2 Father and Freedom

Mr. Anurag, father of Anush, was a six-foot-three tall and strong man. Pale brown skin, high nose, bald head, small mouth and an obsession to control everything around him. Even before starting the school, Anush had understood one absolute truth. His father was the boss of the house.

Mr. Anurag grew up in a very poor family, a family below poverty line. His father, grandfather of Anush, used to work away from home, and his income could barely sustain the family. His mother, grandmother of Anush, would work in the fields to generate extra money and food.

Being the eldest among all the children, two sisters and Mr. Anurag himself, and with his mother not being literate, he took on household responsibilities at quite a young age. Since his father was mostly not home due to work, he himself would look after all the finances. But the situation was worse than miserable, and he had to borrow money from local landlords just to pay the school fees.

But since he was sharp and would never slack off at school, his parents continued to support his education. Even if it was with loaned money.

Mr. Anurag's parents might not have minded it, but the piling debt would always sting at his heart. This propelled him to thoroughly devote himself to studies and rise up from this desolate living. Being good at academics and securing a job as soon as possible, this was the only way up for him. Or that is what he had come to believe.

His efforts paid off, and at a young age of 21, he secured a permanent position with the state government. This development raised the standards of whole family overnight, and his parents couldn't be more proud and happy.

Like the part and parcel of life, this success came at a price. His personality took a hit with the way he grew up and molded himself with self-righteous believes. His dedication toward studies and its resulting achievement created a delusion in his mind. A delusion that, for his family and for everyone else if he could dictate so, academics is the only way to success. Other than working hard to score good marks, a person couldn't flourish in this society. Similarly came the flood of pride, and it eventually swelled up into a massive ego when he built an all-new house for his parents and himself.

He had started looking after the house since young and was the sole person responsible for their rise. Coupled with the unconditional favor shown by his parents, Mr. Anurag came to believe that everything in the family should, and must, revolve around him. The delusion, the ego, and the misplaced beliefs created a personality unable to tolerate someone going against his wishes, or rather his directives.

His controlling and narrow-minded nature affected Anush's own personality and development to its very core. So much so that even when Anush started to live far away, he still couldn't overcome the shackles his father had forced onto him.

The only thing Anush found logical and objective about his father was that he would never shirk away from what he believed was his responsibility. When Anush's grandmother got afflicted with tumor and had to be operated, Mr. Anurag himself stayed at the hospital for a complete month. She had to be operated more than twice over the years, and he would always be there for her. Every time there was a requirement that would further Anush's studies, Mr. Anurag would always consent, though only after verifying the situation. Whenever Anush got sick, he would make sure his son got the best treatment possible.

It was just that his father's sense of responsibility was a self-centered one. He would be upfront for Anush's studies, but he didn't think it was his responsibility to provide him a wholesome education. He would dictate Anush always be at home, but he didn't stop to consider that mingling among other children and playing sports was important towards any kid's personal development.

He didn't bother to consider it might be his responsibility to ensure Anush had a general sense of the world, and not every person would harm him….as opposed to how he would always order Anush to stay from any kind of friendship. Especially the friendship with girls. He had only one thing in mind for Anush, to always obey him in every possible way, no matter how unreasonable or even wrong at times.

When Anush had first decided to start mixed martial arts, his father had flatly refused.

"No," was Mr. Anurag's blunt response. A plain and simple No…but commanding enough to squash any further discussion.

His father's refusal to even consider the request pushed Anush to take a stand, and for the first time, he stopped talking to his father altogether. When Mr. Anurag noticed the change in his son's behavior, anger filled his heart. He felt annoyed, and one time when they were crossing each other, he clasped Anush's shoulders and shook him like shaking a twig. "I am your father, and you won't even talk to me!"

Anush's expression paled, and this sudden yell attracted everyone's attention. His grandfather came rushing and got Anush free from the hold. Then came the barrage of self-righteous indignations.

"I provide you the best of food, clothes and schooling. When I was your age, I didn't have money to even pay the school fees. But I never complained and always topped my class." Mr. Anurag glared at Anush but neither did he respond, nor did he look at his father. His head was down while his grandfather stood near him.

"You have every facility just handed to you, and I had to use my hard-earned scholarship just to buy a tiny alarm clock. For all that I provide, I only ask for good performance at school. But you are always getting distracted." Mr. Anurag's anger flared up as he recalled how the boy had to be forcibly stopped from playing sports and staying out too long.

