6 A State of Delirium

I cannot think properly. I cannot do anything properly, as is evident by my failed suicide attempt. When I leave the pool, I leave the hotel all together, unwilling to face Holden yet. If this were anyone else I'd accuse them of evasion, being unwilling to face the consequences of their actions. I am not anyone else however. I am a monster in need of a killer.

    The bagel cafe is exactly the place I need to be, and on my way I can't help wondering where exactly my life went wrong enough for that to be a viable thought. As expected, the place is completely empty. I walk up to the counter, fidgeting with the little bell there, letting my hair drip in a slow pattern.

    It's too long a wait, but eventually Juno and Cooper show up. From when I last saw them, they appear completely different. Juno is decked out in a white dress cut off at the knee with an extra skirt of lace barely covering clunky boots. She's bundled in a leather jacket as if it's able to shield herself from anything. Comparatively Cooper has a cropped tank top and large cargo shorts, like she's a lot more confident in her own invulnerability. Both bare their fangs in greetings.

    Despite everything I fight back my own grin and gesture to one of the tables. Though we've all united, it feels meaningless without Holden. I can tell Juno thinks so too, mindlessly spilling sugar out its shaker on the table. Cooper is unphased, which is what I need right now, as irritating as it'd be otherwise.

    "So, first order of business" I start with. "Or, last order of business I guess."

    Juno raises her eyebrows and Cooper snickers.

    She says a smug 'I knew you wouldn't last,' only to be smothered by Juno's stern glare.

    There's not much I can do to argue that point, so instead I elaborate. "You're right, I don't want to last. This is what I'm bringing you guys into the picture. One of you needs to kill me."

    "Eat yourself."

    "What the hell is wrong with you."

    Cooper sighs as if it's the most obvious solution. 'Vampire blood is poisonous, ergo if you drink enough of your own blood, you'll die.'

    I blink, though Juno's disgusted expression speaks enough for me.

    "She's not going to self cannibalize, idiot. Listen," She reaches out a hand over the table, a surprisingly tender gesture coming from her. "Leave a note here okay? You need to come with us. We know how to heal this."

    Cooper pipes up with, "Make it look like a suicide note so Holden doesn't ask questions."

    I don't think I'm keeping up. I ask, "Does that mean you guys are gonna kill me?"

   "No." "Yes."

   "We will if it comes to that," Juno reassures me. "But to be honest we've been looking for this cure thing for a while- mostly because killing is against everything I stand for. We want you to join because honestly? Holden doesn't deserve to be exposed to that kind of danger. Not anymore."

    Logically I know this to be true. It's the only thing Ive been able to think about lately but I still stand up in a smooth motion of indignation. "Take that back."

    "Why should I? It's the truth."

When I slap Juno she doesn't even have the decency to fight back for once and I cradle my palm, throbbing with soreness and guilt. Cooper has no problem with baring her fangs though, and I take the hint.

    I flip the bird on my way out. Faintly, I hear Cooper call out, "Meet us here at six am tomorrow little miss sunshine!"

    By the time I arrive back at the hotel, it's rather late. By this logic I can't expect Holden to still be awake. Still, when I see her curled up on the bed, having clearly not waited for me, it stings just a little. I undress, trying to ignore the remaining droplets of pool water as I slide into a kimono and boyshorts. I climb in to join her as quietly as I can manage. Her makeup has long rubbed off, leaving me with the perfect vision of just about visible eyebrows scrunched up, her lips slack, the way her head leans against the pillow unburdened by any hair or wig. Vulnerable. So easy to reach, which isn't something I can say about her most of the time.

   "Holden?" I breathe out. Like an experiment. Her eyelashes flutter minutely, blond enough to be a sliver catching on the moonlight. "Holdeeeen."

    She startles awake with a gasp and free swinging limbs that I barely dodge. Grabbing her wrists, I watch her wind down as she realizes who it is. Holden pouts, but I can tell she's not really annoyed. She looks more concerned.

    "Vinnie?"

    I hate when she gets like this. It should be so much easier to brush her off, but when she visibly fusses and worries I'm struck with the desire to reassure her. Today though I can't reassure even myself, so I lean forward with a gentle kiss, stealing the waiting question from her lips.

    Holden plays along. She grips my shoulders and pulls me close. Her pj top rucks up, and I let go of her wrists to stroke her soft abs, letting my hand travel to her thighs. They're an even distribution of fat and muscle, making for a sturdy bracket around my hips. With my other hand I trace a finger along Holden's jawline and follow it with a biting kiss. Blood wells up far too quickly from the reddened spot and I startle backwards, kicking up the blanket in my haste.

    Holden frowns and I realize she must've been long suspicious of my behavior. It's enough to encourage me to leave, perhaps sleep on the floor or something, but Holden tugs me back. Her eyes are startling, black pupils surrounded by nothing, a frightening expanse of white.

She says, firm but not unkindly, 'would it kill you to just relax? I'm not gonna make you leave over a scratch you dumbass.' Any other time that'd be exactly what I needed to hear, but now all I can hear is Juno's voice ricocheting in my mind's eye. Holden shouldn't be around me, unwittingly risking her life.

    I am weak, and I let myself fall into her arms.