3 Chapter 3
When to hang out with Katsuki? Katsuki. He'd Ruffled Izuku's Hair. Izuku was officially overwhelmed. He could have his Pro Overwhelmed License at this rate.
Izuku had wanted to be friends with him, right? They'd been friends at one point, maybe from four to eight years old. Four years of friendship. Bakugo had flushed all that down the toilet, and Izuku had kept plunging away like an idiot for years after, hoping to bring back something already dead.
Now Katsuki was back. Really, actually back. Back in his life. Backugou.
Sober and awake, the reality of it floored Izuku. Bakugo had walked into their old class's night out like he hadn't just stormed out of their lives years ago. He'd actually had conversations with people.
Sure, he'd always been close with Kirishima and Kaminari, but then, those three were terrors together. Their rampages were legendary at UA, and were actually largely Kaminari's fault. Still, it would be a huge stretch to describe Katsuki as friends with anyone else in their class. And here Izuku was, bold as balls, trying to befriend him again.
Except now Izuku wanted to do decidedly unfriendly things to Kacchan after the night before. The whole concept of it was making Izuku unfairly irritable. It kept running through his head, an incessant movie of why Katsuki was stupidly irresistible. His pecs under that cursed loose tank top. How soft his hair had looked in dim bar lighting. The way he had shoved his hands in his pockets, pushing already low-riding jeans lower. Izuku groaned aloud, despairing of any useful thoughts.
So he ignored the relatively friendly texts in his inbox, and instead poured himself into doing the best hero work he could, catching up on paperwork, running patrols, keeping everyone up to date on everything.
He was a great hero. Easy to work with. He focused on that, and made it through the whole day without losing his mind entirely. He managed not to check his phone until it was night. Momo's night shift this time, thankfully. Izuku was just about to hit the steam room at the gym, when his pocket buzzed, making him jump. With a sigh, he pulled his phone. Probably not Katsuki. He was absolutely not disappointed to see it really wasn't Katsuki.
Ochako
Today 9:12 PM
Yo, you get home safe last nite?
Bitchugou didn't try anything shady?
Izuku snorted despite himself. Uraraka had a special way with words, sometimes.
Ochako
Today 9:12 PM
Yo, you get home safe last nite?
Bitchugou didn't try anything shady?
Yeah, all good.
After a moment of thought, he decided to confide in his friend.
Ochako
Today 9:12 PM
Yo, you get home safe last nite?
Bitchugou didn't try anything shady?
Yeah, all good.
It was OK to bring him back, right? When did he stop coming in the first place?
There was a long moment before he got a response. Apparently, she'd been typing.
Ochako
Yeah, all good.
It was OK to bring him back, right? When did he stop coming in the first place?
We sort of… um. We never told you,
but we unofficially uninvited him? :///
You wouldnt come out if he was there,
and then we noticed you would turn up
when he skipped so we just sort of
stopped but it wasn't really planned you no?
Izuku stared at the screen, feeling inexplicably guilty. When had that happened? Had he really been avoiding Katsuki? It was hard to figure out who had subtly avoided the other first, honestly. He sat down heavily on the locker room bench, ignoring the few other people messing with their stuff.
When had it started? If he was being honest with himself, he knew. It just hurt to remember. He'd been petty and mean, he realized. It was just before their third year at UA, and Katsuki had inexplicably pulled his head out of his ass enough not to scream at everyone who talked to him. He wasn't sure, but he vaguely remembered shouting at him at one of Kaminari's debauched parties. He'd never thought much of it, but Katsuki had seemed more subdued afterward.
