Weaknesses

The classic saying that our greatest weakness is giving up, doesn't go without mention. The feeling of weakness itself is a scary undeniable feeling.

But it's there

And trying to resist is far easier than accepting that struggles and injustices make us who we are. Accepting and respecting our weaknesses is a struggle within itself.

So why do we hide from it?

Because it's hard to think of yourself as weak, a burden to others around you. And especially when it comes to the teenage mutant turtles, this underlining fact is not ignored. Well…in its own way at least. Everyone has weaknesses, even heroes in colored masks.

TMNT

Leo gave out a loud sigh as he settled himself on the couch. It had been yet another long night of patrolling. They got ambushed and Leo being Leo, he had cracked jokes the entire time. Now, he felt so drained from laughter and smiles.

Just keep laughing

His brothers never saw him as weak before, his jokes had done a pretty good job of covering that up. But he longed for more, he longed for a reality where he could be himself and cry without being judged. A reality where he could acquire injuries and not have to be tough about the excruciating pain he was feeling.

Mentally and physically

Leo's scars ran deep, far beneath the surface. If his brothers could see the real him, they would be mortified and deeply concerned. Cause, to be honest, Leo was a huge mess. Physically, not so much, but mentally….

Oh boy

But if anyone could ease his worries, it was always his youngest brother. Mikey had always had a talent for making his family members laugh. Maybe Leo wasn't alone.

And as if right on cue, his youngest brother came and sat next to Leo. Leo tried not to pay attention to his brother, maybe Mikey would leave if Leo didn't pay attention to him. Or maybe not, Leo felt too emotionally drained to care.

"Hey Leo" Mikey said as he held out a pizza box, "Want pizza? You missed dinner earlier"

Leo gave a small, exhausted chuckle, "I'm really not really hungry Mikey"

"Leos not hungry? This a new track record for you bro"

When Leo didn't answer back, Mikey gave a small sigh. Whatever his oldest brother was feeling, Mikey was gonna ease that worry.

"Hey Leo, are you ok? You know you can talk to me"

Leo nodded and mentally whacked himself. His brother was clearly right in front of him trying to help. And what was he doing?

Lying

But maybe…just maybe, Mikey could help. Leo shifted uncomfortably and got ready to confess. This was definitely not going to be fun for either of them.

"Hey Mikey, do you ever kinda feel like you always have to be happy to hide what you are truly feeling?"

When Leo looked over at his younger orange masked brother, he noticed a new kind of sadness in Mikey's eyes. It wasn't there before, did he hit a nerve?

Please no, not you to

"Mikey are you ok?" Leo asked with concern.

Mikey gave a small smile, "Yeah I'm fine, it's just good to know that I'm not alone"

"Not alone?"

"Leo bro, I know how you feel. You always have to feel happy all the time, and if you don't, you'll be judged by everyone around you. You have to hide who you truly are; you can't shed tears or snap at anyone. Every time you step out of your comfort zone, you feel like retreating back into it. You always have to put others' needs before yours, even if it means crippling yourself. Trust me Leo, I know exactly how you feel." Mikey said as tears flowed down his pale cheeks.

He understands? Relates?

The tension in the room became less uneasy. And his younger brothers' previous words had a huge impact on Leo. Maybe he could cry without being judged, and even if he couldn't, he could always go to someone. Silence poured into the lair, but unlike before, it was refreshing.

Leo listened to all the sounds, the rain pouring on top of the manhole, the birds chirping. The sounds of children laughing and playing with their closest friends and family. The sound of his younger brothers breathing and heartbeat. It felt good, really good.

I don't always have to smile or laugh

Taking a deep breath in, Leo scooted closer to Mikey. Taking in his embrace, Mikey leaned more into his older brother. The embrace felt restoring, fortifying.

"Thank you, little brother," Leo said softly. Tears threatened to fall, but instincts kicked in.

