72 Part 7.5

A kakapo, sometimes called an owl parrot, is a type of large parrot that is flightless. It's not that big compared to me, but I guess it's proportionally large if compared to an average parrot. Probably the same way I am large compared to the average person.

The reason I'm talking about kakapos is that there's one sitting in a large birdcage in the kitchen in the manor. I'm in the kitchen as well, but I'm not in a birdcage. If by chance I was in a birdcage I would just walk out of it, unless there were reasons for me to stay in the birdcage. That's actually a good question.

"Hey Chow. Is there a reason this bird is here in the kitchen, and not somewhere else? Like a… place where birds live." I ask Midnight Chow as he zooms around the kitchen to station to station. After that fat bastard Timiric introduced himself to everyone a majority of the group decided that it was in fact time to eat. The female butler tried to offer up cooking dinner for everyone but I insisted that Midnight Chow cook breakfast instead. When Rubilous, the guy who owned the manor, try to say otherwise I just insisted harder that Midnight Chow cook breakfast.

Everyone else had gone to the dining room but the manor guests seemed a bit standoffish to me. Also I didn't want to be stabbed by that Uther kid. So I decided I'd wait a little while in the kitchen and watch Midnight Chow cook until the people in the dining room got over themselves a little then I would head back in there and actually sit down until the food was ready. Entering the kitchen a few minutes ago is where I saw the kakapo in the cage and asked Midnight Chow what it was, then he told me.

Chow stopped frying some eggs long enough to answer my question before going back to cooking. "Kakapo is considered a delicacy to the upper crust captain. My guess is that guy here is going to be one of those noble fag's lunch or dinner."

Fag? Why would a noble's cigarette be able to eat anything, let alone eat lunch or dinner? Then again noble things are especially fancy sometimes without them even trying. Take Elizabeth for example. Sometimes even the random small stuff she does turns into something extravagant or graceful, like the time she tried making a handkerchief for herself but somehow managed to knit a jewel encrusted silk scarf when I wasn't looking. It was especially impressive when I looked around the ship and found out there wasn't even any silk or jewels on the particular boat Elizabeth and I were on. Thankfully things balanced out when Elizabeth couldn't make a simple handkerchief at all so I tore up an extra shirt I found laying around and gave her the rag to use. She didn't look impressed, but she still took it.

"Okay. So the bird is here for food. I get that. Why is it wearing sunglasses?"

This time Midnight Chow finished all the work he was doing and actually took the time to walk over and examine the bird in the cage the same way I was. When he saw the small pair of sunglasses that the flightless parrot was wearing he appeared just as confused as I was. "Errr. I don't actually know why it's wearing sunglasses. Maybe because it thinks it looks cool?"

In response the bird turned away from looking at me and nodded its head in Chow's direction. So that was one mystery solved. Birds wear sunglasses to make themselves look cool, just like how the Impel Down officers wore sunglasses even if they were in total darkness. Sometimes it was funny watching them trip over their own feet. Now for the next one to be solved by me as well!

"So what's cooking Chow?" I asked as seriously as I could. Breakfast was serious business after all. How could I possibly hope to overcome the large and daunting obstacle that is signing paperwork if I don't have the proper breakfast foods to feed me?

Midnight Chow perked up when I asked and began to explain what he had planned for Breakfast-for-Dinner. "I've decided to go with a modified buffet style breakfast. Family setting as it were, even if it's not exactly appropriate for this exact setting I think there is sufficient cause. Waffles, eggs of all kinds, bacon, sausage, biscuits, oatmeal, grits, gravy, chicken fried steak, steak fried chicken, eggs benedict, breakfast burritos, breakfast tacos, breakfast sandwiches, fried breakfast sandwiches, hash browns, waffles, eight different kinds of handmade syrup, chicken n' waffles, and much more!"

I nodded. "That sounds perfect. Two questions though. One, if that's what I'm having what will everyone else eat? Two, can we have some of those really thin really sweet pancakes?"

