58 Chapter 58 Full Circle

The next few days went by painfully slowly as I adjusted to being back home and having to keep up with the same charade. Every second I am with Kai, going around the palace and attending the meeting with him. He is still looking for his trinket and is getting close to finding it. It worries me as when he does we will have to leave and I don't want to go. Not when I haven't even started my plan yet. The only good thing is that he believes I am hopelessly in love with him so he trusts me a bit more and gives me a bit of space. And yet I am not any closer to getting into Frigga's chambers so I can tell her the truth and save our daughter. I'm running out of time and it scares me.

As for Loki, like I hoped he hasn't given up on me and is still fighting to get me back. He hasn't approached me since I gave him back the rings which I rather miss on my fingers but has instead been watching me from afar. Like some sort of guardian angel, watching me intently looking for any sign of how he is controlling me. But he is hurting every time I kiss Kai and I hate that I am doing this to him. I hate lying and keeping this act up. But I have to protect our daughter and it's the only way. I just hope we can be together after this and that he can forgive me. I was so rude to him…

It's early in the morning and Kai and I are in the gardens, going for a morning stroll. He wanted to have a look around as he has an idea where the trinket could be and wants me with him to distract any pass goes. I don't want to help him as I need more time but I can't exactly refuse either. So now we are in the depths of the gardens, by an old fountain and I can tell he wants to look around on his own. Not like I would mind. I could deal with a break from being around him 24/7 considering we have to share the same bed and everything. It makes me cringe thinking about it.

Kai looks around before looking at me, "I'm going to look for my trinket. Stay here and distract anyone who comes over. I doubt anyone would be around this early but it's best to be careful."

I look at him, "Of course but why would the trinket be out here?"

"It's the place that no one would look." He tells me, "You sure you will be ok here?"

I smile, "I will be ok."

Then he leans closer and I force myself to do the same and kiss him. He kisses me back and god there is no spark whatsoever. It's sloppy and gross and so bad. Not to mention it feels so wrong to kiss another man. I should be kissing Loki but I force myself through it like I always do. He seems to enjoy it as he pulls away, smiling like a cherisher cat. I force a smile, pretending to be hopelessly devoted and not rub away the taste of him on my lips in front of him. It might give me a way just a bit.

He smiles, "Mmm you're a brilliant kisser."

"So are you." I lie, trying to be nice.

I kiss him on the cheek again before he leaves my side and goes deeper into the gardens. He disappears out of sight and I am relieved I can get some air and some much-needed space from him. So clingy and god he is such a bad kisser. Gross. I end up rubbing my lips before staring into the water of the fountain, finding it peaceful and calming. How am I going to get close to Frigga without Kai getting suspicious? I really don't know and I am running out of time. We could be going soon and I will lose my only chance to save Hope and me. I just don't know how to do it.

But before I can even think of any ideas, I sense a presence close by and it makes me smile as I recognise it. Loki is spying on me again but he isn't staying far away or watching from a distance. Instead, I feel his presence moving closer toward me and he appears beside me, following my gaze to the fountain. I am surprised he has come to join me considering how I was before… but I am pleased he is here. I have missed him so much.

"Why did you wear the rings if you couldn't remember?" He asks, surprising me.

I take a breath, relieved to hear his voice, "They were all I had and for some reason, I could not bring myself to take them off… so I kept them. Kai didn't understand it either."

He nods, "I think I do. Here." I turn to see him holding out the rings to me, "Take them. They are yours after all and it would be wrong of me to keep them."

"Thank you." I whisper, taking the rings from him, "That's kind of you."

I slip them back on my fingers, feeling whole with them back on my fingers and it's hard to hide the smile on my face, which I guess I don't need to. Kai isn't here which means I get some alone time with Loki and yet I can't risk telling him. It makes me reach for the pendant that used to be around my neck but I stop myself, remembering it's around my daughter's neck and not mine. But the gesture is noticed by Loki who is looking at me intently and very worried.

"I've wanted to speak to you alone since that night at the ball but you are never alone." He says, sounding worried, "I am sorry for how I acted. I didn't mean to be so rude."

I shake my head, "It's ok, you were just worried about me, I get that. And I wasn't exactly the nicest either." I find myself looking towards the fountain, "I was so rude, so cold. It's not like me to be so harsh… I'm sorry too."

He moves closer to me, "That was my point, even though it came out wrong. You are just not yourself Katrina and I am really concerned about you. Even without your memories, you are completely different."

