13 Chap 13: Why Him

Mia

The moment he kissed me I was taken aback and he did it in front of everyone, the customers, sales staff, and most importantly Nina. I tried to get away from him but he didn't let it happen. When we reached the restaurant, he made me sit close to him. Our proximity made Nina ask questions that mortified me but Ryan's answers topped the list. His answers created electric currents in my body, my heart in a tornado, and my mind blank. His confession for me being beautiful felt so surreal. When Nina kissed me, Ryan looked at us with so much pride and love that it made me realize how much this meant to him but I also felt like a cheater. I cheated on Ariel and Noah. After we ate I wanted to go back home but both niece and uncle wanted to shop. While we explored the shops he held my hand firmly. I tried a lot to remove my hand from his grip but he held it strongly. I felt lost, confused and mostly irritated with Ryan's behavior. I was looking forward to have some alone time. After we said goodbyes, I went to my room at a faster pace but the moment I entered Ryan barged in and locked the room. He walked towards me and moved me against the wall. His both hands were placed on the wall at each side of my body and his lips were inches away from mine. His scorching eyes focused solely on me. Everything happened so quickly that I didn't realize I was caged by his body. I placed my hands in between to create some distance between us but it didn't stop him,

"You're too close," I said, I could feel his hot breath on my face,

"And" he whispered, his eyes darted between my lips and my eyes

"I have Noah"

"I know" he whispered and looked at me like he didn't care,

"Then what are you doing," I said with irritation, I tried to push him but he did not budge, instead he took both my hands in his and pinned each of them to the sides of my face.

"What am I doing Angel," he came more close and brushed his nose against mine. I couldn't fathom anything, all I could feel was him and our close proximity. My heart was in shambles and my breath uneven.

"What am I doing Angel?" He repeated and planted a long slow deep kiss on the bottom corner of my lips.

"Ryan" I requested, I wanted him to stop, I felt guilty for the way my heart was responding to him. My attraction towards him was so strong that I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself if he kissed me again. I would repent our kiss for the rest of my life.

"Please stop" I tried to picture Noah's image and got the courage to plead again,

"What if I don't" He questioned me in confidence while he stared into my eye, clearly upset and irritated with my response.

"I want to kiss you" he whispered while his lips grazed my lips. I turned my head to the other side so he couldn't kiss me. His lips grazed on the cheek that was available to him. There was no denying that I was very attracted to Ryan. He made me feel alive and loved. But I was in a relationship and tried to picture Noah's and Ariel's face.

"Ryan, please!" I whispered, but he didn't stop and started to kiss my neck lightly with his wet lips.

"Please!!" I pleaded desperately. Finally he stopped but didn't move away. I could hear his ragged breath and feel his wet lips still on the side of my neck.

"You are making me crazy Mia". He said in a low whisper against my neck. We stood like this for a long time trying to get our breathing and heartbeat to normal. He lifted his face to look at me, his pupils dilated and eyes red.

"You are making me fucking crazy," he said and in an instant planted a deep kiss on the left corner of my lip. He slowly backed away while he kept his eyes on me. when he reached the door, he turned away and before he moved out he looked at me,

"I will knock on your door at 8. Wear shoes tonight, I am taking you somewhere after dinner," he said in a hoarse voice and shut the door. I felt bad with the way things turned between us. Deep down I wanted him to kiss me but I couldn't and I shouldn't. I felt guilty so I called Noah

After a few rings, he picked up and groggily said

"Mia, why are you calling?" I felt relieved and happy to hear his voice,

"Noah, I miss you," I said with glee

"I miss you too. Now you sleep. Goodnight"

"Can we please talk" I requested,

"Mia, It's 6:30 am and you know I am not a morning person."

"I know but I want to talk"

"Is it an emergency? Can it wait or not?"

"Noah!"

"See I have been pulling out late nights for 2 weeks, sleeping at 4 and getting up at 8. I need to sleep but you are disturbing it" he said with a hint of irritation.

"But I miss you," I said with pools of tears, I wanted him

"Oh God! Mia, I am not going anywhere, you could have messaged me or just waited for some time. Stop being so childish and needy. I am sleepy will talk later. Bye," and he cut the phone. At that moment I didn't know what to feel, whether I should be angry or feel apologetic towards Noah, myself, or at Ryan. Ryan made me feel he wanted me and Noah made me feel that I was a needy girlfriend. I cried and cried until I slowly drifted off to sleep. After a while, I woke up with a slight knock on my door and could hear my name. I opened the door and saw Ryan with an apologetic face but it soon turned into concern.

