52 Chapter 52 I Will Find You

Loki's POV

I have experienced a wide range of pain. I've experienced every form of torture known to man thanks to Thanos and yet that was nothing compared to what I am drowning in now. The pain of losing the person I love the most and knowing I was powerless to save her. To protect her and I don't even know who did this. Who… who took her from me? Who murdered my girl? My wife, my soulmate…

We were going to meet in the garden to escape the busy coronation planning. Both of us were tired and wanted a break so we were going to meet. Have a private picnic, just us so we could have some alone time. But when I arrived, I was met with a sight which has been scared into my skull so deeply that it never leaves my mind. It replays on repeat in my dreams and haunts my every waking hour and it hurts. It hurts so much that I wake up in unbearable agony, screaming and wishing it were just a nightmare and nothing else. That it wasn't real but it is and it's always the same.

I'm calling her name, rushing to the flames that had engulfed the gardens as I look around for her desperately. Praying she is ok and then I freeze in fear, my worst fears realised. Her wings, cut from her back, have been torn apart and in pieces everywhere. They had lost their angelic glow and there was so much blood. So much blood and a body, burning not far from them.

I remember denying it. I remember falling to my knees and screaming her name, clawing at what was left of her wings. Apart of me didn't want to believe she was dead. She just couldn't be. And since her body was so severely burned… maybe it wasn't her. Maybe someone faked her death and took her and it was all an elaborate scheme to make me believe she was dead. But then I remembered what she told me when she first got her wings and it brought me back to a horrible reality. Her words ringing in my mind

'Loki if he did cut my wings off, the process of him cutting them off would… it would kill me. I would die.'

The tears poured out of me and I broke down, the fires all around me but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Katrina, the love of my life, my girl, my wife, my everything is dead and there was nothing that I could do. I had failed her. She was dead, murdered and I had lost her forever. I have lost her forever. I love her so much and she is gone, ripped from me all because of her wings which they didn't even take. Someone… I don't even know who killed her. And yet that is the only small comfort that I have... they didn't get what they were after. But it wouldn't bring her back… I lost her. I lost her. I lost the woman I love.

Since that day I have been suffering in unspeakable agony, barely able to function and haunted with that lone memory. That lone memory dropping me into despair and I felt like the light was gone. The sun has set and it feels like it will never rise. For she was gone and yet time moved on, the days flew by and everyone expects me to just take the throne and become King. To rule and be the King I know I can be but I can't do it. I can't take the throne. I don't want the throne not if she can't rule beside me, not if don't have my Queen. And there was something else I had to do.

So after the funeral, I've come to Earth and I'm now standing outside Tony's home in the forest. This lovely cottage of wood that makes me think back to happier times… like mine and Katrina's honeymoon in the beach house. It makes me smile for a brief second until I remember she isn't here with me and it drops as quickly as it appears. Oh Katrina, my love, I am so sorry. And right now I am breaking your promise about seeing Tony but… but he needs to know. He needs to know I failed you and maybe. Maybe he will kill me and put me out of my misery.

I bring myself to knock on the door and it opens to reveal Pepper, dressed in a red dress with her hair tied up. She looks at me, surprised to see me and I force a fake smile. But it's forced and she can tell something is wrong. I must look a state with my clothes barely on me, my face hung, and my eyes so tired and full of pain. She's gone and the pain and the guilt is killing me slowly.

"Loki I'm surprised to see you here. What's wrong?" She asks me, "What has happened?"

I take a breath, "Is Tony in?"

She nods, "He's upstairs but he isn't doing very well. The cancer is getting worse and yet he is still quibbling jokes." She looks at me, "And yet you look worse than he does. What has happened Loki? And where is Katrina?"

My voice is shaking, "I need…" I clear my throat, "I need to see him. It concerns Katrina, there is something he needs to know."

Her eyes widen and I can tell she knows. I don't even need to say it. She can read the pain in my face and it tells her everything.

"Come in." She opens the door wider, welcoming me inside, "His room is upstairs, on your right. He is just having a drink."

I nod, stepping into their home, "Thank you Pepper."

She looks at me, "Something bad happened to Katrina. Didn't it?"

I make to speak but I am unable to, not wanting to tell her. The shame of me not protecting her, saving her is eating me but I don't need to say it. She knows something bad has happened and her face falls. She knows she is dead.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

All I can do is nod before I force myself to go into her home and up the stairs to see Tony. Out the corner of my eye, I see her beginning to cry and I feel my heart pang. So many people, her friends, her family are going to be suffering just as bad as I am but they all deserve to know. They deserve to know that Katrina is dead. It would be an insult to her memory if I didn't tell them. I just wished I weren't here. I wish I weren't doing this at all. I wish she was still alive and with me. But instead, I am here about to tell my friend, her brother that she is dead and I failed her.