Just cry Leo, just cry

Easier said than done, and no matter how much Leo pushed himself. He just couldn't cry. That's when he felt a small hand touch his shoulder.

"Leo, just let it out" Mikey whispered, "Please?"

Come on, cry, he won't judge

Moments of all different kinds hit Leo in the face, his little brother laughing, his brainiac brother coming up with impossible names. And lastly, Raph chasing Mikey around playfully. His brothers cried, so why shouldn't he?

Then without warning, a small wet tear streaked down Leo's face. More tears kept slipping down until a whole waterfall of warm, salty tears leaked from Leo's sunken eyes.

Mikey looked over to see his older brother tear-streaked eyes, his features definitely looked worn out. Now that he noticed, Leo looked tired, shaken to the bone and emotionally drained. Why hadn't he not noticed before?

"Leo when was the last time you slept?" Mikey asked as Leo yawned loudly.

"Not in a little bit, stupid nightmares…."

Leo feel asleep right on top of Mikeys head. Mikey chuckled to himself and got up, he grabbed some blankets and pillows from Leo's room along with his. Covering up Leo and himself, Mikey feel asleep comfortably.

When Leo awoke the next morning on the couch, he looked over and smiled to himself. Mikey was snoring but comfortably sleeping. Right there and then, Leo made a promise to himself and his family.

I'm not gonna hide anymore…. I'm Leo and I feel emotions like everyone else

With that promise, Leo laid back down and blissfully dreamed.

TMNT

Raph looked at himself in the mirror. Lately, he had really been struggling with accepting himself and all that came with the self-love concept. His family would always disagree with him when he called himself a monster, but was it true?

Were they lying?

It didn't matter if they did because Raph couldn't even see anything in himself. Maybe his family did, but himself truly? Nah. If anything, he found more things he hated about his soul than things to admire and love. Yeah sure…everyone had their moments. But his, were completely unspeakable.

He could kill his opponents and enemies, but he couldn't kill himself. Frankly, he was his worst enemy. Yet, nobody knew, not his brothers, not even his sensi.

I'm all alone

Raph slammed his fists on the bathroom counter as a few tears landed on the polished surface. No anger could ever fix the pain he was feeling. Nothing could.

I'm a monster

"Ahhh! Please…. please!" Raph muttered as he sat down and leaned against the wall.

"Take the pain! Take the pain!" Raph yelled as if he was talking to an invisible force. He was extremely lucky that none of his brothers were home, or at least that's what he thought. If only his brothers could see the state of him behind closed doors. The state of him behind the invisible shield he was putting up.

"Raph? Are you ok?" Someone asked with a small knock on the door. Raph grunted and hoped that whoever was rudely interrupting him would leave and get the message.

Just leave me

"Raph, come on, open the door" The voice persisted. Raph knew that the voice wouldn't leave him alone, he had to sadly give in.

But that didn't mean that he would reveal what he was currently feeling, his shield would be stronger than ever. That's how it had always been. Raph opened the door to see Leo outside with his arms across his chest. He had a giant frown covering his usual smile.

"What is it fearless?" Raph grunted, he felt kinda awkward just standing in the doorway.

Great…another thing to add to my "things I hate about myself" list

"I know something is wrong Raph," Leo said as he came in and sat down on the cold floor. With a sewer, concrete floor is the best you're gonna get. Leo patiently waited for Raph to come and sit but when nothing happened, Leo felt a feeling he wished that he could just forget.

"Raph…"

"Just leave me!" Raph responded as he roughly came and joined Leo on the floor. Sighing to himself, he knew that Leo wasn't going to let him go. Plus, he didn't need help…. right? Inside, he knew that he couldn't keep up the act any longer. But he never asked for help. So why should he now?

Please help

It's not like he didn't want comfort and advice, it's just…. he didn't really know how to ask for it. And, even if he did open up to his older brother, he would be considered weak and emotional. With everything he was already feeling, he didn't need that other feeling pulling him down also. It was like he was stuck in a dark abyss with nothing but demons eating him alive.