"Mia! are you ok?" He barged in again and cupped my face with his hand. I removed his hands from my face.

"Yea, I am fine," I said and created a distance between us which he noticed and he didn't like it

"You don't look fine," he said, while he looked at me with worry

"Don't worry, I am fine. I will meet you downstairs." I said with a half-smile and walked towards him to push him out of my room,

"Mia," he looked worried

"See you downstairs," and I closed the door on him.

I walked up to my bag and took out black color jeans, a brown color top, my lingerie, and my towel. I went inside the washroom and when I saw myself in the mirror I immediately realised Ryan's concern. My eyeliner was smudged and eyes red and swollen. No wonder he looked so worried. Even though he knows I have Noah and yet he does things which he shouldn't and the best part is I feel things with him that I shouldn't feel. I took a bath and by 8:20 I was down for dinner. Kevin and Ryan were out in the backyard with a barbecue and Chloe was in the kitchen so I decided to help her.

"Hey Mia," She said while she chopped some tomatoes

"Hi, do you need help?" I asked while I looked in the kitchen to see if I could help her,

"No sweetheart. Everything is done. So...How was your day today?" She asked cheerfully,

"It was good"

"Yea, Nina had a lot of fun. She always has fun with Ryan"

"I could see that" I smiled,

"Ryan dotes on her, he will do anything for her," she said and gave me a packet of chips to open and I did and put it in the bowl. Noah never liked kids and he felt they were a necessity to just continue the generation. He believed that once a couple is married the pressure to have children grows. I never liked the way he thought about marriages and children. For me, marriage was all about embracing a journey of togetherness. Children were a product of love and not a necessity.

"Mia! Mia" Chloe called out to me while she waved her hand at my face.

"Oh, I am sorry," I said to her,

"It's ok!"She gave a small laugh

"so how do you find Ryan?" She asked,

"Excuse me" I looked at her dubiously

"Sweetheart, how do you find him?" She asked once she was done with the salad.

"Oh..um..he is a good person," I replied and it was true. She smiled at me and took out cooked shrimps from the microwave.

"Oh wow, I love shrimps!" I said with excitement,

"I know. Ryan told us," she said and smiled while I continued to look at her,

"I don't know what you feel for Ryan but let me tell you," She said while she looked at me, "you mean a lot to him. I can say that confidently with just the way he looks at you"

"You know he cares for you and does most of the things according to your likes," she said in confidence. "Listen, I know you have a boyfriend but let me tell you, not many people get someone ready to do anything for their loved one. I was at a breaking point when I met Kevin. Trust me Ryan and I have gone through things we don't want anyone to ever go through"

"Especially Ryan," she said. She put the salad and the cooked shrimp in the bowl and began to whisk it. "He is very delicate and has gone through a lot worse than I have. He doesn't trust people easily and doesn't give his heart to anyone. Never in my life have I seen him caring for anyone so much" she said and stopped her work and looked at me with seriousness "All I want from you is to at least think about him. Can you do that?" she asked. I knew about his parents and grandparents passing away due to which both the children had suffered but to hear that Ryan had gone through much worse indicated he experienced more pain than his sister, "Look, I am not saying to do things that will make you go out of the way for Ryan. All I am saying is try being soft on him. Just try considering him. That's all" she smiled and went back to making sandwiches. She didn't wait for my answer, it felt as if it was not a request but a command that I had to do. I could understand where she came from because I too had a brother. My respect for her grew and I liked her even more. She was a good sis who loved Ryan a lot and would do anything for him. We made our way to the backyard with sandwiches, a bowl of chips, and a few cutlery items.

Ryan and Kevin saw us getting things, they immediately got up and took the items from our hand. I could see Ryan's concern for me. Kevin went to the bar and Ryan took my hand and made me sit next to him.

"Angel, are you ok," he asked while he scanned my face.

"Yea" I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Where is Nina?" I asked.

"She has gone for a sleepover to our neighbor's daughters house," Kevin said as we all took the sandwiches from the bowl. I took a bite of the sandwiches and they were really good.

"So Mia, if you don't mind how did you meet your bf?"

"I met Noah during work, we became friends and then we started dating"

"So you guys plan to marry?" Kevin asked, I could feel Ryan's agitation and Chloe's inquisitiveness.

