11 Qingyue's Memories

A/N: So if you guys aren't aware, Webnovel has been 'shadowbanning' comments recently. This means that any comment that contains profanities in any form, will be automatically deleted.

So words like: Fuck, Shit, Bitch, Bastard, Cock, Bollocks are all nonos. Even words such as: Sex, Hell, and Damn are out too. Basically, if you want to comment using forms of those words, you will need to get creative.

Well, Enjoy the chapter...

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Xia Qingyue was having the most conflicted week of her young life.

She'd had that dream again, the one with the wild boy she had grown up thinking was her imaginary friend, turned heart demon.

He had said some very shocking and thought-provoking things to her in the dreamscape. Things that she really wasn't sure whether to believe or not but things that if true, could change everything.

It took her two days to summon the courage to ask her father Xia Hongyi for some written information about profound beasts and herbs found within the Scarlet Dragon Mountain Range.

He was confused but being used to his daughter having few words to say, he quickly complied. Now, five days later, she was waiting to receive the information and it could arrive at any time.

Her father was over at the Xiao clan, working on early arrangements for her marriage. The marriage that was due to take place in just over six months' time, the marriage that was doomed to never be more than a farce…

She sighed, not for the first time at the thought of it. Xiao Che's father had saved her life, almost at the cost of his own and she would never regret paying back her debts.

The problem was that she could never be a real wife to the Xiao clan. Not that she had any feelings other than indifference towards it anymore but her master and the sect would never allow it.

It was all a farce and she felt sorry for everyone who was working hard for this 'fake' marriage. Even worse was that she found it almost impossible to lie and she was forbidden from telling anyone apart from her father about her status as a disciple.

For some reason, whenever she found herself thinking about her upcoming marriage, her thoughts would drift to the image of a certain young man. A handsome, red-eyed, olive-skinned, and wild-looking youth. Then she would always feel that confusing, sinking feeling in her stomach again.

Thinking back to Shane, he always seemed to appear when she was troubling herself over something, well apart from that one time…

She shuddered at the memories of him 'dying', He looked so different, so defeated and tired… That time felt so real and the dull ache in her chest that appeared whenever she recalled it, caused her to instinctively circulate the Frozen heart Arts. Unfortunately, her efforts to counter the painful feeling were always ineffective.

She could remain indifferent and uncaring, even when facing her own father and brother. The question was, why? why was HE able to completely throw her emotions into disarray in such a short time.

Her eyes began to turn a little glazed and gained a distant look as memories of the past unintentionally surfaced. Memories of the times they spent together...

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He first appeared when her mother 'flew away' and left back to 'The God Realm', wherever that was...

She was only four at the time and it absolutely crushed her.

Her father was ridden with grief and her brother was just a toddler so she mainly found herself alone. She cried all the time at first and before long, she started to become withdrawn into herself, hoping for someone, anyone really, to help her.

He appeared there, a strange, curious, and wild-looking boy with an upbeat attitude. They met together in the garden in her dreams and over the span of several weeks, he managed to pull her out of her shell with lots of silly games and weird words. Then one day he left and she was alone again…

It wasn't a sudden thing, the visits even decreased gradually over several weeks but to a four-year-old child, losing her first friend, well it hit her almost as hard as losing her mother.

After that, Qingyue had stopped closing herself off to everyone but Shane had unintentionally left another gap in her heart...

Five years later, she had just started to learn about cultivation and its different realms. Being as intelligent as she was, she immediately put two and two together. She realized, at that moment that her mother was an incredibly powerful cultivator, and to reunite with her again, she would have to become extremely strong herself.

This made her feel totally lost. All she wanted was a complete family again and to attain that, she needed power. The problem was, she had nobody around that could teach her beyond the basics.

She was told she had great talent but her family were merchants, not cultivators. The strongest cultivator in her city was Xiao Lie from the Xiao clan yet he was only at Spirit Profound Peak. Meaning he couldn't even fly.

