30 A wedding is not a Marriage (6)

As our lips complemented each other, we landed on top of the bed, with me laying under J.R's body. I couldn't resist, reaching out my hands to unbutton J.R's shirt. I must admit his body is something else, with those curved muscles, I have seen him topless in the past that were just moments, me getting transfixed to his body. But now I got to see his glowing bronze skin revealed, the light that shone from the skies, made him appear as the knight in his shinning amour.

He gently whispered in my ears "Are you ready?"

I turned to gaze at him on the side and threw the question back at him "are you?"

He smiled and kissed me, he stared deep into my eyes and said "I love you, if we keep ourselves intact, chances of us separating ever again are limitless"

I had nothing to say to him, for I have waited for him almost forever to have me. The only words that could leave my mouth were "make love to me J.R".

Without noticing that he was taking his time with I and he couldn't hold back his burning passion towards me. Gosh he entered me, I released a quiet moan, and he then pressed down onto my lips. I reciprocated by patiently kissing him, with tears running down to my ears. I remembered that, this is what I've always wanted from the get go, at the back of his father's SUV. He wouldn't be pleased to see me in tears. I curbed the pain and we both continued affectionately.

That day is one of the days that I will never forget in my life, its history, a memory that I will never erase because I will never forget. Truth be told making love for the first time, is really not that enjoyable because of the pain we women endeavour. For guy's too, yes it is also painful from what I have heard, but this activity that I had with my husband I didn't feel any love for him, I hated him I didn't want him to touch me or to come closer to me for that matter, if anything I could do is coil myself the whole night. Forgetting that I so wanted him to enter me and losing myself to him.

I wanted to end the relationship but that was not even the tiniest of all the options, I love the man, I didn't know what was going on with me, I was so angry with him and myself. I thought for myself, I didn't think of him, I became so egoistic, and forgetting that he is feeling the same pain that I am. He went for shower and I stayed in bed.

"My love are you joining me?" he questioned, whilst inside the bathroom.

I kept quiet and didn't answer. He closed the tap and came out; the water was running from the top of his head to his waist where he had wrapped the towel. I looked at him and envied him… I personally thought of the night of his father's car, if I had let in, I would have got him arrested, but would the police have taken my word for it? or would I have lived with the guilt? I fell for him his looks his charm, his tender care, his love for the Lord, his respect for women… damn… tears rolled out of my face. And he quickly rushed towards me and kneelt, held my hands.

"Baby what's wrong…why are you crying?" he probed I looked at him, he was so concerned, I removed my hands from him, the looked he gave me, he was so surprised, why did I react the way I did. "Why… uhm don't you go and carry on with your shower and I will be fine…" he spoke immediately before I could finish explaining myself.

"… No I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong…" he insisted as he climbed on top of the bed.

"Well then, so that means I will go back and sleep and you will sit there and watch me…" as I turned to look away from him.

"Ha ha…that's funny because you will not lie down… until you tell me what's wrong…" he caressed my hair.

"Are you going to make me?" the tone from my voice had changed.

He sighed and got up held and placed his hands on his waist "Oh wow, you hardly slept light you were moaning all night… I tried to cuddle and keep you closer to your favourite place on my body… my chest… you pushed me away… I am asking you know … what's going on… you shutting me out… what am I to you?"

When he uttered these words, it was like he was pushing and pressing hard a spear straight into my heart. I could tell from the pitch of his tone that he was agitated by my behaviour. Somehow I did believe that I deserved the way he spoke to me. I have pushed him to a corner. I have seen him angry before but now he was somehow getting warmed up. "What am I to him?" oh Lord what have I done? Just yesterday we were exchanging vows, we promised to be there for each other, no secrets, but always opening up to each other even if we are at our worst. I felt so embarrassed I couldn't even look at him in the eyes.

"Answer me!" he shouted "What-am-I-to-you?"

With tears running down my face I mumbled, I just opened my mouth he was so furious and angry with me, and he left me and went straight back to the bathroom and took a long shower. I don't know what was going in his mind. I wanted to get out from the bed, I was so scared that he might come out and see the Red sea that I was sitting on.

I then got up quickly and wrapped myself with the towel. I then quickly opened the bed covers when I was about to lift the sheets, he walked out of the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. The covers were down, I was shaking, went back quickly and sat on the pool again startled didn't know what to say. And he came to me this time around he didn't kneel.

"So you were hurting all night and you couldn't even say a word"