1 Disguise

She was smiling in front of me and it looked very convincing. But I knew it was just a disguise, and behind it were countless other disguises. And only when I reached the end of those disguises, will I reach the source of her sadness. I could see tears falling down her chin behind the image of the smile she was showing me. And her actual mouth, that was forcing a distorted smile while gritting with sadness and regret.

Her current appearance made me feel a feeling that I didn't know of, a sense of belonging similar to the feeling I got from watching an anime girl's expressions. I couldn't describe it. Thus, I could only imagine her holding a picture of her smile in front of her face, while her real face, that was hidden behind it, was crying.

I remembered a photo of a girl I had seen before that was similar to her, and how I had wanted to hug her and forget about everything. It felt as if I could feel what she felt; the sadness behind her disguise, the loneliness, the feelings of betrayal, and the wanting for all of it to end. Because I had felt it before, and I knew what she wanted most. However, I didn't know what had made her feel like this. I could only hope she would answer when I asked her later. If not, then I would be forced to find out myself. What I could only do now was to comfort her. Thus, I slowly reached out and hugged her to my chest.

I didn't see her expression, but from how her body had jumped I could guess that she was startled and hadn't been expecting it. I could feel her quivering in my grasp. I waited. Should I see her face? I could imagine how she felt at my sudden hug. We were alone in the classroom so she shouldn't have to be worried about being seen by anyone. There were other worries. It seemed like I could see her face, how she would try to maintain her smile, and fail because of the sadness that she wouldn't be able to contain, and how she would give in to it as soon as tears start to come out.