"Is that why you have been watching me the past few days?" I ask, looking at him.

He chuckles, "You noticed."

I nod, "I sensed your presence."

"And yet you didn't tell Kai I was watching?" He asks me, knowing my answer.

I shake my head, "No I didn't."

He looks at me surprised but intrigued, "But why didn't you? I thought you and him are… are together, a couple. And yet you didn't tell him a thing." He takes my hands, "There is something else isn't there? I am missing something and it has something to do with all this. It's why you are acting so strange and why he guards you like…"

"You're not going to say controlling are you?" I say, giving him a look, "Or possessive?"

He returns the look, "But you can't deny that he is. He hasn't left you alone in days and it's like he is worried you are going to escape his grip or something…" He looks at me, it clicking in his mind, "He is guarding you. Why? You claimed you have no memories, no memories of me and that you have no intentions to get them back. So why is he guarding you? Unless… what am I missing? I know there must be more to the story."

More to the story… I remember thinking that when I first met Loki or even before I did. I knew there was more behind the story about him being controlled and I was right. It's funny how we have kind of gone full circle. Except it's happening to me this time and I am still under Kai's control until I can free Hope.

I chuckle, "There is nothing more to the story."

"I don't believe that." He holds my hands tighter, "He is guarding you and I think there is a reason why. Maybe you remember more than you let on, which I think you do and he is worried you are going to slip out of his grip or something. Either way, memories or not, I was right with my first suspicion, he is controlling you."

I see out of the corner of my eye that Kai has appeared and is watching me from the bushes, seeing what I am going to do. So I act quickly, pulling out of his grasp and I do the unthinkable. I slap him right across the face, making sure it stings and it shocks Loki to the bone. He is surprised and I can't believe I slapped him. But it had to be something dramatic considering how close we were. He rubs his cheek, staring at me in shock as I move back from him. There is even a slight red print and it makes my heart pang with guilt.

Then I look away and pretend to have just noticed Kai. He smiles at me and gestures for me to meet him on the training grounds. I nod and he strolls off, smirking away and at least he believed the slap. God, I can't believe I just slapped Loki, right in the face, hard. It actually stung, I felt it and god I feel bad. It's bad enough I have hurt him emotionally but now I'm doing it physically as well. What is Kai turning me into?

I turn back to Loki and instead of looking shocked and horrified or even annoyed at me. He looks slightly amused. Like he is pleased that I did it and I realise quickly, he knows I slapped him on purpose. At least his cheek is ok, no longer red but god I feel so guilty.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." I whisper.

He shakes his head, "It's fine. I know you did it on purpose but good slap though, good swing." He rubs his cheek, "And at least now I think I know why he is guarding you around the clock. He is trying to keep you away from me. Which is why you didn't tell him I have been watching you but why? Why? You made it clear at the ball who you wanted unless…" He looks at me with hope in his eyes, "You don't want him, do you? And he won't let you go."

I shake my head as I look away, "I thought I did and now, I don't know. Except I know how I feel and I know I want my memories back. But he won't want that as he knows… as he knows I would probably go back to you if they did." I turn away from him, "It doesn't matter anyway. I can't remember so no point thinking about it. I must go. He is waiting for me."

I hear him sign in frustration before moving closer, to stand right behind me, "Ok but I promise I will find a way to bring your memories back and break whatever control he has on you. I would do anything for you."

This makes me smile, "I see why I love you."

Then I leave him standing there and make my way to the training ground where I know Kai is waiting for me. But I can't help but look back at Loki and he looks shocked by my words. I might not have been able to risk telling the truth but he knows something is up. He knows enough and now that he knows I desire to have my memories back, I expect he will go to Frigga for help and then I can begin my plan. I can get Sif to go and save Hope and free us both from Kai grip. And with my love confession, I see Loki has hope in his eyes and he disappears in a flash of green. He has teleported out and probably gone straight to Frigga.

It looks like we might have a chance of freedom after all. I just pray that Hope is ok and that I can free us as soon as possible. I want my daughter back and I want to be back in Loki's arms. I hate hurting him and with my dramatic performance, the lies, and the slap, I need to save us both so he can know the truth. I remember and I never stopped loving him. Not to mention how Kai nearly killed me and is now using our daughter to blackmail me to be his puppet. And now with the plan in action, I need to meet Kai and hope he hasn't found the trinket he was after.