One: I'm A What?

"You'd better be worth his life."

Of all the things one expects to hear upon waking up, that's not one that generally comes to mind. I opened my eyes slowly, pain racking my body. I heard Ryo whimpering softly next to me. I looked over at her. She was laying on her side, breathing heavily and staring right at me. Half of her fur was singed off and one ear was missing. Her skin looked like someone had held a torch to her side. We were both lying on earth that looked like it was similarly scorched like Ryo. My panic at seeing Ryo in her current state was only briefly overshadowed by what I saw behind her, or rather, what I didn't see behind her. Everything was gone. My bed, my room, the apartment complex, the foundation, everything. For as far as I could see it was just scorched earth. I simply couldn't process what I was seeing.

"Oh, what have we here? Another survivor?" The voice quickly sucked in a breath. "Oh my. Let me help you, dear."

A figure gracefully stepped around me and leaned over Ryo, placing their hands on her. Ryo's eyes went wide, and she started yelping in pain from the contact on her ruined flesh.

"Hey!" I yelled angrily. "What the fuck are you doing to my dog?!" I moved to protect her, but immediately stopped when she started to glow. What the hell? I thought.

"No, not hell. Quite the opposite, in fact." I finally stole a glance at the voice's owner, and then couldn't take my eyes off her. She was, without question, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She had black hair. So black it was almost blue, if that makes any sense. Golden eyes I've never seen outside of a cartoon. Her face was perfectly proportioned...

"Listen, we'll have plenty of opportunities for you to check me out later. Right now, I need you to help me."

I stared at her, wide-eyed. "What?"

"I said, I need you to help me. This is going to be even more painful for Ryo, so I need you to make eye contact and talk to her. Tell her everything is going to be alright."

"What are you doing? I swear to God, if you kill my dog…"

"Swear to yourself then!" she barked at me. "I'm trying to save her life, damn it! But to do so, I must undo what's been done to her. That means she's going to feel the pain of everything that's happened to her in reverse! The first time it happened, it was quick and over with before she even realized anything had happened. Undoing it is going to be a slower process, so the pain is going to be much more intense. Now will you do as I tell you, or are you going to let her suffer more?"

Shutting my mouth, I leaned over and held Ryo's head in my lap. I stroked her as softly as I could, careful to avoid what was left of her ear and the other burned portions of her skin. She quietly whimpered as she tried to look at me, weakly trying to lick my other hand. Typical Ryo, I thought, with a bitter smile. She's the one in pain and she's still trying to comfort me. The lick didn't go unnoticed by the woman, who glanced up at me briefly with an expression I couldn't quite make out, but she quickly went back to work, the glow intensifying around Ryo. I felt a ticklish sensation run up and down my body as the glow enveloped all three of us. Ryo started to twitch and kick, yelping loudly in pain and even snapping at my hand in the way terrified dogs do when they're injured. I gently but firmly clamped her jaw shut with one hand while still stroking her softly and whispering to her that everything would be alright.

I'm not sure how long the process took. Just watching the process was both terrifying and mesmerizing. As Ryo struggled within my grasp and beneath the woman's hands, the glow grew almost too bright to see. I could still make some things out, however, like watching the burns retreat along her skin, her ear seemingly growing back, her fur returning to its normal healthy sheen. By the time it was complete, Ryo was sleeping soundly with her head on my lap, back to her old self. Her collar fell to the ground just as the woman finished. Apparently, it had melted to Ryo's skin during whatever had happened, and that neat little glowing trick I just witnessed didn't seem to work on nonliving things. Gently laying her head on the ground, I got up and stretched my aching legs, which had fallen asleep halfway through whatever this all was. The woman turned to speak to me finally, but I held up a hand.

"Just a second. Before you say anything, there's something I absolutely must take care of." She gawked at me as I turned around. I was obviously thinking of other things when I woke up, discovering the absence of everything around me and the condition of my furry companion, not to mention the sudden appearance of this raven haired goddess who'd saved Ryo, however there are some things that wait for no man, and taking a leak when you wake up is one of them. As I went to do my business, walking along the now barren landscape to a distance sufficient to maintain some measure of privacy, I reached for the hem of my shorts, only to discover they weren't there. My boxers had made a startling disappearance as well. Filing this away momentarily, I took aim and finished a critical portion of my morning routine.

