2 Fuck Hokage and his Village

A/N: All characters and places belong to Kishimoto….. except the ones that don't.

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Chapter 2- Fuck Hokage and his Village

{Starting your new life in.. 3….2….1….0}

The first thing that I noticed right after the countdown was over was that I could feel again!

Then came the movements of limbs.

Ohhhh! you sweet-sweet hands and legs, I missed you soooooo much!

It was then the nightmare started, a savage roar thundered around me. I had no idea where it came from but it was right after the roar that a sensation of pure menace weighed upon me. I could do nothing as the world seemed to have stopped.

I WANNA DIE! I WANNA DIE! I WANNA DIE! I WANNA DIE!

And then there was an abrupt feeling of freefalling, this shook me free from my condition and I took a moment to calm myself down.

HOLY SHIT! What the fuck was that?! Was that what they call the killing intent? I don't want to be anywhere near the creature that is causing this and yes I said a creature because any being that can give rise to that feeling is most certainly not human….and chances are, it will most certainly be a monster assuming my luck has run out.

And then the Universe decided to fuck me over because of course, it did. How, you ask? Well, it's pretty simple actually because now that I have my eyes and ears, I can watch and listen to the world around me. So I, like a perfectly normal human being, I decided to survey my surrounding to find where the fuck am I? What welcomed me made my blood freeze cold because The Nine-Tails Fox is sneering at me just a couple of metres away.

I think I just got teleported in front of the Nine-Tails Fox…..

THE Fucking NINE-TAILS FOX!

WHAT THE HELL?! What the hell am I doing here?! I was not here before. I would have felt him, the presence of this thing is impossible to ignore. I looked around to find some answers and ohhhh boy because answers I get. Minato Namikaze is on my right side, with his golden-yellow hair, coat and everything. He looks a little roughed-up. And Kushina Uzumaki is on my left with her signature Uzumaki-Red hair. Minato seems to be making something on my belly and Kushina has fucking Adamantine Chakra Chains coming out of her back which seems to be doing a good job keeping the Godzilla Fox restricted.

I look around to find any indication of where I am and all I can see are destroyed buildings, rubble and I seemed to be laid upon an altar of some sorts.

….. This looks suspiciously like the scene where Kurama gets sealed inside Naruto but there are some differences like both Minato and Kushina aren't being impaled like a kabab with Kurama's claw and they seem to be doing alright, although they are looking a bit exhausted…..

W-Wait, is this divergence point of this Universe from the Original Universe?

…..Wait…. am I Naruto?

Fuck. I can't be Naruto! I might need to seal Kurama in that fucking statue whose name I can't still remember. If I am Naruto then I will die before even coming close to defeating Kaguya, much less discovering a way for Universal Jump.

Minato seems to have noticed my inner rambling and was attempting to keep me calm….. Well, fuck him! He is not the one having an extensional crisis right now and I don't even know what the fuck is he saying right now!

I knew I should have learned Japanese in High School.

Then suddenly a red notification box opened before me, the same which brought the news of my apparent impending fate of being a slave. Well, that's not gonna happen if I have anything to say about that!

Starting of new life: Success!

User has been given the ability to comprehend the commonly spoken language of the Universe in which User resides through the Guidance System.

User will also be given the ability to communicate in the commonly spoken language of the Universe in which the User resides only after the First Universal Jump.

Huh, at least it brought some good news.

My inner monologue was disturbed as I am starting to comprehend what Minato is saying. At least it's no longer just mumbo-jumbo.

"..… I'm truly sorry, Arashi. But Naruto and Mito are not just ready."

Wait, what?

Okay. Since he is talking to me, I guess my name is Arashi.

But what about the thing being Naruto and Mito not being ready? Who even is Mito? The only one I know with that name is the wife of the first Hokage, but she should not be alive. Or is this some AU bullshit?

But he is talking about Naruto in this situation, which I can only guess is the sealing of the Nine-Tails and since I can't see Naruto anywhere. I am suspecting that Kurama is being sealed inside me.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This isn't good. This isn't good at all.

If Kurama will be sealed in me, then Akatsuki will come after me!

I was cut from my inner rambling again when I saw Minato. He started doing those ninja hand seals.

When the words "Fūin" came out of his mouth, all I felt was pain! pain! pain!

And then I lost my consciousness…..

