1 My Tragic Story

If you ask ten different people to tell you a story about my life, there will be ten different stories. For example, if you ask my friends, my friends will say that I am a cool friend and devotes my time and energy to help any friend in need. This part is correct. The honest truth about the theory is that they are leeches. When they need something, they will come to me. They will cry and beg, most of the time is about borrowing money. I would be so sick of them, I just gave it to them, so they could shut up and leave. I used this tactic every time because every times it works. To them, I am their savior, but to me, they are leeches. I can give many examples to illustrate how they are horrible friends. I can rant for days, but I don't want to waste time with them, so I can only say that they are leeches.

If you ask my mother, she will tell you that I work hard and care about everyone's health. She will tell you that I am the best son ever. I study hard, listen to her, and even date the woman she chooses for me. She can rant on and on about how good I am. The truth is, I hated all the women she chooses for me. I am a modern and elegant man, and I want a modern and elegant woman. The women my mother chose for me dressed like they are attending business meeting. I just go for my mother's sake. When I met the woman, I told her straight out that I am not interested in her. Then I will find an excuse to tell my poor mother that she rejected me because of my personality.

If you asked my ex-girlfriend, she would tell you that I am a terrible boyfriend. She will complain about how I pay more attention to others than her. She would complain that I am an unromantic man with nothing. I thought I was a very darn good boyfriend. The truth, my ex-girlfriend is a gold digger. She abandoned me because she met a rich old man. She is his mistress. She slept with him, and he gave her everything she wanted.

If you ask me to tell you the story about my life, I will say that I am the unluckiest person in the world. When my girlfriend abandoned me, I was seriously depressed, so I went to the seven-eleven on the corner of the small apartment I shared with my mother, but because I had forgotten my ID, the stupid cashier would not sell any alcohol to me, so I bought a lottery ticket instead. I forgot about it, but two days later my lottery numbers were called. I am very happy that someone like me who grew up with nothing become a millionaire overnight.

After the money cleared my bank, I returned to the packaging company that I worked since I got out of high school. No one wants to hire me because I have a criminal record. To be honest, I defended myself by pushing the man away, and he stabbed himself to death with his own knife. I was charged with manslaughter and ended up taking an eighty-hour anger management course. Anyway, getting back on track, I walked into the stinky packaging company that didn't even care about their employees. My stupid boss yelled at me why I was late. I better have a good explanation for being late, otherwise he would fire me. I walked up to him, spit on his ugly face, and gave him the middle finger. I spit on his face again and shouted 'You little fucker, I will watch you from above my skyscraper' then I took out a handful of cash and threw it at his face. I even told him that the money was for him to buy tissues to wipe the saliva from his face. That was the perfect and the most satisfying revenge ever. Muah...ha...ha...ha...

Now, let's skip all of this contents and quickly understand why I am the most unfortunate person in the world. You might think that I am a decent handsome man. My Bank account is full. Why am I unlucky?

Indeed, those who win the lottery often face misfortune. Until my twenty fifth birthday, everything is fine. I was standing by the swimming pool in a two-million-dollar house, surrounded by beautiful girls, all these leeches kissing me at the feet. I tried to pull the stupid firework string, but the firework did not go out. The stupid piece of shit that one of the leeches gave me was defected. It's no big deal, I threw it to a beauty, and then I grabbed another firework. Now this is where the tragedy happened. I gazed happily at the beauty who was going to sleep with me tonight. I saw her slowly tap the fireworks, and the stupid flare shoot out. The flare hit me right at my family jewel, causing me pain, and I accidentally pulled the string of fireworks I was holding. All I saw was a beautiful flame hitting my face, and I fell to the edge of the pool, trying to extinguish the flame that burned my speedo. That's why I call these people leeches because when I am in pain, they stand there as if they don't care. When I decided to roll in the swimming pool, the leeches bulged loudly and even clapped their hands. I was submerged in the swimming pool, but the leeches didn't even help me. I had to crawl out of the swimming pool slowly by myself.

After the incident, I was disfigured from below. I used to be an eight-inch-thick round hold, but now I am... disfigured.

In any case, this is just a short summary of my life. I have to stop recording because I don't want to go into details too deeply. Anyway, since I am going to provide detailed information about myself, let us now start from the moment when my life changes. It started on the back bowling alley on that rainy day.

The door swung opened. Xiao Lan stood there with a smile and said, "Hey, you are recording your tragedy life events again."

I said, "Privacy…this is the rule."

Xiao Lan dared to said, "I am not a man, so I don't need to follow men's rules."

I said harshly, "You are now in a men's world, so you better follow their rules. Unless you return to your original form, you will be considered an animal rather than a human. Therefore, you don't have to follow human rules."

Xiao Lan jumped onto the bed and pinned me. He smirked at me and asked in a deep voice, "You really want me to return to my original form." He looked at the watch on the table. "It will be midnight in five minutes. It will be a brand-new day."

I quickly said, "No... stay a man." I quickly pushed him away. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside.

"Hey, what is wrong with you?"

I yelled, "I'm going to do number two." Then I locked the door.

I locked myself in my bathroom, because from January 1st to January 7th, Xiao Lan became a monster. He would tear me to pieces and eat me alive. The first day is always the worst day. I heard Xiao Lan bang on the bathroom door.

Xiao Lan shouted from the other side of the door, "Hey, you don't want me to break down this door."

I shouted back, "I am rich. I can afford to fix it."

Xiao Lan shouted, "Just come out. You know, the longer you play hide and seek with me, the more excited I will be."

I shouted back, "No, I am not playing hide and seek, please relax. I am still doing number two."

We argued back and forth until I knew it. It is already 12:01 AM.

Xiao Lan's voice began to change, and his banging became louder. He demanded, "Open the door immediately." I heard Xiao Lan sniffing at the door, and he began to scratch the door. "Open."

"Xiao Lan, I can't see the door handle."

He said angrily, "Don't regret it. You hid first." He broke the doorknob and opened the door.

"Xiao…Xiao…Lan."

Xiao Lan reached out and tore open my pajamas. I hit his furry chest twice.

I yelled at him, "Hey, this is my favorite pajama."

Xiao Lan smirked, "You said it yourself. You are rich. Buy another one."

Xiao Lan picked me up with his furry hands, and then led us back to the bed. When he started kissing me...I felt that his big tongue was full of desire, his hand slowly slid down my abdomen, and continued to slide down…my…Sorry no more details, I think there might be children listening to this recording, so… let's skip the juicy stuffs. In any case, I would ignore Xiao Lan's physical attacks on me and record my voice in my mind. Before Xiaolan became a monster, where were we?... Oh yes. . . It was behind the bowling alley on that rainy day.