7 7:Deja Vu is a bitch

I was walking alone in the beach.... my feet were bare so I sank them into the sand with my toes feeling the soft warmth of the grains . The calming sound of the ocean seeped into my skin and filled my heart with all things warm .

"Rose!"

I turned around .

"Mom"

I couldn't believe my eyes....it was her.

"Mom!"

I screamed and ran towards her.My heart was elated, my eyes welled up with tears of joy.

I stormed towards where she stood,my heart beating a thousand miles an hour...I just wanted one chance....one chance to hug her...to kiss her goodbye but there was no one there when I reached it.I looked around for people but I was alone .

The sand began to sink .

Not again please not again .

The shifting sand swallowed my legs and chest . I reached my arms out in a desperate attempt to hold something solid to raise me up.

"Somebody help"

Sand filled my mouth and nose.

"So-me bod-d y Pl"

My voice drowned as I sank further .

Panic set in.

I was drowning again.

"Rose...... Rose"

"Mhmmm"

The sand swallowed me whole.

"Rose wake up"

I gasped and opened my eyes.

Stupid dream...again.

I rubbed my eyes and stretched to shake off fatigue.

After cleaning up I had passed out in the dining table.

"Rose"

I met my Dad's green eyes....We need to talk said those eyes.

Yes we did and I definitely was not looking forward to it.

"Hey Dad"

"What happened"

He pointed to the house.

A lot happened.

"I came home last night to find this"

My voice held a tinge of finalty to it which for some reason scared me.I searched his eyes for a reaction and for a moment he was stunned like he saw a ghost or a soul fly up to the sky.

"How?"

"You know how"

His eyes widened with fear and confusion but then slowly ....it dawned on him.

"I should have to told you a long time ago"

"Yeah you should have...but you didn't"

I clenched my fist on the dining table,I was angry at him and disappointed.

"Did they do anything to you"

"No but they took the car"

He closed his eyes for a while and exhaled a deep breath.

"This is all my fault"

I looked down to my hands to avoid answering to his words and swallowed hard.

"I don't....I didn't know that things were going to get this serious."

He didn't know? He didn't know that gambling and what not illegally was serious?

My Dad looked defeated and lonely. His eyes looked like two hollow cusps with no life inside.People say the eyes are the windows to the soul and if I were reading his correctly his soul was dying.

My eyes welled up with unshed tears.What are we going to do?

"Oh Rose...I am....s-so sorry you shouldn't have had to talk to them or covered for my mistakes"

My Dad hugged me with a few tears running down his cheeks.

"I am so sorry my little Rose"

It's been so long since he called me that but his words gave me no comfort no sense of security like they used to once.

I didn't hug him back .......just waited with teary eyes and a quivering chin for an explanation.

He kissed my forehead and sat on a chair close by sighing deeply.

" It was a year ago after...it happened I couldn't move on"

My eyes welled up even more and a tear slid down to the hollow of my neck.

"I knew what I was doing was wrong but when Tod invited me to Bear's for a couple of drinks...I promised myself it was going to be a one time thing and it should have been but I went again the next week and again and....again,soon it became a habit and I was losing more and more money but I couldn't s-stop."

He hung his head low in shame and to avoid looking into my eyes.

"So I started borrowing money from them.....and now I've lost everything"

Another tear slipped out of my eyes.My back was rod straight and my nails painfully tore into my skin...even when he knew he was a sinking ship he couldn't stop.Some part of me was hurt by the fact that he didn't care enough to quit...that he couldn't rely on me to melt the pain.

"You didn't lose everything"

I said and waited for his answer with wet eyelashes.

"Oh my baby"

He wrapped his huge hands around my small ones and rested them on my lap then leaned down to rest his forehead against our intertwined hands.

"What did I do to deserve you"

I didn't say anything so we just stayed there in silence while my Dad laid his head on my lap.

"I promise you I will work"

He looked up.

"I will work to cover the debt I am sorry ...I was lost...and scared but I'll work ....I swear give me time"

I wordlessly sobbed and hugged him.

I wanted him to get better too but I couldn't trust this man anymore...no but I ...I loved him and wanted him to love me.

"We can do something ...take a loan, move towns or get a better job don't worry baby, Daddy will take care of it"

I nodded my head,if I wasn't there before I am going to be there for him now.

"I will help too"

"That's my girl"

I smiled at his words.