I reach his bedroom door and it's open so I end up standing in the doorway, staring at him as he lays in his bed. Leant back against the headboard, drinking whisky as he is on his tablet, designing something for his daughter by the look of it. He looks a bit older and practically the same but he is a bit paler. There is a drip in his arm and some equipment but most of it is not being used. Clearly Tony is fighting death, he hasn't changed and now he needs to know she is gone.

Taking a breath, I force myself to speak, "You never change."

He looks up at me and smiles, "Reindeer games, you know me, nothing keeps me down." He gestures to the whisky, "Come in, pour yourself a drink. It's been a while."

"It has."

I come into his room and pour myself a drink but my hand is shaking. It takes too much effort for me to pour it and he notices. But doesn't say anything as I pick up the glass and go over to join him knowing it's time I tell him everything. And yet I'm not even sure I can find the words… how can I tell him Katrina is dead? His sister and how I failed her miserably.

I sit down on the edge of the bed, "How are you Tony?"

He shrugs, "The cancer has been shit, so many treatments but I'm doing well, better than the doctors expected." He puts his tablet down as he looks at me, "And even though I am dying slowly, you look like death itself."

"It's been a rough week." I whisper as I sip back the whisky.

He looks at me worried, "Loki what's going on? As much I am happy to see you, something tells me there is a reason behind your unexpected visit."

I nod, "There is but you are going to need another drink."

Using my magic, I bring the whisky bottle over to us and fill up his glass and then mine, knowing we are both going to need it. And yet I feel like I could drown in it. The pain is hitting me again and I feel the tears fighting to escape my eyes but I hold them back. I can't break down here, not yet. Tony needs to know what happened to Katrina and the last thing I want is his comfort. I don't deserve it. I failed his sister and she is gone. I don't deserve his comfort.

"Seriously Loki what is wrong?" Tony says, sipping his drink, "I have never seen you in so much… so much pain."

I look at him, "There is something you need to know… about Katrina."

His face falls and it clicks in his mind. Why I look like death, why I appear to be in pain and I feel my hand shaking as I drink the whisky and wishing I could die in it. But I can't and I deserve to face the wrath that will follow. He knows something bad has happened to her, the pain… now I am going to have to tell him that she is dead. She is dead, gone forever. I failed her.

"She's dead isn't she?" He asks me, voicing his greatest fear.

I try to speak but I am unable to, the pain crippling me. Instead, I drink the whisky as I look at him and wait for a bad reaction. But there isn't one. He looks sad, heartbroken like I am but keen to know answers. He wants to know how she died.

"How did she die?" He asks, "Loki?"

I take a breath as I begin, "Someone ambushed her, attacked her in the gardens but when I got there… it was too late. Her wings had been cut from her back… ripped to pieces and her body was… unrecognizable. They had set her body alight…" I look at him, "She is dead Tony. She was murdered."

A few tears escape my eyes but I rub them away quickly as I drink back the whisky but it's not helping the pain or the guilt. I should have saved her. But now she is dead and I have lost her forever and it's my fault. I said I would always protect her, save her, and I didn't. I failed and she is dead. She is dead because of me and I will never get her back.

"I'm so sorry Tony." I whisper, "I failed her."

He doesn't say anything and I look at him to see he isn't crying nor is he angry. If anything he has this look on his face like there is something on his mind like he is thinking something over. He's in denial, he must be. He doesn't want to believe she is dead but she is and it's all my fault. I should have saved her.

"Are you sure she is dead?" He asks me, surprising me, "You have a knack for escaping death and it wouldn't surprise me if she did."

I shake my head, "She told me if her wings were cut off, she would die. It would be too much for her body to bear. The trauma and pain of it…" I stop myself, "I am sorry Tony. I said I would protect her and I failed miserably."

He shakes his head, "You didn't fail her Loki. You protected her for years, looked after her, loved her and it sounds like you couldn't have saved her if you tried. And I know you would… I know how much you love her or you wouldn't be in so much pain." He looks at me, "But are you definitely sure she is dead? You said yourself the body itself was unrecognizable."

"She has to be." I whisper, "Her wings were torn apart, cut from her back, she must be dead."

