4 chapter-4 social butterfly

'He doesn't want me or the baby' Her tone was awkward but familiar. I again ran out of answers ,I wondered. It was happening for quite some time now, was it our love or was it the fact that she was carrying a baby way too intricate. But our love sure existed, till date I'd say, the way she still gazes into my eyes sipping her coffee reminds me of that very pleasureful day.

'Why are you here then?' I asked. 'I've to meet an old companion of mine.' She answered. I was not tremendously awed, she always valued her friends far more than herself just like she did for me , in fact she valued her friends more than her whole life. 'Friends are a precious gift of life and of all living beings' she would mention and 'living a happy life is the most ideal choice.'

Her husband did not want her and here she was waiting for a friend of hers while still carrying a young one inside her , that was a massive amount of willpower I thought. 'What are you going to do now?' I asked.

'Its complicated and maybe too hard for someone like you' she replied.

'Are your in-laws in touch?' I asked

'Sometimes' she said.

We remained quite for sometime , and absolute pin drop silence gathered around , it started getting late and the frogs nearby began croaking , the maid asked how long were we going to use the lodge room .

' Is there any problem ?' she questioned . 'Actually we are gonna have to close the reception soon so, can you hurry up?'

'Which floor are you in' Reema asked.

'Second' I replied.

'Ah, cool then, shall we move into our rooms and find some talking time?' she questioned.

This was the first time she brought up the topic of eventually lengthening the conversation which I thought she was not very interested to. 'I don't find a reason not to!' I mentioned. We climbed the stairs very steadily and I approached her asking did she need some help. 'Yes' she said, 'I would be glad if u provide me with a hand maybe.' I did what she asked me to. Her hands were warm and delicate, just like they used to be before. 'they are the same, aren't they, my hands?'. It was as if though she read through me and before I could actually come to the conclusion of how beautiful her hands were she spoke up ' I know , u must be wandering how I rendered through you.

Remember when you used to compliment my palms all the time back at Calcutta and you actually never got tired of it , she said .

It is true that I ended up forgetting a lot of stuff about us, and I was ashamed to speak about it to her , how could I ? I haven't done justice to her in any way , it was pretty frustrating and thwarting.

We walked to our rooms , I unpacked my stuff while she sat in my room waiting for me to finish. 'Will you please unpack mine too?' she asked. 'Is that a question I need answer?' I replied. I made way to her room and helped her unpack all her belongings. It was getting cold but the movements up and down did not make me feel so, finally she undressed and I went up to her room and we had a little chat about her possible yet cruel future. 'My in-laws think what their offspring's doing is praiseworthy, and I understand a parent always see's the brighter side of things but... what he is doing is termed as inhumanity!' I completed. 'Maybe it is , I can't totally blame him for everything that is being done, its his life and its his alternative way.' She still was caring for her husband who had left her in this subtle state, I could feel that sense of concurrence, as if she was accepting everything that was going on, in her life and she knew how this could affect the life of the younger one. We did not know what do, it was not a total state of chaos but I could feel the storm that was building up in her, and that was killing me eventually. I told her that she can come stay with me and my folks back at Bangalore and that me or my folks will take care of her and her expenses , but deep within, while proposing her to come and live with me , I knew that she would not accept it , she was never the kind of girl wo would keep due's or owe somebody for something , was I somebody now , I thought to myself , does that one mistake make me from a special one in her heart to somebody rather nobody now , or was I being selfish thinking about my role in her life while there was a bigger topic at hand for us to face . I can't leave her all alone in this mayhem, she needed someone to step-up , and maybe this was my chance to turn the clock, to prove her that I still was a man worth trusting and keeping your faith in , I lost, I lost it once, I cannot afford to do it again , I thought to myself. I ran out of ideas , how can I comfort her, how can I make her believe that all that is happening is all right , only if she would have been that fifteen year old Reema, perhaps the job would have been easier , but I couldn't .

'We will find a way for sure' I tried to cheer her up , although she was not broken , I felt the urgency to do so.

'Its okay Nischit, you don't have to comfort me , remember what amma used to say , Life is not going to be like our childhood, everything arranged in perfect order , it shall get frantic at times and we must contend with all that is flung at us.' I repeated the exact same words in my mind , feeling optimistic and hopeful that I remembered the same words , that I had not lost my childhood and that there is always hope left ,no matter the circumstances we are faced with.

Our conversation lasted for something around half an hour , and the we bid our goodbyes and goodnights, tomorrow was my last day here and possibly hers as well.

'Do you mind if I ask you , when is your company supposed to arrive?' I asked her.

'You talk like all grown up now, do you really think that I detest you?' she questioned me back to mine.

I was silent, just like all other the other times when she questioned me about our animosities.

'Half past eight.' She replied. I wished her goodnight once again and left her room.

I was pretty worn out and the state of Reema haunted me. I wanted to know how she is going to cope up with all these? She was never the kind if girl who understood so much about existence, all she wanted back then was to get married and start a happy conjugal life, should I blame myself for not making her wishes come true or was our fate to be held responsible. Maybe it was my decisions which led us to this stage, but why am I blaming it on myself? Is it my fault that her husband left her abruptly and in an uneasy and a fraught state, another part of me questioned myself 'Why are you holding yourself responsible for her life, its hers and hers only, and she is to be blamed for all her sufferings!'

The very next moment I wanted to distinguish between myself and her husband, spouse, are we the same then, if I conclude that its her life and that she is to be blamed for her all her hardships and mis happenings.

I took a shower and tried my best to fall asleep, but I couldn't. For a moment I overlooked the fact that I was here for my job , and not to deal with my childhood lover's condemned fate. The moon shone bright through the transparent windows and made it even harder to fall asleep. I could hear wolves howling nearby, this was the first time in a while since I heard such wild animal's calling. Calcutta had it often back then , and I would sometimes flee to Reema's to feel safe and warm. I finally fell asleep after drawing the curtains to stop the magnificent glimmer that the moon emitted, for an instance I felt like I was letting gloominess and dimness in my life by doing so, was I true to my motives and intentions and the bigger question that arose every second after meeting her , should I do justice to my emotions and affections for her .

I fell asleep shortly after thinking about it.