_________________________

(After regaining consciousness)

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I wasn't on the altar anymore, cause I could feel the softness of bedding and sheets. Looking around confirmed it. I was in some sort of baby crib.

The room I was in was also dark so I couldn't see how big it actually was.

The door seems to be closed but I could see the light penetrating from beneath the door. I would say the door was about 2 metres to my left.

The whole place was quiet and peaceful, this allowed me to collect my thoughts on this hellhole of the crisis I found myself in.

My feelings about my current predicament can be summarized by the following sentence:

The Universe has bent my back 180 degrees and fucked me roughly, and I. DON'T. LIKE. IT.

Right now I need to calm down, think and check a few things.

*Inhale*

*exhale*

*Inhale*

*exhale*

Okay, I am now calm as I can possibly be…..which isn't to say much.

First things first…. Do I have a dick?

I slowly bring my hand to where my dick should be through tremendous effort (it's a newborn baby body, of course, everything will not be easy to move) and I find that…..

YES!YES!YES! I at least have a dick. It's pretty small right now but it will grow with time!

Thank you whoever decided to make a male again!

*Cough* Okay, now moving to the slightly less important topic….. What do I know about this Alternate Universe?

First, Minato and Kushina are alive because I know in canon, they used 'Dead Demon Consuming Seal' and here they used another seal that they sketched first on my belly. I mean, I didn't see The Shinigami, so that's that.

Second, it also probably means I have all of the Nine-Tails's (I am not gonna speak his name without his permission because I want to live this second life, thank you very much) Chakra and not just half like in cannon with Naruto. (cause Dead Demon Consuming Seal was used to split the chakra into yin and yang).

The question is how was my body even able to hold the strain of sealing off all of Kyubi's Chakra. Am I an Uzumaki? I can't see my hair to check if it is red or not.

This is important. Will have to dig through about this later.

Third, this probably means I will have large chakra reserves simply by the virtue of being a Jinchuriki.

And if I am an Uzumaki, my chakra reserve will be enormous!

….this will surely result in shitty chakra control.

Well, I will have to start chakra control exercise as soon as possible.

So bye-bye Medical Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, cause I will possibly never have enough chakra control for Iryōjutsu and Genjutsu will probably have to wait until I come up with a way to copy and assimilate the fucking Sharingan which will not be for a long time. Even after the assimilation, mastery of the mystic eyes will probably take a long time.

Fourth, this Universe has someone named Mito. I don't know who he or she is, but Judging by how Minato said "Naruto and Mito were not ready", I'm guessing that she will be an important person... I am guessing that Mito is a girl cause parents probably will not name their son Mito when the name Mito is already associated with First Hokage's wife (important female figure).

...there is also a possibility that this is an AU so Mito was never First Hokage's wife but generally Mito is a female name.

And lastly…..my name Arashi… not a bad name if I say so myself. If I am an Uzumaki, my full name would be…..

Arashi Uzumaki – Storming Vortex

Huh…. Kind of edgy but I can make do.

This name is one of the few things that has not been a total disaster for me that has happened in this whole fiasco.

Even though I'm lucky to have been given a second chance, the slave thing just puts a damper on the whole situation.

..…this whole ordeal makes me wish my old life back even…..though that life was also shitty but not at least I didn't have to be worried about being enslaved.

My inner rambling is cut off when I listened to the gate opening, turning to face whoever has come into the room I was greeted with the face of the Third Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Fourth Hokage and the person who placed me in this situation Minato Namikaze, Danzo 'the one-eyed fuck' Shimura and some old lady that I don't recognise. She was standing in the back of the room and was looking somewhat nervous so if I could guess she might be the matron of the orphanage I am in…..if this is actually an orphanage.

Three of the most important figures of the present day Leaf Village are just looking at me. So, I do what all SI in my position do.

…..Moving all my limbs around like a dumbass and making gurgle noises while internally praying to whatever God that will help me so that they buy this 'normal baby' act.

"Lord Hokage, I request you to reconsider your order of having the Jinchuriki not initiated into Root?", you might have guessed it but for simplicity sake, I will tell you that it was Danzo that spoke.

The bad thing about that statement was that Danzō probably wanted me in Root.

Fuck.

The good thing is that they bought my 'baby act'.

Yay?

Minato looked at him and sighed.

"We have already discussed the Danzō. I may have allowed Root to operate but its method for conditioning young ninjas is too extreme. I will not take such risk with a child that was just born, let alone the Jinchuriki of Nine-Tails."

