6 Chapter Six

We had the table set up and dinner was being put on the table while Maria and I were laughing so hard that if felt like our sides were splitting when Michael walked in. He seemed a little happier than he was when he left. I feel like everything is finally hitting him and he needs time to catch up, which I understand completely. We need the time away from each other to not lose who we are as a person. You can't find happiness with each other if you can't find happiness with yourself. I think that is what they used to say anyway. I think they are wise words spoken by wise people. Wish I could have met them. I feel like I'm only of those old cliché movies where the girl feels out of place and needs to go out and explore to find herself. There is 100,000 feet wide all around and 200,000 feet long space station that I can roam. Not much you can do once you've already explored the whole station.

After dinner, I decided to roam to my favorite spot where we had a garden and a waterfall fountain. Once I found this place, it became my favorite place when my father was still alived. As I drew near to it, I didn't realized how much I really need to do this. That I need to clear my head. It hit me when I got there that I wasn't really in love with Michael. He was the one that was there for me when I needed him the most. Now, I'm going to have to make this marriage work. We don't really have divorce here. It's not like I'm married to a bad guy. Maybe I will fall in love with him in time. As I sat there next to the fountain, looking out at the vastness and beauty of the galaxy we are in, this gorgeous black man walked in. He had eyes that seemed as though they can read the deepest, darkest secrets of your soul. He smiled at me as he sat at the other end of the bench.

"You come here often?" his voice was so kind.

"I used to until…." I hesitated, "well, things have been pretty busy the last few months."

"Seems like….it's been rough," he bowed his head in understanding.

"You can say that," I had to turn my head from him to hide the tears trying to come down my cheeks.

"You don't have to talk about it," he put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.

For once, in what felt like forever, my mind was still. His simple presence, kind touch, and understanding was reassuring. He stood up and walked away, not without looking back at me and smiling and then walked out of sight. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I let out a deep breath. Instantly after, the tears started rolling down my face. I didn't realize how much pain I've been keeping bottled up. I must of sat there and cried for a long time because Maria sat next me with an arm around my shoulder. She let me sit there and cry some more and let it all out before asking me what was going on. I explained everything to her before taking a deep breath and let it out.

"I don't think anyone is ever in love with the person they are paired with," she shrugged.

"Me either since I've had time to think of it," I sighed.

"But that guy…" she raised an eyebrow.

"I haven't felt like that since my dad Ri," sadness filling my eyes again.

"I know Ro," she gave me a sideways hug.

I haven't heard that nickname in a long time. It only brought me to tears once more. This one didn't last long because I didn't really have the tears anymore, let alone the energy. We sat there in silence for a while. It's really nice having her in my life again. She was always there for me. It sucked when her parents stopped associating with us, but I understood why. I only wish she would have been allowed when everything else was going on afterwards. I am grateful for how strong I had to become to make it through all of this though. It has taught me to be strong not only for myself, but for others as well. The guy keeps popping in my head. His gorgeous smile, beautiful chocolate brown eyes, dark brown skin, and soothing voice. Thinking of him made my heart race, skip a beat, and be steady at the same time. It also made me feel alive which made me realized I haven't felt alive in a very long time.

"I'm really sorry that I couldn't be there for you," she bowed her head.

"It's ok, Ri," I nudged her, "I understand why you couldn't be."

"I'm glad we are friends again," she gave me a slight smile.

"I didn't realize we ever stopped," I teased.

"You've changed, but in a good way," she chuckled.

"Should we go back?" I sighed.

"That's up to you," she glanced at me.

"Few more minutes and we'll go back," I looped my arm through hers.

We sat there for a bit longer in silence. It felt really good. We looked at each other and both nodded knowing that we were thinking the same thing. We got up, arms still looped together, and started walking back to the chamber. Honestly, we took our time walking back. Helps that we were also getting our cardio in. I haven't gone to the gym since the wedding. I made a mental note to go in the morning before school. As we made it back to the chamber, Michael was already in bed. We said our good nights at the door and I headed to bed. I laid there awake for a while, thinking of the man at the fountain. I looked at my new husband trying to find some physical attraction to him, but I couldn't. He is a very handsome man, but I realized that he wasn't the one I wanted to be with. I just knew that he is definitely someone I wanted part of my life.

