3 She Wanted

"Are you deaf?" Bai Murong sharply asked. He clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"... no," Yi Fei softly muttered. She clutched to her firm straps harder than ever. Dread clogged her mind and her brain solely fumbled at her ability to think. There was no escape. She gritted her teeth in frustration, resenting herself for naturally looking down at the floor.

"Nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong—" Yi Fei whispered to herself.

"Can you speak up? We can't hear you," Xiao Ming hollered at her despite their small distance. "Hey, Lu Han. Can you believe this girl?"

'I don't believe in me either,' Yi Fei thought. She almost let out a derisive giggle but held it in.

"Hey, Little Shrimp." Xiao Ming's voice became grave and stern, no longer giving off his playful vibe. "If you try coming near Big Boss Lu again... we won't let you off 'cause you're a girl, alright?"

Yi Fei quickly nodded, still staring down at her brown loafers. A tear inconspicuously fell and marked the concrete ground, and Yi Fei bit her lip to stop more from coming. She didn't want them, out of all people, to know she was crying. Her lips slightly split open from the duress and a tiny blob of blood appeared on her lips.

She wanted time to turn back.

She wanted to stay home.

She wanted to not confess to Lu Han.

She wanted these stupid ideas out of her head.

She wanted to have not applied to the school.

She wanted to start everything over.

She wanted to die in silence.

"You can go. Never show yourself before Big Boss Lu again," Bai Murong calmly added. He stood with authority, raising an eyebrow when Yi Fei didn't leave right away. Yi Fei clenched her teeth, glancing at him and then Lu Han. Despite all this, she still thought something would happen.

As anticipated, it was a mistake. Lu Han looked at Yi Fei as if she was dog sh*t. As if he couldn't be bothered with such trivial matters.

Yi Fei clutched to the worn-out straps, finding them as her only physical support. The world seemed to spin around, purely laughing at her pitiful state. It joyfully chanted at her 'Go! Go! Go! Go!' Yi Fei wasn't ready to give up, she wanted to keep that last bit of dignity.

But... Yi Fei considered her own self, who she was. Was she even born with any dignity in the first place? Yi Fei wouldn't admit it, but she was sore. Goddammit, she was sore and she couldn't do anything about it. She wanted to tell them off, slap Lu Han in the face, and show off her dominating prowess.

But she was just not that kind of person. It hurt to say it, but she couldn't do it.

Before long, she ran clumsily to the opposite direction, heading for the metal front gate. She heard some cheerful laughter, but couldn't tell who it was from. But she knew one thing and one thing only, that they were for her...