Ch. 59 Impractical jokers

"Hahahahahaha!" Octavius was rolling on a capital rooftop laughing uncontrollably at the man down below who doesn't know how he tripped on a whole cake. Dirty and confused the guy looked around trying to figure out how it just suddenly appeared in his path. One second he was clear, the next…splat. The harder the guy looked around the funnier Octavius thought it was.

"Back to up to no good, huh Octavius?" Magnus appeared beside him.

"Just having a little fun. Check out my latest prank. I froze time and put the cake there while he was walking. Poor sap doesn't know where it came from! Hahahaha!"

"You call that a prank? Laaaame." Galileo said appearing with a flicker. "At least you wasted a plain cake."

"Aww you wouldn't know a good prank if it bit you on the ass Gali." Octavius said getting up.

"I can pull a way better prank than you." Galileo retorted.

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"Children, children, we all know I'd pull the best pranks" Magnus interrupted.

"What golden boy pulling pranks? Pssssh I don't see it" Octavius immediately dismissed him.

"Yeah what are you gonna do, correct my homework?" Galileo laughed.

"How about a friendly wager then. Whoever can pull off the prank that makes the biggest wave in the capital wins bragging rights as the best prankster. Agreed?"

"Agreed!"

"Agreed!"

They split up to get to work. Over the course of the next day the people of the capital were subjected to many different 'pranks'. Some were kind of funny while others could've been considered outright cruel and unusual punishment. Determined to win the contest the three of them pulled out all the stops.

....

"KYYYYYAAAAAAAA!" Glass cracked all across the Pendragon's estate the when Morgiana screamed.

"What's wrong Morgiana!?" Magnus, Noelle, Asta, and Yuno burst into her room.

"M-my hair, my perfect golden hair!" She sobbed looking into the broken mirror, her hair was now a nasty pale green. "It looks like baby vomit now! I'm ruined forever!"

"I-it looks good…" Asta tried to comfort her.

"DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME!" Red streaks appeared amid the green as her asura blood flared up with her anger.

"Sorry, sorry!" Asta retreated to the far side of the room.

"How could this have happened?!" Noelle was horrified looking at the atrocious dye job.

"I don't know. I washed my hair like usual and then…" She ran into the bathroom and came back out with a small bottle. "Someone poured dye in my shampoo! When I find out who did this, they're dead meat!" Sword in hand she stormed out of the room.

"Morgiana wait!"

"Don't do anything drastic!" Asta and Noelle chased after her.

"It was you wasn't it Magnus?" Yuno asked when they were alone.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." Magnus smiled slyly as he walked out. "You don't either if you don't want to spend the next four years sealed in a scroll."

...…..

"Captain, are you feeling ok?" A member of the Crimson Lion Kings banged on the restroom door. "It's been a few hours now and we haven't even gone over today's assignments yet."

"I-I'm fine just give me a minute." Fuegoleon's strained voice answered from the other side. "I'll be right out."

"You don't sound fine. Should we go get a doctor?" the magic knight asked worried.

"NO! That's not necessary." After a moment or two he came out. "Like I said I'm fi-" his gurgling stomach made him turn around immediately and the door slammed shut behind him.

....

"Beat it ya stupid punks!" Back at the Black Bulls base Zora chased a group of kids around the front yard. Despite the dangerous looking guy, the kids all seemed to be having fun running for their lives. Just when he caught up to one kid another kicked him in the butt and took off running another direction. Since kids started coming up with otherworldly powers, they were a lot stronger and faster than they used to be.

"Na-na you can't catch us!" They all teased.

"Raaaaah! Im gonna give you all a whooping!" Zora yelled.

Vanessa sat in the window of the Black Bulls hideout watching him with a drink in hand. She had noticed long ago that there was a 'kick me' sign stuck to the back of his shirt. She had started to tell him, but it had become entertaining to watch the Black Bulls' number one prankster get caught with something so simple. He can't really take all day to figure it out, can he? "Keep trying Zora you'll get those little rascals!" She laughed sarcastically as she took another drink.

....

"There it is again!" Captain Dorothy pointed to something in the corner of the common room of her squad base. "RICK! DIMITRI! You guys see it too right?!"

"See what captain?" The other members of her magic knight's squad looked at her with worried expressions. "There's nothing there."

"Are you fully awake captain?"

"Yes! My eyes are wide open, of course I'm awake!...(I think)." Dorothy crawled to the corner and rubbed her eyes, she was sure that she was face to face with a purple rabbit. "Hey little guy, you aren't a figment of my imagination, are you?" The rabbit twitched its little nose and looked back at her before calmly nestling up to her. "See I'm not going crazy, look a real purple bunny!" She held it up for everyone to see.

"Captain you aren't holding anything…"

"You're hallucinating, maybe you do need some more sleep."

"Huh? Wha! I-I-" Dorothy fainted.

"CAPTAIN!"

