19 A friendly conversation at last

"What are you talking about, Sarah? Snap out of it!" Adam shook gently. I was panicking because of the mess I have in my head. And the pain in my chest was getting unbearable. At the moment, I had ideas that he's the guy from the park. But no, I don't feel what I felt before. Maybe, I wanted him to be the guy. "I need to go. I got to go," I spoke out of breath. Adam stopped me by grabbing my arm. "I can't let you leave like that," He said in a serious voice. "How do you know?"

"I have sharp eyes. I remember when Noah grab your wrist, and you winced. You did the second he touched you, not after he forced his hand on your wrist. I once saw red marks when your sleeve went up, and today it confirmed my thoughts when I saw you grabbing the knife from the serving table."

"Oh, okay, I am sorry that you had to see that, but I need air now, so I'll go for a while," It is getting hard even to breathe. I can't even think now about how Adam will think about me in the future. The guys will know after that for sure. Will Ethan tell my mother about this?

"Just, just don't hurt yourself. We're here, and I'll help you if you need, okay," Adam spoke with worry filling his voice. I would've liked his care if it was some other scenario than the one I am in now. I stiffly nodded and eased to the door. I don't know what to do now. I feel like blacking out from the unbearable pain I have. The flames on my chest are suffocating me.

The moment I opened the door, a body crushed on mine, arms enveloping me, giving me warmth and a relaxing feeling. "I am sorry about the last time." He said, and I knew that it was him from that low husky voice. I lift my eyes to meet his, and for the first time, I didn't avert my gaze to anywhere, I didn't feel weird looking at his eyes. I thought that they were speaking to me.

The hoodie guy was Noah!

I need to perform after thirty minutes, and here I am, sitting on a sofa surrounded by five guys trying to hide their hurt faces. At this moment, I don't know what to say or how to respond to their questioning eyes. I can't even act rudely and brush things off with an unfriendly face anymore.

"Please, don't start thinking of psychologists you know and their addresses. I need nothing of this stuff."

"I never thought that it'd come to this point. I am sorry, Sarah, that I wasn't next to you when you needed someone," Ethan broke the silence. I feel bad; he doesn't even know that it was before he left. I guess I have to tell him some truth.

"You don't have to blame yourself for this. It's not something I developed because of my dad's death or your leave. I always had this pain on my chest. My dad would try to numb it, giving me sedatives. When my body got used to it, even adding a dose wasn't enough. After he left, I started trying anything and everything. He wasn't next to me, and I guess my mom thought that I don't have this pain anymore, so I was by myself. I drank alcohol, used heavy sleeping pills, and even drugs that were giving to mental people to knock them out. I found that a bit of blood has less damage to what I tried, so yeah, that's it. Wow, I said a lot. Please, don't give me these eyes; I hate pity." I explained, looking everywhere but their eyes. I never thought that one day I'd arrive at this point. I decided to never talk to these guys after today. How can I do that now while they know a giant piece of my life story?

"What the reason for the pain you got on your chest?" Adam asked with a cracked voice.

"I don't know. I asked but never got an answer. But, I read about it, and some doctors say that it's not actual pain. It comprises the brain because of a memory that was lost. So basically, it's like the memory is lost, but I still remember the pain from it."

"How come I never knew about this?" Ethan spoke with tears in his eyes.

"I would never ruin your day because of a terrible night I had. You being there helped me stay strong. You were the sunshine that brightens my gloomy days," I said with a brief smile. I am doing my best not to cry at all. "Now, I don't want you all to see me as a weak person. I need to be at the stage in minutes, so I'll go to see my siblings, then I'll meet you at the ball."

"You'll never be weak in our eyes. You're the strongest person we come to know," I smiled at Daniel, and I went out of the room.

Yeah, I didn't tell you. I confirmed that Noah was the guy from the park. The vibe I got from him was the same from the other day, plus; I forgot about the pain the second I felt his tender and coziness. I can’t believe myself calling him tender! It was weird for him to hug me. That heart that was hurting me was beating like madness when his arms were around me. And after that, it just calmed. How could it happen? The pain I lived with for almost my entire life went poof when he touched me.

I felt that he was what I wanted him to be: the guys I felt connect with from his music, the one that was cleaning my cuts every time and the one that was rude and cold because I enter his friendship circle. It’s fascinating that he’ll all of them.

I knew that the one that brought me home was Noah because even if I was blacking out, but the safety I felt in his arms two times was the same from today. I don't know how to explain all of this, but I never understood anyway. I tried to tidy myself up a bit before I went backstage. Mr.Hunter was gracious at the stage. He was giving his speech and was having fun doing it. He's the kind that you'll never get bored hearing him talking.

"He's awesome, isn't he?" I turned to Noah, who's having a tiny smile on his face. "Yeah, you're lucky to have a father like him."

"Yeah, sure, but he's not lucky to have a son like me." Uh." I should've been there next to him rather than him giving people excuses every year about my whereabouts," He said. It's weird having Noah sharing something with me.

"It's not that you don't want to. I know that your father knows that you're dying to be next to him. So don't beat yourself up. Maybe you'll be next year, and he'll be more proud of you when you're done with all the stuff that stops you now," I said. I am not the person who excels in comforting. "And, thank you for earlier and also the times at the park. I don't know why you didn't tell me, but yeah, I am so thankful. You're a good person."

"No need to, I had to do it. Sorry, I got angry that day. It's hard for me to see what you were doing. I enjoy going to the park, and it was a coincidence I was early that day."

"No problem, but hey, how did you know about it today. I kind of not believe that you heard us. I doubt how Adam let you off without questions. Adam asks everything, so why?" I asked with a genuine curiosity, and he let out a laugh at it.

"Why he left me off is another story for another time. As for how did I knew, I connected dots. Every time you are in that state is when it rains. So I thought it has something to do with it. I just came late since the venue is big, and I forget where your room is," I nodded at his explanation. "Look, my father finished, and he's going to introduce you. Put back your mask; you want people to concentrate on the music, not your face," He said with a smile before leaving. What? Is that a compliment? Or I want it to be?

Oh, my God! I want it to be!

True to what he said, his dad introduced me, and I heard my little siblings' excitement little yells while I was going on stage. I was nervous about the whole thing because I didn't play in front of people for a long, long time, but I am excited to play it for Noah and made him feel good about making his father proud.

And while playing, I believe I did.