I realize that I'm going to have to make this marriage work. I could never be with that beautiful man. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I can't get him out of my head. Besides, the council does a very thorough test on who is best suited for who. We don't really go based off of human attraction anymore. It's based off of the brain development. How quickly or slow it develops. Also, it goes off of blood types. So first: brain development, second: blood type, and third: is the testing. In a way it's barbaric and communistic, I know. You have to remember that this isn't Earth or the United States. It works though for the most part, can't really complain. I finally fell asleep after what felt like hours of just laying there. Michael was already making breakfast when I woke up.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked not even looking up when I walked into the kitchen.

"I slept ok," I shrugged, "how about you?"

"I passed out waiting up for you," he sounded apologetic, "did you have a nice stroll?"

"You're fine and yea," I gave him a smile of assurance, "that walk made me realize that I need to go to the gym."

"After breakfast we can go together if you want?" he looked almost pleading.

"That would be nice," I smiled and nodded my head.

The smell of his cooking made the entire chamber smell so good. Michael is an extraordinary cook. Better than my mom even. He finished cooking as I set the table. We sat down to eat and didn't really say anything. I must have been hungry because before I knew it, I was getting thirds. Michael finished his first plate and dished up a second. Honestly, I didn't even know what to say. How do you explain to your husband that you are dreaming and thinking about someone that isn't him? Then again, who knows, he may be experiencing the same thing. All of a sudden, his aura and demeanor changed. It made the atmosphere in the chamber felt so dense and made me feel really uncomfortable. I cleaned up and got ready to leave. Michael hadn't even moved from the table.

"Have a good day at the gym," he wouldn't even look at me.

"Thank you," I sighed before leaving and was slightly confused and worried.

I walked out of the chamber door. I'm not going to lie when I say that I felt relieved walking out that door and let out a breath that I didn't even realize I was holding in. We're going to have to talk later and figure out what is going on. I know I've said this, but I need to figure out how to make this marriage work. One of those ways is communication. Everything has just been so tense between us shortly after the wedding. Michael has been so distant that I don't know how to act or what to say. A disturbing though of: "What if it's me or something about me that pushes people away and make them want to leave me?". I shook that thought out of my head immediately. I shook my head so hard that it made people stop what they were doing and look at me. That made me feel extra uncomfortable. I absolutely hate drawing attention to myself.

I don't think I ever moved this fast to get to the gym before. I noticed I slowed my speed when I got to the locker room. I let out a sigh of relief when I noticed that there was nobody in here. I went to my locker and changed. When I got back on to the gym floor, I noticed that there was no one in here too. Huh, that's weird. There's normally someone in here always. Well, except after lights out. I just shrugged it off as a coincidence. Someone will be in here in no time. I decided to double my workout today since I haven't been to the gym in a while. Helps that I am extremely anal about my health. I've always been adamant on making sure I go to the gym daily, but it's worse after seeing what happens to my mom. Not a lot of people have to experience that.

When you get to a certain age, the council start to pay extra attention to you. When they see that you've gotten to the point my mother has, they take you away to die. I know you are asking, "What do they do with their dead?". I will answer that for you. There is a place at the very, very bottom of the space station where no one except the council and a select few can go. They freeze their bodies so when we finally do find a planet, we can bury them. How we bury people will be the same way as in the past, but a little different. They keep adding to that part of the station as more time goes. Eventually, we are going to completely run out of materials to do so. But then again, maybe not. Oh, for those who are wondering about the babies that don't exactly make the "cut", they become the janitorial/dishwasher type if they don't die. Yes, they go to the dead part of the station. They are still human beings after all.

I had finished most of my workout and was feeling a little sore, but pushed through it and got on the treadmill. I decided to try and do a 10-mile run today instead of my normal 5 miles. You know that saying, "Know your limits"? Yea, well, I don't really know what that means. I've always had a strong belief that there are no limits. Especially when it comes to the mind and body of any being. Otherwise, how would we get to where we are today or the future? If there were limits mankind would come to a standstill with no progression in sight. But, then again, that is just my point of view. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you push past peoples or life's expected limits. That thought made me look at my progress and was surprised that I had already reached 8 miles. When I looked back up, there he was walking by. The gorgeous black man from last night. He looked at me and waved and continued to walk past. Of course, he was gone right when I finished my run.

