7 07

Diana woke up in Nicholas bed, but they were both as dressed. She wore her underwear and a large t-shirt while he was dressed in boxer shorts and a T-shirt. Diana was lying on his chest her eyes were firmly shut and she didn't want to move. She had spent most of the night crying, and although Nicholas didn't say anything he was finally giving her the sort of attention that she had been craving for nearly a year and that was the important thing. Nicholas had one arm wrapped around her and the other arm was holding a book; The Great Gatsby to be exact. When Diana began to stir he put the book down on the table next to him and did his best to move his arm which had become a little dead with her lying upon it.

"You sleep okay?" Nicholas asks as Diana sits up a little confused as she begins rubbing her eyes. This had been the third night in a row that she had slept in this bed, but unlike the past days, she didn't remember about getting here. Diana was surprised to see herself almost wearing clothes and saw that her bra and dress were neatly folded up on the armchair by the window. This was very out of character for her.

"Yes, did we have sex?" He shakes his head a little confused as he thought she was on the sober side of things and just acting for effect.

"No, I told you last night that wouldn't happen again and invited you to crash because you started to cry." There was a long pause and Diana falls back down on the bed pulling the covers up full so that she is almost hidden from sight.

"I am sorry." She says doing her best to fake a smile, but Nicholas doesn't care. He would prefer it if she didn't stay here every night because he would quite like to be having sex. He wasn't about to take his concerns to be known to Diana, especially when she was in deny mode. She would brush everything off like she had been doing for the past year. He couldn't be there for her the way she needed him to be there. He didn't want to settle when the whole idea of a relationship cringe him out. She wanted the happy ever after, but she wasn't about to admit that. She was going to continue to live in a web of lies, and it was going to take Joseph to pull her out of that mess.

However, Diana was Diana and therefore she wasn't about to let a little bit of inconvenience stop her from having sex. So while Nicolas had no tension of pursuing this like night time bed antics Diana had other plans. So while he was so focused on making sure that she was okay she climbed on top of him and began letting her lips brush over his neck. Nicolas found his hold body tighten up by her actions, feeling himself wanting to take her from behind and plough her but with this girl he knew that was a bad idea.

She might be hot, but at this current moment I'm time she was a bit of a mess and he couldn't be bothered to pick up the pieces later on. They weren't together and so after Nicolas pushed her off him a few more times she said.

"I do however think you should take me home." Nicholas nods his head with this comment and pulls out his phone calling up his driver.

When they eventually make it down the stairs to the car which is waiting for them the other side of the doors of the lobby Nicholas holds his head down. The press was still very much following him and he was getting a little annoyed by the whole thing. The two of them sat in the limo in silence as they Diana got dropped off. Nicholas opened his mouth a number of times in order to talk to her, but he didn't know what to say because although he knew slightly what she wanted he couldn't give it to her.

He knew her past, he knew that she had love Joseph dearly and there was nothing he could do to take that away from her. He could pretend he understood, he could comfort her when she needed it, but he would never truly know how she felt. You can't understand an emotion you have never felt, you can do your best to be there, even make the situation a little easier, but you can't be there for the way they need you to be. Nicolas had never been in love, so had no idea how to put someone back together.

Diana was beautiful, she was smart and funny. She was all the qualities you would want in a girlfriend, but no matter how hard he tried he could never get the romantic feelings that everyone always described when they went on dates. He could enjoy being around them, even care about them but love was just not something he thought was in his vocabulary.

So as he drove her back looking over at Diana he just could not help that think that her acting this way, and her having sex with her wouldn't make her feeling of lost grow and he didn't want to be responsible for her doing some stupid or reckless.

Diana left the car without saying the words and sliding into the building and running up the three flight of stairs. Her brother and Sophie are both in the room having pancakes. Diana couldn't help but wonder when her brother was going to propose they had been together for such a long time now. It was the type of relationship that Diana secretly craved but would never voice that out loud. She smiles sweetly at the two of them before murmuring something about a shower and leaving the two of them be.

Sophie and Tommy had started dated within days of Tommy throwing up in New York. He was the wide eye boy wanting to take on the city and she was the private school girl who was just trying to find who she was. In all the muddle and messy this world would have these two people managed to find one another. Sophie was used to the finer things in life, but she was quite happy sneaking into galleries or sitting on the food with Chinese food as they watched the world go by. They were a simple and uncomplicated couple most of the time and while they did get on one another's nerves a lot of the time they loved each other unconditionally.

Diana pulls her clothes off and steps into the shower letting the hot water completely take over her. She needed this shower; she needed to wash away all the pain that she was currently feeling. It was going to be hard for her to feel better she knew that and maybe there was a small part of her that didn't want to listen to that voice in the back of her head.

Diana stands naked in her bedroom looking at her reflection and her eyes flickered over all the marks and scars which she had gained over her twenty-one years of life. The small scar on her neck from when she had dropped an iron on when she was eight years old. The marks on her wrists from when she had let a guy tie her up with rope. The number of a faded hickey on her neck and chest from when she had sex with Nicholas. She stood here for a little bit not really sure what to do or what to say.

She was glad about the body that she had grown a custom to but at the same time, she couldn't help but equally be bored with it. It wasn't that she hated the way she looked, just sometimes she wished she looked different as a way to hide behind a mask successfully.

She moved over to her wardrobe and running her fingers over her many different types of clothes trying to find something that she could curl up in. Naturally, she finds her hands on a leatherman jacket that belonged to Joseph. She had been meaning to give it back, but he had grown tired of her behaviour and therefore stopped asking for it.

She wondered to her bed and curling in a ball she pull the bedsheets over her head blocking out the sun that was shining into her room. She let her self cry silently into those bedsheets. She wanted to disappear and never walk upon this earth ever again. She wanted Joseph but she could see how that was ever going to be a thing. He just didn't like her in that way and she didn't understand why he couldn't see through the fake smiles and white liars and see who she truly was, a good person who just wanted to be loved.

Maybe she knew she had to change, but didn't want to admit it or maybe she knew that no matter what she did he would never care about her the same way. He will continue to throw her to the side like she was the backup choice. He wanted a pretty girl, with good background and she was just someone from the wrong side of the tracks. She wondered that if her parents were still around whether she would have been considered good and proper. It sounded so strange and unbelievably pathetic but ultimately nobody ever forgets there first love. They could be a bastard, an addict or maybe the devils spawn but no matter how bad they were, they will always be a part of you and that is something Diana was struggling with.

She could lay under her sheets, wearing his clothes and cry but that wouldn't make her feel any better, in fact, that would make her feel worst. Diana was breaking, but she had along the path to go before she would be capable of putting thoughts of Joseph behind her. Love was a strange thing and while it could be complicated, frustrated and intoxicated that was the love which was healthy and that was how Diana Clark would describe her feelings when she thought about Joseph. He was the person she wanted to throw a brick at while equally wanting to fuck his brains out.

Here and now, she was thinking about all the good moment, the time they had gone on there the first date. The time they had spent there first night together. So she lay in her bed, broken and there was nothing anybody could do for her until she accepted that help.

Word Count ⇒ 1814