Chapter 2
My Heart
My heart continues to beat when flooded with thoughts and memories
So why must it feel like it doesn't
Why must it feel as if it stops with every thought of you
I become blue
Not a beat rings through me
Choking me out from the inside
Simply because you hurt me
And that can never be undone
Ballerina
Silently she dances
Fueled by the warmth of the sun on her skin
And in her hair sits a pearl lined hair pin
Holding back a lock
Of her silky, smooth hair
That fights to be free
As she floats on the air
Blisters form
As do scrapes
With every fall
Like a rose with thorns
She spins and she leaps
And she stands on the tips of her feet
In the tall, green grass
Coated with used cigarettes and broken glass
Dirt stains on her purple skirt
But underneath her beauty
She hides a world of hurt
She cries with every turn
And sighs with each scratch
She dies in her mind
And lies in the grass
After hours and hours of painful, graceful practice
Fading away at the price of perfection
To become the perfect ballerina
To be who she must
To please who she stands beside
She doesn't even remember who she was
Before the world told her who she was supposed to be
She sees that world through shaky tears
Her eyes filled with love and spite
She is truly a wonder
Truly a sight
Who fights herself
And in the end the world wins
Sp she collapses into a spotlight of sun
Into the glass filled grass
And cigarette ash
Finally giving up
Evil
Bones and flesh and nerves
We are simply that
Lumps of functioning meat
That can be conscious
I believe our minds are naturally evil
And our bodies either fight that or embrace it
Do Demons Bleed
Demons lurk beneath our skin
Harvesting our hearts
And splattering our blood
Then brushing it into art
Stealing that precious gem from us
Then tossing our bodies onto the worm filled soil
These demons feed off of our love and positivity
By setting us free
From the burden of living
They take our chances and burn our opportunities
But tell me world
Do those demons themselves bleed
Alone
Alone I sit
Crying softly in the glow of the moon
Quiet movement on the cold concrete
My driveway is a place of peace
A place for me to be alone with me
I listen to the wind
And cry out into it
Destroying myself from the inside out
As I stand
A blade in my hand
As I walk to the park and sit on the bench
Pull out the knife
And try to take my own life
It doesn't work
Which kills me inside
As I stare at the slide
Sitting alone with myself
I'm Tired
I'm crying
I'm sighing
I'm dying inside
At this point sobbing is a hobby
A hobby I must hide
I sit in the corner having a breakdown
Then I look up
And I see someone
"Are you okay?"
"Wanna talk?"
"Want a hug?"
No, no, and no
I say with a smiley glow
"I'm fine."
A simple lie
Because with every sigh
I hide
What I feel inside
Too many emotions
I'm tired
Of life
I'm scared
Of my knife
Though I can't help but love it
I crave pain
There's nothing to gain
But scars and cuts
No buts
Just fears and tears and craving more
Who needs love when you can adore self harm
Suicidal thoughts, depression, mood swings
In my ears, thoughts and static rings
A constant leap of faith
Through a ring of fire
I'm tired of it all
I'm tired
Tired of this constant fall
Oh look, it's my turn to make a call
"Hello Mother."
I speak in no other voice than a cold one
Oh how fun, I'm hanging up
I've never felt love for her
Or my father
Who knows why
Maybe I just don't feel love
Maybe I feel hate and heartbreak
And I hate it when people try to feel bad for me
I don't want pity
I hate it
I'd rather they just kill me
Dust
She fades away
Slowly turning to dust right before our eyes
Screaming in horror as it floats away
People gather and witness the monstrosity
A look upon their faces
More terrifying than the look of her
Waiting
Waiting for the day to end
Is the same as waiting to wait again
The lonely man waits for his bride
A flower in his hand
Wilting and falling apart
This flower is his heart
A beautiful rose
From which petals rose a teardrop
Running backwards up a cheek
Into the eye of the creator
Who seeks a wonderful day
Who shall never see his beautiful flower again
The stem is all that's left
Left to rot and decompose as its petals did
He collapses to the floor
And cries out for someone's affection
A current necessity without which he shall die
Though no one responds he continues to weep on the ground
Safe and sound from the other horrors of his life
For without someone to have hurt you
You cannot get hurt
And without have something to wait for
You cannot wait
You can simply exist
A being of nothing and everything
A being of pure loneliness and safety
One who does not wait
One who lives through life
One who does not love
One who does not do anything but stand in his footprints
Treading the same circle around the tree of life
Black Suede Heels
Emptiness
Loneliness
And beauty
Go hand in hand
One stands on a pedestal high above the rest
Standing in her quiet, sunken allure
There is no doubt of the fact that those eyes have seen much
Yet she still walks through life
Clicking in her black suede heels
Step by step she sees more than intended
And pretends she has not seen at all
For chosen blindness is only as good as the choice of the person
Steel
A cold steel heart
Sits in the midst of a cold person
Freezing them from the inside out
Frost bite on the lungs pierces each breathe
Until there is not one single gasp left
Blisters
One step
A cruel shot of pain
Two steps
The same things
The shoes are two sizes too small
But they cant change them out for new ones
The blisters formed long ago
And can't be gotten rid of so easily
Walking is torture
Day by day and tap by tap
They keep a smile up
Despite the burning pain
Cracks in the Pavement
Missing someone is the worst pain of all
Falling for one who is no longer yours
Who gracefully sauntered out of your life
Who was the cement of your cracks
Who's loss broke them open once more
You will be missed my kitten
My figment of beauty and pain
I shall not easily forget you
You shall never leave my heart
Now that you have slipped a piece of yourself
Into those same cracks you once cemented