1 A Letter from Fate / A Nightmare

A thick blanket of clouds blocked the moon's favorable light, while two lanterns, like beacons, flanked the gate to the Orphanage grounds. That's where the message would come, Caleb thought, wishing he could close his eyes and blink himself into that future.

The wait was excruciating. Today was the deadline. Supper was hours ago, and gray dusk had shifted well into a black night.

The window's inside glare mirrored the room behind him, with candles flickering dim light across two simple beds. Rudimentary, they dominated the tight space with small chests at their feet and matching nightstands butted against each other at the heads.

In the reflection, a prone, thin, and lanky boy rested on one bed, face buried in a fluffed pillow.

Seeing his brother in such a state brought a small smile to his lips, despite the knotted ball of emotions in his chest. He was not alone. They dealt with it in their own way.

"But how much longer?" He muttered under his breath, refocusing on the darkness outside. "Its torture. Maybe neither of us got it?"

Suddenly, as if marking his words, a single rider on horseback appeared from the blackness, cloak fluttering behind as the horse stuttered to a sudden stop at the two lanterns.

"Somone's here," he breathed, fogging up the window as he leaned closer. The rider dropped from the saddle in a smooth, swift movement. A shadowed shape, Caleb assumed, one of the Mothers, rushed across the courtyard to greet the rider.

"Who's here?" Bass spoke in his ear. Caleb flinched, startled, finding himself a half breath away from striking his brother. He withheld sharp words as Bass leaned into the windowpane.

With both of their breath fogging the glass, Caleb took a sleeve and wiped. "A rider." Caleb whispered, as if saying it too loudly would cause the man to flee.

"For us?" Bass whispered back, putting his forehead against the glass and rubbing his narrow shoulders against Caleb's. The rider and shadowed greeter melded into the darkness beyond the solace of the lantern.

"How should I know? Don't hog the window. Get your own." He nudged Bass.

"There's only one window." Bass nudged back.

"I was here first, so don't shove me out of the way."

"I wasn't."

"Fine."

"Okay."

Shoulder to shoulder, in silence, they stared into the dark, hoping and after lifetimes, it seemed, the rider returned to his horse.

They shared a look, something between anticipation and fear on both of their faces, Caleb assumed. Suddenly, Bass launched himself from the window, his long legs taking him across the cramped room in one smooth motion. Standing at the foot of his bed, he wrung his fingers like they were unclean and stared at the door.

Caleb checked to be sure. The rider was gone and there were no shadowy figures cutting through the courtyard.

A rider came. Was this good news? Someone was chosen. Who? Which one? Both? A soft rap of knuckle sounded on their door. They stiffened.

Mother Meradan entered with a stoic expression, and he silently cursed his luck. She was the unreadable Mother. Stone faced and tightlipped, the middle-aged woman hardly had any muscles that worked in her face. Or so it seemed.

She eyed both of them with dark, neutral eyes. The skin over his face was tight, exposing high cheekbones, and the silver highlights in her dark hair glistened with the evening candlelight.

"Children," she said, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone. "I see neither of you have gone to bed as you were told." Hands placed firmly behind her back.

They exchanged confused looks.

"Yes, Mother." said Bass after a moment of pondering silence.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Yes, Mother." They replied in unison.

"No doubt." Mother Meradan's eyes shifted to Caleb. "Would you mind stepping out into the hallway, young Caleb?" It was a rhetorical question, one of Mother Meradan favorites. Bass shot him a concerned look, and he was sure his own gaze mimicked his brother's.

"Yes, Mother." He started for the door. Trying to remain with Bass would be futile if Mother Meradan wanted them separated. Was this bad news for one of them?

Queasiness squeezed at his throat. Butterflies fluttered in his gut.

"Father Petar is in the hall waiting for you." She continued as he stepped out. He nodded before allowing the door to close behind him.

Father Petar was an average man. Nothing about him drew the eye. Plain faced with a rounded jaw and stiff eyebrows. He opened his mouth to speak. "Young Caleb." His voice was fluid and neutral. "How are you?" Draped in the usual brown robes, his hands tucked in the oversized sleeves and dark hair was cut short on the sides of his face. His dark eyes searched Caleb as he opened and closed his mouth to speak.