He almost raised his hand as if to deliver a slap, and yet stopped for his own father was also there. This slight movement couldn't escape Anush's grandfather's gentle brown eyes. "Let's go inside." He turned Anush with his hand. "And you should calm down as well. It's just a small request." Anush and his grandfather left, leaving Mr. Anurag frustrated and angry.

The silent treatment from Anush still continued, and Mr. Anurag still felt angry over his son's disobedience. To smooth things out, Anush's grandfather decided to talk with his son and convince him to let Anush practice martial arts. The discussion was not fruitful, to the extent that Mr. Anurag simply stood up to leave.

"Given all that we have now, shouldn't Anush get to fulfill his wishes? You might have brought our whole family out of poverty, but you still live by the past standards." Mr. Anurag's father stood up and walked out before he could reply, but the disappointing of tone his father still kept ringing in his ears.

Perhaps Anush's silent treatment worked or maybe it was his grandfather's words that jolted Mr. Anurag, but he allowed him to practice MMA...as long as his results in school didn't go down and he was never injured. This rebellious stance and the resulting success planted a seed in Anush's heart.

A seed whose firmness will be tempered by his father's dictating nature.

A seed whose growth will be fueled by Anush's budding desire to be free.

To be free from his father's constricting, if not suffocating, regime.

No similar incidents happened in the later years, and Anush continued to follow his father's wishes. But the occasional lectures from his father, lectures on being studious, would always stifle him. He would feel his tolerance breaking down, and the urge to just tell his father to stop would start germinating. But he bore with it.

Some time before his college started, both of his grandparents passed away. Grandmother due to the tumor and grandfather from a heart attack. Their deaths took its toll on Mr. Anurag and weakened him from inside. He was not a adamant hardliner anymore but the beliefs he had cultivated since childhood were there to stay. Anush failed to notice these effects and changes...perhaps due to his prejudices.

When Anush came home after finishing his third year of college, his father sat with him for a small chat. They were sitting on four-legged and brown-colored plastic chairs in the lawn of their house. Sun was setting on the horizon, and the grass had already turned yellow from the scorching heat. A table was placed close to the chairs, with a newspaper on it.

"Only one year is left before your graduation now, right?" spoke Mr. Anurag.

"Yes father, 9 months to be exact." Anush replied but didn't directly look into his father's eyes.

"I have decided that once you finish, I will send you to Delhi for preparation of government-job selection exams." Mr. Anurag lifted up the newspaper and pointed to some coaching institute advertisements. "There are some good options and we can slowly make our decision. You just ensure that your grades stay the top during this last year as well."

This sudden news caught Anush by surprise, although nothing of the sort could be seen on his face. "Yes, I will. But is it really necessary to go for such jobs? I mean, there are many other options in campus placements too," replied Anush slowly. But his brain had started to ring like an emergency alarm.

"These private jobs will only be that, private. They can fire you any day, and the facilities provided can't compare to the government ones." Mr. Anurag adjusted his posture and placed the newspaper back onto the table. "Most importantly, the status of a government official is dazzling enough to uplift the whole family, right up to the distant relatives."

Various thoughts started to clutter his mind as Anush listened to his father's biased narrative. He had already heard it more than a thousand times. Years of service and regular contact with higher ranked official had turned Mr. Anurag into almost a fanatic of the idea that, in India, there is no better job than a government official.

"Okay. I will think about how to proceed with that." Anush didn't want to further such conversation and stood up to leave. Mr. Anurag continued to go through the newspaper.

"If I don't do something, even my job will be decided by him. I can't take that. I must come up with a plan and in such a way that he wouldn't say no," Anush told himself as he entered the inner house with fast steps.

Growing up, Anush had watched many western films and dramas, and had even met some people from Europe. The standard of their lifestyle and the degree of freedom they enjoyed always made Aunsh yearn for that environment. So he started to develop a proper strategy in that direction.

After some research and consulting some professors from his college, Anush concluded that going abroad for higher studies would the best approach. Based on feasibility, he chose a university in Spain and applied there for higher studies in Mathematics. Even though his father was stiff like a lump of iron when it came to changing his ways, Anush was betting on the fact that it would be easier to convince him if it was related with studies and academics.

He even decided on how to exactly portray the scenario: list out all the advantages, include the points on free healthcare and better research facilities, and finally mention the lesser amount of time required as compared to India.

When he received the admit from Spanish university, he wanted to celebrate in excitement, but he controlled himself. "I should keep it to myself for the time being and only declare this news once the time is close for visa. I must avoid any twists that might hamper my goal," had thought Anush.