"Yea, if I am with him it means I am interested in him," I said to Kevin. I did not like the questions he asked. I felt I disappointed Ryan and Chloe. Ryan sighed heavily and began to eat his sandwiches, Chloe gave me an apologetic smile and Kevin looked at Ryan nonchalantly. We remained silent for some time until Kevin brought up some good comical jokes to lighten the mood but it was of no use. We all ate, Kevin and Chloe drank and talked about Nina, their friends baby shower, their work.

"Babes these prawn sandwiches were amazing," Kevin slurred and looked fondly at Chloe.

"Oh thank you honey" she came close to him and gave him a peck on the lips.

"Babes, you know I love you! I love you So damn much" he said to her and kissed her hard on the lips,

"Ok guys, I don't want to know where this leads to but I and Mia have to go somewhere. Will see you tomorrow" Ryan got up from his seat, took my hand, and lead me outside to where his car was parked at. After Noah's conversation, Ryan didn't look at me not even for once and it made me a little upset. We put on our seat belt and he drove.

Ryan

After I told her I would pick her up at 8, I went to my room, took a cold shower, and did some company work. Exactly at 8, I went to her room and I knocked. I was a little nervous to see her after what I did to her. I don't want her to shut me out forever just because I had feelings towards her. But most importantly I know she felt something for me and I didn't want her to neglect it. I wanted her to face her feelings, to know what she wanted. When she opened the door her face looked worn off with creases on her cheeks, eyes red and swollen, and her eyeliner all smudged. Did she cry? Did I do this to her? I felt guilty and asked her but she pushed me out. What happened to her? Why did she cry? I wanted to push open the door and embrace her. When I went downstairs, I could see Kevin with Nina in the dining table,

"What's wrong," he asked while he fed a spoon to Nina,

"Nothing" this conversation was the last thing I wanted to talk about it with them

"It doesn't look like," he asked,

"Daddy do you know uncle Ryan kissed Mia in the shop and everyone looked at them," Nina said and at the same time Chloe came out from her room.

"What?" Chloe and Kevin both said together and both looked at me with utter shock.

"Yea, I did"

"Why?" Chloe asked.

"I like her" I stated, I could see a disappointment look on both of them,

"Ryan she has a boyfriend, who she wants to marry, don't make things difficult for her" Kevin said

"I think I know what I am doing" I got furious. They didn't know what I felt for her and what she felt for me. And how Noah treated her. I will never let her get married to Noah, he doesn't have the decency to treat her well,

"I don't think so" Chloe was furious.

"Chloe please!" I pleaded to them. I just didn't want to talk after I saw Mia in a miserable state.

"Why don't you start preparing for sandwiches we will go and start the barbecue," Kevin said to Chloe and was almost done with Nina's dinner.

"Fine," and she went.

"Nina go get ready your friend will pick you up in 5 mins.

"Okie," she said and ran to her room.

"And we need to talk," he said to me.

"Kevin I am.."

"Come on" he cut me and we walked towards the backyard. We took our seats on the table,

"Ryan, you need to forget about her," he said and it pissed me off. Everyone I knew wanted me to forget her, but nobody understood what she meant to me.

"Why?" I gave him an incredulous and irritated look

"Fine. I will let you know. I will ask questions to Mia about Noah and you will know your answer"

"Kevin, please don't do that to her. She will get uncomfortable talking about him and this is the last thing I want for her." I pleaded. I wanted her to get close to me and not away from me.

"You like her but we love you. So you can at least consider our opinions?"

"Kevin...please"

"Come on"

I didn't want this for her and I knew Kevin won't give up. The bell rang and Kevin went to get the door. Nina and her friends left and he came back. Soon after 5 mins, we saw Chloe and Mia with food. Thank god Mia was dressed in jeans and shoes. It did give me a little hope but when she said to Kevin that she was with Noah because she plans to marry him, the air in my lungs constricted and I really couldn't breathe. Noah was a jackass! He didn't realize her importance and she had to know this. She had to know what love meant.

Mia

We reached after 15 mins of drive, we both got out at the same time after Ryan parked the car near a barbed wire which enclosed the hill. Ryan took my hand and we hiked towards the top of the hill. We hiked in silence for almost 20 mins. When we reached the top of the hill, I saw the whole city lights on the left and the beach on the right. It was a breathtaking sight, and the breeze was cool. He looked at me and pulled me towards him. He hugged me so tight that his embrace fixed my emotional needy heart. I silently and profusely thanked him and hugged him back for this little adventure. His hug made me forget all about what Noah had said in the evening,

"Thank you," I said with all my heart. He didn't say anything and continued to hug me. We were in this position for more than I could imagine. When we separated I could see his right side of the shirt got damp because I had rested my face on it when I cried a little.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to cry on you," I said as I was embarrassed, but he just smiled.

