18 Truth or Hallucination

Radha woke up with a jolt.

What the hell just happened?

She was still feeling dizzy and slowly her eyes adjusted themselves to the surroundings. The room was dark, only illuminated by a night lamp.

She realized she had been brought back to Madhav's house and right now she was on the bed that has become hers in the past five days.

Her head felt heavy and she felt nauseated.

While her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, she started composing herself mentally.

Something weird happened and she wanted to be very sure before she talked about any of it.

The last week had been disturbing.

She was having her fair share of mental trauma and she was almost sure that her infatuation with Madhav was making her hallucinate things . But this evening things were different, very different.

She was not sure if weird things were really happening with her or Madhav was actually capable enough to meddle with her mind and heart.

Logic said she was losing sanity.

But her senses said it was Madhav.

Radha sat straight and tried deep breathing. She needed to calm down, think, compose herself and then only talk to Madhav.

He was way too deceitful and confronting him unprepared would do her no good.

OKAY. OKAY.

I CAN DO THIS.

AND I AM NOT MAD.

I JUST NEED TO BE 100% SURE THAT MADHAV IS THE CULPRIT.

Radha spoke to herself and took a few more deep breaths before she sat down to compose herself and revisit the incidents from the earlier evening mentally.

Radha's POV:

Madhav touched me between my eyes with a finger.

Right.

And I felt a surge of energy dashing through me.

All right.

This , I clearly remember.

The elevator door opened and Madhav took my hand, gracefully leading me to the well furnished office.

Cool.

The receptionist smiled and he nodded back while opening the door that read DIRECTOR.

Basu was there.

He stood up.

He looked disturbed....

Yes....

He looked disturbed and there was the other brother.

He was sitting?

No standing. No... No...

He was facing the glass wall overlooking the city and as we entered he turned.

Yes.

He turned and opened his mouth only to see me emerging from Madhav's shadow.

Radharamanmati!!!!

Radha..... Is that you?

I never expected him to remember the insignificant intern thrown out from the Organization four years back. That moment I didn't even know whether I should have been elated or shocked.

But his words were nothing in front of his action.

Kiriti Sen, the younger brother of Basu Sen, almost rushed in front of me and roughly tried to give me a buddy hug.... Huh!!!

Yes, he actually gave me a hug!!!

The memory itself gave me a weird feeling of triumph.

When we were interns, we used to bet  everyday who will look hotter, this Basu guy or the Kiriti guy.

My personal preference was always Kiriti.

I just had some kind of a thing for him. And I guess a week before I got fired, Kiriti gave me a rose on the occasion of some silly in house competition.

One of the best days of my entire life.... Huh!!!

That KIRITI SEN hugged me....

Come on!!!!

It's like THE KIRITI SEN hugged me.....

WOW!!!!

His fingers touched my shoulders and he pulled me into a cozy hug. It felt amazing as my face brushed against his broad chest.

He  smelt like the rain soaked earth. He felt like home.

Not the way I feel for Madhav.

It felt different.

But then... then....

Come on Radha ..... Face it.

Something weird actually happened right then.

WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN.

YES....

FACE IT. FACE IT.

YOU ARE NOT DILUSIONAL ... JUST FOCUUUUUS.

In fraction of a second I was no more in the office of the Sens. Instead, I stood by a tree amidst the beautiful nature and looked at the soothing field that stretched till the horizon and perhaps beyond.

The scene was amazing.....

I just wanted to absorb the beauty and forget the world right then.

Everything around seemed so perfect.

Did I remember Madhav, my family or my reality then?

I don't know.

Did I realize something weird was happening to me?

I don't think so.

All I felt was peace and calmness.

I don't know how long I looked at the fields or enjoyed the charming breeze.

But then I  heard laughter and voices and as I turned to see the source of the voices, I saw Kiriti with a graceful lady, walking and talking, hands intertwined and eyes locked.

Oh. What a sight.

Perhaps the most magnificent couple I ever saw. What a couple!!!

But I felt different.

I felt angry and jealous and I wanted to tear them apart. Kiriti was mine.

MINE.

MINE.

ONLY MINE.

Wah.... What the.....

Did I really feel jealous !!!!

Kiriti Sen!!!!

I admired him once upon a time but....

EIKES!!!!

It was just Kiriti Sen and some woman.

But that moment I was not myself. I was someone else. And, I was not ready to accept that my man was looking at some other woman with such love and adoration.

It was so wrong in my mind.

And then the room came back to my focus.

Kiriti was still hugging me and mumbling something like,

I thought I lost you forever. Where were you gone? And how do you know Madhav Bhaiya? And when you were sacked why didn't you see me once? Why didn't you realize I will protect you with my life? Radha.... Didn't you realize I fall for you?

FALL FOR ME!!!! LOVE!!!!

The sentence suddenly made my blood boil.

Love!!!!

Liar.

Suddenly my vision and reality started getting mixed up again.

My mind was blurry and I saw my hands gripping Kiriti's collar.

Liar. You never loved me. I had just been a tool for glorifying men like you. You never loved me.

NEVER.... NEVER....

Was I crying?

May be.