"Well, Raph I'll um be in the pit if you need me," Leo clarified as he started to get up. Leo hated to see his brother in such pain, but he personally knew that maybe people needed time. Even if time meant infinity.

Wait, don't leave!

Raph quickly grabbed Leo's hand in pure desperation, "wait Leo, stay please"

When Leo looked back, he saw anguish and sorrow in his younger brother's eyes.

What happened to you Raph?

"Raph, please tell me what happened?" Leo asked as he sat down next to Raph. That's when he noticed Raph body shaking with sobs. But unlike the rare occurrence when Leo happened to come across Raph crying, Leo decided to just sit and rub comforting circles on Raph's back. Raph also unlike before didn't fight back in any way.

"Am I a monster?" Raph asked which caught Leo off guard.

"What? Where did that come from?"

"Answer the question! Am I a monster?"

Leo stood up baffled, why in the world would his brother think that? Anger issues were definitely prominent in Raphael, but that's what made him, well…him.

But does Raph not see that?

"No Raph, there no way! Why would you think that?"

A simple question made Raph just completely snap. He really hadn't meant but once again, his anger got the best of him.

"There are so many reasons that I think this! I have anger issues, really bad anger issues! One of these days, I gonna kill someone I love. And my tough love, I am just so fricken scared that one of you guys are going to get hurt and never come back. The list goes on and on! I try and try but my happiness just seems so limited!" Raph yelled. Leo took a step backwards as his breathing hitched.

Dang it

Raph sat back down on the floor and rested his head in his knees. Why couldn't he do anything right? Maybe he was just meant to be this monster in disguise.

"Raph, look at me"

Raph looked up to see Leo staring down on him. Leo's face was etched with panic and…worry? Why was his brother worried about me? Shouldn't he be scared of me?

Slow down

Leo bent down to Raph's level, which wasn't that hard.

"Raph listen now and listen hard; you are not a monster. Sure, you have anger issues, but we all do. You're not perfect, nobody is. Everyone in this family knows that you love us each very much. You are part of this family. You, myself, Donnie, Mikey, and Splinter will always be a family. Even after death." Leo said as he wiped away some tears.

"But what if one of us doesn't come home one night?" Raph asked as unshed tears threatened to fall.

"Even after death, we are still family. We'll always watch over each other. Raph…. never doubt your worth in this family, you're more important than you can imagine" Leo said as more tears fell down his cheeks.

"Great, now I can't stop crying," Leo chuckled quietly. He kept wiping away tears only for more to follow. Raph pondered on what Leo had said. Maybe his family wasn't lying, maybe his family did love him with their whole beings.

They do love me

He finally had realized; it did take him breaking down and Leo playing mother. But Leo got through to him. Leo got through his hot-tempered self, wow. Only Mikey had been known to break through to Raph.

"Thank you, Leo," Raph muttered as he got up and embraced his older brother. When they did pull apart, Leo said something that Raph would always hold true to his heart.

"Raph, I'll always be here. No Matter What"

TMNT

In his lab, Donnie sat down thinking about how he got so lucky with his family. Nobody came and bothered him; they all knew better. But Donnie wished that someone would come and visit him. Even his youngest brother who always came at the completely worst time. Maybe, just maybe… he could tell somebody about what he was currently feeling.

His emotions came at a price, a price that made a huge difference to his emotional being. Donnie had always felt useful to his brothers. He knew everything. Made different inventions but when mystical powers came into the picture…. he felt his whole world crash in just seconds. Literal seconds.

What if I'm not needed anymore?

What was his purpose? If he couldn't use his knowledge to help his brothers, then what was he useful for? Yet, Donnie had nobody to talk to. Even if he did manage to find someone, he wouldn't be able to even begin to form a sentence.

