1 Do I Want to Die?

Hi, I'm Baba.

I'm a 14 yr. old boy living in the suburbs of a large city.

I wake up, go to school, go home, and sleep like any other 14 yr. old boy.

The difference is...

That I wake up on a house that the breakfast is always half-cooked rice with plain old salt.

Where the roof is fool of holes.

Where roaches and rodents can be seen in every corner of the house.

Going to school without lunch money like my classmates because of my alcoholic father. Going to school scared because of the fear of being called names, getting punched, or just being bullied by my classmates.

Being threatened by my classmates if I report to the teachers of them bullying me.

The only thing that I can eat on lunch time was the food that my classmates aggressively throws at me.

Sometimes I get a piece of fried chicken or two if I'm lucky.

Going home hearing the shouts of my parents back and forth outside the house.

Seeing them argue about many meaningless things.

Seeing my drunk father beating the crap out of my mom.

Seeing my mom's bruised and disheartened face.

Going to bed depressed, asking my self 'Do I really have to live? Is it better being dead? Do I want to die?'.

Crying myself to sleep thinking about my miserable life.

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I dream of me with my family.

Having wide smiles and cheerful laughs.

But reality is not like that.

Reality uppercuts you in the head and stares at you while you're there lying on the floor almost unconscious and blood dripping from your mouth.

Reality is no sun shine and rainbows.

It's a matter of life or death.

I learned it the hard way.

The hard and miserable way.

Then I wake up.

I eat breakfast and shower like normal.

I hear the shouts of my mom across the room.

I checked to see what was happening.

I saw my mom throwing clothes to my dad.

Dad walked away furious while picking up the clothes and putting it on his bag.

After that, mom saw me and she just smiled gently while tears were flowing down her eyes.

Seeing her bruised face I was hurt at the fact that mom did this for me and my future.

She then hurried to the bedroom with a long rope in hand.

She continued by saying "Go to school before you get marked late."

Before she closed the door of the bedroom, she looked at me with teary eyes before softly saying "Sorry and goodbye."

I didn't understand why she would say that at the time but I strongly regret it now that I didn't do anything to stop her.

I packed up and was ready to go to school.

The usual happened to me on those times.

I got to school, got bullied, ate from the food my classmates throw at me, and learn some stuff from my teachers.

You know, the usual.

At least it was usual for me.

When I got near to my house I heard no screaming, no shouting.

Then I remembered seeing my father leaving the house.

I entered thru the front door as usual.

"I'm home!" I said expecting a response from my mom.

But there was only silence.

''Strange.'' I said while walking around the ever so silent house.

"Mom! I'm home!" I shouted loud while opening every door.

I was frightened.

I thought mom would leave me behind.

Then I remembered that mom entered the bedroom.

'She must be sleeping.'

I was kinda right but it was a different type of sleeping.

I opened the door slowly so that I won't disturbed mom.

What only greeted me was a woman's dead body hanging in the ceiling.

"MOM?!?"

My worse fears came true.

The one that I cared for the most was gone.

Tears ran down my eyes as if they transformed into waterfalls. Thorou

I ran to my mom hugging her corspe so tight it looks like I was a part of her.

I shouted so loud that our neighbor and friend heard it.

She rushed to see what was happening.

The only thing she saw was a hanging corpse and a crying shouting child hugging it.

"Oh how awful for this to be experienced by a child." She then proceeds to call the police and calm me down.

About 5 minutes later loud sirens can be heard outside the house.

The police came and held an investigation.

The tall guy announced to us that my mom was dead for 6 hours and she has officially left this world.

A funeral was held a few days later.

It was me and my relatives with all my mom's close friends.

But there was no sign of my father.

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My ignorant father didn't want me to live with him because I look like my mom so I was taken to an orphanage by my mom's friends

There, the nuns were kind to me and fed me many delicious food.

I wasn't the skinny boy anymore but I was still devastated and traumatised that I can't even speak.

I was nicknamed "Silent Baba" in the orphanage and even at school.

And every time I sleep I always see my mom's corpse with the smell of rotten flesh while flies were flying around it hanging in the ceiling.

It was so disgusting and so real that I throw up everytime I wake up dreaming it.

Months has passed and I still can't speak even though I have been visiting a therapist every now and then.

Before sleeping I always ask myself "Do I want to die?"

I hear the same words everyday.

Ringing in my ears as if a ghost was telling me to die.

That ghost would probably be my mother telling me to join her.

Walking to school, there was a train track near it.

We would always cross it before arriving at the school.

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The date today was June 4, 20XX.

My birthday.

I was on my way to school and the nuns said to comeback home early so that we can celebrate my birthday.

Walking down the road nearing the tracks, we heard a particular sound from it.

*Ding, ding, ding*

It was the sound of the alarm that a train is nearing and we should stop behind the barricades.

The ground started to vibrate signaling the train being near.

I stood there staring blankly into the distance.

Without a moment to lose I rushed to the tracks.

I hopped over the closing barricades and stood there in the tracks.

'Death is the best gift that anyone can give me.'

The driver of the train saw me and immediately pulled the breaks of the train.

But it was to late.

The train was moving so fast it was hard to stop it.

With a tear in my eye my final words were very simple yet intruiging at the same time.

"Mother..... I'm coming."

*Thud*

The train hit me hard that my body flew many meters.

My faced was flattened, my bones shattered, blood everywhere.

It was not a pleasant sight to see.

The train stopped after 10 seconds of it happening.

The people who didn't even try to help recorded it everything with there cellphones.

They laughed at it saying that 'This guy was so stupid that he decided to die by getting runned over by a train.'

That's the harsh reality.

Nobody even tried to help you even at the brink of death.

My death got on the news, the newspaper, and every social media network.

Some took pity, some laughed at me but I didn't care.

Death was the only thing that can help me in this situation.

The answer to the question of "Do I Want to Die?"

Yes I want to die.

Why?

Because death can release me from pain.

Death can be a blessing in disguise to others and to me.

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But don't be like me or the others who wasted there one and only life.

Be someone greater, be someone who is happy even though life sucks.

Death is my answer to my problems but it doesn't mean it is for you too.

Talk to someone, tell your problem to them.

Because it can help you I'm sure.

I didn't do it because I was a piece of crap who didn't value his life.

As they always say "Live your life to the fullest."

I didn't live mine but you can live yours.

Grow and experience new things.

You have the power to say "This is not how my story ends."

Believe in yourself and believe in the others around you.

That's it for me.

I'm gonna join my mom now.

Take care and goodbye.

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THE END