...

Yami and Charlotte happened to run into each other out on their patrols, so they decided to walk together. Things were going smoothly between the two of them until they heard a loud smack and Charlotte suddenly yelped. "Y-Yami!" She slapped him and her face was tomato red. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Hey what the hell? I should be asking you that!" Yami said rubbing his cheek.

"That was very forward of you…D-did you like the way it felt?" Charlotte asked sheepishly.

"HUH, what are you going on about? Of course I didn-"

"You can do it again if you'd like" She turned her backside to him"(Wait! What am I thinking? I'm the captain of the Blue Rose; I can't be behaving like this!)" Her face got even redder as she ran off embarrassed at full speed "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

"Char! Where are you going?!" Her lieutenant Sol and her other subordinates ran off after her.

"What the heck just happened?" Yami watched them run away. "Weird ass tsun tsun princess…"

"Real lady killer." One Yami's subordinates walked up to him.

"Shut up Finral. Take me back to the base."

"Huh! What'd I say?"

...

"I don't care how long it takes, we're going to find out who's doing all these nefarious actions and when we do…there will be hell to pay you hear me? HELL TO PAY!" The king roared to the assembly of magic knights and nobles. "Whoever thinks they can get away with trying to shame King Augustus Kira-Clover XIII and his nobles has another thing coming! (I mean who dares leaves fudge on my throne of all places? It looked like I soiled myself back there.) And where are Captains Unsworth, Vermillion and Roselei?"

"Captain Unsworth isn't feeling well." Dorothy was having trouble discerning dream from reality right now.

"(A few transformed clones and a little genjutsu go a long way.)" Magnus bragged to Galileo and Octavius discreetly.

"Captain Vermillion isn't feeling well." Fuegoleon was still on the toilet.

"(Those cheap laxatives work even stronger than the name brand stuff…they're gonna need a new toilet when he's done.)" Galileo laughed silently.

"Captain Roselei isn't feeling well." Charlotte was stuck trying to get her Yami fantasies under control.

"(I don't think I've ever felt anything so soft…)" Octavius staring at his hand, a little out of it.

"Three captains are out of commission? Should we be worried?" Leopold asked. He was trying his best to look serious even though there were claw marks all over his face.

"What happened to you?" Asta asked.

"Unrelated,,," It turns out flying talking cats, aren't something you generally come across in an alley. He had gotten clawed up looking for one.

"When we find out who it is, I'm gonna cut them to ribbons!" Jack pounded his fist on the table.

"What'd they do to you Jack?" Magnus asked.

Flash back to him waking up from a nap to find his entire room lined with fly paper. "I'M NOT A DAMN BUG!" There were a few red marks on his skin where he had to tear the paper off.

"Hahah, I bet it was funny." Yami chuckled.

"Nothing those hooligans did was funny…" Nozel cut in sharply.

"I see a few things around here that are pretty funny…and put your hands down, your hair doesn't need that much attention." Yami snapped back.

"I can't…my hands are stuck…" Nozel was ashamed to admit it.

"What do you mean stuck?" Galileo asked trying with all his might to keep a straight face.

"…Someone put glue in my hair gel…" back home solid had also fallen victim.

"How dare they mess with someone's hair! These assholes are courting death!" Morgiana jumped up nearly drawing her sword until the hood she had on fell back revealing some of her newly dyed hair. As soon as she noticed she pulled the hood down tight and put her head on the table. "SOMEONE HAS TO ANSWER FOR THIS!"

"HELL YEAH THEY DO!" Bandit was livid "THEY REPLACED ALL MY GOLD STUFF WITH SILVER!!!! WHAT KINDA EVIL FIEND DOES THAT!"

"Easy there little ones. We'll get them soon." Velgrynd added scratching her back with a morning star. "Those insects will get what's coming to em' ten times over."

"(You pranked one of the world busters!)" Octavius was shocked.

"(Heheheh itching powder on her dress, it's her own fault for beating me up that time. Revenge is sweet indeed.)"

"(When did you become an expert in chemical warfare?)" Magnus was more worried what ideas this would give future Galileo.

"(Don't worry about it. Just don't cross me.)"

"But how do we go about investigating? There were so many victims to these tasteless pranks…where do we even begin?" Lumiette chimed in. Her face had a mustache, goatee and monocle drawn in permanent marker. At a closer look wrinkles, crow's feet and laugh lines were drawn on too so she looked like a jolly little old man-girl.

"(Tasteless?)" Magnus, Galileo and Octavius were all hurt, but they couldn't show it…their lives were now on the line.

"Whoever it was had a lot of free time. They 'pranked' me by disorganizing my library" Julius said. "…I still haven't gotten everything back in order."

Magnus and Galileo both looked at Octavius and mouthed 'LAME'. "(Hey, don't judge it was hard to get away with even that.)"

