5 A piece of the past

I turned to the now fuming guy. I got confused about the sudden change of character. It was a bad idea to let my walls down and answer him. I ignored him and walked but; he pulled me by the hood to stand in front of him.

“What the hell?” I yelled at him. “What do you want weirdo?” I don’t want to use force.

“I asked, and you didn’t answer. I am serious; from where you got this hoodie?” He put the pressure on every word he said while asking. Before I could even talk a voice cut through the tantrum I was going to lash at the kid in front of me. What special about a hoodie? I would’ve assumed it was stolen from him if I didn’t have two of them. The guy gave me two of them!

“Liam! What are you doing standing here?” I looked behind me at the boy’s voice, and I wish I didn’t. He's the friend who abandoned me, Ethan.

***

Four years ago;

I struggle to open my heavy eyes. I feel like I slept for eternity. Trying to move every part of my body feels sore and hurts.

“Kid! Don’t move. I’ll go to call your parents and the doctor,” A voice said. I saw a man coming wearing a coat which I recognize as the doctor, and I knew the sound of the sobbing behind him belongs to my mom. I wanted to get up and hug her, but I couldn’t. I had so many tubes on my arms connecting me with machines. Was it that bad?

“Miss Sarah, do you hear me?” I nodded at the doctor. “Can you tell me how many fingers do you see?” I saw him showing three fingers.

“Three,” I said hardly because my lips were numb at me.

After passing many and many tests, the doctor said that my condition is stable now. I still can’t believe that I was out for two weeks. I heat my head hard, and I lost so much blood from the injury. Other than my head, I just had some cuts on my arms and legs. Sure, I was full of stitches, but it wasn’t as bad as a broken bone or arm. So, I am thankful for that. The doctor left, and Uncle Oliver came in. I thought that dad is the one that’ll be getting in.

“Mom, where is my dad?” I asked.

She was going to say something but stopped before it went out of her mouth. I was waiting for her to talk. I wanted to know where my father is.

“Mom?” I insist, and she shot me sad eyes. Why sad eyes? Uncle Oliver rushed to hug her before she collapsed sobbing.

“Someone tell me what’s happening here? Where the hell is my dad, and why are you two hugging?”

“Honey, we have a lot of things to tell you but, it’ll be hard for you to get it now. Rest, for now, we’ll talk after okay,” Her eyes were begging for me to accept but I know mom she not the kind to that gets emotional for nothing.

“Something happened, and I will not let you get out until you tell why my dad’s not here next to me. He should be. I am not a kid anymore, I need to know,” I yelled at her, at my mom, and the guilt wasn’t what I feel. My chest clenched at me, and the memories from that night came back. It was the first time that sedative didn’t work on me. I woke up from my sleep screaming but, either dad or mom were at home. They had a ball party to attend. I got out of the room, then the house. I was walking cluelessly to where I was heading. Just letting the raindrop on me and feeling the pain for the longest time I ever had thought it.

I woke up from the nothing when I heard honking loudly, and I only get the feeling of the reality when I got pushed up to the other side of the street. I heat my head, and I saw dad lying next to me before I drown in darkness.

“No, please, tell me he’s okay, please.”

“I am sorry, my love, your dad couldn’t make it,” She said, crying.

“You are kidding right, couldn’t make it mean that he couldn’t leave work, right? I’ll forgive him for not showing up this time,” She shook her head as a no.

“Darling, your dad left life the first week we got you two here. He had persistent bleeding, and one of his organs didn’t work to save him. He spent the entire week next to you; he wanted to tell you he loves you and that you should not blame yourself for anything happened,” Uncle Oliver said while rubbing his thumb on my hand.

It took me minutes for his words to get in my head, and I laughed hysterically. Don’t blame yourself?

“You’re funny, don’t blame me for what? He’s not dead, okay. My dad can’t die like that,”. My mom gave me a tight hug. “Right mum, he’s not died. So please go call him quickly, or I’ll be mad”.