Izuku hadn't been used to the silence, though, twisted as it was, and he had hated the lack of attention. After making a few timid attempts, Izuku had decided if Katsuki didn't want to engage, then he wouldn't either. Petty. Thinking back, he should have wondered if Katsuki hadn't actually been trying to grow. He should have helped him. He should have…
No. Izuku's head thumped back into the wall. He didn't owe Katsuki anything, regardless of how much Izuku wanted him. As a friend. It was hard to remember sometimes, but then Izuku had learned the hard way. One of his greatest strengths was his single-minded loyalty. It was also one of his greatest weaknesses. It was why he'd struggled so much with learning to use One for All, why he'd clung to Katsuki despite the bullying. Why he used to ruin himself helping one person, and fail to help others. And it was also why he made an amazing hero. Sweet, cruel irony.
His pocket buzzed. Katsuki?
Ochako
Hey you ok? Sry that was a lot
I feel kinda bad
Dont!!! B-face coulda avoided it all by not
being a jerk for 10 sec ok?
Anyway everyone is rly happy hes trying
now tho as long as youre happy
. ..am I happy? OR AM I HORNY SEND HELP URARAKA
Yeah youre hopeless. Ill bring flowers to your funeral
Thank you very much
And the headstone will say "got a boner for explosions"
. ..I am no longer thankful
It didn't take Izuku an entire month to text Katsuki back, so that was an improvement. Positive thinking! This time, it only took him a week. In his defense, he'd taken three more night shifts from Momo (who was she seeing? Some fucking night owl?) and had grown a huge zit on his forehead. Which meant he couldn't text Katsuki, obviously. Then his drain had clogged, and he'd had to call a plumber, and he'd been called in for two emergencies, and and and… Excuses.
It turns out it's more awkward to text someone after a week than it is one day. Izuku didn't actually want to leave it any longer, and he was starting to feel kind of like a dick. He'd invited Katsuki out, then left him hanging for seven days. If Katsuki had done it, he'd have been pissed. So he did his best to send something.
Kacchan
Today 12:13 PM
I hydrated!
He managed not to drop his phone at the immediate response, but it was a close call.
Kacchan
Today 12:13 PM
I hydrated!
for a whole week? LMAO
Izuku laughed, worries banished. Apparently Katsuki wasn't holding it against him. What a saint. A model of forgiveness, the pinnacle of-his phone buzzed again.
Kacchan
Today 12:13 PM
I hydrated!
for a whole week? LMAO
better be rly fcking hydrated u piece of shit
u know ur lucky i even txt u back
Izuku sighed, more amused than concerned. Typical Katsuki
kacchan
for a whole week? LMAO
better be rly fcking hydrated u piece of shit
u know ur lucky i even txt u back
Yeah, yeah, you're so mad and scary.
That's why you texted me back so quickly :)
my anger is swift ok?
and i wanted to txt u anyway
Izuku was shell-shocked. It felt faintly familiar, in a new kind of way. Katsuki's new one-two punch. Something typical and shitty, then something softer. Did he know how much it was affecting Izuku? It was unfair. Nothing he did bothered Katsuki at all. He may as well be Cementoss for all Katsuki cared.
Kacchan
better be rly fcking hydrated u piece of shit
u know ur lucky i even txt u back
Yeah, yeah, you're so mad and scary. That's why you texted me back so quickly :)
my anger is swift ok?
and i wanted to txt u anyway
Okay, yeah I am lucky. :) Let's do something this weekend?
He stared at his phone. He was waiting for a rejection, he realized.
Kacchan
Yeah, yeah, you're so mad and scary. That's why you texted me back so quickly :)
my anger is swift ok?
and i wanted to txt u anyway
Okay, yeah I am lucky. :) Let's do something this weekend?
im free tonight
I've got paperwork but should be done by like 3 PM?
Oh no. He'd answered without thinking. It made it seem like he wanted to go out today, which was um. Not what he'd mentally prepared himself for. He wanted to find an outfit that didn't look like a librarian trying to be cool. No, his outfit had to say, 'I'm an adult and also grew up attractive and sort of successful but I've known you since you were four so please be friends with me again.'