Was it good news? Or bad? Who? Which one of them was accepted? What would he tell Bass? Could he face his brother? Look him in the eyes?

"You're nervous. That's plain as day." Father Petar took his hands from their sleeves and pursed his lips. "I shall make this quick, then." Caleb's heart skipped. He wanted to close his eyes. To cover his ears. "It wasn't meant for you." Father Petar's words echoed in his head.

Meant for me?

"As in, I wasn't accepted?"

Father Petar nodded, his eyes looking up in thought. "I thought that phrasing was too harsh, but yes. Exactly."

He blinked. I wasn't good enough? It wasn't meant for me? What does Bass have that I don't? Height? Reach? Why?

There was a shout from beyond the door and his heart ached.

They selected Bass. He grimaced, feeling the slimy hands of jealousy crawl up his spine. His stomach twisted.

"Young Caleb? You're pale. Have you eaten today?" Father Petar's eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine. Father." The words came out of his lips sharper and harsher than intended, but he didn't apologize.

"I see." Father Petar nodded with a solemn, maybe even a sad, look. "I shall give you space to process, then. Goodnight, child."

Father Petar walked away, sandaled feet clapping and Caleb stared at the door.

Walking through right now was certainly impossible. He wasn't ready to face Bass. To see his brother's excitment. Happinesss. Not yet, so he leaned up against the wall and sank to the floor, knowing full well that he was hiding.

He hid from his brother's excitement and happiness. He was hiding from the future, where he'd have to fake a smile and tell Bass he was okay. The future where he'd pat his brother on the back and give him encouraging words when he felt he needed them more. A future where his brother was better than him.

The door swung up with a sudden click, and Mother Meradan stepped into the hall. He buried his face in his hands, knowing full well she was going to confront him.

"Caleb," she said, her voice neutral but soft. "Child. We know how much the Academy meant for you both."

"Why?" He said, the question rising out of him before it formed in his mind.

"I don't know, child."

"What. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

"Then why?"

"I do not know." She rested knuckled fists on thin hips and looked down at him with a slight crease forming on her usually pristine forehead. A knot welled up in his throat, but he didn't dare cry. "You better gather yourself." She blurted, voice sharp and stern. "You're at the age where the world, life, is going to grab you and take you to places you didn't think you wanted to go. Your brother, even though you don't want to hear it, is going to Sidian Academy." She dropped to a knee at his side, the steel in her dark eyes softening. "Life is going to take you somewhere else, and that's okay. Everyone has to say goodbye, eventually. Might as well make it a good final night. For both of your sake. Yes?"

"Final night?"

"The Academy requested Bass's presence tomorrow," she said with a sad smile.

"Someone will arrive to get him in the morning. Say your goodbyes, unpuzzle everything after. Don't waste a moment or regret an opportunity when it still exists, child."

"He leaves tomorrow?" He straightened. "That's too soon. Wh-wha-"

"Go be with your brother," she rose to her feet and gestured at the closed door. "You may not be brothers born of blood, but born of circumstance. Just because the circumstance has changed doesn't mean the bond will."

"Okay, Mother," Caleb nodded, reaching the end of his wits after her lecture. "I'll go." He rose, and she nodded, straightening expectantly as his fingers closed around the cold latch.

Hesitating, unwanted thoughts rose. What if Bass decided not to go because of him? Would he tell him to leave? Could he? What if he doesn't treat me the same anymore? What if he thinks I'm not good enough for him?

Caleb forced himself through the door with a quick shake of his head and the click of the latch.

Bass sat at the edge of his cot with his face buried in his hands. "Bass?" He said. The door closed behind him.

"You didn't make it, did you?" he mumbled, face still buried in his hands. Suddenly, Caleb felt a little foolish. Bass was the one who cried and worried, not him.

"No." He started across the room. "But you did, and that's what matters, Bass."

"We were going to go together." He lifted his face from his hands. The edges of his eyes were stained with red. "This isn't fair." He sniffled. "Why didn't they choose you too?"

"Don't cry." He shook his head at his brother's audacity. "You're going to Sidian Academy. The place we always talked about since we were little."

"It's still not fair." He sniffed and his gaze hardened. "I won't go."