"It's ok Angel, it's ok!" he said

"Angel?" I wanted to know why called me that,

"It suits you," he said as a matter of fact. He took my hand and we sat on a huge rock, real close to each other.

"I came a lot here," he said while he looked at the sea. "Just to sit and take some time out from busy life"

"Oh, do John and Keith know about this place?" I inquired,

"Yea, they do also my first time was here in this place but in a drunk state. John and Keith got me so drunk along with the 3 other girls. One of them was Sarai, she was so interested in me that I gave up & lost it to her" he smiled while he looked at the view "It was a bad idea" he laughed and I smiled in return,

"Gosh...I don't think I can ever do this" I said, I could never do it out in the open,

"Where all have you guys done it? he inquired and I think my minded exploded, this was a very private question to me, and for me to talk about it so openly with Ryan made me embarrassed,

"I am not telling you this. It's private" I said,

"Oh come on grandmom! tell me where all have you done it?" he inquired, he wanted to know,

"Well I haven't done it but I have made out at home, that's it," I said with a red face,

"Wait? What are you talking about?" he looked at me perplexed, "Wait, so you are saying you haven't had sex with him" he looked ghastly surprised," You have been in a relationship with him for the last 3 years and you haven't done it?" he asked and it only made me more embarrassed,

"What? Don't judge me we both are mature individuals and have always played safe." I said,

"Oh, not judging that's you guys but what is safe?" he looked puzzled with my answer, it felt as if I spoke a foreign language to him,

"Safe is we both don't want to take chances of me getting pregnant. You can't rely on condoms and my body doesn't react well with the pills. I start to get side effects"

"So you are saying that you are a virgin" he looked at me as If I was some alien to him

"Gosh, Ryan why do you have to make it so obvious" My face was hot and I started to look elsewhere other than him.

"Mia, look at me"

"Why?" and I didn't,

"Angel please!" he requested and I looked at him and I could see his intense eyes.

"would you make out in this place?" he asked,

"I don't think so," I said to him with a smile but when I noticed he was serious. My smiled vanished and my mind went haywire.

"You want me to make out here?"

"Does he love you?" he asked and I gave a dubious look to him.

"Tell me Mia" he looked at me as if my answer could change his life.

"Of course he loves me"

"Why do you say that?"

"He treats my family like his"

"Is that all?" He found my answers childish and vague. He questions started to make me feel uncomfortable and annoying.

"he is sweet and will never cheat on me"

"I will never cheat on you! Will you love me?"

"Ryan!" I said his name out loud. What was he trying to accomplish. He looked completely shocked to hear my answers.

"I have seen my friends having their shares of break up in context to abuse, violence, and cheating and Noah is not that"

"Gosh, is that why you love him? Is that why are with him?" he looked ghastly surprised and gave me an decipher look.

"I don't want to talk" I said and got up from my seat, he followed me and caught my hand and pulled me closer to him. His arms snaked around my waist and since we head a height difference he pulled me up and got my face close to his,

"Does he make your heart pound rapidly? Does he make you go weak in the knees when he kisses you? Will he ever go out of his way just to see you happy? Does he feel a little envious when you are with other guys but still support you because he knows that you love him? Does he pamper you? Does he feel the need to travel all the way just to see you? Does he feel that he can give his life to dogs just to see you happy? Does he feel restless when he doesn't see you around? Does he imagine you when you are not with him?"

"Tell me if you have the answers to these questions?

"You can't judge our relationship"

"I can! based on what you just told me"

"He's a good person and it's hard to find guys like him," I said

"So you are with him cause you think guys like him are difficult to find"? and to hear from Ryan made me cringe,

"No, I love him," I said with agitation

"You love him not because you are in love with him. You love him because he is safe. You are not scared to lose him, you are scared to hurt him. You are only deceiving yourself" he said and it pissed me off, I tried to push him away from me but he wouldn't let me.

"What's wrong Angel, did I say something I shouldn't have," he said and my tears flowed from both the eyes,

"I want to go back home," I said and I tried to control my tears but I wasn't able to, I was hurt and embarrassed with myself. It made me cringe when I heard Ryan say it, Were these reasons enough to love someone, or did I not understand what love is all about? He cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes

"I am sorry angel, I shouldn't have pried too much, please forgive me. Please!" he lowered his face and touched my forehead with his.