Day 1

I just got this notebook; I'm supposed to write here every day… this is supposed to help me with my self-esteem… I really hope it does.

I suppose I should talk about myself… what is good enough to say about me? I'm nothing.

I… I have a brother… A kind, kind brother. What would be the best way to describe my older brother? In simple words… He's perfect, so kind that it makes want you to cry. So nice that you always want to be around him, so smart that everything he does he accomplishes in one try.

I love him, if you run behind him and you fall… he stops and offers a hand, waiting for you to stand up. He doesn't rush you; he waits until you're ready to stand up. People love him for that.

Me on the other hand… I'm average, just a normal boring person. My parents are good, but their expectations kill my soul every time.

My brother started piano lessons, so my parents made me start piano lessons. He obviously is good from day 1, I, on the other hand, struggle. I can't do it properly.

Today, I told my mom I wanted to stop those lessons, that I couldn't do it right, and wanted to stop. My mom said to me "Well, we only wanted you to try something new, maybe you could be good but that was dumb, we shouldn't have held expectations, we know you can't be like your brother".

I smiled… I hid the pain in my heart and forced my trembling lips to keep the smile. She didn't mean to make me feel bad, she said it casually… I'm sure she wanted to lessen my problems, my burden… but what she said struck my heart like a thousand lighting.

I walked towards my room and started writing here… I'm sad… I'm alone, am I that useless? Why can't they see me for me?