11 I should have rejected your kindness...

chapter 11

I dressed in the attire mother prepared for me and wore the fancy jewelry that my father handed to me last night.

I sat in my room as I listened to the chattering of the arriving guest, taking a few deep breaths before i walked out smiling.

I saw all my cousins, high-school friends as well as the auntie's I grew up with. I took a seat and waited for them to announce the event. I approached a few of them while savories were being served seated near Elham the majority of the time.

A few hours later after everyone settled in, we began opening up the presents and that's where the crowd cheered up. We laughed together and joked about what was to be in the next one.

My mother in law gave me her blessings and everyone was served food. They left after a few hours. I could not wait to remove the heavy itchy dress that I was forced to wear.

After taking a shower my future spouse phoned me, for the first time we spoke for hours on the phone. Strangely he sounded familiar… maybe I am just imagining things. 2 weeks away from the official wedding, each day I felt my nerves grow a little…

Mother did not allow me to touch any of her preparations so I was left doing nothing the entire time. Of course, karate practice still went on, as usual, with no time for slacking.

"oh yes I wanted to tell you something that day remember?" he says handing me a bottle of water

" Shoot, I almost forgot about that."

" a few of us are going to Japan with you, we got selected for the program as well."

" omg, awesome! Now I won't be alone in a foreign country."

" aren't you wondering how?" he asks, toweling off,

I sat there looking up to him.

" well, I know you guys are capable… so why would I question your abilities?"

" I see… let's get back to your kicking training."

" can't I take 5 more minutes just 5," I ask with pleading eyes

" nope up with you, or would you like to double the exercise for 5 more minutes of rest?"

" Suddenly I'm not tired anymore."

He chuckled and we began the practice session again. You could see his beautiful dimples expose themselves on his checks from time to time, he hardly smiled since I met adult him, so it felt good to see him light up occasionally.

Normally when the practice was over we would go out, have food and just unwind before heading back home. These days there is no peace at home, it's either wedding this or wedding that… it's like planning the queen's wedding, I bet the queen herself did not make the amount of fuss mother has. She did not do this for any of my siblings as well, who mind you, did exactly as they were told their entire life.

I just wanted to run away, move out perhaps but no coming back this time. It would be better that way. I was not even allowed to go out biking, my mother scolded me for the few scratches I got the day I toppled over my bike, which is completely normal.

I would paint sceneries and sketch forests to calm me down. I still participated in art events to avoid boredom.

" Nura, " my mother calls out to me, she calls out to me at least a thousand times a day

"jee! (yes) I say running downstairs in my pajamas."

I froze there as I gazed upon my father in law, and his wife.

"umm, I'll be right back."

I say rushing back quickly changing into a cloak and headscarf, " Asalamualikum… I say embarrassed."

"walikumsalam dear, we just came to check on you and your parents. Next time we'll bring Zafar, you guys haven't met yet," said my mother in law, "but I heard all is well over the phone."

"jee it is."

"Nura, make sure that you take care of my son as soon as you guys are married,"

" jee, uncle… I will trust me."

He smiled, " call me father," he said, " I've known you since you were a child, and you always called me your father remember."

" jee I remember."

We spoke for a short while until my mother asked me to leave for my training. She's always chasing me away.

I left and went over to a Café to meet Mutaq and a few of our old high school friends. I sneaked out on my motorbike and after training headed out for a ride. I needed peace at least for a moment, the talk with the in-laws made everything seem real. I felt sick, I don't know what I'm feeling these, days.

I missed the old days, carefree, on my own…allowing people into my space when I felt like it. I wanted to go back and spend a little more time… with Zafar and Elham, I wanted to have another street fight. I wanted to run through alleys and race around abandoned streets... At… at least one more time.

There is a saying, ' when we're younger we in such a Hurry to grow up, but when we get there, we want to go back.' I wish I cherished my time a little more. I wish I would have stopped for a moment, smelt the flowers, made more friends, fell in love, or laugh a little more.

I stopped near a garage, and took out my sketchbook, I kept myself away from it since the fight with Zafar. I was anxious to see what was on the inside of it… I knew it was going to remind me of what I lost.

I took a sip of water and flipped through its pages, the begging was filled with random sketches of bikes and trees, but as I went through the pages. I saw how much effort I put into my relationship with Zafar. Page after page after page since we met, every single day, from the little moments we spent together to the last.

I wanted to scream, by now I should have completely forgotten about him. He just threw me aside. I put it away wore my gloves and went back to the dojo.

I was not one to sit and cry over someone, yes I sighed from time to time, sometimes I would feel numb, but not once have I shed a tear for someone besides myself. I went over and had a full-on hard-core practice on my own, tiring myself out purposely, I wanted exhaustion to take over my body so that I can forget about the weird feeling I recently started having.

I was tired, a little frustrated, I worked until I almost passed out. I did not want to leave Until Mutaq came over to lock the dojo. I quickly pulled myself together and went home.

I took a swim in the pool before heading to bed. Funny how someone can be of such a great impact on your feelings.