So like, a sweater and jeans? Fun sneakers?
kacchan
my anger is swift ok?
and i wanted to txt u anyway
Okay, yeah I am lucky. :) Let's do something this weekend?
im free tonight
I've got paperwork but should be done by like 3 PM?
lol @ paperwork on sat. usually
i joke about u being a nerd but its obv actually true
6pm at mcmarins? wait do u like dive bars or
See you there
Did Izuku like dive bars? He did not. Did Izuku feel like he had the mental bandwidth to continue texting Katsuki about where to go like it was some sort of godforsaken date? No, he did not.
Izuku rushed to the office, rushed through paperwork. Finishing by 3 PM and meeting Kacchan at 6 PM meant he had 3 hours to prepare but if getting home took 30 minutes then 2 and a half and and then maybe thirty minutes to get there so that was 2 hours and he'd need 20 minutes to shower and Izuku didn't know what to wear to dive bars that would also make him look adult and desirable and put together and he didn't know anyone but Kacchan who would-
He train of thought ground to a halt as he remembered when Katsuki had burst back into his life. He'd said… "You still mutter like a freak." Like his mind had taken a photo, he could remember that pleased grin, the sun warming his eyes, the cocky tilt of his head. Like Katsuki had been happy to see Izuku doing something familiar. Shit. Uraraka would make so much fun of him for caring about this.
Izuku is actually a really adept hero and while not a natural at paperwork, his determination to do everything well meant he'd mastered the process even back as a sidekick. He was done by 2:30 PM and proceeded to spend as much time as possible agonizing over what to wear.
In the back of his closet, a Ground Zero hoodie was staring at him. It's black, and has a neon orange and yellow explosion in vaporwave style. Not exactly punk, but far punkier than anything else in his closet. He'd never worn it. Izuku tried to imagine exactly what Katsuki would do if he saw him in his merch. Probably laugh so hard he'd DIE. Izuku would die, that is, of embarrassment.
He ended up with distressed black jeans, charcoal and orange sneakers, and an old band T-Shirt. It wasn't quite cold enough for a jacket. Satisfied, he checked the clock. Only 2 hours before he had to meet Katsuki. Yes, he'd overprepared.
"mcmarins" was actually McMarin's Salt-Store Dive. Apparently it used to be some weird boutique apothecary back in the day, but it definitely wasn't now. Even at 5:50 PM, people were milling around out front. People not in Izuku's usual crowd. As Deku the Hero, Izuku could get along with pretty much anyone. As Izuku, it was intimidating. He wondered if he should go in, or loiter outside. At least he sort of looked like he fit in. He'd texted Tokoyami for advice, but Izuku had a fundamental lack of things with skulls on them (which was apparently all Tokoyami knew about punk things?), so it hadn't been helpful. Izuku spent a good five minutes debating what to do, until his thoughts were interrupted by a shout.
"Oi, nerd!" Izuku whipped around. He'd know Katsuki's voice anywhere, even though adulthood had unfairly deepened it.
Katsuki was stomping down the sidewalk towards him, one arm raised. He wore a dark green, satin bomber over (revealingly) tight black pants, and some bulky high top shoes that shouldn't look cool, but did. He also wore huge sunglasses and a beanie, like a goddamn celebrity.
Oh. He was a goddamn celebrity. Izuku raised one hand in a little wave, feeling strangely self-conscious. No one ever managed to equate Midoriya Izuku with Deku.
"Don't you look good enough to eat," Bakugo grinned, as soon as he was in earshot. Embarrassing. Izuku swallowed hard. Katsuki wasn't flirting. Katsuki wouldn't flirt. And if he did, it wouldn't be with Izuku.
"Glamorous sunglasses, Kacchan," he said, rallying himself. Katsuki just waved one hand, leading the way inside.
"Don't wanna be swarmed by shitty press tonight, sweetcheeks."
