30 Merry Christmas
I had a blast with this one. Not gonna lie, this is turning out the way I wanted. Merry Christmas to everyone. Shoutout to Superwog1
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||Good evening, Gotham! This is Saturday Night Live with the latest breaking news.
In a shocking turn of events, the city's newest vigilante sensation, aptly dubbed 'The Batman,' made headlines today for an unexpected altercation. Reports indicate that the Dark Knight, known for his crusade against crime, allegedly targeted a middle-aged, defenceless woman during an incident earlier today.
The woman, who, by all accounts, was not lacking in looks, sought the assistance of the Caped Crusader when she found herself in a perilous situation. However, instead of the expected heroic intervention, she claims to have received an unexpected and unwarranted "taser shock" from the enigmatic vigilante. Yes, you heard it right, folks – the Batman, renowned for his relentless pursuit of justice in the streets of Gotham, seemingly turned the tables on a seemingly defenceless woman seeking his help.
In a twist of fate, a quick-thinking witness managed to capture the entire incident on video. Let's take a look at the footage to better understand this perplexing turn of events"
[Video playback]
{A slightly obese woman in her late 40s-50s approached Batman as he was walking back to the Batmobile. The woman had grey hair, a tattoo and was wearing a 'Gun's and Roses' tanktop. She didn't seem to be freezing at all. The woman approached Batman.
"Hey, ~Mr Vigilante~", the woman said with an unpleasant tone. Batman turned around to the woman.
"What?"
"I was just violently attacked!", she said.
"By who?"
"By her!", the woman said and pointed at another lady who was standing two metres away.
"We were just arguing.", the other woman tried to defend herself. It was apparent that the woman was a bit scared of the Batman. And rightfully so. It was weirder that the other woman wasn't scared. The first woman continued.
"She used offensive and violent language, that violated my rights as an individual-"
*Zzzzzzz*
At that moment the woman was tased by Batman and fell to the ground. He then looked at the other woman who was in a bit of a shock and looked at the woman who was on the ground.
"You're alright love, keep going. Go! I zapped five of them this morning. They're everywhere today.", Batman said and then entered his car and drove off.}
[Video finished]
And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. This is proof that the vigilante who calls himself ... ~Batman~ is as much of a right, sexist bigot as the rest of them. He is a menace and he must be stopped.
As the city grapples with this revelation, the debate over the true nature of Batman intensifies. Is he a saviour or a menace? A defender of justice or a perpetrator of violence? These questions demand answers.
This is Jaqueline Bute signing off for Saturday Night Live. Stay tuned as we continue to unravel the mysteries surrounding Gotham's dark knight. Goodnight, everyone."||
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(3rd Person POV)
Bruce was just finishing his outfit as Gotham's Santa Claus when he heard the news. Sebas was standing next to him watching the news as well. When he saw it, there was something that might have sounded like a very small laugh. But Sebas was a professional butler and British as well, so a laugh would be impossible no?
"So you tase defenceless women now, Master Bruce? I must say, your parents would be ashamed of you."
"I beg to differ. I don't know how these people managed to get to Gotham. There are criminals everywhere and they believe that it is necessary to bother me with such bullshit? I don't know what they were smoking."
"Master Bruce, language. Is she at least alright?"
"There was not enough Volts on that to hurt her in any way. It was less than an Electric pasture fencee used for the animals."
"Aren't those like 15'000 Volts?"
"Nah we're not in Switzerland Sebas."
"So how is the costume coming along?"
"I'm finished. What do you think?"
[Picture of his Santa suit]
"I'm not sure sir ... is the candy cane necessary?"
"Why? I think it works with the rest of the suit."
"Yes, that is also something I am unsure about. What should the kids learn? Take steroids and you'll get as buff as Santa?"
"I'm going for the 'No lift, no gift' slogan this year. Not good?"
"I guess it is better than nothing. So who will you visit and do you have enough presents for everyone?", Sebas asked.
"I'll visit the hospitals mainly. There are about 5 of them that I'll definitely visit and I'll also hit up some of the orphanages and women's shelters. They can use the love."
"I agree, Master Bruce. And what are you going to gift these children?"
"Well, medicine and some other things I created. This was something I prepared for for a while. I might be random but I do plan ahead."
"Indubitably."
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(Santa Bruce POV)
I donned the outfit. To conceal my identity I created a serum that allowed me to change my bones and skin colour of my body. I had long ago removed any form of usable DNA from my Genome. No police station or laboratory would be able to do anything with my cells. That doesn't mean that I can't have children of course. It's just a security measure to make sure that no one can identify me through my DNA.
I climbed into my adaptation of the sleigh which was very pleasing to the eyes in my opinion.
[Picture Sleigh]
In front of the sleigh were five mechanical reindeer.
