Can't Turn a Corner

Koneko and I sat together closely on the couch of Rias's clubroom in the human world laughing hysterically as we watched a video she captured on her phone.

On the screen lay Issei with his head covered in what looked like melted wax paper with two bendy straws unceremoniously stuffed up his nostrils to keep his airways unobstructed. The boy began to wake up from his spell induced coma and moaned out his screams as he couldn't open his eyes and mouth.

In a panic the boy began clawing the 'facemask' off, tearing out his eyebrows and the topmost layer of oils and skin, leaving his face baby smooth.

"What is this!" He shrieked as he yanked the lifesaving straws out of his nose.

"Cum." Koneko stated as she held the camera shooting all the glorious action.

Issei's countenance fell and his face turned green as his hair clung to his scalp matted down with my life granting essence.

Koneko had to dodge as Issei projectile vomited with the force of a fire hydrant, carrying him across the warehouse he'd woke up in. The cat girl ran after him while avoiding the impossible stream of puke, laughing hysterically despite her cold demeanor.

Issei stopped puking and huffed and puffed to catch his breath before he began puking again with equal force to the first emission, sending him up to the ceiling violently and dropping him back to the floor in a loud splat when it ceased.

"Oh no." he groaned, "No more, please no more."

Issei briefly spurted more puke slamming him into the ceiling and dropping him, once, twice, and three times for the hat trick before he turned his head and traveled along the floor in one final incredible spew.

Our laughter in the present harmonized with the recorded Koneko's laughter in the past, creating a three part soul crushing choir for the slumped and haggard Issei of the present. The boy had shaved his head and his aura reminded me of Scott Summer's when Jean left the X-Men to become a permanent part of my harem.

Things didn't work out with Jean in the end, but Goddamn, Scott showed me a new level of crushed that day that rarely was only ever replicated in refugees of planetary devastation and Issei right now.

Apparently he couldn't even access his sacred gear anymore.

I'd claim it was keikaku, but this was just my old foe coincidence swinging her fists the other way for once.

Does me entering a room and murdering everyone inside count as coincidence? I think not!

"I didn't think you were cool, girl." I told the petite cat, "But you've made my year with this video. You got a favor coming your way. Whatever you want, that isn't thwarting my plans."

"Thwarting your plans?" she asked.

"Would you?" I responded.

"No." She answered.

"Good. Because that would be bad." I grinned, "Speaking of my plans, I need to borrow your hair clips."

"My hair clips? No." Koneko denied and tried to shift away from me.

"I wasn't asking." I told her as I carefully snatched the clips faster than she could react, leaving her with a face full of betrayal.

"Let's see here…" I muttered as I found the hidden data drive and used an adapter cable to hook it up to a pad I made that was roughly… a thousand years advanced for this world's technology.

My pad transferred the terabytes of data in a few seconds and wiped the original stored in the clip, leaving it a very expensive accessory and not a blueprint for artificial super devils just hanging out on a little girl's head.

"Thanks, Snow White." I smiled, "You have given me a whole other avenue to prove that the power ladder in this world is complete shit."

She just frowned at me with her disappointed kitty girl face.

As I stood up to leave, I heard a faint voice.

"You're a monster." Issei accused softly.

"How will my little black heart bear the weight of your scorn?" I laughed as I ported out.

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Back home in my lab I was already tearing through the data and laughing my ass off. Even though the process was obviously harmful in the long term and something I wouldn't subject myself too, I now had the capacity to boost my homunculi clones up to super devil status, allowing me to complete my experiments likely within the next few weeks. I'd also be able to use my super devil vegetables as materials in my alchemy or jewelcraft and even just flat out absorb them, giving me literal infinite power sources to boost my own.

Hell, because they were my clones the process would be even smoother than absorbing Ophis Snakes or King Pieces.

I'd still absorb the snakes in the hopes of picking up some Infinite Dragon God traits, but even if I don't I still win.

How bout making a power axe with a literal super devil as one of the baseline alchemical components. Or hooking up a dozen of them with jumper cables and using them to power a doomsday cannon.

I am positively throbbing at the possibilities.

DxD really is a wonderland of low hanging fruit for me. I can't turn a corner without remembering some fresh McGuffin that automatically delivers you to the top of the setting levels of power, and all of the chicks in the setting (top tier up there with Nasuverse) come with a built in idiot switch that flips anytime a guy with a hefty power level shows up. It almost feels date rapey, but it is just their natural biology so I guess I can just blame it all on chimps or something.

Honestly, anyone who complains about winding up in DxD should be shot, it is even easier to power up here than in Dragon Ball, because at least there you have to go on a scavenger hunt to wish for your OP broken powers first. Here they just are… everywhere.

In DxD there are no wrong answers on how to amass power, except sit on your ass and hope, but even that works if you were born to be powerful like literally all the top dogs at the start of the story. It honestly makes me so happy that I am okay with Kokabiel ducking our fight.

Not that he would know I have been visiting Kuoh regularly waiting for him to show up to slay my pregnant fiancé.

My guess is that with the massive gaping hole I tore into the leadership of the Chaos Brigade by murdering the Old Satan Faction, Cao Cao and Kokabiel are probably jockeying for position and benefits. Kokabiel will probably be the one leading the suicide attack on the upcoming Three Faction's Peace Summit, as I doubt Cao Cao is dumb enough to blow his load on that shit plan, but I could be wrong. His plans always seemed like they would have succeeded without someone showing up to stop him, unlike the plans of the Old Satan Faction where they just attacked people capable of deleting them.

I hope I am wrong and they both show up. It'd be like a scumbag yard sale. Or an all you can eat buffet. Cao Cao's True Longinus is one of the only weapons in the setting that actually makes me sweat. When used correctly it is pretty much an automatic win against anything weak to Holy power, but Cao Cao is just the kind of arrogant that makes it possible for me to annihilate him before he uses anything like that.

It won't be a fight, even less so if he sticks to his canon plans and shows up in Kyoto. He lost an eye to motherfucking Issei, and Daddy Dio is always a step up on the violence scale.

Plus I get Yasaka easy mode.

Please Jesus, keep Cao Cao on his original path despite me murdering some important people over bad manners. Big glorious tiddies are on the line, dawg. Amen.