Sweetcheeks. Definitely not flirting. Izuku considered cutting his own head off and rolling it into the sewer where it belonged. Katsuki's pet names didn't seem that affectionate, if he was being honest. More like, well, like a spirited attempt to reduce Izuku to a blushing mess, something that apparently still amused Katsuki to no end.
Some things never change.
McMarin's was dark inside, heavy rock music thudding in the background. Katsuki was already heading to the bar, and Izuku hurried to catch up. He made it in time to hear the bartender say,
"Yo, B-Man! Where ya been?"
"Don't you watch the news? Fucking working my ass off, Beni. Shitty villains all over the goddamn place these days."
Beni muttered something that Izuku couldn't catch. Bakugo pulled off the hat and glasses, and turned to Izuku. It was like someone had suddenly turned a million watt light on in Izuku's poor, innocent face. Katsuki's undivided attention was overwhelming, bright, and burning. Izuku felt like he was on a tiny boat in a flood, desperately trying to not tip and drown.
"I'll get your drink this time," Izuku said, quickly. Reclaim the situation. Take the high ground. He Could Do This.
"Thanks, shithead." The insult made Izuku snort with laughter. Only Katsuki could make shithead sound affectionate. In no time, they had their beers and were catching up.
Katsuki apparently had been recognized for excellent hero work six months ago. This wasn't news to Izuku, who apparently had a finely-tuned Kacchan-radar and an encyclopedic knowledge of every hero-related thing Ground Zero had ever done. Bakugo had only been a pro hero for three years to Izuku's four. Katsuki was suspended for a day last month for getting involved in a street brawl. Katsuki had stormed out of a TV's show segment when they'd asked him one too many personal questions. Katsuki had been on the front pages of four different National News issues in the last two years (one of which was shirtless). Katsuki had been instrumental in taking down the Slingbreak Gang. Katsuki had done three months of community service for exploding buildings he was not supposed to explode. Et cetera, et cetera.
Izuku knew all this already, so when Katsuki started talking about work, Izuku stopped him.
"No, I want to hear about what you've been up to. Not Ground Zero. Anyone can watch the news, you know?"
Katsuki blinked at him slowly. Izuku was coming to realize a pause from Katsuki usually meant he was turning something over in his mind, inevitably coming up with something that would make Izuku blush. Katsuki finally said, "Stalking me on the news, are ya?"
"I keep up to date on all hero activity," Izuku said, a little too quickly. Still, it was relatively true. "But I have no idea what you do. Do you just like, blow stuff up and sleep?"
"And work out," Katsuki added helpfully. Yes, he definitely did. Adult Katsuki was taller, and had filled out. Of course he had. He'd always been a gym rat, always trained hard. Sure, he wasn't as bulky as Kirishima. Izuku's personal opinion was that he wanted to avoid being too heavy, what with his explosive flying nonsense. But he was still built as all hell.
"Yeah, you do," Izuku found himself saying. Katsuki's mouth dropped open, but he recovered quickly.
"Of fucking course. Can't explode shit with weak ass arms." He took a sip of beer, something dark and horribly bitter, Izuku figured. He continued after a moment, "Got a fucking life though, ya know? Only kept in touch with a few of our shitty classmates, but I work with a lot of okay people. Got some friends. I mostly just, work and hang out and work out, I guess. Kinda boring."
Izuku was completely charmed. Katsuki was actually talking about his life like he had the ability to self-reflect. He found himself smiling, chin resting on his hand. "Tell me more," he said. His beer, a lighter, fruiter one, was giving him a pleasant buzz.
"Man Deku, I'm boring as shit," he groaned. "Quit being nosy. Your turn to put out."
Izuku heroically ignored the phrasing. "Mkay. My life's not that cool either, you know?"
"Fucking shocked."
