7 The Dangers of Nostalgia
Six am simultaneously comes up too soon and not soon enough. I have no idea how that's even accomplished but bravo I guess. In the yearning light of dawn my eyelids flutter open, only to adjust into slits the second I notice dust motes bubbling lazily within my line of sight. I find myself nearly absorbed against Holden's breasts, a situation I'm not too mad about. Still, there's work to be done. I pry myself from the bed and do my best to ignore the way the half hidden sun punishes the skin of my back, searing heat striking against my neck and bare arms especially. Holden snores, one of her great snorts that've always endeared me. I pull on a grey peasant blouse, tucking it into a ruffled black skirt. Settle a wide brimmed hat atop my french braided hair and adjust my face mask. The whole time I don't move my gaze from Holden's unconscious face.
This is the most inoffensive outfit I could pick out. Mostly because the majority of my wardrobe consists of sluttier looks, and I'm not trying to garner the attention of people who think a fat girl in revealing clothes is the height of comedy. I wonder if Cooper and Juno are going incognito as well.
From what I remember, the four of us headed straight for pizza the very night we left the hospital. We were hyped up on adrenaline, as effective as any drug, and incredibly disruptive. Holden and Juno were having a shouting fight, Juno trying to convince her to eat at least one slice and Holden resisting. Cooper was relaying past stories from the ward and I know I was laughing way too loud, trying to drown out the sound of my heart beating fast enough to burst. I know I've mellowed out but there's no saying for sure if Juno and Cooper have learned the art of subtlety at all.
Maybe I ought to bring my bag with me? Holden and I have backpacks that we always make sure to keep packed in cases of quick getaways. Maybe if I leave it Holden won't think I'm leaving for long. I end up slinging it over my shoulder anyway and leaving with neither a trace or note.
We'd been staying at this hotel for a good couple weeks I think. Long enough for the payments to become difficult to keep up with. I head out, steps from my sturdy boots disguised by springy moss. If it isn't raining the sky takes upon a dreary undertone, like today. The clouds are saturated against a slowly greying sky, dawn having had its time. Dew sticks to the hem of my skirt. I walk along the highway purposely, this sort of travel coming to me with natural prowess. For a while Holden and I hitch hiked, learning exactly how to bring about sympathy from strange men and then pickpocket them right before getting dropped off. It was our only source of currency up until recently. Now though I only took enough money to pay for a bus. I don't mind making Juno and Cooper pay though. If they want me enough they'll take great care into persuading me.
The bus stop is right in front of a gas stop like a grungy looking oasis. I wait for the other girls to arrive by stealing myself a pretzel, coffee, and donuts. I was sure to hurry to the curb, not wanting to be confronting over my makeshift breakfast of all things. The road looks abandoned, like it could be a hazard to any passing car, decorated liberally with potholes and an uneven path.
Gas stations were lifesavers for Holden and I. None of the cashiers are paid enough to care if we stole, and truck drivers stop by often, always willing to help a pair of good looking girls. Holden loves mixing coconut slush with pineapple, while I prefer green tea flavored. Once she'd dared me to fill my cup with every flavor available and drink it. It was vile of course but that didn't stop me. Getting to be dumbass kids for a while was enough to make up for our ratty way of living.
Sometimes there'd be a group of underaged teens loitering about the back, passing a vodka bottle or a bong or something amongst themselves. They were usually cool about sharing, aside from that one guy who tried to grope me while high. This was before my fangs had settled in but I was able to leave a bloody bite along his straining neck vein anyway. I check to see if there's anyone back today, finding no one but the repugnant smell of a dumpster. Have I lost track of the modern youth? Is it not cool to rip a bong with strangers anymore? Bummer.
By the time Juno and Cooper arrive I've finished eating. The sun's starting to peak out shyly, and I adjust my hat, grumbling a little bit. Juno gives me a cold smile, only made somewhat better by the sight of her outfitted in an oversized jacket over a sunflower patterned bra and saggy paint splattered jeans. Her abdomen ends in a v that's just about visible, her dark skin bold against yellow.
'Gonna slap me again?' she asks me cheerlessly. I flip her off as Cooper greets me with her own. She's in a unitard and low hanging tights, her red hair resembling dead snakes swaying round the waist. Well they have... not learned subtlety it would seem but I can't complain too much. I loosen the buttons of my blouse a bit, adjust my skirt so it flares, no longer self conscious of my appearance and what attention it might bring. I notice Juno's eye caught by the motion of my skirt. As if caught doing something lascivious Juno looks away and speaks again, though she sounds more tired than anything.
'The bus is going to arrive any second- we weren't sure if you'd show up so Cooper delayed us with her anxiety all morning.'
Cooper flushes, a sight with blood showing under flesh that usually imitates marble. I let a hesitant grin grace my own features and grab each of the girls' hands in an almost foreign gesture, a battle of comradery and apology blooming behind the intention.
When the bus arrives, something unsaid rings upon us all. Something that tells us we won't be back for a very long time.