"Listen sweetie soon all of this will be over and we'll live a happy life....both of us...I promise"

I closed my eyes and listened to him breathing.

I hope so too Dad....a happy life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday morning I woke up earlier than usual and went for a walk.The roads were empty of cars and the air was a crispy biting treat.

I went to meet the lovers and said my greetings....who even talks to mountains except me. Then I just stood gazing into the water from the bridge.

A lot happened in a short span of time...my house was broken into and completely destroyed, we lost a lot of money...no car. Only one month.

Feelings for a guy who showed me the stars?

People make mistakes so the only thing you can do is bear with it and ease the pain for them.I didn't know if I should forgive my Dad but I'll try. If you were me what would you have done?

Besides the milk has already split.

I sighed and left the bridge walking to the Diner.

I wanted to ask Mrs.Wong if I could work all days after school.It won't be much I knew but something was better than nothing.

"Hey Rose"

"Hi"

I greeted Tamara another girl who worked with me, I think she is in her early twenties.

"Did you see Mrs.Wong somewhere?"

"No actually she said she'd be home today....something about Mi being sick"

"Oh"

Mi was sick?I need to her.

"I guess I'll get going then thanks Tam"

"No probs babe"

I let out a small laugh and left the Diner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pressed the doorbell and a few footsteps later the door opened to reveal a very tired Ms.Wong.

"Hi Mrs.Wong"

"Oh Rose?Hey"

"I wanted to talk about something"

"Come in child it's freezing out there"

"Thanks"

"So what makes you visit"

Mrs.Wong led me to her beautiful kitchen,I sat on one of the kitchen stools while she made coffee.

"Ahh I went to the Diner to ask you something but then I heard that you weren't there so I walked..."

"Cut to the point kid"

Oops sorry....she's scary.

"I was hoping if you would let me work all days...after...after school?"

"Oh naaah we're full right now, I'll tell when a spot opens up"

My shoulders fell,her instant answer was disappointing,I was really hoping that she would say yes because honestly I couldn't think of another way to help Dad. She saw the disappointment in my face since she said,

"If you want you can work late nights on the days you work already maybe help with the cleaning up and dishes...that'll add a few dollars to your paycheck"

"Really!!"

My shoulders raised and I smiled big enough to power a tube light.

"No problem kid now get outta here this is not a public park"

"Oh sorry just one more thing"

I pulled a Cailler chocolate out of my pocket.

"I got this for Mi...she loves it and I heard that she was sick"

She took the chocolate.

"She's sleeping I'll tell her you came bye"

I smiled.

"Ok"

And after a long time everything actually felt ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday morning....I am trying not to groan out loud at that two words.

I got showered for school and ran down the stairs.

"Good morning sweetie"

"Oh...Dad?Good morning"

I was surprised...he woke up before I was off to school.

"I made breakfast"

"Tha.....nks"

I scooped eggs and bacon onto a plate with some orange juice.

Yesterday as promised by Tristan a guy came to buy all the broked stuff, now our living room was bare with no furniture or sofa...it's almost like a new house not wet stocked with wood and I didn't know what to think about that except that I have to thank Tristan for helping out.I still couldn't believe that he stayed until late afternoon that day to help clean up the house and keep me company.

It was kind and made me tingly all over....

I ate my food and was about to leave when I saw Dad sip from a glass with brown liquid...

Alcohol.

I didn't intend to freeze but I did my heart loosing the vigour it was building up.

"Oh sorry...old habits die hard",he shrugged his shoulder as if it was no big deal.

I nodded my head slowly and silently.

"I'm trying Rose you know that...but I need this or I'll lose my mind"he said slowly

"Its Ok Dad"

The walk to school was brisk so I wouldn't stop and stay too long to think about what "or I'll lose my mind" means.

It probably didn't mean anything....I could be overreacting....

But school came into view thank God and I pushed my worries to a deep dark corner of my mind for the moment.

"You saw the new girl she's perfect....I hate her"a girl said to her friend and laughed.

New girl...Ok hmm teenage drama I could use that as a distraction.

I opened my locker, my eyes already searching for a black hooded head with a mop of midnight locks, my heart racing at the mere prospect of seeing him again.

I found him.

Sucking beautiful Ruby I don't know her full name's face.

Guess I just found the new girl.

What's she doing here ? Something in my heart was shocked and broke at the sight of them together.

I turned my head and tried suppressing the tightening pain in my chest.

I feel betrayed eventhough I had no reason to be...

