Big Numbers

Harker Jones' reaction to receiving a system and a cultivation type was complete indifference.

His system assistant Yan blinked. "E-Eh?"

"So you have eyelids, huh?" Harker sniffed about and coughed. "Man, now that I regained my senses, I'm starting to notice how terrible the corpse and the blood smells. But I guess it's not as bad as when I slept inside a dumpster filled with rotten eggs."

He turned back to Yan. "If you don't want to mess with me, you should just go away. I still have things to deal with. Like figuring out what to do with this body and how to get out of here without getting accused of murder."

Harker stood up and went to the bathroom.

Yan quickly flew to his side.

"Wait! Wait! I forgot that you were a normie from the 90s that had no idea about system and cultivation novels! Please hear me out first!"

Harker picked up his torn clothes lying on the ground. "Ah, shit. I don't even have anything to wear when I go outside…. Should I just surrender and claim that it's self-defense?"

Yan still tried to gain his attention, flying in front of him. "You see, system means—"

Harker shook his head. "Nah, that ain't gonna work. Her head is missing and I'm the man here. Her family is rich while I am poor. We're both naked. They'll think that it's an assault-murder case."

Yan tried nudging his shoulder with his wings. He doesn't have any hands so he couldn't poke him. "Please listen to me, master! You just became one of the most powerful beings in this planet—"

"Oi, eyeball." Harker raised his stake. "You try to come closer again and I'll really turn you into a giant olive skewer, you understand!?"

"EEEEEK!!!!" Yan started crying big fat tears that formed puddles.

Or maybe this was the version of eyeballs wetting themselves, who knows?

Yan tried to think of a way to get his new master to listen. Harker only kept on mumbling to himself in the shower and thinking of a plan to not land himself in jail.

After he showered, Yan finally decided to say: "If you listen to me for just one moment, I can tell you how you can escape from here without getting caught by the police!"

Harker got out of the bath with steam surrounding him. He was drying himself with a towel.

"Actually, I figured that out already."

Yan was incredulous again. "E-Eh?"

Harker unhinged his jaw. "I don't know what system and cultivation is, but I understand the concept of shapeshifting and DNA absorption. If I can do what this demoness Xi Hua does now…."

His hair suddenly got longer and wrapped around Yan!

"That means I can do this! I just have to use my own hair like a rope to escape from the window at the back of the building!"

Yan panicked and begged. "EEEK! Please let me go, new Demon Lord of the West! And even if you have figured out a way to escape…. W-What about Xi Hua's corpse!? I can help you with that—"

"I also have that figured out, thank you very much." Harker crossed his arms. "Although it's disgusting….."

"I just have to eat her completely."

Yan could not believe it. His new master didn't need a system assistant to adjust to his new status as a Demon Lord at all! He just coped with it so quickly!

Harker winced. "I never thought I would end up eating a girl before getting to sleep with one, but here we are."

"How…. How are you so nonchalant about all of this!?" Yan said.

"I'm not. I'm panicking over here. You didn't hear me talking to myself like a maniac while in panic mode?" Harker said. "But if I don't move fast, the cops will be after my ass soon. We don't have money for bail. Who will take care of my father and siblings when I go to prison? How will I get a decent job if I have a criminal record?"

He sighed, shaking his head. As he shook it, the flying eyeball that was caught in his hair got shook too, getting hit against the wall many times.

Stars circled around Yan in his dizziness, like in cartoons.

Harker didn't notice and continued sulking. "I knew my luck with girls was bad, but not THIS bad. A freaking demon!??? And I got turned into a shapeshifting demon too!??? That's some unfair life right there."

Yan shook off the cartoony stars and beamed. "Oh! I can help you change your bad luck, Master! I can make you and your family rich and not unfortunate anymore!"

"I ain't signing any contracts with the devil." Harker declined. "As long as I manage to get out of here and not be caught, I'm all good."

"What!? But aren't you a human!?? Don't you guys have large aspirations for yourself like being rich, having a big house, and lots of girls falling for you!???"

"Nope. I just wanna go back to Dad and the kids now, they must be worried about me. Then I can put this whole business behind me and try not to let anyone know that I'm a fucking demon now."

He ate Xi Hua's body without hesitation, and burped.

"Well, I'll be damned. That doesn't taste half-bad as I thought…. As long as I don't think too much about it."

He took his hair off Yan, grabbed the bloody sheets and all the possible evidence, and made his way to the window.

"See you never, eyeball. If you follow me, I'd have to eat you like I did with Xi Hua. Maybe that would give me cool bat wings to fly and escape out of here. Hah!"

Yan was getting desperate. His master was way too calm in this situation! He won't listen to him at all!

"But M-Master….. Just look at all the powers and stats you have! It is I, Yan, who gave you all these skills and levels!"

Just as Harker was about to jump…..

The holographic screen showed his stats and power levels.

Harker suddenly stopped, his heart going cold.

"G-Goddammit….. Get these stupid numbers out of my face….."

Yan blinked again. "E-Eh?"

"You said I owe you this much…." Harker started to sweat, looking nervous and guilty. "Then fine. I'll listen to you as long as you keep these numbers away."

And so the system assistant finally managed to convince his master to listen by scaring him off with big numbers.