1 Prologue
My throat feels dry and my cheeks are streaked with tears. I tap my sneaker covered foot on the ground impatiently; watching the triage carefully for any sign of dad's nurses.
The once cheerful pale yellow walls, scream putrid suffering. I couldn't handle the sight of the colour.
Jasper appears around the corner suddenly, in vibrant mint scrubs with his signature smile. His bright white teeth popping against the mahogany shade of his lips.
He steps in front of me, kneeling down. Then placing his heavy hand on my shoulder.
"Come with me, I'll take you to your dad now", He forces a smile.
I take a shaky breath and allow him to lead me to my father.
The hospital feels cold and desolate. The lights as harsh as the dry air passing between my lips. Our footfalls ring in my ears like the firing of a cannon; leading to someone's doom, namely dad's.
"Your father is a fighter, you know" Jasper whispers trying to break the silence between us.
"I know he is" I nod.
The air is ripe with the smell of disinfectant and dryer sheets. A scent I had grown accustomed to, with all the time I've spent here.
I knew the way to dad's room by now, down the many twisting and interlocking hallways. And I surely didn't need Jasper for an escort but rules, are rules.
"Go on in, I'll be back after my rounds". Jasper says and turns back down the hallway.
I look to him longingly as his form disappears in the labyrinth.
The door handle felt cold beneath my fingertips as I push it open.
The doctors are swarming dad's bed as usual Two more of them I didn't recognize. I skirted Dr.Phillips and made my way over to my mother.
"Hello sweet pea". She says smiling wearily.
Her hair has already started to grey from the stress, and her eyes were sunken in and swollen; likely from the lack of sleep. She's been staying here at the hospital with dad for weeks. The only time she was home was when she'd come to get me to visit with him.
Dr.Phillips looks at us with remorse before speaking. "We will give you guys some time" He gives us a curt nod before he and his gaggle of doctors vacate the room.
I step towards my father, as he lies between his mess of machines and tubes. His usually amber skin now papery and delicate; all of his veins visible. Dark rings fashion themselves around his eyes, his face showing lines of a far older age and cheeks, hollow.
Tears begin to prickle as I make my way to his bedside. The hum of the machines filling the painful silence.
I reach for dad's hand and squeeze. Our routine handshake isn't reciprocated today and I frown.
He squeezes my hand with as much strength he could muster and looks in my eyes with a weak smile.
"You know I love you right?" He asks his eyes searching mine.
I nod squeezing his hand tighter. I can feel the tears threatening to fall as I look at dad. His now frail figure is a stark comparison to what he used to be: broad shouldered, tall and full of life. But now he's now bed-ridden without enough strength to walk.
I know what's coming next...
"I need you to take care of each other when I'm gone". He says, his eyes flicking between my mother and I. I shake my head in disagreement.
"Dad, no". I whimper, still trying to conceal my tears. "You'll be okay we've still got time!"
He simply shakes his head and smiles for my sake. He squeezes my hand as a tear slides down his cheek.
"I don't have much time left". He says barely above a whisper.
With each ragged breath he takes, my heart starts swells with pain.
My mom and I hold onto him as he continues to take in his shallow breaths. Finally I let my tears fall, soaking his pale blue gown.
He strokes my hair gently with his hand. "I have something I was planning on giving you for your birthday, but your mom will have to now.. okay?" He smiles through his tears.
"Dad, please.."
"Shhh.. its okay". He mumbles still stroking my hair.
Mom stays quiet, her shoulders shuddering as she clings onto dad.
She and I lock eyes through our tear-blurred vision; searching each other's faces for some sort of answer.
"I love you both so much.." he whispers before taking another shallow breath.
He stops stroking my hair and he slowly stops breathing entirely. His hand falls limply beside my face.
The shrieking of his machines wreak havoc upon my senses. The ear-piercing siren of the machine flat-lining declares the last beat of his heart.
Everything appears to be happening in slow-motion, my body feeling heavy and limp. Words becoming muffled and sluggish. I throw myself into my mother's arms unable to even look at him.
The doctors rush in and try to usher us out of his room.
Dr.Phillips looks at us and then turns to look at dad "Get them out of here!" he shouts.
A nurse in blue flower scrubs angles us towards the door. "Please wait outside"
She ushers us out and slams the door with vigor. Jasper suddenly materializes behind us and rushes in. They shut the blinds before continuing. I turn away from the window and hug mom tighter. She wraps her arms around me in solace; both of us trying to get our bearings.
I press my face into her chest inhaling the smell of her perfume. The one dad got her a long time ago. I try to block out my emotions, try to numb the pain. Nothing works and I sob once again into my mom, her own body shaking.
They take the paddles to him and try every trick in the book. But to no avail.
"Try 300.. okay everyone.. CLEAR!!" Dr.Phillips calls out.
Dad's body jumps but his heart remains silent.
The doctors continued to try to resuscitate dad for what seems like hours.
The door squeaks open, and I pull myself out of mom's grasp. I wipe at the overflow of tears streaking their way down my face, As the entourage of medical personnel file out of dad's room.
All their eyes held unspeakable emotions, sorrow maybe? Guilt even?
I look back to mom, her face hard and jaw set in anguish. As a doctor herself she knew the very masks they bore on their faces, to shield both the families and themselves.
The nurse in blue looks between us, her own eyes sparkling with tears. "Tyler was a great man."
"I'm sorry we couldn't save him." The other nurse speaks up next, whispering and averting her eyes.
"Our deepest condolences" Dr.Phillips says.
They all walk away, the nurses bearing their heads low. Jasper lingers, his mask of bravery breaking as each second passes. "I watched your relationship with Tyler grow into a marriage" he mutters looking at mom. He steps forward to grasp her hand.
He then turns to me, "And I watched you grow up into a beautiful young lady" He clears his throat, rubbing his neck in desperation. "And today I watched my best friend" He fights back tears, "my brother, pass on"
His eyes brim with unspoken words. He finally wraps his arms around us, the mask breaking away, allowing his chest to flood with sobs.
K.S.
