1 Experiment

My frustrated self has decided to make an experiment.

In similar fashion to most of you cultured folks who have taken their time to gather here, I, too, often found myself lost in what seem to be simply stories of sad people made by equally sad people who wish nothing but to make their fiction truth.

That's right, I'm talking about reincarnation novels.

I still remember one of the first things I learned during Creative Writing class: to make a character relatable make him flawed; it's when that same character shows his shortcomings that a bond is likely to develop, as the reader identifies and assimilates to the figure in question.

But what would that make me? What would that make of me?

The main characters of most novels I read were always indulging in their lustful ways, not bounding themselves to human values or limitations! Had the heavens not fortuned them, their lives would have been spent in complete isolation, as they played the same role I have been playing over the span of nineteen years!

And yet! And yet those worthless dunces always managed to get themselves deported to a world where every walking woman is willing to spouse them upon first contact!

I cannot accept it.

I cannot accept a reality where such untalented individuals were getting their hands on what I wanted the most - a reality where the bottom of the bottom managed to give their lives a complete spin and live like a king, surrounded by beauties, trustworthy allies, and many other perks to boot.

And I cannot deny that reality. Denying that reality would mean discarding the possibility that I would be the one to one day get blessed with such a heavenly opportunity.

Though I do have the qualifications for such an event.

Saying I have lived a life of complete shame would be an understatement, after all.

During middle school, after getting introduced to anime and general otaku culture, what little curiosity I had of the outside world plummeted, therefore marking the beginning point of my life as a sacrilegious hermit. It was then that I also stopped practicing sports, socializing, and just living a normal life in general.

High school was another important checkpoint for me. After changing schools and clearing my name, I was finally allowing the past to be the past, adapting to the tastes and overall lifestyle of your common normie, but my plans came to a full stop when I was thoroughly exposed by one of my past classmates. With my old ways having been bared, I had no choice but to retreat to my loyal den once again, where I relied on eroges and dating simulators to satisfy my pent-up libido.

That is not all, though.

You see, while an attempt to deflect any accusations that portray me as human trash will not take place, I still cannot help but identify as a man. As such, akin to any other male, I too will end up developing feelings for someone else, even if purely on a superficial level.

With that said, I ended up falling in love with the prettiest student in my class.

In my eyes, she was a complete angel.

Despite everyone in that school treating and viewing me as good-for-nothing scum, she would make sure to go as far as to check up on me after my tactical retreat, showing no qualms about doing it either. She would send me pictures of our homework so that I could be on par with what we were being taught even if I did not go to school. Whenever the material was overly difficult, she would do her best to explain every little thing, although it would often take me a while to understand everything.

How could I not fall in love with such a character?

With her in mind, I decided to give school one last try. Classes were being moved towards online education anyway, so there was no better time to try and turn my fate around than then.

But that is when something happened.

After two months of rigid and behaved scholarly effort, I slipped up.

Usually, my classes were spent with my microphone and camera off, as to neither bother anyone nor be heard by anyone nor be seen by anyone. I had accepted that my existence would remain secondary to most of my peers and I was fine with that.

But I couldn't handle having to look at the girl I loved every day.

Her being present on my screen was enough to make the wildest of thoughts run wild! The innocent way she looked towards the camera as she stroked her magnificent black hair! The pure way she would chuckle every time a teacher attempted to joke about something! The virtuous way she would answer any question about any topic with total confidence!

She was too perfect!

No game could ever emulate true perfection. No matter how many eroges I went through, how much porn I watched, nothing would ever triumph over all that integrity.

Thus, knowing that I would only get to see her during class time, I decided to expedite whatever plans I had thought out for the night and commit the deed right there and right then. Chances like that do not appear out of thin air, after all.

I made all the necessary preparations.

I grabbed my laptop with both hands and headed to the bathroom, deciding that there I would sin. As to not leave any evidence behind, I chose the bathtub as my target, since past experimentation on my part proved that hot water helps with clearing all traces of action. And then, with my plan arranged and ready to be executed, I stripped down and started going at it.

Since I do not plan on further scaring anyone off I will keep my description of said occurrence brief, but I got to add that I felt what I was doing was not enough.

I wanted it to be more personal. I wanted her to know that I was dedicating such a scared part of my day to her.

That is not to say that I would do anything improper though. Even I have some character left, even if not much. But I needed to make things more immersive, more intimate.

After pinning her video as to not let outside distractions ruin the moment of climax that was about to come, I got ready to let it all out and transcend into the heavenly realm. For the first time in my life, I felt like I understood what proper love was.

But right before climaxing, it happened.

Screams filled with despair and disgust filled my audio without any former warning. It caught me off guard, sure, but that would not be enough to stop me. Whatever was causing my classmates to react like that was not as important as what was about to happen, I thought.

"What are you doing, Tai?"

It was though upon hearing these words, followed by a look of utmost disgust on the face of the one I loved, that I understood the reason for those previous screams.

I had been caught.

My camera, which had remained shut throughout the entirety of that trimester, had been turned on without me having willed for that to happen.

How should one react to such a thing? I had no idea of what to do.

In an attempt to save me from that embarrassment, I shut off my computer and sat on top of my toilet as I pondered about the best way to proceed following that.

It was all over, though.

Checkmate.

The finale had been reached, and I was out of cards to play.

I was left with but one choice.

I headed towards a road bridge located right next to my house which, luckily for me, was a place with a lot of traffic, making it possible for my plan to be employed. I made my wishes to every god that came to my mind, Buddha included, praying for karma to be a real thing.

And, right after spotting a truck coming at a very high speed, I jumped down that bridge towards said truck, hoping for the end result to be positive.

We are now at the beginning of this story.

My frustrated self has decided to make an experiment.

At the raw age of nineteen, without having managed to conclude high school, I decided to throw my virgin body away for the heavens and pray for the outcome to be satisfactory.

I know I led a carefree life of lust, but that all came at a price.

I want to redeem myself!

I am aware that no more than fifteen minutes ago I was erring, straying off the path that had been drawn for me, but I never meant for this to happen! My entire life must have been the work of a demon because I never intended for any of this, after all!

Let me just ask one thing of you gods.

In the eventuality that there is something else out there, let my story be not only not over, but filled with chapters to tell. I might not be as charming or as cool as those Japanese men, and it is true I might be even scummier than some of them, but even I deserve a second chance, I believe!

So please, please, please,

Let this story continue.