[Reindeer 1]
[Reindeer 2]
[Reindeer 3]
[Reindeer 4]
[Reindeer 5]
Yeah, I went full Bruce on this project. I wanted to really get into the Christmas feeling, while still adding my personal touch to it. So of course I created reindeer robots and then had them fuse with five Galvan Mechamorphs. They looked stunning in my opinion and they worked even better. I added various defensive measures and attack mechanisms.
They could fly like the real reindeer of Santa Claus, attack with various weapons, and defend the sleigh, they were magic and energy resistant and they only listened to me. I calculated the maximum speed of the sleigh and reindeer to be about ... Mach 5. Yeah, I might have gone a bit overboard. But that's just my style.
I added a GPS to the sleigh and had it connected to one of my personal satellites. This would help me drive. The sleigh could drive and lead the reindeer on its own if necessary. I also created a naughty/good detector to see which kids were naughty and which weren't. And it was the Gotham version, so what would be considered naughty in other cities wouldn't necessarily be considered naughty in Gotham.
I took the reigns and started to talk to the robot/mechamorph reindeer.
"Alright guys, this is it. We are finally heading out tonight. Are you ready? I maybe should have tested this out first. Eh, whatever. Let's go with the flow.
HEYAAAA! LET'S GOOO!", I screamed and opened a portal to the sky of Gotham.
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I really felt the speed of my creation. Mach 5 was too much but I used Mach 1.5 to go from house to house. After about 30 minutes of going at it, I was finally getting to the first hospital.
"Land on the roof here.", I said and we landed. I grabbed the big red sack with the space extension and lightweight technology and hopped off the sleigh. Then I went to what might have been a chimney if the hospital had one and then pressed a button. I shrank down and then jumped.
Using gravity pads, I managed to make my way through the air vents and arrived where I wanted, the paediatric/children's ward. Without me noticing, a smile made its way to my face. Showtime.
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(3rd Person POV)
"HO HO HO, what do we have here? Are these the kids that I have heard so much about?", the loud deep voice was heard through the place and different doors began to open. One after the other children began to look out of the rooms, at least those that were able to. Those who weren't able to could only guess what was happeneing from their beds.
"Who are you?", a small girl asked Santa Claus.
"Why what a cute girl do we have here? What is your name little girl?", the man asked.
"I'm Marianna and who are you?"
"Why, I am Santa Claus."
"Santa Claus? He isn't real. I know that. My mother told me that he wasn't real."
"HAHAHA, but I am real as you can see. And I am better than ever. Look at these abs and these tree trunks for arms.", Santa said and flexed his biceps.
"If you are really Santa Claus then prove it.", Marianna said.
"Why of course Marianne. I know exactly how to prove it to you. You are 10 years old and are here due to your lung disease which you had since you were 8. But don't worry, I am here for all of you. And I not only bring you health, but also presents. I know all of your wishes.", Santa said and reached into his bag and pulled out a pretty little present.
"This is for you Marianne. And this as well.", Santa said and gave her a small potion, "This is for you to drink. It will help you with your lung disease, child. Merry Christmas.", he said and ruffled her hair.
Marianne was perplexed at this and looked at him with wide eyes. Then ... she began to cry. Big, heavy tears ran down her face as she sobbed. But they weren't tears of sadness, but of happiness. Santa smiled at her and ruffled her hair again.
"Don't cry. None of you. For today I am here to bring you fun and health. So don't cry but be happy!", he said and began to hand out one present after the other as well as potions to each of them. All of their sickness and diseases would be cured after they take the potions.
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(Rosie POV)
I have been in the hospital for years now. I never had a real childhood. Mommy usually cries when she sees me like this but I try to be strong for her. I lost all my hair because of the chemo. I just wish I had hair. No boy looks at me because I have no hair.
It's Christmas today. Mom and Dad were here today and brought me a small present. I could see that they were sad because they weren't able to give me anything else. The chemo was expensive and they were both working to fund it. Thankfully there was the Wayne Foundation, Dad usually says. Otherwise, he wouldn't have hope.
I hear a commotion in the hallway but I can't go look. I just hope that nothing bad happens. After a while, I can hear laughter and yelling of the kids. I wonder what is going on. I also would like to be a part of it.
Then the door to my room opens and in walks a tall man, dressed as Santa Claus. But I know he isn't the real one, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus.
"Greetings Rosie, I am Santa Claus and I have come today to bring you presents.", he said.
"There is no such thing as a Santa Claus. I am not 5 years old anymore. I am 9 so please don't lie to me."
"Oho, a smart one then. But you are wrong. Santa Claus is real. I just had to take some time off due to being overweight. I couldn't get out of bed anymore. Then there is the diabetes as well. But now I am back in shape and am trying to bring all the children of Gotham presents."
"I still don't believe you."
