Chapter One: Emmer & Seilla

"One has a freewill to do everything one wants to do alone." - Anonymous

This is the story between the two people who have their own different way of living. Their names are Emmer and Seilla. Emmer is an ordinary boy who is like a prophet who knows what would be in the future, while Seilla is a great, intelligent person who has lots of friends.

In a very late night, while Emmer was wandering around the place, he saw a fading starlight. Under that starlight, he saw a girl shone by that starlight. According to his prophecy, he would see a girl under the shining bright starlight amidst his loneliness. However, at that time, Seilla's condition was still recovering from her past memories happened to her dreadful life. Emmer came to her, introduced himself and befriended her.

Everyday, they were getting along with each other peacefully. Until one day, Emmer tried to be overprotective to Seilla and so gave her lots of instructions Seilla does not want to do; yet, since that she was afraid to hurt Emmers feelings, she forced herself to do it and to believe all Emmer's ideas. Not knowing, Seilla was not minding about them, instead she closed her ears secretly. Innocently, Emmer just wrote everything they used to do, to have, and to share in his journal. He could not believe why his writings would always end up into a bad relationship. He thought of everything just to avoid it, so he became stricter on Seilla.

Many days later, Emmer considered his friend, Seilla, more than "just friends". Seilla knew it and appreciated it. Suspiciously, one of Emmer's neighbor and friend, named Jerry, told about it to Seilla (since that Emmer had told everything about her). As a result, Seilla became silentsilent for many days. Everytime they see each other, Emmer asked her condition, but she did not say anything, until he questioned her on why she was ignoring him. Emmer did not know that he had triggered Seilla's terrible history because of what he did. Seilla did not reply, so Emmer felt angry at her. A day later, he tried to find her, but she was nowhere to be found. Some place near Emmers house, while listening to Jerry secretly, Emmer found out that it was him who said about their relationship to her. He got angry at him, and then clarified everything about it. Jerry became depressed and asked forgiveness from him.

The next day, Emmer tried to ask forgiveness about the misunderstanding. However, Seilla was still not there; no one, but a suspicious friend of Seilla's was waiting for him. Her name was "Hannah". Hannah looked liked Seilla, but different on how she speaks. Hannah explained everything to him the reason why Seilla had been ignoring him.

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Hey, you know, I feel like I should be telling you the truth.

Right now, Seilla, she's not really bothered about the "crush" stuff anymore.

Well, she was for awhile,

but the real reason is: she's not interested in your beliefs and stuffs...

She just can't tell you that herself because she's afraid to hurt your feelings

but it sounds to me as you've been quite annoying and so...

I've to take up my "big-sis" responsibility.

She's really cool and nice person, isn't she? I don't wan'na see her break ok?

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After saying this, Hannah left him. What Hannah said about Seilla made Emmer think about it. After realizing what he had done, he sought forgiveness from Seilla. Later on, Seilla came and she then explained everything to Emmer on how he was forcing her to do the things she did not want to do. Emmer, on the other hand, was blaming himself in doing forceful things to Seilla. This made them to make an agreement that Emmer would not force Seilla into believing him anymore, only if she wants to. Emmer learned that he needs to listen and understand everyones beliefs before he pushes someone into knowing his faith. However, Seilla was not yet recovering from her fear--fear of losing someone.

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Hey there Emmer,

I heard Hannah has told you the truth?

I'm sorry for not telling you.

And sorry for hurting you.

Our relationship will still be the same, but if you don't mind that I'm not a believer...

Hope you don't feel betrayed or anything...

If you did, then I'm really sorry.

How're you?

Sorry for not replying to you, because I fell asleep in our house...

I was really tired, and I haven't gotten any sleep since Saturday.

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Sometime later, Emmer became more forceful and proud of himself (since that he had undergone lots of lessons and beliefs from the past few weeks), thinking that he would change Seilla's mind again. Unexpectedly, during Seilla's recovery, Emmer met her at that place. Seilla did not know that Emmer just broke up with his best friends cousin, named Kate. Kate was a 12-year old girl who always gets annoyed at Emmer. This made Emmer depressed, as same as angry. And so, he was thinking of staying in Seilla's place instead. Nonetheless, because of Seilla's fear that might come back, she did not accept him, although she trusted him very much. Fortunately, because of their strong bond of love, Seilla asked Emmer when he would come. Emmer answered, "When you are free, then I shall go there to meet you. What do you say?" Seilla replied, "By the end of summer, then that is the time for you to come there." Emmer thought about it for a short time. But, since that he could not go there and would not come at that time, he reasoned out, "But I cant go there. I have schooling at that time. Well, if I have time, then I will come there to meet you. Where would we meet then?" Seilla just shrugged and said, "Maybe destiny would take you there. But that place isn't a great place for us to meet each other. Maybe sometime later, well meet. Oh, I have to go now, gbye!" When Seilla was about to leave, Emmer stopped Seilla and asked her a favor, "Wait Seilla, if I go there, would you still listen to some of my beliefs? I will not force you, for I understand what you feel about it." Seilla replied, "Well, yeah. Only if the weather and place is safe, then I may." "Do not worry, it is very safe there. I believe that there are some people in that place believe as I do. They will help me." added Emmer. Still not satisfied, Emmer felt sorry for Seilla's reaction about being a forceful friend of hers. He believed that Seilla poured out her true feelings for him not to be hurt. However, Emmer just reserved his for the future.