I paused after I was finished to take in my surroundings with a bit more awareness than earlier, no longer worried about Ryo and her injuries. For as far as I could see, there was nothing manmade in sight. Nor was there anything living, apart from the three of us. No people, no animals, no plants, nothing. It suddenly struck me just how quiet it was. Whether we realize it or not, we're constantly surrounded by noise. People make noise. Animals make noise. The wind rustling through trees and bushes makes noise. I looked at the ground beneath my feet. I was standing on bedrock so smooth it could've been a parking lot. It was like someone had just scraped everything above it away and sanded it flat, then scorched it. I slowly turned around, not caring about my nudity, and stared at the woman, who was staring right back at me.

"Now, would you mind explaining to me just what the fuck is going on?" I started stalking towards her. "Last night I went to bed just like always, and when I wake up everything I know is gone, my dog is burned to a crisp, you're standing there muttering something about being worth someone's life, and I'm fucking naked! Where is everyone?! Where am I? Is this even still Texas? Did I get transported somewhere? What happened to my clothes? What happened to Ryo? Who the fuck are you?" The questions started spilling out of my mouth, my brain finally trying to grasp the situation it's found itself in, and it wasn't doing a very good job of it right at that moment. She tried to maintain eye contact with me during my tirade, but she lowered them as I got closer.

"You know the answers to all of those questions, don't you?" I asked.

She hesitated briefly, then nodded sharply, still not meeting my eyes.

"I'm not going to like those answers, am I?"

She looked up briefly, gauging my expression as if to decide her next choice of words.

"No, most likely not," she finally said, a small sigh escaping her lips. She glanced up at the sky then. "We should probably move this elsewhere, however. Satellites are about to pass directly over this area, and if either of us are seen by them, it'll only bring more questions that neither of us can answer. Pick up Ryo and come stand next to me."

I hesitated, unsure of what to do. I just met this woman. I knew nothing about her. Hell, I still didn't even know her name, and aside from the fact that she saved my dog, she's said and done nothing to show I can trust her, or even if she wasn't responsible for the very situation I now found myself in. I generally consider myself a good judge of character, ex wife notwithstanding, but I couldn't get a read on her.

"We haven't got time for this!" she shouted in frustration and suddenly moved faster than my eyes could keep up. Before I could register what happened, a frustrating trend that was afflicting me this morning, she was standing right before me, Ryo cradled in her arms and the only thing separating the woman and me, large black wings sprouting from her back. "Brace yourself," she said, a soft glow starting to form around her.

"Wha-" was all I got out as her wings suddenly wrapped around me, pulling me close against her with Ryo sandwiched between us. As the glow around her intensified, I could feel a pleasant tickling sensation running up and down my body, just like when she was healing Ryo. I also suddenly realized I was stark ass naked and pressed tightly against this goddess of beauty who smelled faintly of lavender. My arms were pressed to my sides by her wings, but other appendages weren't so limited in movement, and her golden eyes narrowed slightly at me as she felt her thigh being poked.

"You better get that thing under control, mister."

Any response I might have had was immediately cutoff, as everything around me disappeared in blinding flash of light.

*

I woke up with one hell of a headache. Ryo was peacefully sleeping next to me, softly snoring away.

What the hell happened last night? I thought to myself. I don't remember getting drunk. And what was up with that dream? Whenever I dream of beautiful women, that's not generally how it goes. They're usually a lot more… fun.

"I'm sure they are. But don't expect this woman to perform any of those tricks you like any time soon, ok?"

Surprised at the voice, I sat up sharply, and immediately regretted it. I grabbed my head as a soundless scream tried to escape my throat. If this was a hangover, this was surely a record setting one. A hand gently pushed on my chest, bidding me to lay down again. I looked at the hand, then followed the arm it was attached to up to the face hovering over me. It was the same woman from before, no wings this time, though.

"You'll have to forgive me. I figured you could tolerate the acceleration since you survived Inton's… I mean The Event. I was wrong, evidently, and you've been recuperating from your injuries for quite some time." I saw a momentary flicker of sadness when she said "Inton's," but she quickly recovered and corrected herself. She placed her hand on my forehead, closed her eyes, and that tickling feeling from before reappeared. My planet breaking headache began to dull before disappearing completely.

"Um, thanks," I managed to croak out. I sat up, slower this time, as she offered me a glass of water. I sipped at it until I didn't feel like I'd swallowed the Sahara anymore, then I stared directly at her, locking her eyes with mine. "Now, explain."

"Aren't you hungry? You're still recovering, you know. You should eat something."

