8 Chapters 20, 21, and 22

Jay and I ushered the children out of their cabins as the sun peeled away from the horizon. Edward caught sight of a small cloud of gnats near the lake. He wondered how long they would wind around each other, flying in their tight group before God would brush them off the Island. He also thought about what happened to the gnats, frogs, birds, and all other manner of life that wandered too close to God.

And what would happen to him if God decided to remove him from the Island as well?

Was there another Heaven after this one? Yet another rung of reality that they'd spend eternity climbing until they finally reach nothingness … nirvana?

God strode out of Cabin Zero wearing obscenely tight-fitting cutoff jeans and a white, sleeveless shirt. His long chest hair was as thick as shag carpeting.

Petrov followed, still wearing the standard camp uniform, which had apparently grown at the same rate as Petrov. His beard had filled out, grown longer, but neatly trimmed. His shoulders were a bit more broad, but he was still lean and his face had hardened into a stern maturity. His sturdy adult frame was much healthier than it had seemed in the vision within the hot springs on top of the volcano. Edward guessed that Petrov's growth on Earth had been stunted by malnutrition. On the Island, Petrov seemed idealized. He may never be an Adonis, but he was certainly handsome in a brooding, distracted, and haunted artist sort of way.

Petrov clung to his art supply case as he neared the children. He was quiet and appeared resolved—his head held upright and unafraid.

"Listen," God called to the children. "Take a look at Petrov."

Petrov met their eyes. He did not possess the fear or shame of a man condemned, but he wasn't proud either. He was just ready.

"Sin," God said. "It appears I couldn't keep it out of Heaven, either. Perhaps there is a flaw in the human condition that even the most perfect setting can't correct. I thought that it was My mistake, My poorly designed Earth that led to your race's downfall. Now, I'm beginning to believe it was you all along. I was right to judge you as I did."

The children's eyes sank. Edward's face flushed from fury. Ossie turned his back on God, sat on the ground, and ripped up grass, blade by blade, tearing each one apart.

"Do you have something to say?" God asked Ossie.

Ossie refused to turn around to face God. "You designed us as well."

"I did. But I gave you free will, so your decisions are no longer My responsibility."

"How convenient for you," Ossie said, dropping his head to return his attention to the grass.

The children shifted uncomfortably.

"So what now?" Petrov asked.

God turned to the full-grown man, then motioned to me. I stepped out from behind the group and walked to Petrov. I nodded for him to follow me and we walked toward the pier.

"He's going across the lake?" Tommy asked.

"He's being banished from the campground," God said while He watched Petrov walk away.

"Why not just send him back to Heaven?" Tommy asked.

"What would that solve?" God turned away from the children and retreated to His cabin.

Edward ran to the pier. "Petrov!"

Petrov was lowering himself into the rowboat, but he paused to turn and wave at Edward.

"Good luck," Edward said.

"I have faith," Petrov called. "I don't need luck."

Petrov sat down next to me in the boat and we began paddling away from the pier. Other children gathered along the shoreline and watched us make our way across the lake. Petrov turned one last time and waved. Many of the children waved back; some were crying. They were all afraid.

It would be a long trip across the lake, and I was thankful for it.

******

"Children, gather!" Jay called as the campers slowly filed into the mess hall. He brought them all over to his table and stood on his seat so he could look down on them. "I know there are many questions, so let's deal with this right now."

"What's on the other side of the lake?" Tommy asked quickly.

"I've never been there," Jay said. "But I do know it is a wilderness—God's protection does not reach there. Should you follow Petrov's path and force us to send you across the lake, you will be on your own."

"How many people are over there?" Simon asked.

"Not many."

"But how many—three, four, twenty?" Simon said.

Jay frowned, looking over the faces. "I don't know," he said, and the children knew he was lying. "It is a hard place, it is lonely and you will never return to this side of the Island."

"But those women returned," Sophia said.

"Well, yes, but you can't stay, I mean," Jay answered.

The children murmured. A girl began crying and hugged another girl. Barry and Mary were standing toward the back, holding hands.

"What is important is that you can avoid Petrov's fate. If you follow our directions, then there is no reason you will ever be banished. You can stay here, in this paradise for as long as God chooses to keep us here."

"Do you have any idea how long that will be?" Sophia asked.

Jay shook his head. The children began murmuring again.

"I want to talk to you about what will get you banished," Jay said loud enough to quiet the crowd. "Perhaps we should have discussed this at the very beginning, but we thought it would be best not to address sin."

"Why?" Tommy asked.

"Because discussing it would only get you to think about it," Jay said.

"Because that worked so well on Earth," Ossie said, then walked away to get a tray. Jay shook his head as he watched Ossie.

