EXPADING DONG

"Yes.

I know what you're thinking.

Yes, you.

I am you."

"What"

Andrew let out a flat what as he disconnected from Jacky. Wow, that was pretty wild.

"I swear Jacky, either one of us are going to become the patron saint of weed and circuit boards."

"Ha, only after you stop confusing Twinkies for the love your mother never gave you."

"Haha fair enough."

After being brutally deconstructed in a single sentence that would put many authors to shame, lil Andy decided to 'get up.'

"STOP FOOLING AROUND, PEON, I AM A BIG TIDDY PRINCESS FROM ANOTHER WORLD WITH JADE SKIN AND REALLY NICE HAIR. I HAVE TITS SO YOU MUST OBEY."

"Okay."

Caught by surprise, Andrew reacts the only way he knows how.

"Jacky, just what did you put in this weed? I'm hearing voices from a big TIDDY PRINCESS in my head."

"Maybe your real self is calling out to you? idk, go to the bathroom and puke it out or something lol."

"Gee Jacky, thanks for the help. Also, you never told me if you were a dude or a girl."

"Does it matter? You don't need to know."

"Aight dude, love you."

"Love you too bro, btw where's the bathroom?"

"Upstairs to the left"

"Thanks duude."

As Andrew and his Lil Richard headed to the bathroom to relieve themselves of the stress that Andrew's bladder had, he realized.

"Wait a minute. This doesn't have an upstairs. Where in the flippity frackle foshizzle am I?"

"In hell, roasting with the world's worst if you keep talking like that."

"Oh high BIG TIDDY PRINCESS, how are you?"

"I suppose I'm doing okay for a disembodied voice, how high are you?"

"I'm doing pretty darn well lol."

"..."

"Why the silence?"

"No reason, I'm just thinking if my choice of choosing you to save me was a good decision..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen here, I need you to do something of the utmost importance. Should you succeed, you will be able to ask my father of a single wish -- a luxury even God doesn't have."

"Okay."

Sighing to herself as to why she chose this muddleheaded simpleton, she composed herself.

"ANDREW WEEDDRINKER THE FOURTH, DO YOU AGREE TO BECOME MY CHAMPION, MY KNIGHT, AND THE PROTECTOR OF MY HONOR?"

"Okay."

"Then let it be done. By the power vested in me, I DEEM YOU VERIZON, HERO OF THE NORTH."

"Wow cool thanks niiice."

Somewhere in the distance, a blond time stopping vampire wryyys softly in the distance.

THE END?