I realized that I was, in fact, starving, so I nodded. "Yeah, ok. I'm pretty hungry. What's on the menu?"

"Just a second." She turned and left the room while I took the opportunity to gauge my surroundings. It was a fairly large room. Far larger than any one person had any right occupying by themselves. My memories of it were a bit rough, but I'd say this room was even larger than the bay I lived in during my nine weeks in army basic training, and I shared that space with sixty other guys. It was sparsely furnished. A wardrobe and dresser on the wall to my left, a small table with a couple of chairs just off to the right of the bed I was in, and that was about it really. The bed itself was on a level I've never seen before. I used to think a California King was big, but this put them all to shame. I could easily imagine a college female volleyball team sharing this bed and no one getting in anyone else's way. The fact that I somehow still managed to find myself sleeping on the edge facing the nearest wall wasn't that surprising to me. I've always done that. Even in beds placed away from the wall. Ryo seemed happy with the bed though. As per her usual habits, she was stretched out along the head of the bed on her back, leg twitching in her sleep and snoring, only now there was enough space for her to do it without smacking me in the face with her tail or kick me when her dreams got a little too rambunctious.

The room was more than just cavernous. Majestic is probably the word I'm looking for. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling at steady intervals, letting out just enough light to keep you from walking into the sporadic furniture. Roman style columns rose up, curving around to my right, separating dark blue curtains, which I assumed covered large windows. Dark tiling on the floor looked like polished marble. My old drill sergeant would've had a hard on just looking at that shine. Actually, as I looked around the room, I could see a dark motif was included in everything. Dark blue, dark gray, even black here and there. I felt like I was deep underwater. I was suddenly curious about what just lay behind those curtains, but before I could get out of bed to find out, the woman re-entered the room, followed by a shorter, but no less lovely, woman in a maid's uniform. The maid was carrying a tray with a silver lid on it. It all looked very cliché, but the smell of food was enough to keep me from remarking on it.

"Just set it on the table, Su," the woman directed the maid to the small table.

The maid, Su, apparently, placed the dish on the table and then stood next to the table, hands clasped in front of her as she stared at me, green eyes sparkling. Now that she had come closer and was more visible under the dim light of the chandelier near this side of the room, I got a better look at her. She had fiery red hair pulled back into a tight bun. Her green eyes fixed firmly on me as I gazed at her. The uniform looked like a proper maid uniform, covering her from neck to ankles and wrists, instead of the cute French maid outfits people wore for Halloween and in anime. Not that I was complaining. Sometimes less is more, and teasing me with what I can't see can be just as effective as a short skirt and low neckline, and considering just how tight it was around her chest, I could imagine she was hiding plenty. All that aside, however, what captured my attention the most was her skin. It was blue. Not Blue Man Group blue, but a soft pastel blue. It was such a contrast to her hair and eyes that I just couldn't stop staring. Being under such scrutiny didn't seem to phase her. In fact, the longer I looked, the more noticeable it was that she had started to smirk a little. I guess she liked the attention.

"You may go now, Su."

Su momentarily lost her composure as she whipped around and stared at the woman. "But Mistress Rhia! It's been so long since I've been able to fulfill my duties! Ever since the last master left-"

Before she could say anymore, the woman, whom I now knew was named Rhia, grabbed her by the collar and yanked her towards her, barely an inch separated their noses now. I realized Su's feet were no longer touching the floor as she dangled in Rhia's grip.

"Not. Another. Word." She gritted out between clenched teeth, giving me a sidelong glance and catching my raised eyebrow. She set Su back down and brushed back a lock of red hair that had fallen out of place. "I haven't had a chance to speak with him yet about anything. Right now, your place is on standby literally anywhere but here. I don't care where you go, but this room is off limits until further notice. Now go."

Su straightened out her uniform, gave Rhia a shallow bow, a deeper one to me, then quickly retreated, her face a darker shade of blue than when she was smirking at my attention earlier. I tried figuring out if the darkening of her skin was the equivalent of a blush or going pale, but realized I had absolutely no information to draw any kind of comparison. Hell, I didn't even know if she was human.

"Oh she's human alright, just not as you know it," Rhia said, watching the massive double door silently close behind Su. I looked up in shock, realizing she had answered a question I hadn't even asked. It then occurred to me that she'd actually done that a few times in our short time together.

"Are you reading my mind?"