"Some of you have been developing relationships," Jay said. "This is a bad idea because it creates temptation. It is also unnecessary—the only object of love should be God. That is why you are here. Your bodies are incapable of reproduction, either here or in the wilderness, so there is no use developing those kinds of attachments. If God feels that your heart is shifting away from Him toward another camper, then He will banish you."

"But we're human," Edward said. "That's what we do; that's what we've always done. It's our primary instinct."

Tommy ducked his head to hide a blushing smile that caught him off guard.

"You aren't human," Jay said. "You are souls. The flesh on your body is just ornamental. There are no real differences between men and women here. There are no pregnancies; there is no real love aside from what God feels for you. And you must do your best to earn His mercy."

"That isn't true," Edward said, stepping forward. "Our ability to love is one of the primary ways that God made us in His image. Not just love for Him, but for our fellow man."

"Matthew 22:30, 'At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven'," Jay said. "Do not try to use the Bible against me, Edward! I am telling you how to live in this new world, not Earth. You are to do as you are told. What came before the Island is irrelevant."

"But God's law is eternal," Edward said.

"And I'm not so sure about the 'no difference between men and women'," Simon said. "Those women had some sizable differences that made my flesh feel pretty damn real."

Simon cupped his hands on his chest as if he were squeezing his own imaginary breasts. The girls averted their eyes. Billy reached up for Simon's imaginary right breast, only for Simon to swat his hand.

Jay hopped off the chair and strode over to Simon. "That is what will get you banished! Do you want to be the next?"

"Maybe," Simon said. "Certainly does seem more interesting over there, doesn't it?"

Jay glared at Simon. Simon just smirked, turned his back on Jay and walked over to join Ossie who was serving himself breakfast.

"Be very careful," Jay said, returning his focus to the rest of the children. He walked back to the chair and stood on it. "The wilderness is not a place you want to be. It is empty, lonely and God will not protect you."

Jay stepped back down from the chair and stormed out of the mess hall. The children made their way to the breakfast line. No one was sure who was supposed to be serving the food, so Billy brought a few other kids over to help. It was a very quiet breakfast, and no one volunteered at the dish pit. By the time I returned, God and Jay were nowhere to be found, and, as usual, I was left on my own to clean up their mess.

Chapter 21

"Bali!" Edward called, interrupting a private conversation with a girl who had found spotting in her underwear. I looked toward to Edward who'd just walked into the mess hall. The day was turning into a long line of questions.

"We really need to talk," Edward said.

"One moment, please," I said, taking the girl by the arm and leading her away from the otherwise empty cafeteria, past the dish pit, and into the kitchen.

She sniffled as she followed. Petrov had accepted his fate willingly, almost relieved. This girl had once been a housewife who'd suffered an abusive husband who gave her gonorrhea, which had left her barren. Her husband then shamed her for her infertility until taking all their savings and leaving her to find more viable candidates for his seed.

Her faith was the only thing that saved her from suicide, but her life never truly recovered.

She'd heard many people say that their life began with puberty, but that is when her life had ended. Now she was about to suffer through it again and the blooming of her reproductive system would be as fruitless this time as it had been on Earth.

We went into the dry storage room and shut the door behind us. She sat down on a box of fry oil and buried her face in her hands.

"How can I stop this?" she asked, her voice muffled and weak.

"You can't," I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. "You can slow the process, but one day it'll happen."

"How do I slow it?" she asked, craning her head up to look at me. Her eyes were red and her bottom lip trembled.

"Try to clear your thoughts as much as possible. Don't think about it, don't think about the hormones, the feelings they are causing. Try to pretend. I'll see if I can get you something for the …"

I couldn't finish but didn't have to. She nodded and a smiled. I knelt down and hugged her.

"When it happens," she said. "When I grow and am sent away, will I be happy?"

I sighed, pulled her tight, and stroked her hair.

"You can," I answered. "Humans are amazing—they can always find a way to be happy, or miserable, it just depends on which you choose for yourself."

"Really?"

"I've met people inside death camps who found a way to normalize and uncover bits of happiness in the darkest of corners. I've met kings who couldn't find a reason to smile. It's up to you, especially here on the Island. You can make your life whatever you want it to be."

"But I can't go backwards?"

"No. Even God hasn't figured that out yet."

She chuckled and squeezed against me. She stood and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'll get you … um …"

"Girl Scout supplies?" she offered.

"Um, yeah. I'll get those to you today."

"Thanks," she said, turning to open the door. She paused, but didn't turn around. "Will I be pretty this time?"

I walked up to her and grabbed a plastic spoon from the shelf and a jar of peanut butter. I unscrewed the lid and spooned up a glob. I put it in my mouth and then grabbed another spoon and offered it to her. She shook her head but I insisted. She took the spoon and scooped out a big lump of peanut butter and put it in her mouth.

I licked the spoon clean and swallowed. I smacked my lips until I'd cleared my palate enough to talk.