Each day had passed, Emmer observed that the starlight was fading--dimmer and dimmer. He thought that she would be happier when he would say the right words to Seilla. However, since that Seilla was still in the recovery stage, she suddenly remembered her past-friend who did the same as Emmer's. This made her predict what would happen in the future if Emmer would feel betrayed and leave her.

Few days later, during midnight, Emmer and Seilla unexpectedly met each other in that place. They asked how they were and told some stories recently. Seilla was talking about her change that is positive to her, but negative to Emmer. After a short awhile, Emmer could not stand Seilla's change, so he poured out his true feelings as what Seilla did to him when Hannah explained everything about Seilla's reaction in the past few days ago. Emmer felt wasted all that time--wasted for a year teaching, giving advices and commanding Seilla on what she needs and have to do. Then Seilla, although could not think and react well of what Emmer just told about her, just put her two fingers at Emmers mouth, and said, "Shh, dont say any word. I understand you, I believe in you, and most of all, I love you. You need not to say any of those words. Your sister might get confused if you continue to say that. For a while, please do not bother me, okay? I will be off for a week. I will be busy at that time." Emmer understood what she meant, so he nodded at her and left, thinking of her last words, "I believe in you". However, he did not know that Seilla was going to avoid him.

Many days had passed, Emmer waited for Seilla at that place, yet she was nowhere to be found once again. Worried, Emmer wrote lots of messages to Seilla. After few hours later, he noticed Seilla's voice. She was talking with her friends. Emmer came near and asked how she was, but Seilla did not respond. She continued on talking with her friends, until Emmer's tone became louder. Being forced to reply, Seilla did not say anything, only gave Emmer a letter.

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I wanna cry out aloud

Over how different our world has become.

I can't believe it's over

Our beautiful world,

The picture of perfectness,

It's all gone now...

You've changed,

And so have I.

We're nothing like we were once before

I ask(ed) myself,

"What the hell has happened to us?"

It feels so cold as darkness surrounds me,

The feeling of despair hitting me hard.

So that's what I really am,

A freak of nature,

Stuck in reality,

I don't fit in the picture,

I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be...

You want me to change,

You want to fix me,

Push me,

Into your fantasy.

But all I feel is strange,

So absurd in this life...

Before, all I was doing

Was hiding behind a façade

Afraid to show my true emotions,

For fear of hurting you.

For a long time, I think

That I'm just killing myself...

I finally broke free of my wall,

The inner me coming out to this world,

But then you tell me,

"You don't like this side of me..."

If only there was a road to turn back,

Or a magic door taking us to the past

The realization,

It's all come too late.

I'm already broken.

The old me is gone...

I guess this is goodbye.

Goodbye to the you and me I knew

Goodbye to our perfect world

Our existence is disappearing

Goodbye...

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Emmer read it, and abruptly looked at others opinion about the letter.

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- This poem is exactly what happened to me when I moved.

- Fear and reservation prevents one from being open and living life to the fullest. And now just as they begin to see what they've become during this time of inner erosion they've come to the realization that things have evolved to the point of no return.

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After that, Emmer replied his own opinion to Seilla's letter.

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- I'm so sorry Seilla...

I hope this "you" would change your life forever...

Good luck with him...well, I guess he loves you so much.

- I'm so sorry about your life with that person.

I believed that he had loved you for so long.

Well, don't mind that, at least you are free from him, isn't he?

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Little by little, Emmer could not stand her, so he shouted at her. His was enraged with full anger and emotion. But that made Seilla silent and lonely. Not knowing, while Emmer was shouting at Seilla, Emmer did not know that he had worsened her trauma. After enraging his anger at Seilla, Emmer stormed away, leaving Seilla crying silently.

