chapter 1

Wiping the bathroom mirror with a piece of stained cloth, I stared at my reflection. My honey brown eyes and naturally blonde hair with a silver undertone didn't compliment my pale skin. I always considered myself an "okay" girl maybe even beautiful to some. But this always made me question what my mother might have looked like; Alicia. Did she have this odd hair color like me?. It's a pity I don't know and I will never know because she is dead. She died the day I was born, it seems and John makes sure I always remember that I am the curse who took his only true love away; John is my father… barely. Next week will make it 18 years ago, also my birthday since she dropped me off on John's patio in a handmade basket and a note.

"Bloody hell!" I heard my father screech at the of his lungs,

"Shit…"I uttered under my breath, he shouldn't be back yet.

Dashing through the bathroom door and into the hall, the wooden floor creaked with every step I took, and my heart pounded faster… I could hear him cursing, along with things thrown down, seems to be coming from in the kitchen.

Shit

The Casserole

I got so carried away in my thoughts, I forgot that it was in the oven.

Biting the outer corner of my lips, I slowly stepped into the kitchen, John was already putting out the smoking dish, by smacking it repeatedly with a wet table cloth.

"I'm so sorry…I—I…"

"Don't…" he spoke, folding his fist against the table, "Just don't…" he tossed the table cloth into the sink.

Grabbing the cheaply made ceramic pan with his bare hands, he dropped it and it shattered into million pieces, "Fucking worthless piece of shit…" he hissed, flashing his hand around, I couldn't tell if it was me that was the 'fucking worthless piece of shit" or it the baking pan. I tried to look away but I could the see the bright burnt mark on his palm, and I was concerned but I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to upset him any more than he already was,

"Come clean this shit up…" he mumbled under his breath, hurrying past me, his shoulder violently brushed against mine… and he reeked with Whiskey.

John always had a drinking problem, I have watched him since I was a little girl, and he tends to drink when he is stressed, and when he is stressed it is always because of debts.

My dad is a gambler. He will gamble his very last. There was a time when he gambled the money for groceries, even our home at one point. But he always worked it out with whoever he owed by giving them whatever he owns… I wondered what he gambled this time.

This will never stop, the voice in the back of my head lingered.

He will never love me as his daughter and I will never connect with him, will I?

I have to leave, I thought.

I will leave on my birthday night, and I won't look back. I will go as far away as I can get, to another town… find a job, and start fresh.

Taking a deep breath, I could feel my eyes burning with tears, but I was afraid that he come back and saw me crying… Soon I will be a woman, and a real woman doesn't he always will say.

Biting hard down on my lips, I blinked back the tears,

I better clean this mess up.

Slowly I opened the wooden cabinet.

A smile crept upon my face as I admire the two-colored wood. Hoping that my new house will have good cabinets like this one. I mean… the house was old, even I can't believe how it's still standing.

I chuckled under my breath.

Next week I will be a free woman…

Free from my father who is always degrading me.

Slipping the gloves up hands, I started to carefully pick up the broken pieces, they were sharp enough to cut through the gloves,

"Am I going to eat or what!" I heard my father yelling from the dining room.

But there was nothing here to eat.

I used the last of the potatoes and chicken, among whatever we had left to bake the casserole… and its ruin.

Swallowing hard I decided to confront my Father.

"Uhm..." I spoke, "The casserole… it was the only thing we had, and…" I met his eyes.

I couldn't bring myself to finish speaking, so I quickly looked away,

"I am going to run down to Ms. Maye, and I will get something," I quickly hurried towards the front door,

"Bring me back a beer," he swung his dirty feet on the table, followed by an echoing blench.

Turning the knob slowly, I left the house.

The cold evening wind stung my cheeks, it was not too chilly but it did feel foreign on my skin, I haven't left the house in days. Pressing my lips together I kept my head low as I approached Ms. Maye's mini-mart, an old, small bus she converted into a pop supermarket,

"Hello Dearest," her chirpy voice pulled me out of my misery for a second,

"Hello Ms. Maye," I smiled,

"Haven't seen you in a hot minute, how are you?" she packed a variety of items on the shelved behind her,

"I am…" I hesitated, "I am doing better,"

"Good to know," she stared down at me from the window, "How is your father… still drinking?"

"Has he ever stopped," I joke,

We both laughed at this.

"Miss Maye… I would like some milk and bread, but…I don't have any money, and…"

"No worries, my dear," she walked towards her fridge, "I understand,"

"Can you add a can of beer to that," I mumbled softly,

"Okay," she forced a smile, I could see the genuine concern on her face, but just like everyone around here, she just wants to mind her business.

I looked around, at the other buildings behind me, one of them being a Casino.

Gnawing at the bright, dancing lights, I almost didn't notice the man on the motorcycle looking in my direction. I wasn't sure he was looking at me or past me, because he was wearing well-tinted shades. His leather jacket clung to his body like a second skin. A streak of white hair stood out in the middle of his forehead, surrounded by jet black hair… like a human skunk. Leaning forward, he folded his arms, resting them on the front of the bike, I didn't know if I was to be scared or not.

"Stay away from that one Dearest," Ms. Maye mumbled,

I turned to look at her.

She stared back at the strange man.

"He runs the place," she nudged her chin towards the Casino, "…And around here," she added.

"Who is he?" I watched her, watching him.

"Another self-proclaimed Mafia," she hissed. "Now…" she looked down at me, handing me a bag of goodies, "Hurry home, love… Next time ye" she nodded at me.

"Thank you, Ms. Maye," I reached for the bag, "I will pay you back… I promise…" I noticed how heavy the bag felt, I knew it was more than milk and bread.

"No need," she waved me goodbye before shifting her gaze to the strange man again, muttering something under her breath, before tightening her apron behind her back.

Looking over my shoulders, as I walked off, I realized that it was he had been watching all along, I could feel every strand of hair aroused at the back of my neck. I didn't know who he was but I had a bad feeling about him.

Back at the house, I empty the bag Ms. Maye gave me, bread, milk, eggs, fruits, orange juice, sausages plus so much more.

God bless her heart, the voice in my head rejoiced over Ms. Maye's kindness.

After dicing up a bowl of fruits, I quickly made a few sandwiches and took them to my Father, who was still in the Dining room.

"Finally," his rolled eyes, putting out the cigar in the ashtray,

Watching him, as he snacked on the food, I sat down carefully, pouring the cold beer for him, into a glass of ice cubes.

"So…" he spoke in between bites, "You become a woman next week?"

I didn't respond… I didn't know if I should.

Say yes… you drunken, piece of scum bag, the voice in my head screamed.

Pressing my lips together, I packed pieces of fruits on my plates, along with two pieces of sandwiches,