I stumbled into the locker room to get cleaned up before going to class. Why does this man have this kind of effect on me? I mean, Michael makes my heart race and makes me feel like some high school girl, but he doesn't have nearly even close the effect that man has on me. The thought of that made my heart ache for Michael. He truly is an amazing guy and he doesn't deserve the thoughts that are going through my head. Honestly, I am lucky to be with him. There used to be a thing back on Earth that if you are thinking and having feelings for someone else, that you shouldn't be with the person you are with because you are only hurting them. Now, I understand what they meant by that, but that was over hundreds of years ago. That thought doesn't really apply anymore. I think it should though.

I walked out of the gym and headed to class that was even further away now since Michael and I have moved to another part of the Nora. I couldn't help but feel so disappointed in myself and tried to figure out a way to stop making myself disappointed. Like I said before, divorce doesn't happen here. It's not even allowed. Forbidden even so people don't try to attempt it. Cheating on your spouse is forbidden as well. I agree with the cheating part and if I'm going to be honest, I am cheating on Michael with thinking about being with someone else. Wanting his touch, wanting to hear his voice, and wanting to have him near. Here I go again, "Stop It!", I mentally yelled at myself. I really need to find a way to make myself stop thinking about that guy. I decided to think about when Michael and I first met, how he was there for me, and how I felt then. Ok, that worked a little and for the time being.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Maria stopped me after catching up. I didn't even know she was behind me.

"What do you mean?" I asked even though I had a feeling of what she meant.

"I was calling your name, but you didn't even slow down and that look on your face says that something is bothering you," she looked at me cautiously with an eyebrow raised.

"Sorry, I was deep in thought," I shrugged.

"I saw that. What's on your mind so deep?" she pressed on the issue.

"I'm just thinking about Michael," I started walking again. I didn't completely lie to her.

"What do you mean?" concern appearing on her face

"He just seems a little off right now," I sighed.

"He hasn't said anything to you about what may be bothering him?" her concern was genuine.

"No, not yet," I looked away so she couldn't see the annoyance forming on my face.

"Well, maybe he will," she shrugged, "did you work out today?"

"Yea," I was thankful she changed the subject, "it's been a while so I doubled the workout."

"Maybe I'll be able to join you tomorrow," she smiled as we made it to her classroom.

"Yea, that would be awesome," I waved at her and continued walking.

Her classroom is surprisingly not far from mine and I wandered why I never really saw her, but then I remembered that I used to walk to class from the other direction. When I realized that it made me very happy to have her in my life again. When I made it to my classroom, I was surprised to see that I was early. "What time is it?!" I thought to myself. Honestly, I thought I was running late. I decided to take my normal seat and wait for everyone to arrive. I went over and wrote down what I have missed before, during and after the wedding. Honestly, I didn't realize how much I actually have missed and it turned out to be a lot. I definitely have my night set out for me. I was writing everything down and was almost done when Mr. Minson walked in.

"Mrs. Jones?!" he called out and it took me a second to realize he was talking to me.

"Yes, Mr. Minson?" the confusion not hiding in my voice. Why did he call my name out like that?

"I'm guessing nobody has told you?" he sounded so angry.

"Tell me what?" now I was annoyed.

"There is no school today ordered by the council," he was actually glaring at me!

"I didn't know. I'm almost done," I finished writing down what I had missed. I am one of the few people who still write on my paper from time to time.

I gave him a smile as I walked out of the classroom to keep myself from punching him. He was extra moody than his normal. I always wondered if he acts the same way with his wife. He's lucky I'm not his wife because if he did act this way at the home too, I would smack him since I can't exactly leave him. I think it's just his nature to act so rude. I don't know why or how, but he has always been that way even before my father. My father and Mr. Minson were friends growing up until one day they weren't. I honestly don't think he will change either. Made me actually feel sorry for him. It has to be exhausting being mad all the time. They used to say that it was bad for the health. I think it still is. That would explain the grey hairs and wrinkles at his age. That made me let out a laugh as I was entering the corridor where Maria just so happened to be waiting for me. She gave me a puzzled look at the same time Mr. Minson gave out a huff. Which made me laugh again.