A month later, after realizing his fault, Emmer tried to go back and asked forgiveness to Seilla once again. However, when he went to that place, Seilla did not notice Emmer, thus only going with her friends, finding a way to avoid Emmer. Fortunately, between Emmer's disappointments, one of them was Emmer's best friend. Her name is "Aisue". She is half-Japanese and half-Filipina, yet her origin is from the Philippines. No matter what could happen to the two of them, Emmer would get help from her. At Emmer's present horrible problem, he consulted Aisue and asked why Seilla could not remember him. Aisue replied, Maybe there is a problem about the two of you. What happened anyway? Emmer explained everything to Aisue--from the time when Emmer tried to convince her to believe him, until the time when he shouted at her because of her letter for Emmer about their separation of their relationship. Aisue just got shocked and was about to question Emmer about the things he had done. Coincidentally, they saw Seilla approaching to Aisue. While approaching, Emmer did not know what say, so he asked Aisue. Aisue answered, "Just tell her, 'Seilla, do you still remember me?'" Emmer did, but Seilla only answered, "No, Im sorry. I don't remember. Who are you anyway?" Emmer questioned himself, "What has happened to her? Maybe it must have happened when I screamed at her. Oh what will you do Emmer? Think about it! Another plan--hmm, aha! Same thing as she is doing!" (Emmer thought that Seilla was just pretending not to know him) And so, Emmer played newborn just as he thought Seilla was doing. But, before that, Emmer postponed their conversation and asked Aisue, "Aisue, I am trying to make a way for me to talk with Seilla. I will play newborn as what she is doing. Am I doing right?" Aisue answered, "Y-yeah, I guess. Just to have a talk with Seilla even if it would be repeated, then okay." And then, Emmer and Seilla talked with each other, just as what they did when they first met each other. Unnoticed, Seilla was talking about "the person I forgot", while Emmer's was about "the Starlight I used to know". They both questioned each other about their own opinion. Little did they know, Emmer still know about her; whereas, Seilla really forgot who Emmer was. Both of them explained the same person to each other and only talked and introduced each other until nighttime. And the two of them, then, went back home safely.

As soon as Emmer continued to lie about the truth, he put a leakage to some of his friends and all of Seilla's friends who come near him. This made them feel negative to each other just because of the two of them. They felt sorry about their relationship. One day, while Seilla was working, she heard everyone's murmur about the two of them. She did not know that Emmer had told them that he never know any Seilla, only Starlight. Emmer told them the same story about Starlight from Seilla. Those contagious issues made Seilla investigate and research about their real relationship between the two of them; and then wrote a letter for Emmer, questioning why they were talking about their relationship.

The next day, Emmer went to that place, saw the letter which was sent by Seilla, and then read it with full understanding. That question made Emmer reply immediately to Seilla's message that they need to see each other again and have some talk about it. At that time, Emmer would explain everything to her.

Some days later, Emmer waited for Seilla's coming, yet she was not there. Until one day, he accidentally noticed Seilla walking by. Being a hardworking girl, Seilla only had a little time to talk with Emmer. At that short time, Emmer asked Seilla first if she would agree to accept Emmer to tell her the real story on why they were talking about their relationship. She accepted, so Emmer explained everything--from the time they first met until the time he shouted at her. However, while talking about the recent events, Seilla broke their conversation, and said, "Im sorry Emmer, but I have to go now. Well, you may leave me a message for me so that I would read it later, okay? Goodbye Emmer." Emmer nodded, and so went back home and just smiled, thinking of what he would write for her. Seilla, on the other hand, was very scared--scared of losing someone she had loved. For some time later, Emmer consulted a secretive friend named "Neema". Neema is a right hand to Emmer's. She loves helping everyone. Emmer kept on sending messages to Seilla, hoping that she would read it. Emmer, once again, told about it to everyone about how he felt for Seilla. Neema asked him on why he was doing it, but he just said, It is okay. Let everyone see me feel how I feel for Seilla. I dont like to lie to everyone anymore, so Im saying these to them plainly. After a while, Neema, Aisue and the others let Emmer do as what he wished and wanted to do just for Seilla. Furthermore, before everything would happen to them, he wrote an inspirational message for them, especially for Seilla. Emmer had put her on the top of the list although he did it "randomly".

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Hey everyone,

I know that I am leaving soon, but I will never forget the people I care. I know that I have been a drama king from the past few days, but thank you for considering me. Well, before I go, I will simply tell those people to you that they are an inspiration that was why I am happy for them. I can't live without them. Well, I will try my best to remember everyone.

Note: I am not considering it from most to least. I will try to remember everyone "who helped me".

