13 13:Late

The alarm went off at the worst time ever.

Last time I had a hard time sleeping since once my head hit the pillow my mind couldn't shut down because it was still in the forest with the twinkling lights and a certain black haired boy.

Which was nice then but now I'm 20 minutes late for school because I overslept.

I rushed downstairs and saw my Dad prepping breakfast in our meagre kitchen.

"Good morning Dad"

"Hello my little Rose good morning"

"What do we have for breakfast today?"

"Eggs, bacon some orange juice come come sit.. you're late", he gave me a look.

"Sorry", I said scratching my head.

He sat next to me and I served myself some bacon.

"So where were you last night"

I froze.... so much for thinking he wouldn't notice.

"Umm.. with a friend"

"Hmm.. which friend ?"

Here is the conversation that I have been dreading to have for a very long time...

"His name is Tristan Sky.. and we've been hanging out for a while now", said I nonchalantly as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Oh a boy ? As in....... boyfr-"

"No", I rushed in to interject.

"He's just a friend and he's got a girlfriend"

"Hmm..", he said in thought.

"You said Tristan Sky"

I blinked," Yeah do you know him?"

He shook his head, " Nah just keeping it in mind"

I exhaled in relief. I was nervous to speak about Tristan to Dad because we were trying to rekindle our relationship and I hoped he would approve of my school life... my grades, work and my friend.

"Rose now I don't want to pry but I think I know this kid"

I stopped eating.

"What?"

"I think I have heard of this kid before.. he's got a bad reputation.. how long have you been hanging out with him?"

I played with my food.

"I guess I've always kind of known him but we only started hanging out a few weeks ago"

He thought about it and then finally let out a breath.

"I know I have been very unfair to you Rose so in no way is what I am going to say justified but... stay away from that kid Rosie"

What?

"Why?"

"The kid's got issues and I've heard that his parents are addicts, its a mess ok just.. stay away from him for you own good"

That was not his decision to make.

"No! Why do I have to ... you don't get to decide who I hang out with"

"What do you know about the world? This kid sells drugs for a living and he's seventeen!"

He was eighteen.

"Tristan is not going to hurt me"

He let out a breath.

"Every boy wants only one thing Rose...I hope you know what I'm saying"

I felt my blood boil.

"You weren't even there for me and ok this guy is not the best but at least there was someone I could talk to!"

He was there when my Dad was mad drunk and the house was scuttling with rats.

"That's what we are trying to achieve now right? A stable Dad and daughter relationship where you are secure in the knowledge that I am there for you no matter what...let's start that process with you cutting off unhealthy relationships.. Today".

I just stared at him.

How could he make me do this. Like the first time after she passed away that I was actually beginning to live again and he wants me to end that..

"Rose there are some things that only adults understand and this is one of them.. if you don't cut off such friendships in the bud we are going to have problems"

"I am not going to.."

"Well ok then looks like somebody is not interesting in mending their ways"

"Dad I don't have to.."

"Do not talk to your father like that.. I've been trying to remain sober for weeks and its getting harder so don't test my limits girl.."

"Dad please"

"You don't talk to that kid unless I say so. You are not helping me Rose ..this is not working!", he shouted and fisted his hands to hit them on the table and I jumped.

"I want to help you Dad.. thats all I want", I whispered while moving a little further away from him.

"Well then sit down on the chair and eat your breakfast", said he in a way that made me cower in fear.

I sat down again and gravely took my fork to start eating too afraid to look at his blood shot eyes.

--------

Tristan saw me in the corridor and he reluctantly took his hands out of his pockets to give me a small wave.

I just looked down and walked away.

At class he tried to make eye contact but I wouldn't give in. He would try to smile with a look of expectation and I would walk away all while my insides bled.

After class I bought myself some lunch from the cafeteria and to avoid him I went to sit in the bleachers.

I felt jittery out of anxiety, guilt and grief. Every time someone would walk by me I would jump because their voice scared me.

Now I took in the frigid air and let it out with a shudder, the air before me turning misty.My lips were cracked from the shivering cold so I wet them while looking at all the happy faces sitting in groups, cracking jokes.

And I felt so jealous.

My breathing rate increased and my spine became rod straight. I fisted my hands around my lunch feeling an unforgiving anger rise in me. Its not fair.

My eyes filled up with tears and at that moment I hated me.

And so that pathetic monster ate its lunch with tears running down its vile face and went inside for the next class every step slowing killing it.