57 Chapter 57 Asgardian Tango

The next few hours go by slowly as I change for the ball and pull myself together. Tony's death hurts more than anything but I refuse to let myself get swallowed in grief. He wanted me to live and fight and that's what I shall do. I have to keep up appearances and play the game so I can protect my daughter and hopefully free us from Kai. I cannot let his death stop me from doing that and he wouldn't want me to give up. So I'm going to go on with the plan and hope I can somehow worm my way into Frigga's chamber without Kai. But making it look like I have no choice. It will be difficult but I have days and something tells me this might be easier than I thought, considering they all suspicious already, especially Loki.

I saw the way he was looking at me. He might have been in pain from losing me like that but he was worried and concerned. He didn't believe my story of Kai saving me and nor that I don't want to remember anything. Not to mention he gave me the disk and I think he was testing me, to see my reaction. And it wasn't like I hid my pain well so he knows I am lying to a certain degree, which means he will be determined to get close to me and find out the truth. To get me back and save me. It's just a shame I can't tell him. I can't tell anyone. But he knows something is up so it's a start. God I love him and how I wish I were with him now. But I'm home and I'm a step closer to freedom, just got to play the game.

We are both finally ready for the feast and ball and Kai has changed into some Asgardian suit while I am in a gold dress of his choosing. I do look beautiful but a part of me wishes it were green, emerald green. But I still look good and even though I have been crying and mourning, I don't look too bad. I guess it's the comfort that Tony is at peace and I guess since I kind of already said goodbye, it has made it a bit easier to stomach. But still… I do look a bit pale and I have to pinch my cheeks to get some colour. I will be ok, just got to keep going, for Hope.

Once we are both ready, I take Kai's arm and he escorts me out of our chambers and down to the feasting hall. A smile on my face and I am ready to keep up with the charade. I will do whatever I must to protect Hope and if it means I have to hurt Loki, then I will. It will hurt us both but I have to. He needs to see how much control Kai has over me and the more suspicious he gets, the more likely he will get Frigga involved. Plus I need Kai's trust and I can get it if I do this right. I just hope he can forgive me.

We arrive at the feasting hall and go inside to see loads of people feasting. I spot my friends Sif and the warriors of three feasting at their usual spot and stare at me as we go over to the head table. Actually, most people are staring at us but I ignore them as we join Odin and Frigga. Kai sitting next to Odin and with me on his left. Moments later Loki appears beside me, sitting on the other side of me with Thor beside him. Now I see why Odin wanted us to dine with him, so we are all close together and so Loki can talk to me. Very clever.

I sip the wine, savouring the taste before we begin feasting and Kai is snuggling up to Odin. He must be trying to figure out where his trinket is. It makes me roll my eyes as I eat but I soon get distracted. Loki is right beside me and his presence is intoxicating. It's taking a lot of will power not to relax against his shoulder or welcome his embrace. But I admit Loki's presence beside me has made me relax and feel calmer. If only I could actually be with him. Instead, I pretend to ignore him, listening to Odin's and Kai's conversation.

Then Odin taps his glass and the feasting hall falls silent, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for the ball and the first dance of the evening. To celebrate our honoured guests Kai Sullivan and Princess Katrina Odinson." They all clap, "Please, get ready to dance."

Most people get up but before Kai can, Odin taps his shoulder, "Please stay Kai. I wish to talk to you about a private matter."

Kai nods, "Of course. I just didn't want Katrina dancing alone."

"I'm sure my son is more than willing to entertain her for a dance or two." Odin states, looking at Loki with a smirk on his face.

He reluctantly relaxes in his seat and I am smiling inside, it seems even Odin is trying to get me back with Loki. But I just smile at Kai, kissing him on the cheek before turning to Loki who has got out of his seat and is offering his hand to me.

"Would you like to dance?" He asks, looking at me with hope in his eyes.

I smile and take his hand, feeling the spark between us as I get out of my seat and let him escort me to the dance floor. Everyone's eyes are on us as we go over and I notice it's the Asgardian tango. As the girls are standing on one side and the boys on the other. An Asgardian dance and again it's another test considering I know this dance. We danced to it before so he is testing my memory and what I know. It seems Loki is playing games as well, that's my husband.

We separate as I join the girls and he moves to stand opposite me with the men. The music begins and we go over to each other, taking long strides before meeting in the middle and spreading out. We hold up our right hand and circle each other before going back in the other direction, switching hands but our eyes stay locked. Loki staring at me lovingly, determined, and with a smile on his face. It makes me smile but I try to keep impassive and focus on the music. And then we get to the next part of the dance.

I move closer as he does the same, both of us pressed against each other as I take his hand and put my hand on his shoulder. I feel his arm around my waist before we begin dancing, moving in time to the music, and yet I can't stop looking at him. His presence is intoxicating and we are so close, my heart is pounding and the feelings are stirring inside me. It doesn't help that I can't stop looking at his eyes and that I am breathing in his cologne.