It was at this time that Shane visited her dreams again…"Who!?" 'Qingyue would have chuckled at the memory if only she were capable of that anymore'

She had jumped straight into his chest and felt his warmth surround her, as she cried all of the last few years' grievances right out of her heart and onto his peculiar beast hide tunic. He just made her feel so safe and warm; like she wasn't alone anymore.

After that, they spent weeks together, talking and playing by the garden pond. Shane told her many amazing stories and fairy tales from his 'hometown' and she told him all about her life and family's business.

The only thing Qingyue found strange was that she always found herself unable to talk about certain things...

Whenever she tried to tell Shane about the moment her mother 'flew away', she would choke up and the words wouldn't come out. Similarly, whenever she wanted to ask him what he knew about cultivation in general, she seemed to become absent-minded and forgetful.

He mentioned something called Leukaemia a couple of times but back then, she just thought it was another of his weird made-up words. Eventually, the same thing happened again and Shane's visits started to become less frequent.

Qingyue recognized the pattern and tried to shut herself away from him. It was a defense mechanism, designed to reduce the impact of his leaving. It was all in vain however as they both only seemed to grow visibly sadder by the day. That was until he confronted her and she broke down in tears.

What neither of them realized was just how much her extremely powerful emotions were affecting the very fabric of the dreamscape. Certain special connections formed and others became stronger while some restrictions actually weakened. This allowed her, in that moment, to get everything out that she wasn't able to say before.

He took her into his warm and comforting embrace, stroked her hair, and just before he faded away, he made a promise to meet her again once more...

Qingyue at this point was sure that she had imagined Shane as a friend or confidant for her when she needed someone the most and although she was saddened by their parting, she believed that he was always with her.

Another two years passed almost without incident until one day when she was cultivating in her garden, a passing expert from Frozen Cloud Immortal Palace noticed her and invited her to join as her personal disciple.

This woman told her that she was a one in a million talent, with 21 naturally opened profound Entrances. Whatever that meant.

Qingyue saw this as her ticket to growing strong enough to find her mother and agreed with the condition that she would not join the sect until after her 'marriage'. She then explained her situation and how she needed to 'repay' the life debt of her future husband's deceased father.

Her would-be master communicated back to the sect and the sect mistress reluctantly agreed with two conditions. The marriage was not to be consummated and Qingyue would head to the sect shortly after the wedding, leave her family and 'husband' and stay for good.

Qingyue of course agreed and her new Master, a woman by the name of Chu Yueli stayed with her for a few weeks to give her guidance and pass on the sect's techniques and arts.

Her master was a cold woman but she showed Qingyue genuine concern and care and so, over time, Qingyue opened up to her. She even once accidentally spoke about Shane. The reaction her master had at the mention of him seemed rather exaggerated and she even started mumbling to herself about heart demons.

After her outburst, Chu Yueli seemingly decided on something important and imparted another technique on the spot, one called the Frozen Heart Arts.

Qingyue's Master told her that practicing this technique was a requirement for all official disciples and that it would shut away her emotions but in turn, it would help increase her cultivation.

She also explained that Shane was a creation born of her own mind in an attempt to help her get over the loss of her mother. She also explained that Shane could easily become a heart demon and interfere with her future cultivation if she didn't sever the attachment.

Since young, nobody was ever able to lie in front of Qingyue without her knowing and she couldn't detect any lies or even half-truths in her master's words. In the end, her hunger for power won out and so she readily accepted what her master said and started cultivating the technique in earnest.

Sometime after her master had left, Qingyue turned 13, and not long after that, she broke through into the Nascent Profound Realm. At that point, the Frozen Heart Arts had become part of her and by the time she realized how …indifferent she was becoming ...towards everything, it was too late.

Qingyue was terrified, but the art locked even those feelings inside her heart. It also stopped her from being able to tell anyone as whenever she spoke, she couldn't manage to muster anything other than cold indifference.

It was also around this time that the nightly cold pains started. Her master had pre-warned her that she would sometimes feel cold pain in the middle of the night due to the technique she was cultivating but that still did nothing to prepare her.

