Ch 1

"Gin, do you ever think that maybe you are too scared to do something and don't even know how to do it?" Grace stares past me and continues "So you end up doing the opposite and after a while, you realize you're just hurting yourself? And maybe those around you"

Watching the Rugrats Special, lights dim and the bedroom door crack open. If not, her parents would kill me. Our days are usually quiet and chill, with hardly any drama unless she starts complaining about her boyfriends, but this is a first. Everything seemed fine when we walked home and even chatted a while before watching the special. I'm trying to think, when did she get so caught up in her own head.

I slowly lift my head up from her lap to have a closer at her face. The TV's light reflects on her face. I don't understand her question, should I ask more or leave it?

I want to reach out to her and comfort her in a way she won't have to question and feel insecure. Would she disregard me for the feelings I have? She…. Instantly a chill creeps up when their doorbell rings from downstairs. Crap!

"Grace what time is it?" I say pausing on what she said.

Grace leans back to glance at her phone. "Hmmm... 6:30. Do you have to go somewhere?" Grace says puzzled.

"Shit! I need to grab ma before they start hackling like hyenas," I say jumping out of bed.

Our families have been neighbors and friends for years. Grace and I have been going to the same schools too. This means our moms use us as an excuse to hang out and chat for hours. And I mean like high school kids drinking and partying but they're two middle-aged women.

Tv's still on in the background, I march over to the door and toss my backpack over my shoulder.

"Haha! It's true they love talking to each other." Grace says sluggishly.

For a split second Grace's face changes as if she is having an internal battle and suppressing them wins.

"Well let's get your mom. Starting tomorrow we won't be able to go to school together in the mornings. I'll be with my boyfriend, he doesn't like how close we are," Grace says plastering on a half-smile.

"What?!" I yell.

I accept not being any closer to her than just a best friend, but this sounds as if I'm not even allowed to even be that.

"Gin! It's time to go! "Mom yells from downstairs. "Oh, hey Stella, how are you?"

Crap! Mom is getting ready to settle in for a long chat.

"I'll talk to you later. Ima grab mom before they start" I say opening her door, taking the opportunity to collect myself.

"Great idea, I'll help too. My mom isn't much help either" Grace says giggling to herself, walking towards the door from the bed.

She has such a beautiful smile. I just sometimes wish I could take a photo of it. For a second, I forgot what we were about to do.

"Are you coming?" Grace says, already halfway down the stairs.

"Yeah, sorry!" I say running downstairs right behind her.

"Mom let's go- I'm hungry!" I say holding my stomach; this tactic worked before, hopefully, it will work again.

"Ha-ha, look at Gin acting like a child! You would have never thought he can cook for himself," Mom says laughing with Stella.

I begin to blush. "Mom let's gooo," I say glancing at the door.

"Hahaha! Let me tell you Grace is the same way! I wonder if it's because we spoil them too much," Stella says, clapping in laughter.

"Mom!" Grace says in a hushed voice, blushing.

"Okay, okay. I guess the kids hate it when we chat. I'll see you in the morning, Stella," Mom says getting up from her chair.

"Have a nice night!" Stella says waving mom and me goodbye.

"Sorry, bye!" I say to Grace in a low whisper.

****

"Mom!" I whine as soon as we're out of sight, "but seriously though, what are we having for dinner?"

"Son, you spent countless hours there. I don't understand why you don't just eat there," Mom says glaring at me.

Mom locks the door behind us after we walk into the house.

"I can't just eat their food," I tell mom.

"You did that as a kid," mom says over her shoulder, heading to the couch.

"Well, I'm not a kid anymore and it's rude!" I say heading to the kitchen.

I look around the kitchen and shout, "Mom where's the food!"

"I've told you, feed yourself!" Mom shouts, sinking into the couch.

I sigh, rolling my eyes. "Mom, seriously!"

"It's in the fridge! Man, if I don't cook you act like a chicken with his head cut off," Mom says, turning on the TV.

I swing open the fridge with excitement, finding beans and rice in a container sitting on the top shelf.

"Thanks, Mom, love you! I'm gonna eat and go study," I say stuffing rice and beans in my mouth.

"Yeah, yeah. I might just fall asleep on the couch. Work was not pretty today," Mom says laying down on the couch.

"Work is never pretty for you," I say walking towards my room.

"Haha, goodnight," Mom laughs, lowering the volume on the tv.

Mom is a nurse and luckily today she had a morning shift. She usually doesn't cook for me; I tend to try to cook something quick when she has night shifts. But when she has morning shifts it always feels as if we are at a buffet.

Opening the door to my room, my phone buzzes as soon as I step inside.

It's Grace texting me 'goodnight'.

I sigh walking into my room, placing the container on the bed to text her back.

A few minutes later, laying on my bed, eating beans and rice, I try to remember when it first started, me falling for her.

'Mmm... Maybe kindergarten?' I whisper.

She used to be very feisty and outgoing. She never let anyone push her around. And I was the type of kid who always wanted to test that.

I loved the way I could tease her, and she knew how to get me back, and never failed to fight back. I later grew to just be attached to her. Like a fly hanging around a Venus flytrap. And I did not care how trapped I was, I just loved being around her.

****

"Hey," Grace texted, "Sorry, I can't walk to school or home with you, but I'll make it up later"

"Son, get off your butt and go to school," Mom says from the other side of the door.

"I hear ya I hear ya. But can't I skip today?" I say with sadness in my voice.

"What?!" Mom yelling through the door.

"Nothing… I'm getting dress," I quickly get up to get ready.

Mom hates it when I skip school. Like "school is very important, if I hadn't made mistakes back in the day, we would be living an easier life. For your future, you need to focus on…..." Blah, blah heard it too many times. Plus, she usually finds me when I do, like she has a GPS on me.

School ends in a lonely silent kind of way. Grace and I are in the same class but instead of hanging out with me. She has been texting and spending her lunchtime with her new boyfriend. It's like I have been forgotten; what made it even worse was the fact that they were walking in front of me, heading home. I just hope they don't last long; I don't know how long I can handle this.