What's wrong with me I never do this ......like feel so hurt by some guy's actions.

But seeing them so close together made me nauseous.

You have more important things to worry about Rose get it together.

Besides its Monday morning I can't start a new week sulking over some guy,he's not worth it.

I took a deep breath and went off to class.

*********************************

Someone please kill me.

Please.

Nobody would stop talking about the new platinum blond girl who descended from Mars.She was welcomed into the in crowd and clung onto Tristan like second skin.

I just bought my food to go and eat outside as always.It was shivering cold and I couldn't wait for the bite to numb me.

The cafeteria doors opened but I was too focused in balancing my food and....wow rammed straight into someone.

"OH MY GOSH I am soo sorry"

Ruby's dress was a mess.

I had bought tomato soup.

Great.

"You bitch what the fuck have you done?",if looks could kill I would have been 10,000 feet under the ground by now.

"I am really sorry I didn't see you com.."

"Shut up whore do you know how expensive this dress is?"

"Yeah I could".....maybe buy you a new one.

"It's worth more than your pathetic little life",she sneered in my face and bent down to pick up the rest of the tomato soup and french fries and dumped on my on my head.

Perfect.

I deserved it.

She removed her turtle neck sweater showing a sleeveless top and a band of skin just above the hem line of her jeans and threw it at my face while sashaying past me her perfect hips on display for the whole cafeteria.

Is it even allowed to walk in school like this?

Her disciples followed without a word and I just stood there for a moment soaked in tomato soup,carrots,french fries,water....wait who's counting?

What the hell just happened.

The cafeteria erupted into laughter and some started booing me.

"Hey you want some soups looks like your boobs ate yours",one of the"jocks" Nathaniel shouted and his table errupted into applause and hyena laughs.

A moment later my head started buzzing with the noise. I wanted it to stop but they wouldn't stop phoning me.

I ran out and locked myself up in a bathroom stall.

Stupid just stupid this is all your fault.

I refused to cry but a few tears escaped out, I wiped them with the back of my hand.

"Did you see her, she looked so gross just standing there dripping tomato sauce eww like groooss"

"Yeah well I heard that she tried to sleep with Tristan and Ruby tried to stop her...poor girl why did she have to go through such boyfriend stealing bitches?"

What?

I didn't try to steal anyone and if I did it I would want it to be with someone who loved me.

How do they even cook up such bullshit?

When the two girls left I came out of the stall and washed my clothes.

My face and hair was a mess and my nose looked like a red balloon.

Some of the stains were still there and there was a big red patch at the centre of my chest that I couldn't get rid off no matter how much I scrubbed .

I held Ruby's dress in my limp hands without knowing what to do with it...throw it in the bin...keep it as a trophy...wash it for her?

I decided to throw it in the waste bin.

The late bell rang so I rushed to the next class ducking my head to avoid grabbing more attention and accidently hit my head on a broad chest.

"Hey Rose!"

Why am I hitting people?

"Mark?"

"Hey you alright?No scratches..."

"What?"

"I am talking about the cafeteria show down"

"Yeah I'm alright its..it was my fault s-so"

"Are you kidding me she totally saw you coming her way"

"What no..no definitely not"

"Of course yes it was as if she wanted you to move for her and when you didn't notice, she rammed right into you"

Mark's face held an expression of anger.

"It's alright though....I'm fine"

I didn't want to grab any attention and if she rammed into me I'll just have to....move out of the way next time.

"This is not you Rose"

His words broke my train of thoughts.

"I'm sorry what"

Mark was silent for a moment contemplating his words carefully and his eyebrows scrunched up adorably.

"Hey you remember in eighth grade we all had to talk about what the present meant to us in front of the class?"

I was confused...

"Yeah I-I guess"

"You said the present was like drowning...like submerging underwater....like when you live in the present all that mattered was that moment and you were consumed by the beauty of it so much that you forget there was a past and there is a future,you were so bold back then so shining so bright"

His eyes twinkled as he held me by my elbows,silently prodding me to understand what he meant and that's when I truly saw the brown specks in his emerald eyes.

What an unexpected change of events.

"But I don't see that girl anymore....what happened to her?"

And just like that my heart deflated like a balloon.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

I said swallowing the sudden dryness in my throat.

"You know exactly what I am talking about"

His whisper brought goosebumps to my skin as he pulled me closer,we were so close and those eyes hypnotised me as I held my breath, my heart doing professional stunts in my rib cage,waiting for something and strengthening my protective walls at the same time.