"Kacchan," Izuku fake-scolded. Katsuki's lips curved into a smile that Izuku also bravely ignored. "As I was saying, not that cool. Though I did just get approved to have a sidekick! I'm not really ready yet, but it's nice they believe in me. I have the third-best safety rating in my quadrant, actually, but this one time-"
"You leveled an evacuated city block when fighting King Rat or some shit," Katsuki interrupted. "Everyone heard about that. Don't cop out with work bull. What's a nerd like you been doing all this time?"
"You know," Izuku muttered, feeling a little flattered that Katsuki cared in the first place. He cleared his throat, "Um, you know. Stuff. Mostly work, and friends? I had a hardcore hero movie phase, and I've been trying to, I don't know. Do more stuff. Like I've been learning to bake, and I did a ceramics class with Uraraka, stupid stuff." He waited for the ridicule.
"I've been taking goddamn cooking classes," Katsuki said. "No baking, but my curry is fucking amazing."
Oh. Izuku knew, distantly, that he was smiling like an idiot. They were connecting. They'd never connected like this before, and it felt so good. So right. Like something in his chest was knitting itself back together. Izuku has a tendency to be impulsive when he's happy, so of course he had to say the riskiest shit he could.
"Maybe I'll bake you something."
Katsuki covered his mouth with a hand. Izuku's heart fell. He'd stepped too far. Katsuki was being nice, and stopping himself from saying something rude. He sipped his beer again, nervous in the quiet moment.
"You wouldn't appreciate my curry," he said, finally, face solemn. "Too spicy for a shitty weakling like you."
Izuku blinked at him. Was he being insulted? Was Katsuki insinuating he'd consider cooking for Izuku?
"But I'd make it for you anyway," the other man finished gruffly, looking away. "Just don't bitch about how hot it is."
"O-okay," Deku stammered. Katsuki was still staring off into the distance, but Izuku would have paid a shocking amount of money to see his expression right now. Katsuki was… Damn. He was actually trying, wasn't he? Izuku knew it was dangerous. He had no damn self-control when it came to Katsuki, honestly. Even the slightest hint of interest made him overjoyed. So they sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. Izuku was having some very detailed daydreams about Katsuki cooking for him in an apron, and was therefore enormously shocked when someone slammed a hand down in between them.
"Katsuki!" The guy shouted. He was huge, blue-tinged, with gills on his neck. Katsuki, apparently unsurprised, glanced up. In contrast, Izuku jumped so much he nearly spilled his drink.
"Fish-face!" Katsuki shouted back. "Where you been?"
"The Maldives, and you damn well know it," the guy grinned. "Back at work tomorrow!"
Ah, it was a coworker. "Hey, I'm Deku," Izuku ventured. The guy blinked at him, looking vaguely confused. Katsuki jumped in.
"He's my- he's with me," he struggled. "This is Onito, also works in my shitty sector."
"Oy, our sector's the best," Onito grinned, then grabbed Izuku's hand to shake it vigorously. "Nice to meet you! So happy our fave bomb-boy's making new friends! No one ever wants to deal with his horrible personality!"
Katsuki's hands audibly smacked against his face, as he groaned. "Shove off, fishy. Keep that bullshit up and I'll sell you at PetSmart, fucker."
"So cute!" Onito shouted, slapping a surprisingly patient Katsuki on the back. Izuku found himself laughing. The two of them were obviously friends, and it was actually nice to see. Then Onito spun Izuku around on the stool, and placed two huge hand-flippers on his shoulders.
"Deku. Katsuki's a good guy, okay? I know he seems super shitty, but you should give him a chance. The news makes him look bad but he's actually super punctual and gets all his shit done. Management's damn pet, I swear, I mean stuff they let him get away with? You wouldn't believe it."
"Um, thanks," Izuku said, trying to smother laughter. Behind him, Katsuki was clearly barely controlling his temper. Izuku threw him a cheeky grin. "He's kind of-"
"And he desperately needs more friends," Onito continued, shooting a conspiratorial glance at Katsuki, who looked about five seconds away from homicide. "You must be super patient and-"
"Oy, Fish-flakes! Deku is Midoriya Izuku . He's known me since I was four. He already knows this shit, you pushy fucker."