Stupid emotions

Donnie groaned and tried to focus on the task at hand. Focus on making the new invention and present it. Maybe then, his brothers would appreciate his work. It's not like he didn't expect them to but, would his brothers really need it or use it?

"Hey Donnie, pizza's ready! Mikey sent me to give a piece to you," A voice said from outside his lab.

"Ok, come set it on my desk!"

Donnie looked over to see Raph come in and set it down, "what kind of pizza is it?"

Raph grinned, "Mikey said that it's his special so who knows"

Mystery pizza always seemed to be the rage with Mikey these days, that, and pizza of course. Donnie grabbed the pizza and took a small bite. It was definitely a cheese pizza to begin with, but it seemed that a bit of spice was added. And a bit of…. gummy worms? Yep, definitely gummy worms.

"Um hey Donnie, fearless sent me to also check up on you, how are you feeling?" Raph asked, bringing Donnie out of his thoughts.

"Um good, why do you ask?"

"Because your always stuck in your lab, we're kinda worried Don"

Donnie scoffed, but what Raph said was true. The truth hurt him like a butch of knives. His brothers didn't understand, they wouldn't understand anyway. Donnie was the only one with the sense of knowledge he had, but he was never good with emotions.

Gosh, I'm a mess

Maybe he could ask Mikey for help, but then again, that didn't go so well last time. Sure, his family could comfort him but not in the way he wanted. He wanted to feel like his inventions mattered, that all his effort and sweat wasn't in vain.

"Don't scoff at me Donnie, we all know that you're hurting somewhere," Raph said as he sat down on the nearest cot.

"No, I'm fine, see," Donnie stretched out his arms and legs, "no injuries"

"Donnie, geez you know I'm not good with this stuff. But anyways, you know that I'm not talking about physical injuries. It's more mental ones"

Donnie sighed to himself. Maybe it was time to comfort his monsters, his demons. But what if his demons were to much?

What if I'm not strong enough?

Raph noticed his younger brother tense up, the emotions in the air suddenly changed. But this had to be done, even if it meant unstable emotions in the air.

You can do this Donnie, just breathe

Courage could honestly be so hard to find when needed, but the courage to put yourself out there? Now, that was terrifying. But Donnie had to do this, he was never gonna get any better just isolating himself in his lab all day.

"Come on Donnie, talk to me," Raph said as he grabbed both of Donnie's hand to get his full attention.

"Raph, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this," Donnie said. Tears freely flowed down his cheek as his heart clenched up. Raph couldn't stand to his younger brother in so much pain, if his brothers hurt, it hurt him to.

"Donnie it's gonna be ok," Raph replied as he embraced his younger brother tight. Donnie sobbed into his arms, and Raph only kept holding him tighter. Protecting him.

"Raph what if you guys don't need me anymore? What if I become useless? I want to help but all these new things just keep replacing me, it hurts so bad. I constantly feel alone but…. Nobody is there." Donnie said with heart wrenching sobs. Now that he had said it, he felt a tinny bit better. But it was still an improvement.

"Donnie, we will never replace you! You mean far to much to us! We are always right here, right out there. Brothers forever?"

Donnie looked up at his older brother and smiled, "Brothers forever"

But that didn't mean that all his emotional needs were fixed. No, it was far from fixed. Cause inside, he had hidden away so many problems and needs that he didn't even know he had. He even came to realize that all these inventions and things he made were replacements for all his problems that he should have been facing. Maybe he didn't need the overwhelming achievement from his brothers.

Maybe, I could be proud of myself for once

Turns out, Raph was also a very good listener. He listened to everything that Donnie had needed to say for hours, always adding in some input every now and then. Of course, Donnie would still need encouragement from his family, but maybe he could also receive encouragement from himself. Donnie would always be stuck with his family, heck they would never leave him. But he, himself, could also be his best friend. Because in the end, it didn't matter, the inventions and ideas, no they would never even come close to Donnie's family and personal being. Family is what mattered. Self-love is what mattered.

