate without her consent.

"Ugh.." Lisa internally cried rivers of blood, and if somebody knew that the Guild Master with the highest authority among them is being bullied by Marc, they would doubt if she was an imposter.

***

(A/N: And before you say it, girls do fart!!)

(A/N: If you haven't realized it yet I made it so that there was a Guild System before Fairy Tail was founded. And I just copied the ranks from Overlord.)

(Words: 1686)