Knowing something and experiencing it were two completely different things and the pain was still a lot more than a young girl could handle. The first time it happened, she was writhing atop her bed, clenching her fists and gritting her teeth and when the pain started to become unbearable, she subconsciously thought of Shane.

Almost immediately, the pain seemed to lessen as she recalled memories of the times spent with him. When the pain subsided and Qingyue finally passed out from exhaustion, she found herself back in the dreamscape once more.

Shane arrived, he was the same except now he looked like he had gone through a growth spurt and it was much more obvious that he was a year or two older than her. He was taller and more handsome this time, yet something in his eyes gave away his tiredness.

He came forward but her art activated and before she could stop herself, she was sending him away by force and with a cold refusal.

It was a few days before he showed up again and although he smiled at her, the hurt in his eyes gave away his feeling of betrayal. No amount of circulating the Frozen Heart Arts could push away the spike of pain in her chest whenever she caught him looking at her like that.

He rarely spoke after that but he seemed to become weaker and more exhausted with each passing day as he rested against the frozen willow. Sometimes she would glance at him and catch him looking at her with a pained expression and other times he would be looking somewhere else wearing one of defeat.

He looked hollow, like a shell of his former self and it gripped and twisted at her heart so much that she desperately wanted to reach out to him but she just… couldn't.

He stopped coming again not long after that but she never stopped having the dream and the hollow, empty feeling in her chest only got stronger with each time she arrived there and he didn't turn up.

With each passing day, she became more and more indifferent to the world. This continued for more than two years as the dreamscape gradually changed into a hostile world of snow and Ice until one day, he came back.

After emerging from the frozen tempest and with visible effort, he dragged himself forward along the ground while gasping for breath and leaned once more against the frozen willow.

His usually olive-colored skin was deathly pale and his handsome face had a haggard look to it while the exhaustion was evident in his gaze. His normally bright crimson eyes had a slightly glassy sheen to them although it still couldn't detract from the determination that played across his features.

He started talking, rambling on about some nonsense and she got annoyed thinking it was all some trick to unsettle her further...

Then he told her he was dying, she had no idea why, but her world shook and the anger fizzled away to nothing. He talked about a lot of things, and the emotions behind his words, caused cracks to gradually spread along her indifferent mask.

By the end of it, she was in such a daze that she barely noticed him pushing his palm up to the barrier.

Before she had any idea what she was doing, her palm was matching his and her heart felt like it was beating again for the first time in almost three years yet it was filled with nothing but sorrow.

The next moment, as he spoke, his voice cracked, his eyes started to mist over and his body began to fade away.

Within an instant, the heart arts were fractured, he was in her arms and she was crying for the first time in years. Just before he disappeared he managed a small, sad smile and his final whispered words were... "and Qingyue... Take… care… of… yourself… ok."

After that tragic goodbye, the all-encompassing regret she felt, broke her a little. She remained cold and indifferent on the outside but on the inside, she was constantly in terrible pain.

She never did manage to fully circulate the Frozen Heart Arts again after that day and she guessed that Shane would be her heart demon for all her life because right there at the end, she believed in him, if only a little.

*Knock Knock Knock* She was brought out of her trance by someone knocking at her door.

"Young Miss, are you in there?" It was her maid Dongling, probably coming to deliver the things she asked her father for.

"Yes, Come in Dongling. Do you have the information I requested?" Qingyue replied to her maid in her usual ice cold tone.

Dongling entered the room with a bunch of papers and two thin books. "I have them here young miss, I will leave them on your desk"

Qingyue, having nothing more to say to her, nodded and motioned for her to leave.

The moment the maid left, she dropped her stoicism and quickly made her way over to the desk. Immediately, she started searching for the things Shane had mentioned and it was barely a few minutes before she found the first match.

'The Iron Sand Vine, native to the Scarlet Dragon Mountain Range but also not exclusive to that region.' She told herself that finding just this meant nothing as she could have easily heard of it before in passing.