"What is so funny?" she actually seemed insulted.

"It's not you," I giggled.

"Ok, but what has you laughing so hard?" I heard the annoyance in her voice.

"I was writing down the stuff I missed when Mr. Minson walked in almost yelling at me for being therre," I laughed again remembering the events.

"Really?" she let out a smile. Everyone knows Mr. Minson.

"Yea, started giving me attitude because I didn't know there wasn't school today," we both laughed at that.

"He's always so angry," she shuddered.

"I know! I don't understand why either," I sighed.

"Maybe someone pees in his cheerios every morning," we both laughed so hard that it made us stop in our tracks.

"That was so messed up, but so funny," I let out after almost dying from laughter.

"I know," she said in between breathes, "but no, seriously, why is he like that?"

"I don't know," I sighed, "and I don't see him changing anytime soon."

"Me either," she sighed, "I wonder why the council cancelled school for today?"

"Yea, me too," I almost forgot about that.

"I don't remember hearing any announcement," she looked really puzzled.

"I don't think there was one," I was confused, "or maybe I just didn't hear it."

"Yea, maybe," she actually seemed really concerned.

"Don't let it bother you too much," I shrugged, "it's not that serious to dwell on."

"You're right," she sighed as we made it to my chamber, "well, I may stop by later."

"Ok," I opened the door, "see you later."

"See ya," she replied before being out of eye sight.

After I closed the door, I noticed Michael wasn't here. Odd, I wonder where he could be. I decided not to think about and make myself something to eat before I started on my school work. I didn't even realize how hungry I was till I walked into the kitchen and decided to make something that was quick. I settled with a sandwich, fruit, and a bag of chips. I set my plate on the table and grabbed a glass of water. I scarfed down my food. I don't think I even took a breath. I cleaned my dishes and started on dinner. I decided to make baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and asparagus for the entire and a salad for an appetizer. Michael should be home before it's done. I worked on what I missed for school while the Chicken cooked and the potatoes boiled. Michael walked in when I started the first page. He looked so hurt and depressed. It ached my heart seeing him like that and it made me want to cry.

He didn't even stop. No hello, nothing. He went straight to our room and shut the door. It's really bothering me that I don't know what is wrong with him. Obviously, he wants his space. I took a break and checked on the chicken and potatoes. A little longer before I will start on the rest. I grabbed a bottle of wine, hopefully this will lighten up the mood a little bit at least. I moved my school stuff into the office before going back into the kitchen and finish cooking. I am not lying when I say that I really want our marriage to work. One of the main things of making a marriage work is communication. We are definitely talking tonight. I can't take another minute of this. The silence and gloom looks are getting overbearing. I need continuous joy and happiness to counter act my gloominess.

I almost over cooked the chicken and burned the asparagus thinking about everything. I snapped myself back and finished cooking dinner, set the table and poured the wine. I went to knock on the door. Honestly, I was scared too. I don't know how he's going to react. I shook my hands really hard trying to get the nerve to knock on the door which forced my arms to follow the shaking of my hands. I eventually hit the hard titanium wall in the midst of it. I cried out in pain, which I'm guessing got Michaels attention because the bedroom door flung open seconds later. He still had that sad, gloomy look, but confusion and concern were now added to it.

He looked at me and then my hand that I was holding with the other. He was gentle when he grabbed my hand to examine it. His facial expression never changing. We have to be careful when we get hurt. It can cause extreme immune issues and when you have extreme immune issues, well, it causes death. So, hence why there aren't any physical fights or riots. Lucky for me, I didn't hit it hard enough to cause any issues. Michael looked at me with such concern and fear, it was overwhelming. I gently squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. I motioned him to the dining table where he looked and saw that dinner was ready. He walked over to the table still not saying a word. Dished himself a plate and started eating. I stood there watching for a second before joining him. He was eating rather slowly. He's been eating slower than normal lately and I didn't notice till now. He normally finishes before me.