But I was drumming on his chest and punching him and may be I pulled and tore the pocket of his shirt.

I don't know.

But all throughout Kiriti Sen didn't let go of me.

But didn't someone else hold me from behind? Didn't I feel a warmth spreading through me before darkness engulfed me again?

Of course.

How did I forget the man who started all this?

MADHAV CHAND RATHORE.

Yes.

Just before I tried to look at him and stop behaving like a mad woman, I saw Basu Sen screaming and Kiriti reaching out for me as I felt myself losing the ground and falling backward in those arms that I know will always protect me.

And then ... darkness....

Darkness....

More darkness...

And suddenly I was back to that earlier place.

And someone whispered in my ears...

Don't be angry.

It's not worth your anger.

Let go.

You are way above moments of frolic. You are a purpose. You are a mission. You are absolute.

Let go and look at the setting sun illuminating the horizon.

Ah.... What a sight.

I stared at the man beside me in disbelief!!!!

Let go!!!!

Let go of the love for that man for whom I rejected so many other deserving men?

For whom my father and my brother devised the most strategic Swayambar?

I felt my blood boil.

How can you say that?

Let go????

And see him acting so different  with  his other wife?

I am not like other women, you know.

And wasn't it you who made the inception that we are soulmates?

I accepted everything you said.

I trusted you.

And what did you say... Ah... We are destined to be together!!!!

Damn you Madhav.

Damn you.

What destiny is this?

And look what have you done to me. You made my father give my hand to five princes in marriage, not one.

You crazy man....

Why did you do this? Why?

One gambled me away.

And the others watched in silence as I was humiliated in the full Court..

THEY WILL PROTECT YOU. YOU WILL CREATE HISTORY. YOU WILL BE REMEMBERED.

Why did you fool us Madhav?

Who saved me that day at the Court?

You.

Not my so called five husbands.

Huh!!! Five husbands.

Just say it out loud yourself.

Five husbands.

How ridiculous....

And all for this man.

THIS ONE MAN.

And now I gotta see this?

Feel the burn and die everyday?

Why?

And my companion spoke:

Sakhi, you are God's instrument to create history. Don't ponder over such trivial issues like this. You, of all , should know this well that this body is but an illusion that will wash away at the end of this life.

It's the thoughts and actions that make us who we are.

Sakhi, look here, look at me.

Ignore them.

And oh yes. I looked at the GYAN GURU beside me, only to see those dark eyes that has made my present life hell and heaven simultaneously.

But even in my vision, he felt as attractive and as magnetic as ever.

He felt like the man who can set all wrongs right and all rights wrong  just  with a smile.

He felt just the way he should feel.

He felt like my Madhav.

Not just any Madhav.

My Madhav.

My husband, a.k.a.Kiriti strolled in the garden with his other wife, happy and chirpy, very unlike the man I got for myself. And I stood beside my only friend and my first love who manipulated me and kept uttering nonsense bull shit, as always.

You have no right to defend them. I don't care if I have a purpose or I am superior. I am a woman and I too want some happiness in life.

How can you be so insensitive?

The man beside me gently took my hand in his own as he spoke,

Krishnaa, you are strong and deep, you are a braveheart and a survivor. You accepted your life and mission knowing the consequences. Now you don't remember. But I do. You are one of my most loyal friends and I trust you to support me in this era changing game.

Damn Madhav. Damn it.

Tell me what's in return for all the pain I took? That woman, now strolling with my husband has his heart, that heart which I have been craving for years now. She is living a respectable peaceful life in your palace with her son and my sons too. I am that mother who gave birth to her sons but was denied the pleasure of bringing them up. I am that wife who is doing all the duties and taking all the hardship , yet, has not really been recognized. Instead, I am a ridiculous creature to all the kin members because of the ridiculous marriage I had to go through. Five husbands!!!

I can't endure this anymore.

Either you do something to change my life or I will change it myself. Don't forget, I am a woman and that too a true woman. Someday I too like Sita Ma will pray to Mother Earth and disappear.

For once the calm man looked disturbed.

Sakhi. Don't say such things.

I am your culprit, I accept.

But don't say such ominous things.

Please.

I guess I smiled as I saw his concern for me.

Then Madhav, once again, what's there for me at the end of all this?

The man looked at the horizon as the sun dropped by another inch. And then he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked straight to my eyes,

I, Krsna, Basudevputra, promise to give you every right and happiness that you missed this life serving your difficult mission.

At a different time, at an appropriate era I promise to come to this Earth and help you through ups and downs of your life.

You are my Sakhi and you have done such things for me that no other soul in a female body would have dared to utter also. I owe you and I promise to help you undo this bitterness.

I promise you a life of astral break where you will write your story in your way.

But Sakhi, never again speak that lowly of yourself and never call upon Ma Dharitri or of ending your life. It's a Divine chance. Live it proudly.

You are my hero.

Please remain my hero.

I was thunderstruck by the vision  that I recollected.

Yeah... I was thunderstruck....

So Madhav is the very same Madhav I have been worshipping all these years.

Who was I then?

I fairly realized who I was and involuntarily I cried out loud,

MADHAAAAAAV....

***********************************