I had to ask. The evidence clearly said yes, but I still like to confirm things out loud when I have the opportunity. This time it was Rhia's turn to raise an eyebrow at me. Her look was all the answer I needed, however she still humored me with a vocal response.

"As obvious as it should be by now, yes, I am reading your mind. Don't worry, I'm not probing too deep or anything. If your surface thoughts are any indication, I don't think I'm mentally ready for what I may find hidden underneath. More to the point, why are you still in bed? Breakfast is served." She made a show of removing the lid off the tray Su had dropped off, waving the aroma in my direction. The smell of eggs, bacon and coffee hit me like a runaway truck and I started salivating uncontrollably. Ryo suddenly flipped over and stood up on the bed, her eyes shining, tail wagging, and drooling. Rhia looked at Ryo, silent. Ryo's tail stopped and she cocked her head to the side a bit, as if she was trying to figure something out. She suddenly gave a cheerful bark and bolted off the bed, running like a bandit to the other side of the room. Well, half running half sliding. Tiled floors were a new thing for her. Rhia watched her for a second. "More paw, less claw, honey!" she called after Ryo, and to my surprise there was less clicking from her nails hitting the floor and she started making better progress. I stared at Rhia.

"What?" she asked.

"You speak dog?"

She giggled briefly, but quickly recovered, trying to mask the cute sound with her confident demeanor again. "No. But for less intelligent species I can make suggestions they're likely to obey. Mentally I told her there was food over there, which there will be, and that a friend will be along to play with her after, which is also true. Back to my original question though, why are you still in bed?"

Realizing she had a point, I threw my legs over the side and stood up. I expected the floor to be cold with all that tiling, but it was pleasantly warm. Nice, I thought, and stood up. The blanket slid off me as I did, and I was again reminded of the fact that I had no clothes on. Stupidly, I looked at Rhia and shrugged. Keeping her eyes on my face, she pointed at the wardrobe and dresser on the other side of the bed. As I made my way around the bed, I thought I heard her mutter something about being thankful she got Su out of the room first. File that away for later, I thought as I opened the wardrobe.

"What the hell?" I said absentmindedly and pulled out what appeared to be a sheet on a hanger. Holding it in front of me I turned around to Rhia, catching her with half a strip of my bacon in her hand. "Is this a fucking toga?"

"Oh. I forgot all about that. We haven't updated the wardrobe selection in a while, it would appear," she said nonchalantly.

"A while?" I said, slightly incredulous. "No one's really worn these in at least 1500 years! And why is it on a hanger?! It's just a twenty foot long sheet!"

"Relax," she said. "Just wrap it around your waist or something. We'll have something for you to wear this afternoon. I just can't stand to see you flopping about all day while we talk. Now hurry up before I finish this bacon off. We don't get it much up here, you know."

*

Rhia kept poking at John's breakfast as she watched him struggle with the toga. She wasn't lying about the availability of bacon here. Considering their location, deliveries weren't really an option, so of course she'd savor it any chance she got, even if it did deprive her prospective new boss. He didn't know that was his position, of course, and she wasn't sure how he'd feel about it once she dropped the news on him. She didn't think he'd be too happy about it, especially once he learned just how they'd found him, and what Inton's sacrifice had wrought.

Over 30 million people vanished in an instant, vaporized by the sheer magnitude of the power unleashed when Inton combined his power with the divine storm he'd summoned. Everything down to the bedrock was wiped out in a blast covering 500,000 square miles. Ninety percent of Texas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana were gone. Half of Arkansas was a wasteland. Northeast Mexico down to Monterrey was also caught up in the blast. Even the water three hundred miles out into the Gulf of Mexico was vaporized. The resulting rush of water attempting to reclaim the void left behind would've wreaked havoc on coastal cities had any remained standing.

No, she thought. He won't be happy at all about this. She briefly considered not telling him the whole truth, but quickly discounted it. He'd find out eventually, and by that point he'll likely be in a position where his rage would have lasting consequences, not just on her, but the whole world. She had to avoid that at all cost. Better to tell the truth quickly and get it over with now, while he was still marginally under her control. Like ripping off a band-aid, as the humans said. Of course, she'd never actually used one, but she understood the sentiment.