"You will go." Caleb frowned and matched his determination. "For the both of us. Become great for the both of us. Do the things we always said we would, Bass. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if you didn't." Bass didn't respond, running long fingers through his mattered head of bouncing curls and the room grew heavy with silence. "You will go, for us."

Bass's jaw tightened, and he set his lips in a tight line. "What will you do?" He sighed, surrendering.

"I'll figure something out." Caleb nodded, not sure if he believed himself. What would he do now? Fifteen summers old, he was expected to move on, or take on the novice-ship in the Fatherhood. He had little interest in the latter, but he didn't know where to go next. The Academy had been his only aim for as long as he could remember.

"You could join a Frontier Company?" said Bass, lying down on his back in the cot and stretching out. "They see the world and find glory, too."

"You know that's a terrible idea, right?"

"Maybe." Bass placed his hands on the stomach and stared up at the ceiling. "But you're you, and you're going to get bored farming, crafting or doing any of the civilized jobs."

"I would not."

"Yes."

"No."

"I could farm."

"No." Bass looked at him with a deadpan expression. "You can't."

"Half the recruits they've taken from this place have never returned." Caleb threw his hands in the air. "Terni, Popal, Jarick, Trestin, Dvuan… I've probably forgotten some of their names. All the older generations who went with the Frontiers. They've never come back."

"Maybe they're off adventuring somewhere." Bass shrugged, looking back up at the ceiling. "Or they found a home outside the walls of Sidia. They fell in love with the savages, or got seduced by an Elden witch. The world's a big place -"

"You can't use my words against me." Caleb blinked, recognizing where Bass was going immediately.

"Yes, I can."

Caleb narrowed his eyes, but didn't press it further. "I'm not joining a Frontier Company."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Silence followed for a moment, until Bass opened and closed his mouth to speak, but didn't. "What?"

Bass glanced at him and rolled onto his side, a small grin on his face. "I'm still convinced you're going to hate everything inside the walls. You'd be a terrible father, you can't cook, you don't have the patience for farming, you don't have the face for women - No offense, I just think if Sidian Academy won't take you…"

"Don't say it."

"I didn't say it." Bass lifted a hand defensively. "But what if you worked your way up and we could go out into the world like that one day? In a company, or, or on a mission?"

"What does that even mean, Bass?"

"I dont know. I'm making this up as I go."

"Idiot." Caleb sat on his cot and sank back onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling Bass's gaze on him.

"Are you going to be okay?" Bass asked.

"I think so."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so." Caleb shrugged, feeling a knot in his gut.

What was he going to do without his brother? Maybe Caleb was the cry baby. He just always cried on the inside.

They rested in silence for a long moment. Neither of them broke it until gentle snores filled the room. Caleb glanced over at his brother, snoring, mouth agape, with one arm dangling over the edge of his cot. He would miss him, he realized, feeling the weight of sleep pull his own eyelids closed.

*****

He knew he was dreaming. They had a strange feeling about them, a weightlessness almost, like his mind was fogged over and at the edge of his senses there was a tickle, like a soft feather, as if something or someone prodded at the edge of his consciousness.

Caleb sat on a tree branch. His feet dangled, tugged by the wind as it whistled and chilled his ears. The ground below was somewhere underneath a blanket of white clouds. It twisted underneath him, tugging on his stomach. He winced, squeezing the rough bark without realizing it, and suddenly woozy.

Could a tree extend somewhere beyond the clouds? It was a strange tree, as wide as it was tall, but barren, with leafless branches the size and pattern of river deltas extending above and below. It felt wrong.

"Uzakear," the wind ruffled his hair. His ears ached from the chill. He frowned, rubbing them with stiff fingers.

Did he imagine a voice? It was a dream, after all. Of course, he imagined a voice. It was all in his head, anyway.

"Run," the wind whispered.

"Where?" Caleb whispered back, feeling his face flush with heat. He wasn't a lunatic. "I'm stuck in a tree?"

He waited, feeling foolish as the wind whistled and blew, but held no more messages and whispers.

"So you're the fifth?" Said someone who pushed him over. His voice caught in his throat as he fell forward, head over heels. The wind roared, and the force squished his eyes closed. Floundering and screaming in silence, he dropped through the clouds like hurtling stone, and the earth rose to greet him.