2 Escapism I

"I painted some pictures

They are full of heavy memories

But in them there was beauty

Turning them into a bright memory"

Jimin

Winter 1st season

It was slowly falling, a cozy warmth covered me. I looked to the side, and saw light, lots of light emerging from the dense, heavy clouds. And this bright, and sometimes disturbing light, because it was constantly changing, flowed from the bluest to the lightest shades. A true luminescence.

It was all visible and almost palpable until, as if in the snap of a finger, it went out. The colors were lost.

Startled, gasping for breath and almost out of breath I woke up, then opened my eyes and gradually my vision became clear. There was a sensation that held me in bed, almost impossible to explain, it was as if I were submerged in an ocean invisible to the eyes, but extremely cold and dense like the sea seen through the bedroom window. I don't remember when I was shipwrecked, but this feeling has held me captive for countless seasons.

I can't see or feel my emotions. I don't understand them as most people do.

In my mind there is a door that I lock myself behind. There I hide, preventing myself from destroying those I love. I need to protect those I love, from myself.

"A mess. Lost in my own self."

I heard the other children, already standing, down the hallway like a herd of elephants heading toward the backyard. I was alone, so a short time later silence began to fill the place.

I looked out the window to watch the flock of ducks heading for the southern islands, I was more tired than usual so I went down to the yard.

As I walked slowly down the stairs that morning, I felt a strong headache. I just wanted not to think about how weak I was, but it was getting stronger and stronger. It was then, as the first rays of sunlight touched the meadow in the morning that I saw you holding something, coming towards me.

You were standing there with a beautiful radiant smile etched on your face.

And that was my last memory since the day I left.