A single bead of sweat rolled down his forehead and then Chow wiped it away with his apron, leaving a large dusting of flour there instead. "One, that's what everybody is having captain. Including you. Two, yes I can make some crepes."

I love really thin really sweet pancakes.

I smack my fist against my palm in realization. Of course, it all makes sense now. "I see. I thought it was a mystery meal, but I was wrong the entire time. Speaking of sunglasses and mysteries, don't cook the kakapo while we are here. I've eaten enough seagulls and chickens to know what bird tastes like, and I'm not super impressed."

Chow nods. "You got it boss."

As he walks back to one of the numerous stoves where he's working on making breakfast I notice something fall out of a hole in the bottom of Chow's apron pocket. A vial the size of my thumb. It looks like it's made of glass but when it hits the tiles one the kitchen floor it doesn't shatter or break. Not even a dramatic crack. Instead it bounces twice before rolling across the floor away from me a little. I consider myself a curious guy, so I walk over and pick it up.

There's a paper label on the vial with what appears to be words on it, but I can't make any sense out of it. Damn my illiteracy! Inside the vial is some kind of stuff I can best describe as a powdery liquid. It's this green colored stuff with a silver sheen that catches the eye. I tilt the bottle back and forth a few times watching the stuff inside go from side to side and catch the light. After I'm done amusing myself I decide to call it quits and let Midnight Chow know that I have his stuff. Before I call out to him I see the other side of the bottle. Imprinted on the other side is a small skull and crossbones…

"Hey Chow. How do you feel about poison?" I call out neutrally as I place the vial down on a counter and palm a rock I pull from one of my pockets. At this range I wouldn't even have to use my Devil Fruit power to splatter his brains on the wall and then put a considerable hole in the wall.

Chow doesn't even look up from the stove he's working on where he appears to be frying something delicious smelling. "I'm a professional chef Captain. I would never even imagine sullying one of my dishes with poison. It would be heresy to the chef's code of honor."

"Okay. Heresy. Sure. Then what's this poison-looking vial doing here?"

As soon as I say that Chow spins in place as quickly as he can, which is still pretty slow by my standards, with a grease covered spatula in his hands. He sees the vial on the counter and me rolling the rock in my hands around and grimaces. He's been on the crew long enough to know what I can do with a rock. He's been around long enough to know what I can even do with a feather.

The first words out of his mouth is, "I can explain."

"You sure can." I admit as I continue looking at him. It's a little trick I picked up from a while ago back when we were looting Diz-Harmony. I ask someone a question, mess around with something in my hand, and then I just keep looking at them. Eventually people will always, and I do mean always, answer the question I ask. Sometimes I don't even have to ask a question. They'll just start telling secrets I don't care about or even want to hear.

Midnight Chow cracks just like the rest of them.

"That's not poison Captain. I swear! It's… plant extract. Don't laugh, but I use it as make-up." He says, trying to explain.

"Make-up." I say repeating the last word he said. Another trick to make people explain things.

"I got a scar on my forehead that's really embarrassing and I use it to cover it up. That's all it is! Plant extract."

"What plant?" I ask.

"Uh… It's crushed pong-pong tree seeds."

I look at the vial quickly before looking back to Midnight Chow. "Why is it silvery?"

"Nothing but natural minerals!"

Sounds kosher. "Why does the vial have a skull and crossbones on it?"

"I got the vial from a prate themed restaurant I looted!"

Oh. Everything there adds up. "Well..." What do I say to someone I threatened to kill? This sounds like something Elizabeth would know. "Don't poison me."

Nailed it.

I put the rock back in my pocket and Midnight Chow looks visibly relived. I know he feels, I've been threatened plenty of times and it's never very pleasant. "I'm going to sit down in the dining room Chow. Remember. No poisoning me, and really thin really sweet pancakes." I say before turning around and walking out of the kitchen. I nod at the kakapo on the way out and it nods back.

"Yes Captain. Of course Captain." Is the last thing I hear from Chow before I'm gone.

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