He gives me a look, "Loki don't tell me apart of you doesn't think that her death isn't slightly suspicious. From what you told me in the past, Katrina was hunted for her wings and yet they kill her and don't take them? Just rip them apart and burn her? And even if they just wanted to kill her, why put all the effort in with removing her wings? Come on, tell me apart of you doesn't think something is off?"

I nod, "I admit when I first found her, I hoped it was some trick, that someone faked it. But her wings were taken off and it was definitely her wings. She must be dead."

"Is she?" Tony drinks back the whisky, "Loki think about it. Katrina was confronted in the garden, her wings torn from her back to the point she is bleeding, possibly dying. And instead of leaving with what they came for, they rip apart her wings and burn her? Even though she is dying anyway? It makes no sense."

I'm about to argue with him but I stop myself. Maybe he is right or maybe we are both in denial. They wanted her for her wings so why didn't they take them? Why rip them apart and leave them behind? After all the effort it took for whoever it was to get them. And then why cover up the evidence by burning her when she was dying anyway? He is right, it doesn't make sense and her body was unrecognizable. But there was no way she could survive losing her wings. She said so herself but I guess there is no way to know for sure… not really… could she have survived?

The doubt is back and I find hope rising in my chest for the first time since she died and the pain seems to mellow. Is Katrina really dead? Can I be certain? I don't know.

I look at him, "I know it makes no sense but her wings…"

He interrupts me, "Yes her wings were removed but it doesn't mean she died. You said her body was unrecognizable so how can you be sure it was her?"

I make to speak but I can't, unable to. Tony is right. I can't be sure that she is dead but then I can't be sure she is alive either. Her wings were removed and maybe she could survive it. But how? And why if she didn't die, rip her wings apart and then possibly take her? When they wanted her wings? And does this mean they faked her death and used a fake body? I don't know. It makes no sense and yet I want to believe more than anything she is alive.

"I don't know." I whisper, filling our drinks up, "It makes no sense, none of it makes sense. They rip her wings off and rip them apart before burning her alive. Even though they could have just killed her instead of going to the trouble of taking her wings apart. It screams cover-up but I don't want to believe it." I sign in frustration, "It makes no sense."

He nods, "My point exactly, there is more to the story. There must be some way, some magic you can use to know for sure if she is dead? Your daughter is the goddess of death, isn't she? Can't she tell?"

My eyes widen as it hits me, "God I am an idiot." I shake my head, laughing at my own stupidity, "Hela senses everyone who crosses over to Valhalla. If Katrina died, she would have come to see me, comforted me. But I haven't seen her since before she died… I need to know for sure."

"Then check." Tony states, "Summon her or something?"

We both laugh a little and I sip my drink before calling out telepathically, 'Hela, come to me.'

There is a pop and we turn around to see my daughter standing in the doorway of his room, dressed in a bright green gown with black flowers down the side. Her hair is tied up for a change so it hangs to one side and she has life in her cheeks. It still surprises me even now that she is alive and it's thanks to my wife Katrina.

The pain hits me again, her death flashing before my eyes but maybe she is alive. Maybe it was a deception and I hold onto that little bit of hope that it is. She could be alive and I can get her back. God I want her back.

Hela sees how bad of a state that I am in and moves into the room, seeing my face but I force a smile. It's good to see her.

"Father when you summoned me I didn't think you would be on Earth." She looks at Tony, "It's good to see you Tony, still alive and kicking."

Tony smirks, "It's good to see you too Hela. How are you?"

Hela shrugs, "Been busy, running around but I'm always happy to see my family." She looks at me, studying me, "Father what's wrong? And where is Katrina? Surely she would be with you if you are visiting her brother?"

"Hela did Katrina cross over?" I ask, surprising her.

She looks at me, puzzled, "No of course she hasn't."

My eyes widen, "She's not dead?"

"Why would you think she is dead?" She moves to sit beside me, "What has happened in the few weeks of my absence?"

I take a breath, "Just over a week ago, someone attacked Katrina in the gardens. Her wings were ripped from her back, torn apart and her body was burned to the point she was unrecognisable. I thought she was dead, we all did and I came to tell Tony what happened before he pointed out something is wrong." I look at her, "Hela is she alive? Are you sure?"

She nods, "She is. I would have guided her to Valhalla myself if she were dead and I assure you she isn't. I would know."

A sense of relief washes over me and I see Tony is relieved, leaning back against the headboard as he drinks the whisky. I sign in relief, the pain melting away and I am so relieved she is alive. She is alive and I am so happy, I thought I lost her forever. But the pain and everything that was killing me from the inside and out has been replaced by a sense of dread and worry.