Seilla - Well, as you all know, Seilla became my little sister from the start before I even start going to this place. Um, as you know, we had lots of things we used to share. I even remembered when she wrote a Christmas card for everyone she cared, and I have read mine. *sigh*, old days...old days... And, now, before I leave, I wish that she would forgive and understand me... Well, she gave me an important advice, "Believe in yourself."

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A week later, Emmer shared everything to Neema about the two of them--the secrets they used not to be told, and about the relationship between them. Neema gave him an advice that he needs to believe and work for it. This encouraged Emmer to write a public thank you letter to his friend for them to read it. However, only Neema read it.

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To everyone, especially to my dearest loving sister...

Before I leave, I will never forget one thing--one last letter--for my dearest loving sister I could ever have. Well, even if she does not want to express her own feeling towards his brother, I shall tell her before she does it! How? By giving her this message. I am hoping too soon that she would actually open this and read it. This came for the best for my sister...

I am telling you, this inspirational letter is great and is for my loving kind sister named Seilla. My answer for her is, "You know, Seilla, I have known from someone that the reason why you could not reply back to me is because you could not express yourself by words, but by actions. You need them to show how much you do love me. Yes, I understand you, and so you need to...I have lots of things to tell you, to express you. But I know that, if you see them, you take it, then cry, and thinking of what you would tell me, yet you cant. Words can express, but actions complete it. A simple "I love you" could not convince you, but, when I get there with you, I am sure, you shall see me complete it. I am not worthy to be your friend, but I am worthy to be your brother. We are just the same, but I can express my feelings both in simple writings and in actions. I am telling you, I would die for you...my little sister.... Believe me, I would die for you...for you have shown me your "hidden love"...

And if I have done a horrible mistake, then please forgive me. Then I shall be waiting for your reply...

I love you Seilla, and you know it...goodbye..."

Your brother,

Emmer

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Later on, he wrote a private "forgiveness letter" for Seilla. In his writing, Emmer stated that he became a bad and a forceful friend of Seilla's, and he needs forgiveness from the person he mostly loved, which is Seilla.

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Seilla,

Please read this last message of mine. Please do reply on my last question I am going to ask you.

I know that I had been a bad brother to you, and this bad brother of yours had been forcing you to believe in me, and in my stuffs. You all know that, and everyone wants to know about it. I am sorry--very, very sorry. And so I ask you last time:

"Will you please forgive me?"

I know that I have been a bad brother to you, but please forgive me...

I will not be a bad brother anymore. Or let us just be friends again...do you want? I'll do everything for you to be happy...

Therefore, I shall wait for your last reply...

Your friend or brother,

Emmer

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After writing it, Emmer gave it to Neema for her to give it to Seilla, but Neema complained, "But I can't! You have to do it, not me!" Then she gave back the letter to Emmer. Scared to give the letter to Seilla, Emmer thought of what to do for a long time. So he put it on Seillas favorite place, which is the National Park, and left that place. Shortly, Seilla read it. Upon reading, Seilla recalled everything they used to do, to be and to have, and then replied to it lately. It stated a short story about the events happened and the reason why she had forgot Emmer. She do remember Emmer, only she could not speak to him personally since that he had triggered her bad history and made Seilla's trauma return. She, then, put it back to the place where Emmer put it for her.

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Emmer,

I do remember...

Well, let me tell you a little story:

Once upon a time, there was a girl who believed in everything you said.

That was the innocent and, your bright starlight for you.

One day, you said something that triggered terrible memories of her past.

She was afraid that history would be itself (it was the same incident that caused me to lose my memory the other time too).

She battled within herself everyday...

Until the day he screamed at her.

She knew he wouldn't do the same as his previous friend, yet there was still fear, enough to cause her trauma.

Then she lost her mind...

That's what happened to your starlight.

Anyways, I can't forgive myself let alone of you.

I'm sorry...

I thank you for giving me this last chance to say goodbye.

I wanted to write you a letter earlier but I didn't have time to.

I want you to remember, although what has happened,

I'll always love you. Wherever you are, I'll be watching over you.

Your starlight is dim but is still there.

I'm sorry I had forgotten you, so if you don't hate me...

Best regards for your future!

♥Seilla

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The next day, Emmer dreamt that Seilla would not reply to him anymore. Everytime he appears at the National Park, Seilla would always disappear. Emmer woke up with a fear--fear of losing the person he loved the most, even from the start. According to his prophecy, after the starlight fades away, it would stay still and would come back and light again. At the National Park, he talked about the positive feelings but not according to Seilla. While talking with Neema, he read the replied letter from Seilla. His smile faded after reading it. Neema asked why his face changed, but Emmer just prevented to answer. He just showed Seilla's replied letter to Neema while replying on Seilla's message.