"You were pretty back then," I said as I threw the spoon in a trashcan at the side of the room.

"No, I really wasn't."

I moved to the light switch and flicked it off. The storage room went pitch black. I raised my hands, palms up and closed my eyes. Flickers of blue light started popping above my hands. It looked like fireflies buzzing and swarming, the same from the volcano. The dancing lights grew thicker and thicker, and the blue shifted and changed. A woman's face appeared in the light. She had a thick, chubby face. Her brownish-blonde hair draped straight down over her left eye like a mask. Her gaze was down-turned and sad.

"That was you," I whispered, not opening my eyes.

"Yes, I know. I wasn't pretty."

"You could have been," I said. "You had too many people in your life trying to beat it out of you, but the beauty was always there. As was the intelligence and the heart."

The face shifted, her skin brightened, her hair curled. A smile rose from her face, the eyes opened wider.

The girl gasped and tears started dripping down from her eyes.

"I can't look like that," she said. "I can't."

"You can, if you want to," I answered, my eyes still closed. "The Island, of everything God has ever created, is the one place you can truly be whatever you want to be. Beauty doesn't always mean happiness, though. If this is what you want, seize it. You can be beautiful, you can be ugly, you can be fat, you can be skinny. You will always look like you, just the version of you that you choose to focus on. It is your decision and that freedom is what will make you happy."

I opened my eyes, the fireflies faded and disappeared. I turned the light back on and the girl quickly dropped her head and wiped her tears. She didn't look up at me, but reached over and hugged me tightly.

"Can I really be pretty?" she whispered.

"Yes!"

She buried her head into my chest, giggled and then turned toward the door. She opened it and walked out without looking back.

Edward stood on the other side, waiting patiently.

I sighed. "Okay, Edward, what do you need?"

"I have a million questions, but I know you're busy so for now I just wanted to talk to you about the rapture and everything Petrov went through." Edward stepped into the storage room. "I hoped to talk to Petrov about it, but the time wasn't ever right and now he's gone."

I took a deep breath and nodded wearily. "Have a seat." I motioned to the box of fry oil, my version of a therapy couch. "I suppose this is my new office."

Edward chuckled politely as he sat.

"Bali!" another voice called from outside the mess hall. "Bali, God's asking for you!"

I glanced at Edward. He frowned and motioned for me to go talk to whoever was calling me.

"Sorry, Edward," I said. "We'll talk, I promise."

"Okay."

Chapter 22

Multi-colored piles of cheap, plastic beads were gathered into large piles along the arts and crafts table. The campers sat obediently and stared down at the beads, giving me a brief reprieve from the onslaught of impossible questions. The looming discussion with Edward was a subject I was most dreading and I had been ducking him throughout the day.

I walked to God while He thumbed through papers on a clipboard. I cleared my throat and He looked up at the children. He handed the clipboard to Jay, sucked snot through His nostrils, coughed, cleared His throat and then addressed the children.

"We've got plenty of letter beads here," He said while putting His hand on a box of beads at the front of the table. "I want you to create a necklace that says something about you. This is your chance to express yourself, so be creative and have fun."

God nodded back at Jay, then walked to His cabin. The children let out a collective sigh and began whispering to each other.

"Okay," Jay called. "We don't have all day—come get your letter beads."

Simon began snickering and stood up. He ran over to the box and dug through the letters. Other children stood and fell in line behind him, none with the same vigor as Simon. Jay watched Simon nervously as he dug through the box. Simon found all his letters and took them back to his place.

Billy and Ossie traded grins, then stood to get in line, with Edward following. They all continued watching Simon, waiting to see when the angel would take him away from whatever was about to happen.

Before the line moved very far, Simon tied off the string of his necklace and put it on. He climbed up onto the table, stood proudly and yelled, "Done!"

Jay walked over and looked at the necklace.

"PORN STAR?" Jay read.

"Yeah, baby!" Simon said, then started dancing on the table. He slithered back and forth like a snake, then pulled off his shirt and waved it over his head like a male stripper. He threw it at a group of girls who scattered like it was on fire. Simon unleashed a vague disco/porn/EDM beat as he shook his butt around and swiveled his hips at disgusted/amused girls. He held one arm out in front of him, the other waving above his head as if he were riding a bucking bronco. He pranced around in circles, slapping his butt loudly from time to time.

"Stop that and get down!" Jay said.

Simon jumped from one table to the next then kicked beads off the tables like Gene Kelly in a rain puddle. Some girls giggled as they watched him dance, one hollered a cat call, but most averted their eyes. Martha simply sneered and awaited God's retribution.

The divisions were growing wider.