Why was she so convinced he wouldn't react well to the news? Beyond the basic human feeling of helplessness whenever a major catastrophe happens, and rage at intentional destruction that killed hundreds or thousands of people, Rhia's belief came from an unlikely source. Ryo. While John was asleep, Ryo never left his side. Granted, she was asleep too, as she was recovering from the same injuries as John at this point, but when they'd tried to give her a spot of her own separate from John, they found she was more restless and wasn't sleeping well. Whimpering in a mournful way. However, after moving her back to his side on the bed, she'd immediately calm down and sleep soundly. Then there was something Rhia had witnessed while healing Ryo when she'd found them. Despite the pain she was going through, Ryo still tried to comfort John, licking his hand lightly and watching him closely. John, for his part, was so worried about Ryo that he had hardly even noticed his surroundings. He'd registered them on a basic level, but first and foremost on his mind was how much his dog was hurting. He cared so much for his companion that the rest of the world didn't even matter to him.

Indeed, he hadn't even noticed he was naked until Ryo was healed, and the only time he'd really looked away from her was when he was checking out Rhia. Enough time had passed by now that she could look back on that objectively. It wasn't every day a woman of otherworldly beauty showed up right in front of you. John was still a member of the male species after all. She was just thankful she'd snapped him back to reality before his gaze dropped below her neckline. Otherworldly or not, most women did not enjoy the feeling of eyes roaming up and down her body, although she did understand that he would eventually size her up. He was still getting his bearings at the moment. Once things calmed down and they figured out a routine, she was sure he'd develop a keener interest in her. Of course, she did notice the brief examination he'd made of Su, and part of her ego rankled at that. Why check out the maid before me?

*

I finally settled on wrapping the toga around my waist a couple times, then threw the remainder over my shoulder, like I've seen on TV. I had no idea if it was correct or not, but at least I was covered up. No more junk swinging around for the world to see, and it kind of hid the belly I'd developed after leaving the Army. Without forced workouts every morning, and an excess of free or discounted pizza, my body had taken on a softer look than it ever previously had.

I glanced to the other side of the massive room and could barely make out Ryo's tail madly waving back and forth as she wolfed down something in a reflective bowl. She appeared to have a couple maids flanking her, each petting her as she ate. One more maid stood a little further away, near a door I hadn't seen previously, her eyes glowing slightly in the dark. That's interesting, I thought. First a blue skinned maid, and now someone with glowing eyes… like a cat?! Is that a catgirl? The anime nerd in me was suddenly very interested in who all was over there, but a conspicuous cough from Rhia caught my attention.

"Ah, right," I said, and padded over to where she sat at the table, noticing a much smaller portion of bacon on the plate than there was earlier. I raised an eyebrow in her direction as I took a seat, but she just stared back as I dug into the food set out in front of me. I popped the first bite of the omelet into my mouth and froze, my eyes widening. I looked at Rhia, eyes still wide. She just smirked and waved for me to continue eating. I was torn between the need to shovel everything into my mouth and satiate my hunger and my desire to take my time and savor every hint of flavor. Rhia poured us both cups of coffee as I savored my breakfast, greedily finishing the bacon before she could steal anymore. Before I realized, I'd finished everything on plate. I've never felt such remorse or satisfaction at finishing a meal. I could eat like that forever. As I leaned back and sipped at my coffee, I let out a contented sigh.

"It's like I haven't eaten in a year, and I'm suddenly offered up a five star meal. That was divine."

For the first time since she found me, I saw Rhia lose her composure, nearly choking on her coffee and spluttering a bit. Ah, I thought. So the mind reader CAN be caught off guard. She glared at me, but quickly recomposed her face and dabbed at the spilled coffee with a napkin. I glanced over to where the maids were playing with Ryo, only to see them quickly moving out of the room, taking Ryo with them.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" I said, starting to stand, but Rhia waved me back to my seat.

"She'll be fine. Don't worry. They just know we need to discuss some things, and that Ryo needs some exercise. It's been a while since she's been out for a run, and we have facilities here she's going to love."

Having indulged my hunger and trusting that nothing would happen to my only companion here, I decided she was right. It was time to get down to business. I may have seemed relaxed during the course of events this morning, but I was intensely curious about what was going on. I didn't even know what time it was, what day it was, where I was, or just what the hell had happened when I woke up before to a world of nothing and a burnt dog.

"Fair enough. I'm sure you already know all my questions, Miss Mind Reader. So where should we start?"

She looked at me thoughtfully. "Where would you like to start? I've got a short version, and I've got a long version. I sense you'll probably want to hear both, though."

"Let's start with the short version. You can fill in the blanks after."

"Okay." She took a moment to steel herself, then looked me dead in the eye.

"Mr. Badger, you're a god."