ENTHA

My world of gray, devoid of pleasure, with low class values: boring and simple. I decided to change, not clinging to hope but to despair. I secluded my self in a pitch black gloomy room, a magic circle on its floor, surrounded by 6 lighted wax candle equally laid out on the rim of the circle, dimly illuminating the room, me, a hanging rope and the sharpened knife in my left hand. Strange as it was, I realized I had no desire for anything, Money? I do have much for living but nonetheless I don’t give shit of what it brings, Woman, you say,? I’ll pass… I prefer my company or so I say but insecurity is my best of friend coming on top of anxiety, Passion? I do have one… being reduced to nothing. Well back to it, I clutched the knife and recite the passage I read on a 3 dollar dusty book, “I Calix Reyes offer my body and soul to you grant me your blessing of gift and pleasure” I held the knife, slash my wrist, and watch my crimson blood flow endlessly. I do found myself weird, they’d say things like ‘you’d realize the value of life when you’re dying’, something like that but I felt indifferent. And just as I expected, nothing happened. I clung to the hope that perhaps a devil might appear but if not, I’d just kill myself. Well unto the rope, I made my way to the hanging rope in the middle of the room, took a step on the stool. Ice Cold!! It was chilly, I started to feel my hair standing- goosebumps, my heart was beating loud enough to pop off my chest, and in the next moment alarm rang through my entire nervous system. A candle went off…then another one and so on the rest. “Now, what is it that you desire?” called a woman’s voice, soft and dignified. It’s the devil the incarnation of fear the epitome of evil. I desperately calmed my self. In the longest time I actually felt fear, pleasure ran through my body, damn it was electrifying, this is what I’ve always been looking for, the feeling of being alive, I’ve been stuck with the everyday unending non special routine but the brief elevated feeling vanished in the next moment, I again feel indifferent. “Nothing…” I replied, held the rope to my head then jumped.