11 Unexplainable feelings

Samuel made his way to Roth's house. He moved out of the house because he had always thought of himself as a burden. He wanted to earn by himself and support himself alone.

Of course, Roth accepted his decisions, but he also made it clear that he never thought of Samuel as a burden. It was his home, but he didn't consider it his home.

Not that he was disrespecting the favors Roth had done for him, but he just had to leave.

After getting favored by Roth like that and still not being able to pass a single smile was his biggest reason. It wasn't his fault. But he made it his fault.

Roth always respected his decisions, so he let him do what made him comfortable. He rang the bell and stood there until Roth opened the door for him.

"Good morning, Sir." His formal greetings were almost nostalgic for Roth.

"Hey," Roth said as he wasn't expecting him at his door. "Come in, Samuel." He addressed him as if his own.

Samuel stepped inside. It had not been too long since he last visited, but it still felt like years had passed. If it wasn't for Nancy, he would've never been back.

He looked around in search of Judy, Roth's daughter.

"Ah, if you're looking for Judy then she went to her grandmother's farmhouse with her mom," Roth explained as he sat down on the couch.

"When will they return?" Samuel said as he swept a photo frame of the family with his hand.

"Next Sunday. How do you feel about sleeping over?" Roth suggested.

"I am afraid I might have to deny your invitation. I apologize." He said bluntly

"Why are you sorry? It's fine. You do you." Roth said. "But if it's because of your nights then I'd rather want you here."

"I cannot sleep, Sir." He said with a forced smile. "Is it not relieving that I am absent here now?" He added. "That is why a sleepover is pointless."

Roth wasn't sure how to react. He had suggested Samuel undergo therapy many times, but he would just deny it like he denied the sleepover. He looked tired, and that worried Roth.

Even though he was a foster parent, he was still a parent to him. But he was scared to ask. Scared he might trigger something, he just decided to go back to his stern self.

"I am guessing you didn't come here to see me…" Roth said slowly.

Samuel looked down, pressing his lips together.

"I went to a seminar yesterday. Sebastian was present there as if nothing happened. Make sure you accompany Nancy everywhere." Roth said first. "So?"

"I apologize."

"Why are you being sorry? I didn't say you should come every day or what…" Roth clarified.

"…" Samuel nodded. "I came here to talk about Nancy." He added.

"You already want to quit the job? I mean, I saw this coming. Nancy is quite a kid. You're probably tired of her, right? It is fine. I'll look for someone else to guard her." Roth was rather understanding.

"That is not what I wanted to say."

"You don't wanna quit?"

"Of course not. You are the one assuming that. I just wanted your permission to let her know about the chip." He paused for a moment and cleared his throat. "She found her medical reports, and read a bit too until I caught her. I let myself be held accountable for the misplacement of the documents by her parents. However, I believe that informing Nancy may help me guard her better."

"So, you wanna tell her?" Roth raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. I believe hiding it would not do anything. She deserves to know."

Roth sighed as he stood up from the couch. He walked towards the kitchen to get his instant coffee. However, he started to brew coffee, especially for Samuel. He followed him to the kitchen to find him brewing coffee.

"Sir?" Samuel called him out.

"I didn't want to disclose it to Nancy for 2 reasons. Can you guess those?" He asked as he poured the coffee into the cup.

"She would spread the word? And… Develop a complex? Or Underestimate herself in some way." Samuel tried to guess.

Roth turned around to look at him with utmost surprise. His eyes were wide open as the coffee overflowed from the cup.

"Sir! The coffee!" Samuel exclaimed without emotion. He just used a louder tone.

That woke Roth up, so he quickly set it aside and started to clean the counter. After finishing off, he offered the cup to Samuel and took the overflowed one. Samuel grabbed the cup from his hand and slowly sipped it as he sat on the living room couch.

"I can't believe you guessed right off the bat," Roth said as he took his seat.

"Anyone could tell." Samuel humbly said.

"So?" Roth said coarsely. "Let's hear your solution for these." He added.

Samuel sipped his coffee before clearing his throat.

"I shall view her strictly so she may not spread the word. About the complex and overconfidence, I shall explain it logically to her so she may not feel estrangement or feel driven towards the fact that we must keep hidden at all costs." Samuel explained. "I shall refrain her from manually using the chip for personal issues."

His way of words could make anyone agree. However, Roth wasn't proud of that because the events that made him this way were unpleasant.

He may be a nice guy, good at words, and a jack of all trades. But it doesn't change the events he went through to be this way.

"Alright, Samuel! I trust you." Roth said. "Still, it'd be nice if you stay over." He added. "We're alone. You don't have to worry about scaring anyone. Judy is not even here." He tried to convince him.

Samuel, however, looked away. He put his empty cup on the table.

"My sincere apologies, Sir," Samuel said lightly. "I would not be able to-" He didn't complete his sentence, but Roth understood.

"Alright," Roth said as he sighed.

Samuel nodded slowly.

"Sir, I must raise another issue before I take my leave," Samuel said hesitantly.

"What is it?" Roth asked.

Samuel hesitated and blew air little by little.

"Are you alright?" Roth asked.

Samuel nodded.

"Nancy… Questions me… A lot."

"Abruptly?"

"No. I think. Her questions seem to make me feel some way that I do not know how to describe. It is not the best feeling, neither is it too bad. I fail to comprehend my feelings based on her questions." Samuel explained hesitantly.

"Don't tell me she bullies you in some way… No, right? She can't be that spoiled."

"I would not consider it bullying. I feel as if she is constantly trying to appease her curiosity. However, I do not know how to answer her without saying I am-" He paused. "My apologies. I have spoken over the line."

"No, Samuel!" Roth desperately called him. "You're not over the line here. You're just saying what you feel, and it's alright to share!"

Roth stopped for a while. A feeling he wasn't able to explain?...

"Do you, by any chance, like Nancy?" Roth asked.

"Of course, I do," Samuel answered swiftly.

"Wha-" Roth was shocked once again. "Are you serious?" He asked for confirmation.

"I fail to understand, Sir. Why can I not like Nancy? Why are you so shocked? I am supposed to be her bodyguard. My work requires me to take a liking to her. Disliking her would certainly not allow me to protect her." He talked more rationally than anyone.

"Oh… You don't understand. I mean the other way!" Roth explained.

Samuel narrowed his eyes in confusion for a second. Then, he understood what Roth meant.

"Oh. If you will excuse me now… I shall take my leave." Samuel said, completely ignoring Roth's words.

It would've been nicer if he stayed for longer. But at least he visited. That was enough for now.

Roth knew him more than anyone else. He was 14 years old when they adopted him. He has grown so fast since then.

Roth was proud of him for just surviving. He wiped the photo frames with a cloth. None of the pictures were without Samuel. That pleased him even more.

He gave him the job of protecting Nancy so he'd come over to his father more often. He wanted to tell him he loved him as if his own, but he'd always fail to do so.