"You are beautiful Rose and the sad thing is that you don't know that...anymore"

"You don't know me"

I broke out of his hold and sped down the hall.

I knew I had class and needed to get there as soon as possible but I needed just a little bit of fresh air before then.

Since my lunch spilt all over me and the new Goddess of Bloomsville High I walked around the corridors of the school aimlessly with a growling stomach.

Who does he think he is?He knows nothing about me just forget it Rose, he's crazy.

I was about to turn a corner when

Smack!

What is wrong with the universe?

I'm tired I don't know what to say anymore.

I furiously looked up to a pair of chocolate pools and the first thing my mind said was,

No.

"Whoa"

"I'm sorry"

"Where's the bowl of tomato soup?"

"What's wrong with you"

"You're what's wrong with me"

"You're stupid"

"You're stupider"

"That's not an actual word"

"It is to me"

"That doesn't count"

"It does to me"

"Who are you the Emperor of China?"

"No I'm Hades"

"Fuck you"

"Fuck you"

This is not happening.

We were so close to each other now that I could smell his amazing pine forest scent and immediately I held my breath for fear of addiction to that heavenly poison.

What in the world is wrong with this guy?

"Shouldn't you be in class Rose?"

"It's none of your business",I said,"I could ask you the same"

"Hmm"

No reply.

"Did that guy come yesterday."

"What guy?"

I couldn't think of a single thing other than how close we were, how I could almost feel his minty breath on my skin.

Snap out of it.

"The furniture guy"Tristan said with a frown on his face,even his forehead creases were a beautiful sight.

"Yes umm he did actually Thanks for helping me out, I really appreciate it"

"It's alright",he said and stepped closer.

"Hey man come on we gotta go"

Ryder called from behind us.

He turned around and said,"One sec".

"Where are you going?"

"Ruby just started school today so we're going out to celebrate and maybe show her around town."

"Oh"

Again that name made my heart wither and die.

"I'm gonna go to class now"

"Hey how's your Dad"

He asked and I was surprised that he remembered or actually cared to ask.

"He's alright actually we talked and he's willing to change",I nodded my head looking down with my hands in my pockets.

"So...."

He closed his eyes for a moment as if he didn't know how to phrase the words.

"Did they come again"

"No we've got time",I said softly.

"Um actually there's a spot open at Inferno its not for under 18s but you can manage,if you want I mean"he added quickly.

"As what"

My interest spiked up.

"Or else.....never mind"

He said and his eyes travelled down my body very slowly pausing a little too long in my chest area before coming back.

I flushed red like a siren and held onto the wall for support.

"What?",my breathless voice made me blush some more if that's even possible.

"Umm Ruby most probably would take that job you're kind of on the fat side of life so..."

I saw red.

I turned around and stomped away how can he humiliate me like that?

"Hey Rose!Come back I was just kidding",his laugh echoed behind me.

"I'll tell you about the real job!"

"Shove it up your ass jerk!",I shouted and turned the corner his laugh still echoing in the hallway.

Something about this guy always messes my brain cells.

I didn't see Tristan in school after that.

When the last bell rang,I picked up my school bag and left the building.

I was still fuming over his words so I decided to walk around town to get some fresh.

Two days passed by and there was no sign of Tristan in school no matter how many times I told myself to stop searching for him I couldn't so I decided to go with the 'it will stop with time' excuse.

Now it was Thursday evening, I was walking around town....again.

The Sun was about to set colouring the sky with a golden hue.

As promised Dad comes back from work early now but he still doesn't pay too much attention to my curfew which was a good and bad thing because what father doesnt check if her teenage daughter's back at home by 11?

But as I said in a way it was good since I work at the Diner really late these days,Mrs.Wong knows about my issues so she doesn't mind.

I took a deep breath and started walking back home.

The crunch of muscles caught my attention.

I peeked into the dark alleyway and saw two boys about my age fighting.

Their faces were bloodied and I saw the dark haired guy hitting the brunette square on the face,his fist making a whooshing sound before slamming into his cheeckbone I'm pretty sure it broke.

I was impressed by the brunette's recovery since he immediately got to his feet from the floor and kneed his opponent on the stomach twice.

But then that boy pushed his knees away and smashed his hips into the dumpster close by.

Tristan had a devilish grin on his face as he waited for his opponent to come back at him.

And all I could think was...

Deja vu is a bitch.