She broke the hug, took my hands with her right hand, and start caressing my hair with the left one.

My eyes traveled to her hands. The ring is not her marriage ring. Mum puts no ring in her left hand except the one that my dad gave to her at their wedding ceremony.

“Mom, where is your ring? That’s not the one dad’s give you”.

Before she talks, she looked at the uncle who nodded to her; it looks like he approves for her to speak.

“Honey, after the death of your dad, the company was in a critical situation. So, I had to marry your uncle, so he gets the right to hold the position to help the company”.

“You’re telling me you got married to my dad’s friend. Okay, I get it,”. I looked at the door and scream. “Stop playing around, dad. I told you many times I don’t like dirty jokes,”. But all I got as a response was silence.

My mom falls on her knees, crying her heart out, and it was the response I was waiting to get. I lost my dad! My mom married his friend! Did they even make a respectful funeral for him?

Balls of rage, sadness, and confusion formed inside of me. I couldn’t control any of them. I was breathing in and out deeply, and it didn’t calm down. It pained me, and I knew that the only thing I can do is to scream them out. And I did, without thinking about it. I shout one scream after one, and it didn’t feel satisfying. I wanted to do more but don’t know what. I looked at the doctor that pushes the needle on my skin. A second later, I felt my eyes and breath get heavy until I drift in darkness.

**

I calm down after a week. It doesn’t mean that I was on good terms with mom again; it’s the opposite, to be frank. I just shut her down, and after days she gave up and took a business trip with her new husband. It sounded like a honeymoon when his secretary told me about them taking the plane at 6 AM to the Philippine.

I didn’t want to eat and couldn’t sleep. I didn’t accept any visitors after the first ones tried to resonate with me about my mom’s wedding. Don’t they see that I am struggling with losing my dad more than her stupid marriage?

I got used to being alone. I remember I hated to be alone. Well, I still. I want to meet one person. The only one that I didn’t see after the day I went all screaming and yelling. He was there standing at the door and from that day he didn’t visit. He’s my best friend, the one who would understand me and will give the support I need. He always does.

I called him, and for the first, we talked little. It was like, “Ethan! I miss you. Why didn’t you visit me?” He was like “I am busy, I’ll do that tomorrow afternoon” and he hangs up. It was the shortest call I ever made with him.

Ethan was always a shiny and lovely boy. His voice on the phone can make your day the best day you ever lived, but he was cold and distanced this time. He made me believe that he’s not coming anytime soon to see me.

I heard the door open; I thought that it’s a nurse, but it was the guy I waited for to see in days.

“You came!” I exclaimed. “I miss you so much.”

He didn’t react. He just stands there, eying me with no expression on his face. “Ethan? Is there something wrong?”

“You’re asking me that? What the hell happened to you? I saw you that day; you were like a madwoman yelling at your mother. She sacrificed her reputation and principles for you. Haven’t you thought for just a moment how she’s doing dealing with your dad’s death and all the company work she had to do. And it’s not even for her, she’ll let the company drown, and she’ll stay rich as hell because she has her own company. She reached help from your uncle, who was gentleman enough to get this marriage certificate to be your guardian because the shareholders won’t trust her enough with the business. And not only that, you refuse to meet the people that took from their time to come to see. You don’t eat; you act rude to your doctors and nurses that only want the good for you? You’re a selfish and spoiled girl. I never thought that’d you’ll turn to the girls we didn’t like. Do you think Uncle will be proud of you for doing that? I don’t think so. You’re a disappointment.”

It didn’t feel real; that guy in front of me is not my Ethan. He never got angry with me. He never yelled at me or lectured me. Did I mess up this much to make him furious? Am I a horrible person now? I started crying, embracing every word he said. He was never wrong; I am the wrong one. But I couldn’t tell him to forgive me because the second I got out from the guilt bubble I was in, he wasn’t there anymore. The room felt colder than it was, and I made a note for myself that I should get used to coldness from today because my sunshine is not here too warm me up.

That was the day that I fell in darkness and never get out of it again.