Onito jumped back, wides eye. "Oh shit!" He stared at Katsuki, then back to Izuku, who was full-on laughing now. "No way. Midoriya?! Izuku?! Your first fucking kiss?"
His what? Izuku, blinked, laughter fading, trying to understand. Katsuki looked thunderous, shoving himself up into Onito's face.
"What the fuck man? Shut the hell up. And get the fuck out."
"Dude, I'm sorry, I-"
"Out," Katsuki snarled, then turned to Izuku.
"But we never kissed," Izuku said, mind reeling. Why would Katsuki lie about that? Katsuki never lied. The man in question sat down heavily, rubbing his face. Izuku clutched his beer nervously, happy buzz long gone.
"You could say that," Katsukis mumbled. Then he took a deep breath, and looked Izuku in the eye. "You didn't kiss me. I kissed you. Back when we were in fucking UA. I thought you knew, or I wasn't sure if you did or if you remembered, but-"
"What?" Izuku was getting a little loud. His ribcage felt too tight. "You what? When? I don't remember this! Did you dream it? Are you messing with me? It's not funny!"
Katsuki rubbed his face, looking stressed. "No Deku, I fucking kissed you. Mouth and shit. I was- I was stupid, okay? Really drunk. Didn't know you were too plastered to remember, and of course I never did again and-"
"W-when was this?" Izuku asked quietly. Something else was playing through his mind. His first kiss. Todoroki Shouto, at the end of their third year at UA. A romance that had failed to start, but it had been such a good first kiss. They'd woken up to see the sunrise over cherry blossoms, and Izuku had...
"Right before our third year started," Katsuki said softly.
"So that was my first time," Izuku realized, eyes welling up. His treasured memory - apparently he didn't even remember his real first kiss. And it had been drunken, at one of Kaminari's parties. Unbearable.
"What the fuck, Katsuki?" he shouted. Katsuki flinched, his face tight. Izuku was relentless. "You took my first fucking kiss and never even told me? I can't even remember it! Why would you do that to me? Why wouldn't you say something?"
"I'm fucking sorry," he said, holding Izuku's glare. "Look, it was a huge mistake-"
"Of course it was," Izuku snarled. Of course it'd be a mistake for Katsuki to kiss him and,
"I'd never do it again," Katsuki blurted. "Look, it didn't even mean anything, just-"
It was too much. First Izuku didn't remember his own first kiss, and to learn it had meant nothing to Katsuki? He was shaking, he realized. Shaking with anger, and with hurt. He wasn't supposed to break his heart over Katsuki this time. He'd thought it'd be different. Or that he could keep a safe distance. That somehow the years would have dulled any pain Katsuki could have caused. He'd been wrong.
"Fuck off, Katsuki," he snapped, one hand brushing away tears. "You may not care, but I give a shit! I like fucking romantic shit and you just ruined something important to me!"
"Izuku, I-"
Izuku grabbed his phone and stormed out, making it halfway down the block before Katsuki caught up.
"Izuku, wait! Look, I-"
"No," Izuku snapped, turning on him. He didn't care that Katsuki looked absolutely gutted. "You don't get this. You already took too much from me, damn it. I don't have to be okay with this! I don't have to forgive you! I don't have to understand! Just leave me alone," he finished, voice breaking. "I'm leaving. Don't fucking touch me."
He called a cab, hand trembling. Katsuki had backed off, watching him uncertainly.
Izuku went home, crawled in bed, and cried himself to sleep. He'd been stupid to think he could be friends with Katsuki again. Stupid, and naive, and childish. He needed to let go. His stupid childhood friendship didn't have to mean anything now. He had to stop forcing this stuff. That's why it always hurt so badly. He needed to stop. Forcing. Everything. He was done. He drifted off to sleep, eyes scratchy and throat raw.