Katrina is alive. She is alive but that means someone put a lot of effort into faking her death so they could take her without anyone knowing. But why take her? Clearly, it wasn't for her wings as whoever did this took them from her, made her weak, hurt her badly. So who? And why? Why take her wings and fake her death? There must be a reason but all I care about now is finding her, saving her. She could be in so much pain, they could be hurting her and I know she was in pain and that thought alone makes my blood boil. They took her wings from her, took her from me and faked her death. I need to find her, I need to get her back and I won't give up until I do.

"She's alive." I whisper, relieved but worried.

Tony smiles, "Told you."

I roll my eyes as I look at Hela, "Do you think you could find her? I have no idea who took her and could do with the help."

She nods and she is glowing as she uses her magic to try and sense her. She has done it before and I put my drink down as I wait eagerly for news. I have to find her and get her back. I've just got to hope that her injuries are not too great and that she is ok. God I hope she is ok. And yet I wonder, how is alive? She lost her wings and that alone should have killed her. But somehow she is alive and I will find her. I just hope she is ok.

Hela stops doing her magic and looks confused. It seems she is trying again but it's like it's not working… what's wrong? She can sense anyone so why not her?

"Hela what's wrong?"

She looks at me, worried, "I can barely sense her. Whoever has Katrina is clocking her presence with powerful magic, hiding her, even from me. I have no idea where she is."

I sign in frustration as I try calling out telepathically to Katrina as we could normally speak across the realms. But there is no answer so either she can't hear me or I can't hear her. Either way, it's blocked and with her cloaked, we have no idea where she is. It scares me as whoever has her is powerful and they already hurt her. They could be hurting her, torturing her and it's bad enough they took her wings. I fear for her and whoever has her is powerful and she thinks that I believe she is dead. But I know she is alive now and I will get her back. I will.

"I can't reach her telepathically either." I take a breath, "Whoever has her, has strong magic, more powerful than us. She's in a lot of trouble." I look at Hela, "We need to go back to Asgard, tell everyone she is alive and begin searching. We have to find her."

Hela nods in agreement, "I will go ahead and tell them. They will believe me but what about your coronation? You're supposed to become king next week."

I shake my head, "It can wait. I said I would only take the throne if Katrina was beside me as my Queen and until she is, the throne can wait. Father will just have to rule for a bit longer." I look at her, "Go, I will be right behind you."

She smiles, "I will see you on Asgard." She looks at Tony, "Goodbye Tony."

"Goodbye Hela." He says with a smile.

There is a pop and she vanishes in a puff of green smoke. I'm about to follow, finishing my drink before putting the glass down on the table. Tony finishes his drink before he takes something out of his bedside draw, a metal disk. He checks it and looks at me, twirling it in his hand. I wonder what it is but all I can think about is Katrina.

I smile, "I should go but thank you Tony, for putting me back on track. And I promise you I won't stop searching until I find Katrina."

He nods, "Oh I don't doubt that. I just fear I won't be alive when you do."

I look at him worried, "Tony…"

"I'm getting worse Loki, I can feel it." He shakes his head, "Pepper believes I will get through this but the cancer has taken hold. It's only a matter of time before it takes me and if Katrina is being held by someone as powerful as you fear… then I might not see her again so I want you to give her this." He holds out the metal disk, "This is a video message for her. Please make sure no matter what that she gets this."

I take the disk, putting it into my pocket, "I will Tony, I promise you."

He nods before he smiles, "You know, when we first met, I thought you were a crazy psychopath murderer with family issues." I laugh at his comment, "And now you are family, my brother in law and a good friend. You're a good man Loki and thank you for coming here to see me."

"It was my pleasure. I just wish she were here with me and I didn't have to come with such bad news."

"So do I." He admits, "But she is alive and I know you will find her, you always do. So go and hopefully I will see you in Valhalla, one day. Just find and look after my sister."

I smile, "I will. Goodbye Tony."

"Goodbye Reindeer games."

Then we hug before I leave his room and his home, saying goodbye to Pepper on my way out with a smile on my face. Anxious to get home and start the search.

I came to Earth in so much pain, with no hope and drained of life. But the pain is gone, I have hope and I am holding onto it with my bare hands. Katrina is alive, she is still alive and maybe I don't know where she is or who has her or why. But she is alive and I can get her back and I won't start searching until I find her. And I will find her no matter what I have to do or how long it takes. She is my girl, my wife, and my angel so I will search every realm until I find her. I love her.

Oh Katrina, I know you can't hear me. But I know you are alive and I won't stop searching until I find you. I will find you. I love you.