Ohhhh now you feel guilty you son of a bitch, where was this guilt when you threw away the life of a newborn in the dumpster, you hypocritical shit!

I remember what happened to Naruto in canon.

Granted, it will not affect me since I'm an adult but it's the principle that counts.

And even in this sympathetic statement, you managed to make me sound like I am a tool to be used by you.

How come they didn't show this side of his in the show?

You know what…..never mind. You don't even understand me now.

And Danzō, like the person he is, didn't let it go that easily.

"But he is an Uzumaki. He was made to-..."

"ENOUGH! I may have sealed Nine-Tails inside him instead of my children but I'm not that cold-hearted to throw him in hell just after he was born. I have decided that he will not be under your care, Elder Shimura. This is the order from your Hokage and you will obey it. Am. I. Understood?

The room fell silent at that. It must have only been a few seconds but it felt like hours might have passed.

Damn…. I mean, I still don't like him very much since he made me the Akatsuki's target but I can at least respect the power he wields that made even Danzō voiceless.

And did Minato said, children? Like plural of a child?

Huh….. this probably means Mito is his daughter.

Fuck this AU bullshit. This is getting more complicated every moment.

And what does Danzo mean 'made to'?

I was brought from my inner rambling when the conversation continued.

And Danzō finally yielded.

"…..Of course."

Hiruzen who has been suspiciously silent during the whole ordeal finally spoke.

"Minato, is Kushina still not convinced to adopt him?"

Minato sighed and answered.

"No, for some reason she is vehemently against adopting him. She doesn't want our children anywhere near him. That I can understand because it will affect them negatively if they remain close to the Jinchuriki. But she also seemed kind of afraid of him. She won't tell me why."

Hiruzen didn't look satisfied.

"Still, keeping our village Jinchuriki in an orphanage. I don't think this will lead to anything good."

Minato sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot.

"This is the best option right now. We can't let him get adopted by any of the clans in Konoha, it will increase their power immensely and that disturbs the power structure of the village's council and we can't have that at this moment.

The civilians and clan-less Ninjas are either too afraid or filled with hate against Nine-Tails after the announcement of his status as a Jinchuriki and will no doubt try to harm him because of this. I should have never done the announcement."

Hiruzen placed a hand on Minato's shoulder

"No, the announcement was the right thing to do. There was public unrest and that was the only way I could think of diverting some attention. At least with the new law of not speaking about his status as Jinchuriki, we can stop some of the hate spreading in the new generation ."

Minato just nodded at him.

So, I really am an Uzumaki. That's good.

But what the fuck, Kushina? I thought you were all about protecting your clan.

And what the hell do you mean by saying you can stop hate from spreading? People might not tell their children about my status but they can still tell their children to be away from me.

I will be ostracized!

But not that it really matters. I'm an adult. I don't care what kids think of me. And kids are dumb as fuck.

My life here will….. inconvenient to say the least, now that I have become a Jinchuriki. Forgetting the obvious discrimination I will face, there could be multiple assassination attempts on me. There might even be physical abuse that I have read in the least in dozens of fanfiction.

Fuck.

Why couldn't you seal the Nine-Tails in your own children, Minato? You are the fucking Hokage!

Like I didn't already have Gods coming to enslave me in 35 years, I have a deal with this shit!

I'm guessing there will also be constant surveillance of my activities because of course there will be, I'm this village's weapon after all!

I don't care about this shitty village, why do I have to sacrifice anything for this shitty place and its shitty people?

Fuck.

Hiruzen went silent after that. In fact, nobody talked for a while.

Finally, after some time, they were shuffled out of the room. Minato went out last but not before muttering a few words to the matron with a tired smile.

"Take care of him, will you?"

Matron just gave him a professional simple.

"Of course, Lord Hokage."

When he finally left, matron followed after them but not before turning to me one last time.

Her face no longer smiling but sneering at me and then she finally left.

I saw her look when she left.

Oh great, not only will I have an unfortunate life outside the orphanage now I have a caretaker who probably hates me enough to make my life miserable inside the orphanage too. This doesn't bode well for me at all.

This whole fiasco just keeps getting better and better (note the sarcasm).

Tired from events of the whole day, my baby body was getting sleepy and tired, my eyes closed on their own accord and I finally found the sweet release of sleep at least for today.

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TO BE CONTINUED...