"Well then maybe this will help you believe.", he said and reached into his sack and pulled a present out. He gave it to me and also gave me a small vial with blue liquid inside.
"What is this?", I ask him.
"This is the reward for not giving up, Rosie. Take it. You'll feel much better.", he says. I don't believe him but for some reason ... I can feel that he isn't lying to me. I take off the cap of the vial and then drink it.
I can suddenly feel a warm feeling in my stomach and then ... I touch my head because it is itching. !!!!
"I ... I ... have hair. I have hair again!! *Sob Sob* Thank you ... thank you so much ... Santa Claus...", I say but when I look up ... he is gone.
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(3rd Person POV)
Santa Claus had been going to all hospitals and visited hundreds of children. He healed ALL of them. Right now he was on the roof of the last orphanage after he was done. He also visited the very few women's shelters Gotham had. He was happy with his progress. That was a successful evening.
"Hohoho what do we have here? Someone is seemingly copying me.", a jolly deep voice said. Santa Bruce looked up and saw the real Santa Claus looking at him from his classical sleigh. He looked up with a displeased look.
"What are you doing here? Gotham isn't a place where you come to."
"Hohoho, that isn't fair, young man. Gotham is a dangerous city and dangerous. No child believed in me. But now I can feel that it changed. So I'm here now. I thank you for your help, but I'll take it from here."
"Don't tell me what to do and what not to do, fatass. This is my city. So you better fuck off before I kick your ass, old man. There's a new Santa in town."
"Oh? Is that a challenge?"
"I believe it is."
The two looked at each other with narrowed eyes.
"There is only one way to solve this then."
"Indeed."
"A fistfight!" "Let the fists do the talking.", both said at the same time.
"Winner takes all, no second chance.", young and buff Santa said.
"Hohoho, I agree."
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The two stood opposite each other and the air was tense. Then, they attacked at the same time. The old Santa was strong for his age and constitution. But the young Santa was like a bulldozer. He absolutely crushed the fat old man.
Without a word, Young Santa swung a powerful right hook toward Big Santa's face. The air whooshed as Big Santa ducked just in time, his extra weight surprisingly agile. Seizing the opportunity, Big Santa delivered a swift jab to Young Santa's midsection, causing him to grunt and just deflect it without a problem.
In a surprising move, Big Santa utilized his weight advantage, slamming into Young Santa with a full-body charge. The impact sent Young Santa stumbling backwards, momentarily surprised at the stupid way this fight was progressing. Seizing the opportunity, Big Santa landed a powerful uppercut, surprising everyone with his hidden strength.
As Young Santa staggered, he shook off the daze and grinned. The buff and the hefty combatants circled each other once more, the outcome of their brawl pretty clear but the fat one just had a lot of stamina. The alley echoed with the sounds of heavy breathing and the occasional thud of fists meeting flesh.
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The fight didn't last very long. After 20 minutes, the fight was over and the young Santa spit on the ground in disgust. He had no respect for the old man, that abandoned the children of Gotham. He chose to not help anyone and that was a weakness in his eyes.
*Spit*
"Stay out of Gotham, or next time I'll slice you in half. Now piss off!", he said and threw him into his sleigh. After that, the reindeer took the old Santa away from Gotham.
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That was how a new and buff Santa Claus appeared in Gotham and brought wonder and happiness to Gotham on Christmas Eve.
|Breaking News Update 🎅🏽🌟
Good evening, Gotham! In a heartwarming turn of events, a mysterious figure donned in a Santa Claus costume has been spreading joy and magic across our city. Reports are pouring in that this benevolent "Santa Claus" has been making surprise visits to hospitals and orphanages, bringing not only gifts but also a touch of healing to the children within.
Witnesses describe a scene straight out of a holiday fairy tale, with the enigmatic and surprisingly buff and well-trained Santa charming both young and old alike. The festive visitor has reportedly been distributing presents and, astonishingly, offering a comforting touch that seems to bring solace to the ailing children.
As Gothamites grapple with the hustle and bustle of their dangerous daily lives, the appearance of this compassionate Santa Claus has sparked a wave of hope and positivity throughout the city. The mysterious benefactor's altruistic acts have become the talk of the town, leaving residents in awe and gratitude.
Authorities are yet to identify the person behind the Santa suit, and many are left wondering about the motives driving this selfless holiday hero. Is it a Good Samaritan spreading cheer during the festive season, or could there be a more extraordinary explanation behind this heartening phenomenon?
For now, Gotham seems to be getting stranger and stranger, as it remains captivated by the enchanting presence of Santa Claus, whose acts of kindness are leaving an indelible mark on the hearts of its citizens. Stay tuned for further updates as we unwrap the mystery behind Gotham's very own Santa Claus.
This was Jean-Pierre Enorme signing off. Merry Christmas everyone.||