He was especially diligent toward his studies in the last semester. Since Anush was going for higher education, he couldn't give his father an unnecessary tool of low GPA to smite his plan with.

The semester was over. Anush returned home with a semester GPA of 10. He could feel the excitement in his father's voice when he had told him his GPA. As far as Mr. Anurag was concerned, Anush would soon leave for his coaching in Delhi, and this achievement was like a cherry on the top. But little did he know, let alone the cherry, there was not even a cake to begin with.

Anush had been home for two days and he was getting anxious about how to start the conversation. On the one hand, he was confident in his plan, but at same the time, he knew his father's nature and it would make his anxiety soar even more.

It was the third day since his return. Sun had already set, and the sky was getting dark. The moon or stars were not visible yet, and the lighting was very dim in the house. Father-son duo had just entered one of the bedrooms.

The room was painted in light yellow with white ceilings. There were slight cracks on the walls and some scabs of paint had fallen. The king size bed in the middle creaked when Mr. Anurag sat on it. As he picked up the newspaper, his actions reflected in the dressing mirror on bed's side. Anush sat on a dark brown plastic chair and pulled it closer to the bed.

"This is it! It's now or never. I must convince him by hook or crook even if he behaves like his usual unreasonable self," Anush encouraged himself. He looked at his father, open his mouth to speak, no words came out and he turned his gaze away. Silence continued to echo in the room.

"Damn it! The words just won't come out. The anxiety is overwhelming me." Anush stood up while lost in thought and went out to drink some water.

He returned with a solemn face and determination in his eyes. He started speaking right after he entered the room. "Dad... I am not going to work. I am going to Spain for higher studies and I need your permission for my visa." Anush sat down and looked at his father for his response.

Mr. Anurag sat the newspaper on bed and looked toward Anush with furrowed brows and a questioning gaze. But he didn't speak right away and seemed to be waiting for Anush to repeat his words. When Anush saw his father's face, the earlier anxiety once more creeped up.

"I will not back down now." With resolute mentality, he repeated himself, "Dad, I am not going to Delhi. I am going to Spain for higher studies and I need your permission for my visa."

Mr. Anurag turned to properly face Anush. "Spain? But didn't we decide to go for coaching?"

"No. I don't want to go for coaching. I want to study more and enroll for higher education."

"Why are you telling me this only now?" Mr. Anurag immediately got annoyed.

"Because I was afraid of you wrecking my plan," but Anush didn't dare say that out loud. He remained silent for a moment and spoke, "I was not sure if I would get admitted in the Spanish university. So I didn't mention it before and…"

"You already applied and even received the admit?" Mr. Anurag interrupted. "You didn't even consult with me once and just like that, you want to leave India for a country so far away?" His face had started to flush red with anger, but he forced himself to be calm.

"Dad, your expertise in this area is lacking and I already consulted with enough professors before deciding on this move." Anush was turning nervous but still stood firm. "There are many benefits from this step and I can always try for the government jobs when I come back." Without giving his father another chance to speak, Anush went on to list out all the benefits he had thought of beforehand.

Mr. Anurag kept listening and suppressed his anger. But when Anush mentioned a certain Indian female astronaut to bring home his point, his expression turned severe and sad at same time. He stood up from the bed. "You know very well what happened to her, she died before landing. All her accomplishments and laurels couldn't help her in that moment."

Anush was startled from this sudden change in his father and tried to interject, "But dad, death will eventually come for everyone and the world..."

But it was Mr. Anurag's turn to not let Anush speak. "World might celebrate her, but that won't bring her back. Can you even imagine how her parents must have felt? Can you imagine their sorrow of losing the only child they raised with such love and care? A child that vanished in the fire without any remains. Parents always want the best for their children and none of them can bear such a loss. Their whole world crumbles when they lose a child." His voice had started to quiver and the eyes moist. he immediately left the room with weak strides and faintly slouched shoulders.

This sudden turn caught Anush off guard. Listening to the quiver in his father's voice, he couldn't comprehend how the fierce man had suddenly became emotional. When he heard the footsteps, he looked up to see his father walking out. While taking a long hard look at the disappearing figure, he felt his father had grown weaker over the years. His back wasn't as straight anymore and just now, his presence had dissolved into sadness.

While Anush wondered if he had ignored his father's changes in the last four years he had been in college, there was a budding thought poking at him to not leave for Spain. But he squashed it immediately, and steeled his heart. "If Dad, even for once, thinks logically about it, he would surely understand and support my decision," Anush consoled himself to reaffirm his wavering confidence.