God, I love him and right now I wish this moment wouldn't end. That it could just be us, forever but it can't be. It's bad how much I want to kiss him, be with him. I've missed him…I love him… I just hope he can forgive me. Forgive me for what I am about to do. I am going to break his heart.

He speaks up as we continue to dance, "For someone who doesn't remember, you dance very well."

"Kai taught me how to dance." I say bluntly, "It's something we do together."

He looks at me, "I find that hard to believe. This is a special Asgardian tango and we rarely dance to it. But you already know that."

I look at him, raising my eyebrows, "What are you implying Loki?"

"Oh, I'm not implying anything." He says with a smirk, "I just know my girl and I just happen to know when she is lying. But I am curious why you are pretending you have no memories when it's obvious that you do have some."

"I think you are just jealous that I am with Kai now." I say harshly, "And don't want to believe that the girl you loved is gone."

He shakes his head, "She's not gone. She is in my arms, dancing like she used to, and is clearly hiding something." He holds me tighter, "You clearly remember some things and even if you don't, I think you want to remember and Kai won't let you."

I look at him surprised, "You think he is controlling me?"

"Well am I wrong?" He asks, spinning me around and pulling me closer, "I know I am right. Because if you didn't want to remember, if you really wanted nothing to do with me, then why are you still wearing your engagement and wedding ring?" I don't answer, "Your silence tells me everything."

"My silence tells you nothing." I look at him, annoyed, "I don't have to explain myself to someone I don't even know. You are nothing to me."

He looks at me pained, "I don't believe that."

I roll my eyes, "Well that's your problem, not mine."

"You are not yourself Katrina. So cold, cruel even." He whispers, "Please talk to me. I can help you get away from Kai. I can help you remember but you need to talk to me. I refuse to believe that this is what you really want."

Taking a breath, I pull away from him, interrupting the dance, "I understand you are hurting Loki and I get you are trying to get me back. But I don't want you and I don't want to remember. And the fact you have the audacity to accuse the man who saved my life, the man I love of controlling me is outrageous and makes me wonder why the hell I married you!" I yell, catching everyone's attention.

Loki is taken back but holds his ground, "You are lying Katrina, I know you are. Otherwise, you wouldn't have reacted to Tony's death, known this dance, or still be wearing the rings I put on your finger. And the way you are acting… it isn't you!"

I shake my head, "Yeah maybe it isn't me but that girl you knew, she's dead. She died 7 years ago when I lost my memories and that was the day I was born. I am not the girl you remember and I won't ever be."

"But you could be. Don't you want to remember your brother? Your family? Me? We can get your memories back."

"I don't want my memories back!" I yell, letting out the rage of losing Tony, all the pain, "I am happy the way I am!! I am happy with Kai and I get that hurts you. I get we were in love and married and had this relationship. But I'm not your wife and never will be again. I am with Kai and you are going to have to accept that and if the rings are such a problem, you can bloody take them back!!" I take them off my fingers and chuck them at him, Loki barely catching them, "I want nothing to do with you!!"

He looks at me pained, "Katrina…"

I interrupt him, "No Loki!! I meant what I said. I don't want to remember and I want nothing to do with you so stay away from me. Stay away from me and Kai."

The hall is silent as we stop talking and I see Kai is looking at me impressed, having moved out of his seat and around the table. But I ignore them and everyone, moving away from Loki and begin to leave.

Then Loki speaks up, "I'm not going to stop fighting for you Katrina, no matter what you say."

I stop at the entrance and look at him, "Then I fear you are wasting your time."

Kai comes over to me and I wait for him to come over and when he reaches me, I do the unthinkable and kiss him on the lips. It's disgusting and there is no spark or anything but I do it anyway. Knowing this will keep up the act and break Loki's heart. Just enough for him to know something is wrong and with everything he said, he does. It also gains Kai's trust who is kissing me eagerly and holding me tightly as he deepens the kiss.

God, he is such a bad kisser but I pretend to be enjoying it and I can see Loki looks utterly heartbroken at the display of affection. Well fake display and it hurts I'm doing this. But it protects Hope and maybe, we can both be saved. I just got to have faith and hope Loki won't give up and this will spark him on.

We pull apart before leaving the feasting hall, Loki watching us go and Kai seems extremely impressed. He keeps complimenting me as we go back to our room and I just hold onto him, pretending I have indeed fallen in love with him. That I have fallen in love with my attempted murderer, kidnapper, and psychopath who is threatening my daughter's life. It's stupid to think I would ever like him but I can tell he believes it and I know tonight I earned his trust. He thinks I am his girl and that I am his. Yes, it was horrible breaking Loki's heart and being so cold and shallow. But he knows I am lying and the more I do, the more he will fight for me. I just got to hope the next part of my plan happens. Or Hope and I will be trapped with him forever. And I will never get to be with Loki.