Few minutes later, while replying on Seilla's message, Seilla suddenly came to them and said hi only to Neema, ignoring the person next to her. Because of that, Emmer did not respond, but only gave the replied letter to Seilla, hugged her, kissed her left cheek, and said the last words, "Seilla, I have loved you for so long, and please remember that I never hate you no matter how you do the things that make me angry at you. I love you, goodbye..." After saying it, Emmer left them.

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Seilla,

But...

...I know that you have forgotten me, and I thank that you did forgive me. Your reply is what I am waiting for. And thank you because you have put your feelings into words. Yes, I forgive you too. Even though you had forgotten about me, I still understand you.

As a brother, I will forgive you.

Goodbye to you too, my starlight...

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A day later, Emmer left another long farewell short story for Seilla on the place where they first met, which is the National Park. Then Emmer hoped that Seilla would read it and reply back to him.

An hour later, Emmer went home, thinking of what he would do next. And so, he started writing an inspirational story about their life.

A minute later, he tried to remember and recall what they have done and on what they have shared.

A second later, he turned away from his writings and looked outside the window.

Right now, Emmer just smiled while his sadness fades.

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Seilla,

I know that I have triggered your past problems and made me scream at you. I'll tell you my story, okay? I hope you would read it.

Once in a while, while wandering somewhere in the National Park,

After being betrayed by someone I thought I loved the most,

I really liked to find a new friend who will not betray me anymore.

In that place, I met "Kanni". I thought he was a girl, so I asked him with sensitive words.

After a short while, I wondered more in that place and I accidentally met the "starlight" I know.

I befriended, cared, and loved that starlight, even though she was getting fading and fading away.

I did not let that happen,

So I tried to change it.

The ways how she needs and to be...

Even though it hurts.

I thought, wondered, and hoped...

That this "starlight" I am following and changing would get any brighter.

Nevertheless, it became dimmer especially when I was going to my sister whose name is "Miyona".

As based on my prophecy, once that person goes towards his sister, the starlight fades away.

I never like to do that, so I have to change it...

But what is written to my prophecy happens.

Well, that was weird, and so I tried to force you into knowing my side and my faith.

But, as you can see, I did not listen to you, thus had made you like a puppet.

Many times I tried to turn back the past, but it is all too late...

So I suggested all people I know, the friends we know, and everyone you don't know.

And they end up...my fault...

I blamed myself for many days, until I had realized my fault.

And so I asked forgiveness from you.

And I thought you were gone...

Just because of my fault, I have made you hate me.

And so do I, but...

Once I was thinking about it, I always say, "I'm sorry Seilla. You know that I want to tell you that, because I love you. I don't like to lose you, for we have been together for many years, so I always put you to the highest..."

I never hate you, Seilla.

My words speak, "I hate that girl." to others. But, once I turn back, I always say, "I love you Seilla. I do, and will never leave you alone. I'm sorry..."

My actions do, "I do not know that girl." to others. But, once no one is around, I always write, "For Seilla, with her brother's love..."

My mind tells myself, Forget that girl. She does not believe in you anyway. But, once I wake up, I always say, How is Seilla right now? Oh, Im getting worried about her..." And,

I, myself, always tell you, Seilla! with gladness. But, once you are not there, I always sigh and say, Where could Seilla be? I believe that she is busy again right now. Oh, how I wish I could tell her how much I do care and love her..."

And so I waited for your reply...

And you did reply to my last message...

Remember this: "I NEVER hate you. My words just say it, but my actions complete it."

"My heart speaks the truth, while my lips lie--which is why I can't forget you and the things we used to do.... I always lie to them, making a bad ending between us. But, in truth, I have to admit it to you that our ending (between the two of us) is great."

Thank you for being there for me too Seilla, my little sister...

You will always be in my heart, no matter what would happen to you and me...

Best regards about your future too!

♥Emmer, your big brother

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From all of the things they did, Emmer was still waiting for Seilla's reply from his last message. Yet, from all of his waiting, he continued to wander around while looking at the fading starlight getting dimmer and dimmer. As soon as the fading starlight could not be seen, Emmer let it go, and so went back to his duty without thinking of Seilla.

However, Emmer and Seilla's story does not end there yet…

"Love is endless. But it might not be if both paths deflect each other; yet, if there would be another harmony, their paths will soon meet each other, making a new strong bond of love. Even if they walk on their own ways, they still have this 'hidden love' with each other." - Anonymous

The End

-August 28, 2010