"They also have to be skilled at espionage. Not just any can get in and out of all of the magic knight bases and so many noble houses unnoticed." Noelle added. "(I'm glad I didn't get pranked, some of those pranks look really bad.)"

"(I knew you didn't have the guts to get Noelle…)" Galileo side-eyed Magnus.

"(I-I couldn't do it…she was sleeping so peacefully.)" Magnus looked down.

"(Simp.)" Octavius said.

"(I don't see your girlfriend flipping out.)" Magnus shot back at Octavius.

"(That's low, you know I don't got a girl.)" Octavius was fighting tears.

"(How? You have such a winning personality.)" Galileo laughed.

"(But no game…)" Magnus added.

"(Shut up I'm just waiting a girl with a good sense of humor, and don't both of you have arranged marriages? Y'all especially don't have any game.)" It was true, Magnus and Galileo both hung their heads in shame.

"It's also someone aware of most of our schedules. I can't imagine all of these openings lining up by chance." Nozel said, his arms were quivering from being up so long.

"So then it's likely the culprit is someone in this room." Julius concluded and everyone gasped dramatically.

"You three have been awfully quiet over there" Noelle commented to the boys.

"We're just listening right now, we want these monsters caught too" Octavius lied and pulled back his sleeves showing a rash breaking out on his arm. "I think I'm allergic to whatever they put on my coat." In truth it was drawn on.

"Yes and it was hard to want to say much after this…" Magnus smiled showing his perfect teeth were heavily stained. "I take my hygiene very seriously, and this an unforgivable violation."

"(Whoa these guys are committed, why didn't I think to get myself?)" Galileo of course hadn't thought of his own countermeasure for standing out. "I umm didn't get pranked so…what would I say?"

"(He's so obvious…)" Magnus thought.

"(Dead man walking…)" Octavius thought.

"I wonder why that is, shouldn't you have one of the biggest targets on your back?" The king called out.

"I don't know, maybe the perp is scared of me?" Galileo said a little nervously.

"I find it hard to believe that they'd get Magnus and not you. Noelle said. "(I think we all know Magnus has a few more screws loose than you.)" One by one people started thinking about it. He was fast enough and had the knowledge of everyone's schedules and living arrangements.

"I knew it was the demon brat!" Damnatio yelled out as his freshly bald head glistened, and bee stings swelled his face up beyond recognition. It looked as if he had spent some time peeling off bits of tar too, there were a few feathers left over on his head and neck. "Whenever something goes horribly wrong in the capital it's related to you, and this time you're going to pay for it Galileo.

"Who are you?" The king asked.

"It's me! Your brother Damnatio!"

"(BWAHAHAHAHA! Even your own brother does not recognize you, this is my masterpiece for sure.)" Despite all eyes being on him Galileo played his part. "H-hang on you've had it out for me for years, this is probably just you being prejudiced or something." Magnus and Octavius watched as all of the different faces really considered that. Galileo was a suspect but was he really that smart to do all this so smoothly? There is no possible way he could be that stealthy either.

"Then what were you doing during this last day?" Damnatio pressed.

"Getting my guild in order for my trip. What about you?"

"Suffering your torments."

"(What all did you do to him Gali?)" Magnus had to ask over the system.

"(A magician never tells Bwahahah! Got him good though right?)" Galileo responded. "What do you mean my torments, I didn't do anything to you!"

"I know it was you, you little shit!"

"UNCLE! Please stop pestering my fiance' he said he didn't do it and I believe him. The way you're acting is very uncouth!"

"Uncouth?! Look at my face! Someone is going to pay for this! And It just has to be him!" The usually calm and collected Damnatio was furious. "My senses about these things are never wrong, and justice will prevail here!"

"So you're trying to pin it on Gali? You have no evidence of him being guilty. I know his track record isn't the best, but that's not a reason to just try and turn him into a scapegoat! I thought you wanted justice!?"

"Yeah, what she said." Galileo cosigned from a safe distance.

"You put to much trust in that boy Lumiette, he's no good. One day he's going to bring a real calamity to this kingdom and you'll be powerless to stop it."

"UNCLE!"

"Well screw you too bastard. I may not be the best person here, but I try like everyone else. I'm tired of you thinking you can talk down on me for no good reason. If you want smoke let's go! Right here and now!" Galileo was burning blue walking towards Damnatio who had a magic scale in hand.

"Galileo please calm down! We can sort this out rationally!" Lumiette stepped between them.

"So you're defending this bastard? Alright I see how it is…"

"Gali wait-" With a violent flash of purple Galileo disappeared. Lumiette shot Damnatio a cold look and ran out after him. The room fell silent as Damnatio slumped into his seat defeated.

"(That sly lizard…he really played the victim.)" Octavius was dumbfounded.

"(I can't believe he did it so well. Who knew he could perpetrate…)" Magnus was just as startled.

"(With that I think he wins the contest.)"

"(Can't argue with that. So, who do you think they're going to blame?)"