Day 43

I'm not talking with my girlfriend as often as I used to… when I want to hang out with her, she says she's busy… is she… seeing someone else? NO! stop! I'm sure I'm just being paranoid, just like my mom says I am.

I asked her if she wanted to hang out today with me, but she said no… I'm going to the library… hopefully a day reading is going to make everything better.

--------------------------------------------

I'm so stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid! How could I be so blind? Why did I trust them… why!? Why did they do it?

I'm sorry my dear confident… I shouldn't be so rough with your pages… you haven't done anything wrong…

Do you want to know what happened? I… well… I came back from the library… it was a little earlier than I told my family, but I got bored faster than expected.

I wished I stayed longer… then I wouldn't have seen what I did. My parents weren't home… but my brother was.

I walked towards his room… I shouldn't have, I should've gone to my room like always, but I couldn't stop. There were… noises coming out of his room and a sweet voice… a voice I know all too well.

I opened the door and… they were… well… I suppose you can imagine what they were doing naked in bed. At first, they didn't even notice I was at the door just standing there, but eventually she noticed, and she stopped kissing him. He got off from her and directed his gaze towards the same thing she was looking… me.

They looked at me with what I think was guilt, my brother put on his pants, and she covered herself with a sheet…They walked towards me saying sorry over and over again. They explained how they tried to fight the attraction, how they didn't want to hurt me.

I wish I could've cried. I wish I showed more than just a serious dead stare, but I couldn't. They told me how they've been meeting in secret… how this wasn't the first time and they cried, apologizing over and over again.

Why didn't they tell me? Why didn't she ended it with me before doing this? Did they think I would hate them? That I wouldn't be happy for them?

I know it would've hurt less if they have just… told me but they didn't… and the worse is… I still love them.

I love them and I hate them. What was I expecting? It's obvious she would've chosen him over me… I'm nothing and he… he's perfect.