Something is really weighing on his mind and he won't talk to me about it. I don't want to force him to talk, but it's affecting me too. I dished up my plate as I thought of a way to start up the conversation without making it obvious on what I wanted to actually talk about. Now, how does someone do that? Maybe I should just bluntly ask him what is going on. Hmmm, why is it so difficult to start a conversation with my husband? It was never this difficult to make a conversation with him before we got married. Why does marriage seem so easy when you're single? I'm going to warn everyone now, marriage is not in the slightest easy. I've only been married for a month now. Oh sorry, got a little carried away there for a second.

"Michael, what's going on?" I obviously decided to get straight to the point, "why are you so quietly lately?"

"Nothing," he didn't even look up, "I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will," I'm getting slightly irritated, "because you are going to talk to me about it even if it takes all night."

"That is a little extreme," he dug his fork into his food, not really taking a bite.

"Maybe, but we aren't moving from this table until we talk and I mean talk talk," I folded my arms.

"I don't really know what to say," he looked lost.

"Well, start with what has you so quiet," I picked up my fork, "did I do something?"

"No! Why would you think that?" he looked at me with surprise.

"Well, you barely even look at me and won't say anything to me," I couldn't help the shrug my body let out.

"It's not you, I promise," he let out a quiet sigh.

"Then what is it?" I couldn't help throwing my hands in the air in frustration.

"Well, the biggest thing on my mind is," he hesitated for a second before continuing, "my great-grandparents and grandparents are gone."

"What?" that answer really got my attention.

"Yea," he bowed his head, "happened right before the wedding."

"When did you find out?" I started digging into my food.

"A couple days ago," he sniffled and started eating.

"Your parents just told you a couple days ago?" I was a little irritated that it took them this long.

"Yea," he sighed, "they didn't want to bother us about it with everything you had going on."

"I'm so sorry," I took a deep breath in and took a bite of my food, "we should have your parents over."

"Yea, I think that would be good," he nodded his head in agreement.

"Ok, not to sound insensitive," I took a bite of my food, "but what else has you so down and upset?"

"Nothing really," he shrugged, "just the wedding happened so fast and trying to wrap my brain around everything."

"Oh, I understand that," I raised my eyebrows and took another bite, "everything happened so fast for us."

"That it did," he chuckled for a second, "not your fault though. Just the way it was supposed to happen."

"Yea, I guess," eating my food, "is there anything else?"

"No," he took a second to think on it, "I mean, just trying to be me and be a husband."

"Me too," I continued eating.

"So," he fidgeted in his seat, "everything ok with you?"

"Yea," I decided to tell him about what happened to Mr. Minson.

"Man, that guy seriously has anger issues," he laughed so hard.

"Other than that," I shrugged and took a bite, "it's nice to have Maria back into my life."

"Yea," he looked curious, "what happened to that?"

"Well, because of my dad," I decided to give him the short version, "her parents didn't want her around me anymore."

"Oh, well that is stupid," he looked slightly irritated, "please tell me that when we have kids, we don't do that to them?"

"I promise," that response made me chuckle and showed me the reason why I had feelings for him in the first place.

"Good," he was so stern how he said it, "that's it?"

"Yea," I was not going to tell him about the guy that I can't get out of my head. After all, Michael is my husband.

We finished up eating and cleaned off the table. He went to go take a shower as I did the dishes. I contemplated on what to do for his parents. Maybe do a barbeque theme for them. My family always did a barbeque thing when something sad had happened. It was their way of cheering people up. I could invite Maria, Isabella and their people. Meaning boyfriends and family. Yea, I think that is a good idea. Michael finished up in the shower and I went to join him to take mine. He had just gotten out when I came into the bathroom and he looked rather surprised. I just smiled, got undressed, and hopped in the shower. It took him a second before he went to the chamber. I hurried and finished in the shower. When I got to the chamber, I didn't even get dressed and climbed into bed. The look of confusion and surprise never leaving his face. He just wrapped himself around me and we fell asleep.