Love is what mattered. Leo, Raph, Donnie, Mikey, Splinter were the biggest achievements of all. They would always be. Even after death.

TMNT

Mikey was cleaning the dishes after making his famous "mystery" pizza. His family had enjoyed it for the most part, except Raph who was still currently talking to Donnie. He felt relieved that Donnie was getting checked up on, but half of him wanted someone to check up on him.

Everyone always thought he was this happy goofy dude but inside… he wasn't alright. It was the complete opposite. Broken, scared, defeated, faded. The list went on and on.

Am I truly happy?

The answer to that was complicated, very complicated. Mikey couldn't let down his mask for even one second, not without being questioned for his weird mood. Could he not just feel sad or angry without being interrogated? Could he just be himself without getting attacked by his own family members?

Maybe I'll never be able to show the real me

It was a hard reality, but it didn't have to be. Not that Mikey's brothers would understand. If they did by some miracle, it would just be words of comfort. And although that could be good, it was not the ultimate truth. Mikey didn't even realize that he was crying until he heard himself give a loud sniffle. Hopefully his brothers didn't hear him, he didn't want more on their plates.

"Mikey? Hey little brother, are you crying?" Leo said as he walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a nearby apple and took a bite.

Mikey sniffled, "no, why?"

Great…. Mother hen is here

"Um cause I can clearly hear you sniffling and crying," Leo said. He set his apple down and walked over to his little brother. He laid a hand on Mikey's shoulders. "What's wrong Mikey?"

The amount of emotions building up inside Mikey's tiny body was intense. The tension was undeniable. He had to tell someone before he cracked. Maybe, just maybe Leo would understand.

Let him in

But no matter how much Mikey wanted Leo's help, he felt ashamed to accept it. He wasn't a little baby anymore, but why did he feel like one? Mikey felt so alone in many senses, even in the sense of growing up. But the pain he was feeling now, he had always grown up with that pain. Nobody had ever seen it till now. His mask was starting to slowly fade.

Come on, he won't hurt you

"Promise to not judge me?" Mikey quietly asked. Leo gave a small nod and led Mikey over to the table. It was then that Mikey knew that he had to reveal a part of himself that nobody had ever seen before. His throat tightened; his breathing hastily quickened. Why was this so hard?

"Come Ototo, talk to me,"

Well… it's now or never

"Leo, I just feel like I have to be this perfect ball of sunshine and light. But secretly, I'm sad, broken, sacred and much more. I have to protect you guys, put your needs first, not mine. And that's ok, but it hurts sometimes," Mikey said as he tried to control his breathing. But… reality has a fun way of appearing.

A dam of emotions broke, and Mikey vaguely remembered being pulled into his protecting older brother's arms.

"Mikey, you can cry, you can be angry, you can be broken and scared. Because that's ok. We all love you either way," Leo said as he embraced his younger brother tighter.

Mikey looked up with a tear-steaked face, "Are you sure?"

"Mikey, you will always be our little Ototo, nothing is ever going to change that. None of us are ever perfect, or happy either. You can be yourself, and we will all be behind here to support you. You are very important to us Mikey, very important," Leo responded as a few tears made way down his own pale features.

"Mikey, we all love you," Donnie said as he came walking into the kitchen and joined in the hug.

"Never forget that Mikey," Raph added on as he also joined in on the hug. Now, all four brothers were crying while holding onto each other. It was a serene moment, a moment when things just stopped. They were a family, a forever family. Cause each moment, every word, every second, mattered. Even death couldn't pull them apart.

Sure, they would all have their moments and weaknesses, but they would always have each other. In the end, it didn't matter how smart, or funny, or fierce somebody was. What mattered was how everybody felt. Cause, even if they didn't know it, family was their advantage. And it would always be.

Love you Leo

Love you Raph

Love you Donnie

Love you Mikey

Love you Splinter