Jay looked up at the balls of light dropping from the sky toward Simon. Simon jumped off the table. He began running around one end when a light cut him off. Simon rolled under the table and crawled to the other side. He ran toward another table as two lights converged on him. Simon jumped over the table, then rolled back under it. The light lifted the table up and flipped it over, spilling beads across the ground. Simon crawled under another.

"Get him!" Jay shouted.

Edward noticed how intently Tommy watched Simon dart away from the angels. Edward suddenly felt very jealous.

Children now hooted and yelled, "Run, Simon, run!"

Simon continued to burrow from table to table. The lights continued to flip the tables over until they backed him against a tree. Simon laughed and grabbed his necklace as he was lifted into the air, whisked across the campground, and thrown into Cabin Five.

Many of the children continued laughing while Jay yelled at them to flip the tables back over and collect beads out of the grass. Other children scowled at Simon's cabinmates while following Jay's commands diligently.

Martha stood and walked over to Billy with a stinging smile.

"When your cabin defied rules," she seethed. "I didn't say anything, but now they are defying God and …"

"Shut up," Billy said. "Go pick up beads."

Edward walked to Billy's side. "Martha, save your sanctimony for God. We're not the least bit interested."

Martha arched her eyebrow, let her eyes pass from Edward to Billy, then swiveled on her heel and marched back to her table.

Edward felt fingers lace into his. Edward looked over and saw Tommy watching him with an amused grin. Tommy squeezed Edward's hand, then let go. Edward's chest hummed with a warm burst of nervous energy. He looked away and tried, and failed, to stifle the dumb smile.

Jay growled about how Simon was making the children do extra work. Some kids grunted and sighed in agreement, others happily picked the beads off the ground.

Once all the beads were collected back into their piles, the kids went back to their necklaces. The children went to work with zeal, and after the first "Slut" and "Pees Standing Up" necklaces were completed, Jay gave up on the arts and crafts project and sent the kids to their cabins.

Edward jogged to catch up with Tommy and began thinking up excuses to get him alone.

******

"Porn star, huh?" Edward asked.

Simon just smiled as he laid on his bed with the necklace still tied around his neck.

"And they let you keep it?" Ossie asked.

"They couldn't get it off me," Simon said, winking at Ossie. "I'll just keep it in the cabin, but it's my war trophy now."

"Good for you," Billy said, patting Simon on the leg.

Edward laid back on his bed and tried not to stare over at Tommy. Instead, he studied Petrov's old bunk bed.

"So, why 'porn star'?" Ossie asked. "Did you actually do a porno?"

Simon didn't answer.

"Simon?" Billy said, leaning up on his bed to look.

Simon sighed and grimaced. "I was supposed to."

"Really?" Ossie asked, standing up out of his bed and looking at him. "When?"

"It was kind of a rough patch in my life and I needed the money."

"Was it gay porn?" Billy asked.

"No! No offense, Edward, but no freakin' way!"

"Ossie's gay, too," Edward grumbled, but no one listened.

"So, what was it?" Ossie asked.

"Oh, one of my girlfriends was a stripper and she had this customer. Anyway, he wanted to do a video with her for his web site—offered us money to do it."

"And you did?" Billy asked.

"Um, no," Simon said. "I had, um, issues."

Ossie held up his finger straight, and then let it fall limp.

"Yeah, like trying to slide a noodle into a deadlock," Simon said. The entire cabin erupted in laughter. Simon laughed hardest of all, until his face turned red and tears dripped out of his eyes.

"Okay, okay," Simon gasped. "It wasn't really my fault; the guy was really old and hairy."

"I thought you said it wasn't gay?" Billy asked.

"It wasn't, but when he came out to film us, he wasn't wearing anything but this leopard-striped thong, which you could barely see cause his gut was hanging over it. He was dancing to Sly and the Family Stone, talking some shit about erogenous spiritual synergy and his Amway business."

The laughter was cleansing and loud.

"Can't believe you tell that story," Billy said.

"It was pretty awful at the time. Like, I had to break up with that girl because I couldn't face her afterwards. When I saw her naked, I thought of that thong and the smell of patchouli. I like going through weird stuff like that, though. Even if it sucks, it's still kind of amazing, you know?"

"No, buddy, I don't know."

"And I hate to tell you this, Simon," Ossie said, "that necklace is a bit misleading—your performance doesn't actually qualify you as a porn star."

Simon chuckled.

"It's my necklace. In my mind, I'm a porn star, okay?"

"Okay."

"Still," Simon said, rubbing a tear from his eye. "Let's, uh, keep that between us."

Edward kept smiling as he turned to the window and watched the clouds passing over the sky.

"Do you think Petrov is enjoying himself?" Tommy asked.

"I hope so," Ossie said.

Billy stretched and hopped down from his bed. He walked to the window and looked at the other cabins.

He grunted, shook his head and looked back at the others.

"Anybody wanna bet who is going to be next?"