This wasn't the end however and not a minute later and she found another match. 'Demon Skull Vine.' One, she could wave away as a coincidence but two was a bit more difficult to explain.

She desperately, frantically, began to pour over the rest of the papers, looking for any of the other two that Shane had mentioned. After half an hour, she started to lose hope. That was until she finally came across them both in the back half of the second book.

'Forest Sand Wyrm. Found in the Scarlet Dragon Mountain Range, Blue Wind Empire. Hatches it's young next to the Tri-Color Forest Orchid. The Wyrm can be found alone but a mature Orchid will never be without an adult Wyrm'

As she continued to read, her fingers trembled, her chest started to feel stuffy, her eyes grew wet and her breathing stagnated. She was absolutely sure that she had never heard of either of them and that could only mean one thing.

He was always real…

He was telling the truth.

He really died.

He's here.

Inside her chest, unknown to Qingyue, the Frozen Heart started to crumble. -

'He was there for me when I needed him the most and when he needed me I pushed him away.' A choking sob escaped her throat and she almost slipped straight into despair at the thought of how she acted towards him before he 'died'.

Layers and layers of crystalline ice shedding away one by one -

'You stupid girl, it's not too late! He's here!' That's right he was here, he didn't hate her, he even took the time to explain things to her! A warm feeling suffused her entire body, reminding her of when Shane would hold her and brush his fingers through her hair.

A single, fragile layer of ice, a last bastion of indifference, completely blown away by the warmth within -

The sound of shattering glass echoed within Qingyue's ears, years of hard work spent circulating the art, gone in an instant.

She couldn't even be bothered to care. She wanted to meet him... no, she HAD to meet him.

Qingyue looked outside the window and noticed that night had already fallen. Taking up the lotus position on her bed she offered up a small prayer to who or whatever might be listening and closed her eyes. With practiced ease, she quickly sank into a deep meditation.

When she opened her eyes again, She was back in the garden. No longer was the world a pure white, frozen wasteland. No, it had regained its former beauty.

To Qingyue, it looked even more beautiful than the original, it caused her to reminisce about the times she spent in the garden both inside the dreamscape and in the real world. How long had it been since she spent any time out there? Or even spent time outside her room for that matter, weeks, months?

She gazed around in abject wonder until something stood out in the corner of her eye. There, facing the pool and beside the willow swaying in the breeze, he stood.

He seemed to notice her arrival or maybe he heard her footsteps as he turned to face her when she had barely made it halfway down the path.

He stood there, back straight and wearing some strange clothing she had never seen before. Not that it looked bad on him, in fact, it made him look rather dashing with his wild hair ruffling slightly in the breeze.

His piercing crimson eyes locked searchingly, desperately, onto her moist blue ones. For a moment he seemed shocked and confused at what he saw inside them but it quickly gave way to relief, elation and something far more profound as a charming smile unconsciously played off his lips.

'Gods, when did he get so handsome?' To say she never noticed this before would be a lie but due to the Frozen Heart Arts... she just never cared. Qingyue suddenly felt very shy under his gentle gaze and her cheeks and ears began to feel hot. 'Thank the Gods I'm still wearing a veil…'

*Thump Thump Thump* As she approached him, every step taken caused her heartbeat to speed up as an instinctual need to feel his warmth, started to spread throughout her body.

'Noo, he definitely noticed!' His smile turned into a teasing grin as he spoke for the first time, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine. "Like what I did with the place?"

She got within a meter of him but didn't slow and instead collided with his muscular chest, the familiar heat washing over her as she grasped his shirt and inhaled deeply.

For a moment he froze, clearly surprised by the development and a creeping fear of rejection tried to invade her mind, she was terrified. That was, however, only for a moment as his arms seemed to naturally surround her, one hand resting on her back and the other gently brushing his fingers through her silky hair.

*Sigh* "What did I say to you before? You clearly weren't taking care of yourself." She flinched at that and buried her head further into his chest while letting out a small contented humm at his concern.

He sighed again. "What am I going to do with you... anyways welcome back Qingyue."